He told me he was embarrassed of me while I was pregnant!

clcowie

You can't fix stupid, darlin', and this guy certainly fits into that category. A "true" man would use positive reinforcement and work with you to attain your goals, not use negative, abuse comments to degrade and humiliate you into making a change. To truly get healthy you need to do be doing this for yourself.....not for him or because of his ugly comments to you. You deserve to be healthy, you deserve to feel good about yourself. You deserve someone who's supportive, and encouraging, loves you regardless of the number on the scale. You can't find validation in making a change because of what he's said. Find validation in the strength of your decision to change and in the successes you have along your journey. Feel free to send me a friend request. You need as much positive encouragement and reinforcement you can get if you're planning on staying with a man who treats you no better that the rug he walks on.

beautsarah

Also you son will learn that this is the way you treat women, and that's not okay. The world doesn't need anymore men like that! If you don't think you deserve better, I'm sure you'll agree that your kids deserve a man who loves their mother.

tsdaughe

If you aren't willing to leave. Please, at least get into counseling. When you are with someone like that it doesn't take long for it to turn into physical abuse. When you lose weight and start feeling better about yourself he won't have the hold on you that he does now with your weight. It WILL get worse. I was with someone and it started with verbal abuse. Mind you, I don't put up with alot. So after a few incidents, I was already planning to kick him out. Well he didn't like that and assaulted me. Please, reach out for help and at least talk to someone about your self esteem issues and why you would stay in a relationship like this. It CAN get better. You deserve better. I have an amazing fiance now who would never lay a hand on me or talk to me that way and is a great role model and step parent to my two children.

K_Serz

So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.

Wow, what a ****. Meet your goal, get all sexy, then dump him for someone that deserves you.

KenosFeoh

Leaving him is not an option? Good grief; I think I'd rather be alone than with somebody that rude. Sucks to be you.

noirnatural

So the truth came out. He is no longer attracted to me. I had a baby 6 mo ago. When he said this 11 days ago and I weighed 212. I now weigh 201. I started the juicing diet immediately the day he told me all of this. He was not a supportive bf during the pregnancy. A lot of insults. He rarely touched my tummy. He is more interested in his son than me. He has told me he doesnt enjoy having sex and that his friends and family are constantly telling him he could do better. Very verbally abusive. Im not leaving him. I already have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now I have a 6 mo old. And I am no longer able to have children. Leaving him is out of the question. I know I should. But ..oh well. My question is. When I lose the weight and im down at my goal weight of 150. Will I be able to look at him the same Or is the pain that hes caused by all of the insults going to stay with me? Has anyone gotn through this? kinda feel alone... He says hes trying to "wake me up before its to late". Ive never felt so ugly.

I dont want to be the bad guy but I have a few questions? what were you like before the baby or when you met him...were you out of shape and unhealthy? Was he supportive of you before you got pregnant? Did you ask him if he was attracted to you or did he volunteer all of this information? Did you feel ugly before you met him?

I will never tell a woman to leave her man but understand if you stay you are cosigning and agreeing to be treated the way he treats you and therefore will forever lose your right to complain about it...also why did it take him to be unhappy with you for you to make a change for yourself?..

BinaryPulsar

The fact that he could behave this way during your pregnancy and postpartum is indicative of a much deeper issue and problem. Losing weight is not going to solve that problem. I don't know exactly what his problem is. Is he just a jerk or is it something he can get help to improve (if he can get help, then he should do that). The problem is with him. I grew up in a dysfunctional childhood and was abused by a stepfather (he was beyond the ability to be helped), so I know first hand the consequences of mothers overlooking abuse and staying in relationships with abusive men simply because they don't want to be alone (and the worst of it was sexual abuse of me). But, I am happily married now to a wonderful man. We've been together for 15 years. I absolutely adore him and he adores me. We are parents together.

jlapey

WHY is leaving "out of the question? I personally, would rather my children see me happy with someone who loves and respects me. I hate for them to grow up thinking it's okay to treat someone this way. What an *kitten*!

If he doesn't love you now, he doesn't deserve you when you are x pounds lighter. If I were you, I'd be "embarrassed of" him. PERIOD

sherrirb

All men are a-wipes. amirite?

I love threads like these. They make me look like such a hero to my wife who lurks these forums Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the catch, but these posts just validate it even more.

^Mwahahahaha.

I think the same thing of my husband every time I come onto these forums. I really found a total gem of a man, and thank my MIL for raising him right.

^^^^THIS!!! Being married to the best man in the world is a wonderful thing, aint it? :happy:

Ready2Rock206

I didn't read all the responses, but I'm guessing he'll still be a total jacka$$ if you lose weight too. Are you sure you want your kids raised in that environment? Good luck in whatever you choose, but you know you deserve better.

tpt1950

You need to put your children first.
Staying in an abusive relationship is not only bad for you it is bad for those children. Their welfare should be more important to you than you wondering if you are going to get over him being verbally abusive to you once you lose any weight! Get some professional help - there are plenty of organizations that help women/mothers in abusive relationships - make that a priority - not your weight loss right now. There are much deeper issues happening here than just someone being mean about your weight.

Athena125

Personally, I would start stock-piling cash somewhere he can't find...then I'd work on myself fitness-wise and start planning a life w/o him for when your kids are a little older. I'm being serious. In a couple years, the kids will be in school and you'll be able to do without him.

If you do get in shape, you will like yourself more and like him less. Because he sucks. And when you feel better about yourself, you will think he's even worse than you do now...

I have an ex like that. Now that I'm getting in shape, I would NEVER be with him. Ever. The only reason I could be in the past was because I didn't feel good enough myself. Now I see him as an immature *hole.

kittyhorn

My ex husband was verbally abusive and as a result I felt very resentful towards him. A partner is supposed to love you regardless. Your income, education, possessions, and weight should have nothing to do with how he or she feels towards you. I suspect he suffers from some self esteem issues himself and is trying to make himself feel better by trying to bring you down. My life is so much better without my ex in it on a regular basis.

kelfer80

If you refuse to leave you should probably find a counselor. and work on being happy/healthy for yourself, not him.

I agree that counseling would be a FANTASTIC idea!! Not sure what all you've been through that would make you think that leaving isn't an option. Getting some help will not only be benefitual to you but your babies as well. Best of luck! No one deserves to be treated bad no matter what they weigh!

murdle5552

I am currently seeing a therapist and It feels amazing each time I go. I am excited to be here and to join a online group; I dont have many friends due to the fact I work a lot and have 2 kids... so.. not much time at all. Im lucky today is a snow day... It means I get a little time during naps to hop online. I guess im trying to understand why he would say those things. Maybe he is just a *kitten* hole. But I do know he has been having a hard time dealing with the pregnancy and being a new father. Once he found out I was pregnant the sex almost stopped. We had sex maybe 3 times during the pregnancy. He rejected me like I had a disease. He loves his son. But it seems like he doesnt love me since I became pregnant back in november of 2011. Is this common? There has to be more to this....

allisona28

WOW....dude really HATES who he is....LEAVE!!!!! YOUR CHILDREN deserve a mother who loves herself enough to say F**K that and pack your bags....it gets worse...not better....God bless you and your children.

Krecob

Honestly if someone is that shallow you need to rethink things. You need to put your happiness first for yourself and your beautiful children. Eventually we all are going to get older and not look as good as we once did, finding a man who knows this and continues to love you for who you are needs to be your goal. I know how you feel, ive had similar things happen to myself.... although i didnt have the pregnant reason i am just overweight. I really hope you listen to these responses and take them to heart you deserve to be treated so much better and settling is never an option!

Bulldogmomma3

This just makes me sad =( If he really loved you he would not say these things let alone think them. It will still hurt even years from now.
Leave him. I know it's not easy and it's scary. I left my verbally and emotionally abusive ex-husband with 0$ in my pocket and 2 small children and I can tell you that you will be OK, in fact you will be better off and happier and so will your kids.
My 15 yr old still remembers her dad locking her out of our bedroom while he cornered me and screamed at me while she yelled for him to stop. I hate that she remembers that.
10 years later I have put myself through college, have a successful career and am remarried to the love of my life. This story can still have a happy ending.

bigbird1979

It will never be the same. I can't believe he actually told you what family members say about you. That is dumb. Hasn't he ever heard if it's not nice then don't repeat it. I had a baby 6 months ago and I feel gross at times and I get that but I have a loving man that compilments me and tells me I'm getting my body back. It does a lot for me. You will never be happy with this guy and will always be second guessing yourself. Maybe he's the reason you put on weight. Sometimes that baggage can stress you out to where you retain fat. He's real insecure. Lose the weight and you'll see he is no different. Then dump him. Or just get rid of him now. There is support for women like you. You can do it. Your outlook in life will change. He has stripped you of so much confidence right now. Good luck.

maggiemay22467

I know that no matter what is said to you on here you will not leave him. We all do what we want to and no one can change someones mind when it is set. But I am going to tell you something and it is coming from a women that was treated the same way. You will get the weight off and you will look great and yes he will think you look good BUT because if the kind of person he is ( A uncareing person who only can love himself) he is going to find something eles he dose not like about you. You will fix that and then it is something eles and this is because he feels he is perfect and you will never be good enuff for him and he will always want you to change. I did that for 2 years because we had a baby together and I felt I had to have him. One day I woke up and said my daughter and myself are to important for the changes he wants me to make. That was 15 years ago a I have a great life a 17 year old daughter, I am a nurse and a wonderful man who loves me for me. Thank about it ok.