All I see is a moster and I dont want that anymore.

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  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    ......but I can't get happy unless I'm around my boyfriend?

    That's a major problem. You need to make YOURSELF happy or you never WILL be happy, And you cant count on losing weight to do that for you.

    I am not trying to sound negative, but I have BEEN there. You cant depend on anyone to make you happy. Losing weight may help with self esteem and will probably make you feel sexier. But there are a lot of thin, sexy people in this world that aren't happy.

    Don't give up. DO keep trying. But work on making YOU happy. You don't want to be dependent on your b/f for your state of well being for the rest of your life.....it will only make him feel you are TOO needy. You loving yourself will make your relationship even better. I promise. :)
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    You just said you can't get a job due to your weight? Sorry but that's ridiculous. In order to get a job you must apply, and then do a follow up phone call to ask about the status of your application within a week or two. That's how I got most of my jobs. They don't judge you solely based on your looks but also your character and experience.

    If your boyfriend is dating you, than he's attracted to you. Don't point out your flaws to yourself, nor to him. Have some confidence. Perfection doesn't exist in this world. Learn to love and accept yourself.

    The only way I know how to address your low confidence is to ask you " What Are You Doing To Improve Yourself ?"

    You're here working on the nutrition part which is the first step, the second step is exercise. I don't have a gym membership or any equipment but I make sure to get in my half an hour run every night. Even if I have to walk a lot more than run, I go out and do something. These aren't outrageous solutions that are out of reach.

    What ever you do don't sulk and take no action to better yourself. Make the most of your potential! You seem like a very smart, and independent young lady. Make a decision, emphasize the positive, and redefine perfect because you are good enough!

    Erm, I know how to get a job? I apply for over 30 a day and I've had interviews.. but soon as I attend them. I get stared at.

    Also, I don't point out my flaws to him. Don't even question it, as I feel lucky to have him.

    I'm trying to lose weight thats how I'm trying to improve myself.

    Cool, I tried running before.. but failed as I tripped and twisted my ankle.. three times on different attempts. So kind of stopped it. Plus its been snowing.

    I'm not sulking? If I was sulking.. I'd be munching a big bag of chips right now. But I'm not.. thanks though. :)
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    Don't give up. Celebrate all the victories, and don't sweat it when it doesn't go your way. Remember that change is slow going but it's happening. Remember that you are worth it.

    Thank you.
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,954 Member
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    You know what? Crappy things happen to a lot of people and our self perception gets skewed. You've been telling yourself that you're a monster and you believe it. You have to learn to rearrange your thinking to change your self perception. I know from personal experience that if you keep telling yourself how ugly you are you will NOT be happy when you lose weight. There will always be something that makes you less valuable than other people in your mind. Trust that your boyfriend sees something he likes in you.

    From now on you're not allowed to talk bad to or about yourself. You're not allowed to say you're ugly, stupid, a monster or any of the other lies you've told yourself. You will make positive changes for your health and well being but not to make yourself "skinny and/or pretty" to the rest of the world.

    Please obey this random person on the internet. :) Seriously, you are a very pretty girl and if you want to escape the monsters from your past you have got to quit dragging them along with you. This I also know from personal experience. Hang in there kiddo.
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    ......but I can't get happy unless I'm around my boyfriend?

    That's a major problem. You need to make YOURSELF happy or you never WILL be happy, And losing weight wont do that for you.

    I am not trying to sound negative, but I have BEEN there. You cant depend on anyone to make you happy. Losing weight may help with self esteem and will probably make you feel sexier. But there are a lot of thin, sexy people in this world that aren't happy.

    Don't give up. DO keep trying. But work on making YOU happy. You don't want to be dependent on your b/f for your state of well being for the rest of your life.....it will only make him feel you are TOO needy. You loving yourself will make your relationship even better. I promise. :)

    :( You're speaking the truth not coming across mean. I'm also wanting to lose weight due to my health. I don't want to become seriously unwell.

    I'm going to try and start loving myself. Thanks for the advice though ♥
  • jennbarrette
    jennbarrette Posts: 409 Member
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    Oh, and wanted to add that I have dealt with those negative voices that tell me I am not good enough for years, but I have been working on shutting them off that last few months. I just don't let myself finish the sentence. When I look in the mirror and think "I am so fat! I made myself shoot that thought down and say something positive about myself. I seems silly and it felt so strange doing it, but after a while it became easy and stopping the negativity slowly built up my self esteem...and that is when exercise, eating better, and weight-loss became easier for me.

    Can't expect positive change from a negative outlook :)
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
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    first off you are NOT A MONSTER so stop with the negative talk because all that will do is cause you to hate yourself, you say your budget is tight but you can still eat healthy on a tight budget it just means that some other things may need to be reduced in you budget. As for exersize it costs nothing to walk a few miles a day and I don't mean casual walking i mean heart pounding walking as fast as you can. Can you list what you eat in a day and what type of workout you do?

    I'm pretty sure my diary's open and its full of rubbish in all honesty as I'm currently using the food I have. Although I had a take-away today as I was around my family's. Don't really do workout's either, also been really ill recently so yeah.. :S

    LOL well your breakfast was good, try recording your meals the day before and then stick to it the best you can. I just sent you a request and i will see if my diary is open so you can get a rough idea.
  • Lonewolf1507
    Lonewolf1507 Posts: 507 Member
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    Hi Sammie

    First things first, you are unique we all are.

    Also you seem to have a good guy beside you and the shape he is in I hope he can give you the support you require to get to your targets.

    Your comment about "Honestly.. I feel like I can't win and lose 135 lbs" yes you can do this if you really want to do it. I was asked at the gym yesterday which is a year and 3 days since I started back there, could I have imagined a year ago where I am now, the simple answer to that is no way would I have thought I would be this far.

    Just start slowly, make small changes, as your situation changes you can add other things into your life.

    Good luck with your plans and if you would like an extra friend feel free to add me.

    Andy
  • yourenotmine
    yourenotmine Posts: 645 Member
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    So... Somehow I don't think your question is really, "should I give up". Are you really asking how to start? Where to go now?

    You don't need a gym to work out. Go for walks, if you live in a safe area. You've said you have the 30 Day Shred DVD, so start that. You don't have to have a mat, for sure, and you can use other things in place of dumbbells while you're just starting out (cans of food, water bottles, etc). You can also check Freecycle for used weights. Google online workouts to do at home. Just do jumping jacks/pushups/squats, etc, in front of the TV.

    For those of us with depression, often the hardest thing, and the most worthwhile thing, is just starting. Just doing SOMETHING that makes you feel like you're moving in the right direction. Unfortunately, while we here can give you ideas and support, no one can motivate you but you. Just like no one can do the work but you.

    Looking toward losing 100lbs is daunting. So today, just get up, and get started. Then, keep doing that, everyday. There are plenty of people who have accomplished this. They don't have secrets or miracle pills. Just hard, hard work. And I'm sure you know how to work hard.

    PS in case your question is really, "am I worth it?"... the answer is YES. Unequivocally, yes.
  • Melo1966
    Melo1966 Posts: 881 Member
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    You ARE Beautiful. I do not see anyone over 200 in your pics. Stay strong you can do this.
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    You know what? Crappy things happen to a lot of people and our self perception gets skewed. You've been telling yourself that you're a monster and you believe it. You have to learn to rearrange your thinking to change your self perception. I know from personal experience that if you keep telling yourself how ugly you are you will NOT be happy when you lose weight. There will always be something that makes you less valuable than other people in your mind. Trust that your boyfriend sees something he likes in you.

    From now on you're not allowed to talk bad to or about yourself. You're not allowed to say you're ugly, stupid, a monster or any of the other lies you've told yourself. You will make positive changes for your health and well being but not to make yourself "skinny and/or pretty" to the rest of the world.

    Please obey this random person on the internet. :) Seriously, you are a very pretty girl and if you want to escape the monsters from your past you have got to quit dragging them along with you. This I also know from personal experience. Hang in there kiddo.

    Right, I'm kind of sat here crying because your all being honest and trying to help me. Honestly haven't even had people be this honest with me. Even my doctors a.. b*** to be honest, shes twice my size and keeps telling me I'm obese and it just puts me down when I'm trying.

    I'm going to try and think positive from today. Random people on the internet can be awesome at times and thank you :) ♥
  • Micahroni84
    Micahroni84 Posts: 452 Member
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    It sounds like all advice given to you, you have responded to with, "I cant" in one way or another. I suffer with depression and anxiety and Im not on medication so I understand but it is still not a good enough reason. Fake it til you make it. Do everything you can. If you have 2 legs and no job than you should be spending at least and hour a day walking around. 19 is still so young, you have a lot of years to gain perspective but you dont have to wait. You can choose to get some perspective now rather than wait 10 years and numerous pounds more.
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    Oh, and wanted to add that I have dealt with those negative voices that tell me I am not good enough for years, but I have been working on shutting them off that last few months. I just don't let myself finish the sentence. When I look in the mirror and think "I am so fat! I made myself shoot that thought down and say something positive about myself. I seems silly and it felt so strange doing it, but after a while it became easy and stopping the negativity slowly built up my self esteem...and that is when exercise, eating better, and weight-loss became easier for me.

    Can't expect positive change from a negative outlook :)

    Honestly? I can't remember when I didn't even hear these voices and that's saying something. So I don't really know how to block them out, when I'm so use to them.

    But I'm going to try and change it. Also well done on changing your thoughts I hope I can do it..
  • XanthePersephone
    XanthePersephone Posts: 34 Member
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    I know it is hard to live with depression, but try to remember that depression is horrible horrible liar. Those voices in your head that tell you that you are not beautiful and sexy are just the depression talking.

    Walk lots if you can't go to the gym and don't have weights. Walk around to different businesses to find a job, any job that will get you out of the house where you can munch on food, and so that you can earn some money for a set of weights and mat.

    Work on loving yourself as is, right now flaws and all. Work what you have and continue to work toward what you want.

    Good luck!

    ^this
  • JavaSparrow
    JavaSparrow Posts: 51 Member
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    my doctor prescribed me exercise because it actually helps to fight depression due to the endorphins. so exercise anyway because it'll make you stronger and happier, not just help with weightloss ^.^
    also run. it'll be hard at first but i find running/weightlifting/yoga helps me feel more capable to take on the world. like "bring it on, b**ch!" xD
    do everything in your power to be happier, including weightloss, meditation, exercise, positive thinking...maybe even hypnosis before agreeing to try anti-depressants. medication really should be a last resort because of negative effects it can have/dependency, and its certainly not a quick fix.
    eat healthy and recognize diet roadblocks keeping you from your goal.
    also, be happy with your hot bf and the time you spend together! don't weigh down happy thoughts with "im not good enough" because thats not what relationships are about.
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    first off you are NOT A MONSTER so stop with the negative talk because all that will do is cause you to hate yourself, you say your budget is tight but you can still eat healthy on a tight budget it just means that some other things may need to be reduced in you budget. As for exersize it costs nothing to walk a few miles a day and I don't mean casual walking i mean heart pounding walking as fast as you can. Can you list what you eat in a day and what type of workout you do?

    I'm pretty sure my diary's open and its full of rubbish in all honesty as I'm currently using the food I have. Although I had a take-away today as I was around my family's. Don't really do workout's either, also been really ill recently so yeah.. :S

    LOL well your breakfast was good, try recording your meals the day before and then stick to it the best you can. I just sent you a request and i will see if my diary is open so you can get a rough idea.

    Yeah.. I normally have a shake in the morning as it stops me from feeling unwell in all honest and okay I'll look in a second. Thank you for the friend request.
  • Hbazzell
    Hbazzell Posts: 899 Member
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    So, I think you are gorgeous. Like, REALLY really. I know it is hard to see it for ourselves sometimes but I feel that way all the time too. I have really hated myself because of my body for a very long time. It is easier to say than do, but start loving yourself. When you love youself you wont want to hurt your body (by eating garbage) you will want to take care of youself (by eating the good stuff). Please dont give up :) When you accompish this task your confidence will soar. Best of luck :)
  • SheilaG1963
    SheilaG1963 Posts: 298 Member
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    Awww babygirl your breaking my heart consider yourself hugged.:flowerforyou: Brave of you to put a voice to your feelings. Your a beautiful girl with your whole wonderful life ahead of you. so that said as me as your friend and I can take a look at your dairy and see what your eating , and what kind of workouts are you doing weights ? cardio?

    I've seriously been munching, due to my depression and light exercise. I can afford GYM, I have that 30DayShred DVD. But no Yoga Mat or dumbell's. So don't know how I can do it? I have £15 to spent on food for two weeks. Thats the hardest. Been trying to get a job since August 2012 and cant. I think it's due to my weight :/

    Thank's though, I think my Diary's Public :S ♥



    You don't need a yoga mat. Use a rug. Dumbells? Use canned goods. You can do this!!!! Hang in there. We are all here for you!!!
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    Hi Sammie

    First things first, you are unique we all are.

    Also you seem to have a good guy beside you and the shape he is in I hope he can give you the support you require to get to your targets.

    Your comment about "Honestly.. I feel like I can't win and lose 135 lbs" yes you can do this if you really want to do it. I was asked at the gym yesterday which is a year and 3 days since I started back there, could I have imagined a year ago where I am now, the simple answer to that is no way would I have thought I would be this far.

    Just start slowly, make small changes, as your situation changes you can add other things into your life.

    Good luck with your plans and if you would like an extra friend feel free to add me.

    Andy

    Thank's, hes a great guy and is offering loads of advice and tips.

    Wow! Just saw your ticker. Well done on your weight lost and thank you :) ♥
  • heyyoudontgiveup
    heyyoudontgiveup Posts: 64 Member
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    My suggestion: stop making excuses. Sometimes you just need a kick in the *kitten* in order to do something. You've got to find it or nothing anyone else will say will help you do what you have to do.

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