All I see is a moster and I dont want that anymore.

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135

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  • lizlkbg
    lizlkbg Posts: 566
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    NO, my sweetie, don't give up!
    When my daughter feels about herself the way you are feeling about yourself, I tell her she is seeing herself through a distorted lens.
    You are on my friends list, so I've come to know you a bit, and you are just a dear, sweet person, and beautiful outwardly as well.
    I don't know what happened exactly to make you believe that you are not, but it must have been pretty bad, and affected you pretty deeply.
    If you can get counseling, I hope you will. Explore antidepressents with your doctor - they can be wonderfully helpful when prescribed correctly.
    In the meantime, try to treat yourself as you seem to treat everyone around you - with sweetness and encouragement.
    And as I tell my daughter, from the Desiderata:
    "You are a child of the Universe, no less than the moon or the stars; you have a right to be here."

    Lastly, no doubt some of the trolls and cynics and arseholes on here will say some harsh things about your post. Please don't believe them.
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    So... Somehow I don't think your question is really, "should I give up". Are you really asking how to start? Where to go now?

    You don't need a gym to work out. Go for walks, if you live in a safe area. You've said you have the 30 Day Shred DVD, so start that. You don't have to have a mat, for sure, and you can use other things in place of dumbbells while you're just starting out (cans of food, water bottles, etc). You can also check Freecycle for used weights. Google online workouts to do at home. Just do jumping jacks/pushups/squats, etc, in front of the TV.

    For those of us with depression, often the hardest thing, and the most worthwhile thing, is just starting. Just doing SOMETHING that makes you feel like you're moving in the right direction. Unfortunately, while we here can give you ideas and support, no one can motivate you but you. Just like no one can do the work but you.

    Looking toward losing 100lbs is daunting. So today, just get up, and get started. Then, keep doing that, everyday. There are plenty of people who have accomplished this. They don't have secrets or miracle pills. Just hard, hard work. And I'm sure you know how to work hard.

    PS in case your question is really, "am I worth it?"... the answer is YES. Unequivocally, yes.

    Well it's currently 12.14am here in London and I can't sleep. So once I'm up, I'm going to go on an hour long walk and make tomorrow my kick-start into losing weight.

    Thanks for your advice, going to check freecyle and other sites! :) ♥
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    You ARE Beautiful. I do not see anyone over 200 in your pics. Stay strong you can do this.

    Everybody say's that, when I told my boyfriend how much I weighed he said it was unreal.. but yet he can lift me up :huh:
  • LishieFruit89
    LishieFruit89 Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Honestly, I didnt read all of the replies so sorry if I'm repeating

    You're adorable, I love your eyes.

    So definately walk everywhere, a much as you can.
    You can't get to a gym, you said you had 30 day shred but not mat or weights, if you have a carpet, you don't need the mat, you don't need weights. Do the first round just body weight or if it's too easy use soup cans.

    nerdfitness.com has some free body weight circuits and how to make a playground your gym
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    It sounds like all advice given to you, you have responded to with, "I cant" in one way or another. I suffer with depression and anxiety and Im not on medication so I understand but it is still not a good enough reason. Fake it til you make it. Do everything you can. If you have 2 legs and no job than you should be spending at least and hour a day walking around. 19 is still so young, you have a lot of years to gain perspective but you dont have to wait. You can choose to get some perspective now rather than wait 10 years and numerous pounds more.

    True :)
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    my doctor prescribed me exercise because it actually helps to fight depression due to the endorphins. so exercise anyway because it'll make you stronger and happier, not just help with weightloss ^.^
    also run. it'll be hard at first but i find running/weightlifting/yoga helps me feel more capable to take on the world. like "bring it on, b**ch!" xD
    do everything in your power to be happier, including weightloss, meditation, exercise, positive thinking...maybe even hypnosis before agreeing to try anti-depressants. medication really should be a last resort because of negative effects it can have/dependency, and its certainly not a quick fix.
    eat healthy and recognize diet roadblocks keeping you from your goal.
    also, be happy with your hot bf and the time you spend together! don't weigh down happy thoughts with "im not good enough" because thats not what relationships are about.

    Yeah, I hope it does make me happier and yoga? Whats that like if you don't mind me asking.

    Also, I'm going to try and think positive from now on, so don't worry! :)
  • SnazzyTraveller
    SnazzyTraveller Posts: 458 Member
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    (deleted..)
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    So, I think you are gorgeous. Like, REALLY really. I know it is hard to see it for ourselves sometimes but I feel that way all the time too. I have really hated myself because of my body for a very long time. It is easier to say than do, but start loving yourself. When you love youself you wont want to hurt your body (by eating garbage) you will want to take care of youself (by eating the good stuff). Please dont give up :) When you accompish this task your confidence will soar. Best of luck :)

    Thank's, everybody say's they love my eyes and I hope I can come to love my body eventually! ♥
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    Awww babygirl your breaking my heart consider yourself hugged.:flowerforyou: Brave of you to put a voice to your feelings. Your a beautiful girl with your whole wonderful life ahead of you. so that said as me as your friend and I can take a look at your dairy and see what your eating , and what kind of workouts are you doing weights ? cardio?

    I've seriously been munching, due to my depression and light exercise. I can afford GYM, I have that 30DayShred DVD. But no Yoga Mat or dumbell's. So don't know how I can do it? I have £15 to spent on food for two weeks. Thats the hardest. Been trying to get a job since August 2012 and cant. I think it's due to my weight :/

    Thank's though, I think my Diary's Public :S ♥



    You don't need a yoga mat. Use a rug. Dumbells? Use canned goods. You can do this!!!! Hang in there. We are all here for you!!!

    I have a rug.. just found it in my wardrobe and I got come canned food. Guess I'll start today (later after I've slept for a couple of hours) and thank you. ♥
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    NO, my sweetie, don't give up!
    When my daughter feels about herself the way you are feeling about yourself, I tell her she is seeing herself through a distorted lens.
    You are on my friends list, so I've come to know you a bit, and you are just a dear, sweet person, and beautiful outwardly as well.
    I don't know what happened exactly to make you believe that you are not, but it must have been pretty bad, and affected you pretty deeply.
    If you can get counseling, I hope you will. Explore antidepressents with your doctor - they can be wonderfully helpful when prescribed correctly.
    In the meantime, try to treat yourself as you seem to treat everyone around you - with sweetness and encouragement.
    And as I tell my daughter, from the Desiderata:
    "You are a child of the Universe, no less than the moon or the stars; you have a right to be here."

    Lastly, no doubt some of the trolls and cynics and arseholes on here will say some harsh things about your post. Please don't believe them.

    Yeah, kind of got some mean PM's. But I know not everybody's like that. Thank you though.. may get counselling again as I'm sat here thinking about my past too much! :(
  • RHSheetz
    RHSheetz Posts: 268 Member
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    Anything is possible...

    If you want to make a change in your life, you can do it. Just start by making ONE healthy choice that supports your desired result and focus on that. When you get that one down, and it is habit, add another. Eventually you will reach your goal.

    I have been heavy all my life. In the 90's I found a program that clicked, and I lost over 100 lbs and reached a weight around 180. Then my Dad Died, and I returned to the "stress eating" approach to dealing with the loss. I gained that weight back, and more. I tried several "diets" and would lose some, but then hit a wall and stop.

    I had given up, and started to live my life in a very sad and lonely way. There was no way I was going to try again. I was tired of trying, tired of struggling. AND, the weight gave me something to blame for everything that went "wrong" in my life. If I did not get the Promotion, it was cause the Boss did not like fat people. If someone did not like me, it was because they do not like fat people.

    I FINALLY came to realize that my weight was my reason for where I was and was my excuse for everything that was wrong. I stopped blaming it, and as I started to see the impact of carrying around over 400 lbs on my body, I decided to try ONE more time. I found a coach to help me and we started on the journey together.

    I lost most of the weight that I needed to lose, and have added so many new healthy habits that I know I will reach my ultimate goal... That is why I am here, NOT to lose the weight, but as a place to monitor and be accountable for my food, and to encourage and modivate others.

    As I tell my people that I coach, write down WHY you want to get healthy, what will you be able to do when you get to that point that you can not do now.

    It is not hard, just start with ONE healthy choice and make it a habit.

    Good Luck, and remember... YOU CAN DO THIS!
  • runningfataway
    runningfataway Posts: 262
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    My suggestion: stop making excuses. Sometimes you just need a kick in the *kitten* in order to do something. You've got to find it or nothing anyone else will say will help you do what you have to do.


    ^ This. The first step is always the hardest but make that first step! Take that leap! Don't sit at home, don't wait, or hesitate!
    Do what you have to do.
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
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    Honestly, I didnt read all of the replies so sorry if I'm repeating

    You're adorable, I love your eyes.

    So definately walk everywhere, a much as you can.
    You can't get to a gym, you said you had 30 day shred but not mat or weights, if you have a carpet, you don't need the mat, you don't need weights. Do the first round just body weight or if it's too easy use soup cans.

    nerdfitness.com has some free body weight circuits and how to make a playground your gym

    Thank's and I'm going to start taking up walking and do 30DS from tomorrow. Going to look at that site too! Thank you :) ♥♥
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
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    Drink as much water as you can tollerate and make it a point to walk every day as a matter of fact a little job you can get is dog walking, there are always people looking to pay people to walk their dogs and when you are getting payed to do it then you have to do it. I am a stay at home mom ( hubby works) and i have a little job walking the neighbores dog, One of my dogs d;s not like him so i have to go two seperate times.
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
    Options
    Anything is possible...

    If you want to make a change in your life, you can do it. Just start by making ONE healthy choice that supports your desired result and focus on that. When you get that one down, and it is habit, add another. Eventually you will reach your goal.

    I have been heavy all my life. In the 90's I found a program that clicked, and I lost over 100 lbs and reached a weight around 180. Then my Dad Died, and I returned to the "stress eating" approach to dealing with the loss. I gained that weight back, and more. I tried several "diets" and would lose some, but then hit a wall and stop.

    I had given up, and started to live my life in a very sad and lonely way. There was no way I was going to try again. I was tired of trying, tired of struggling. AND, the weight gave me something to blame for everything that went "wrong" in my life. If I did not get the Promotion, it was cause the Boss did not like fat people. If someone did not like me, it was because they do not like fat people.

    I FINALLY came to realize that my weight was my reason for where I was and was my excuse for everything that was wrong. I stopped blaming it, and as I started to see the impact of carrying around over 400 lbs on my body, I decided to try ONE more time. I found a coach to help me and we started on the journey together.

    I lost most of the weight that I needed to lose, and have added so many new healthy habits that I know I will reach my ultimate goal... That is why I am here, NOT to lose the weight, but as a place to monitor and be accountable for my food, and to encourage and modivate others.

    As I tell my people that I coach, write down WHY you want to get healthy, what will you be able to do when you get to that point that you can not do now.

    It is not hard, just start with ONE healthy choice and make it a habit.

    Good Luck, and remember... YOU CAN DO THIS!

    Thank you.. you've really hit home. I'm using my weight an excuse when really its me mentally. I'm sorry about your dad though and congratulations on your weight lost. Also thank you for replying. I guess one habit I've gotten already is logging/tracking what I eat.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
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    Honestly, I didnt read all of the replies so sorry if I'm repeating

    You're adorable, I love your eyes.

    So definately walk everywhere, a much as you can.
    You can't get to a gym, you said you had 30 day shred but not mat or weights, if you have a carpet, you don't need the mat, you don't need weights. Do the first round just body weight or if it's too easy use soup cans.

    nerdfitness.com has some free body weight circuits and how to make a playground your gym

    You can look on sites like kijiji for used weights and workout stuff and ask you man to help you workout.

    Thank's and I'm going to start taking up walking and do 30DS from tomorrow. Going to look at that site too! Thank you :) ♥♥
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
    Options
    My suggestion: stop making excuses. Sometimes you just need a kick in the *kitten* in order to do something. You've got to find it or nothing anyone else will say will help you do what you have to do.


    ^ This. The first step is always the hardest but make that first step! Take that leap! Don't sit at home, don't wait, or hesitate!
    Do what you have to do.

    I agree.. I've been lazy in all honesty ._.
  • MadamUnique
    MadamUnique Posts: 173
    Options
    Drink as much water as you can tollerate and make it a point to walk every day as a matter of fact a little job you can get is dog walking, there are always people looking to pay people to walk their dogs and when you are getting payed to do it then you have to do it. I am a stay at home mom ( hubby works) and i have a little job walking the neighbores dog, One of my dogs d;s not like him so i have to go two seperate times.

    Haha, now this will be a problem. I got a weak bladder and tend to drink minimal as I'm scared to erm.. yeah have a little accident. My mum has two dogs that I'll be able to walk for her! :D
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
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    You've had it pretty hard in your life, and now you're dealing with depression and having no money...that'd get anyone down. Trust me. I know. You have a lot going for you, though. You're young and pretty. You gotta do what you can with what you have. Find ways to stretch your food budget, and make good choices with the funds you do have. Be positive when you go into your job interviews. Your potential employers are probably not judging you based on your weight. I know this because I'm bigger than you, and I've been on job interviews. I never felt they cared how much I weighed. They just want to know you can do the job.

    Anyway, no, never give up. It's not really an option anyway, is it?
  • MeIShouldB
    MeIShouldB Posts: 578 Member
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    Well, first of all I think you look good in the first picture. But don't give up, we all have challenges with this but YOU CAN DO IT.

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