Why are people so mean?!

TR0berts

Too many people don't know how to properly lurk on public forums.

Those that do learn the personalities of the posters and see who knows who and how they interact. They also see how humor is conveyed. All this while likely seeing which posters consistently give good* information and which give bad information - aka broscience. The people that do lurk tend to have much more enjoyable online experience, because by the time they actually start posting - they've learned the lay of the land and will likely not get butthurt because someone was direct with them.

On another note... Pretty much the only people I've seen here that are truly "mean" or "rude" are either a) close-minded and think their way is the only way and insist on telling everyone they're doing it wrong - even when what others are doing obviously works for them. This often - but not always - means that person follows a strict form of diet. Or b) the ones that seemingly didn't lurk, got offended because someone told them (and often times provided actual evidence) that they were wrong, and then started telling people that they're mean or a-holes or something to that effect.**



*Good information is defined by citing/linking actual well-conducted peer-reviewed studies - not blogs or endorsements or hearsay or other articles, etc.

** Disclaimer: I am not accusing OP of doing this. I am merely pointing out that many of the threads like this are started by people who fit this description.

Otter1422

Evolution, we evolved to be mean and cutthroat. Heck we killed off the other Hominid species to dominate the planet. It is in our blood. On the other hand as you said we have the ability to control that and be quite nice and supportive. Overall I have found MFP to be a pretty supportive place in the little time I have been here unless someone posts about supplements or foods you MUST avoid or what time of day to exercise or what time of day to eat or what color the sky is.....come to think of it you are right we are a bunch of jerks. JK

Elleinnz

There are some legit arguments here. But a lot of what you're seeing is just back and forth between friends.

A lot more of what you see is people trying to keep misinformation from going unchecked in the forums. If they just ignore a thread full of incorrect info then it's as good as saying that info is correct.

Often when someone is disputing incorrect info, they aren't just or even primarily doing it for the OP's benefit. It's for the people lurking who may not realize that a source isn't reliable, or that a practice isn't healthy.

Don't you think it's worth a little arguing to make sure that you're getting correct information?

I am quoting this for the OP because THIS is what most of those people are often trying to do. I hope you didn't ignore this because it didn't support your point.

I don't have a problem with legitimate responses. This guy posts alot and he isn't rude. there are people who just go on 'attack' and have to be snarky and cocky with their responses. They never give any legitimate help. One forum comes to mind: a woman said she lost weight and would like to know how to lose more weight in her abs. Soooo many people responded with 'lose more weight'. She was looking for exercises, nutrition tips, etc to help her lose more weight. Responses like that don't help people. Only a handful recommended workout tapes and things they have done to concentrate on their core, but too many responded with a 'duh' response.

Ah but see that is the only legitimate response. You can't reduce body fat in a specific area. You can work specific muscles, but abs are made in the kitchen not the gym. Telling someone that doing 37 crunches per second will not make their abs any more visible. It might be seen as mean, but that is the truth.

You can't lose more weight just in your abs. Recommending specific exercises is misleading, but the others are seen as mean?

Its not what you say, its how you say it. You just offered an explanation for why she needs to lose more weight. They just said "lose more weight". She was dieting and exercising and had already lost weight. She wanted to start focusing on how to get abs. Losing weight helps you do that of course. Ab exercises and machines were made for a reason. Every workout video I have ever bought has a section on ab training. Recommending a few would not have hurt them. To not do that is what is 'mean' to me.

Sorry but this is a great example of people that has been here for a while - and that has seen the same thing over and over trying to be helpful - and the poster not wanting to accept good advice, and then crying "bullying"

Ab machines were made for a reason - to make someone money.......I have NEVER seen anyone that owns a ab machine have abs - they don't work!!

People with great abs - like fitness models - works their butts off lifting heavy in the gym - and eats right to get rid of their bodyfat - simple as that........they don't work only their abs with ab machines and DVDs....

Disagreeing is not bullying - we are trying to help new people in here cut through reams of misinformation - and get to the basic simple facts of life.....and hopefully save heaps of money not buying ab machines!

RobinvdM

I just keep wondering why people don't take advantage of the ignore button. If you don't like the way someone responds to posts, just hit that little triangle next to their username, select "ignore" and POOF, no more posts by that person. Easy, and no need for whiny "everyone is so mean to me" posts.

Ive always wondered where ppl were getting the "Just ignore so n so if you dont like em" idea.. Thanks for the tip, lol

:drinker:

beachlover317

I mean, snarky people. They've given me some awesome advice. Keep it up Meanies.

eyeshuh

Case and point, here is some bad advice that OP posted today to the forums, and I'm guessing people explained that it was incorrect, so she got butt hurt.

I am afraid of bulking up muscles, so I am focusing on cardio over weights for the time being. Strength training is a huge part of it, but I want to lose some of the fat before I begin toning. I would ease up on the weights and keep up the good cario! Sounds like you're doing awesome!

Eat when your body tells you too. If your tummy is rumbling, it's not good to let it go like that for too long or you might over eat or your body might store too much of what you eat, bc it's afraid your not going to feed it again. I stay under my calorie goal by quite a bit eat day, but I feel like I am constantly eating. It works for my metabolism. Each person is different. I just recommend not eating too too close to bed time. I've read that your tum should rest for a bit and have a chance to digest before sleeping. Then shock your system awake the next morning with a big glass of water. Water first thing in the morning is awesome!

Her info DOES seem a little misguided.

Yup. It's all classic weight loss misconceptions. Unfortunately they get posted to the forums every day, and when knowledgeable people try to politely correct it, they get labeled as "mean".

TimeForMe99

When the site was first started, the founders wanted it to be called Mean Fat People.

Marketing thought this was a bad idea, but, thanks to a dedicated group of hired trolls, the original essence lives on.

*** Hitting Ignore button ***

Elleinnz

Correcting bad advice is not the same as being mean.

Not validating someone's bad idea (e.g. eating 500 calories) is not being mean.

Someone who disagrees with you is not "mean".

The "mean" posters are the ones who've lost weight, know how to strength train properly, and give good, to-the-point answers to people. They correct misinformation and try to prevent people from screwing up, plateauing, and then quitting. That's called HELPING. Being supportive doesn't mean we have to support bad advice and bad ideas. Part of being supportive means correcting errors and guiding along the way.

I'd rather have the "mean" people answer one of my questions than some noob with three posts who's addicted to Dr. Oz and gets their weight loss tips from "Good Housekeeping" and internet ads.

Girl you deserve some bacon!! Oops hope you are not vegetarian ;-)

TeresaWash

Because they are unhappy. Period.

Iron_Duchess

Some of the snarkiest people on MFP are the smartest. I have gleaned some amazing information about losing fat and lifting weights from smart a$$e$. I don't take things to heart - I listen to learn. I don't always have great days - but I am not a whiner. I don't want to read any more threads about people who just "can't do it anymore", who "need motivation", who get advice but continue to do what they want to do and then 3 weeks later they're back whining that things aren't working. I am tired of hearing from people who want something to be a quick fix and are only looking for someone to pat them on the back and tell them they will be at goal weight in 2 months.

The forum is the playground of MFP. Pick your friends. Ignore the people who you feel are bullies. Don't come on the playground if you can't stand getting honesty. Listen and learn.

OMG!!! This is awesome x 100000000000000!!!!!!

cubbies77

Correcting bad advice is not the same as being mean.

Not validating someone's bad idea (e.g. eating 500 calories) is not being mean.

Someone who disagrees with you is not "mean".

The "mean" posters are the ones who've lost weight, know how to strength train properly, and give good, to-the-point answers to people. They correct misinformation and try to prevent people from screwing up, plateauing, and then quitting. That's called HELPING. Being supportive doesn't mean we have to support bad advice and bad ideas. Part of being supportive means correcting errors and guiding along the way.

I'd rather have the "mean" people answer one of my questions than some noob with three posts who's addicted to Dr. Oz and gets their weight loss tips from "Good Housekeeping" and internet ads.

i hope to be "mean" one day...

Me too. I can't wait to look like some of the "mean" people on this site.

Otter1422

I mean, snarky people. They've given me some awesome advice. Keep it up Meanies.

Fetish:blushing:

cubbies77

Because they are unhappy. Period.

They're unhappy because people keep spreading bad advice and then shriek that the posters who know what they're doing are being "mean" when they correct them or don't give them the advice they wanted to hear. It's exhausting, and it happens all day every day.

cubbies77

Some of the snarkiest people on MFP are the smartest. I have gleaned some amazing information about losing fat and lifting weights from smart a$$e$. I don't take things to heart - I listen to learn. I don't always have great days - but I am not a whiner. I don't want to read any more threads about people who just "can't do it anymore", who "need motivation", who get advice but continue to do what they want to do and then 3 weeks later they're back whining that things aren't working. I am tired of hearing from people who want something to be a quick fix and are only looking for someone to pat them on the back and tell them they will be at goal weight in 2 months.

The forum is the playground of MFP. Pick your friends. Ignore the people who you feel are bullies. Don't come on the playground if you can't stand getting honesty. Listen and learn.

/thread

Spot. On.

cuterbee

Now, if there really were mean people here, you'd see them snarking in the success stories forum, too, but no one does that (if they have, I haven't seen it, and I read most of those). Everyone there is universally supportive.

It's not being mean to disagree with someone. Plus there are a lot of people who frequent the forums and have a good time with each other, and some of that horseplay may sound mean, but I don't think it's meant to be. You can usually tell by looking at their previous posts and seeing how they interact with others.

I've reported a couple of posts that were racist or otherwise ugly. Otherwise, I let the person be, and if I don't like reading their posts, I put them on ignore (I have a whole 3 people on THAT list).

AlohaKeAkua

Again, I am not talking about ME. I am not basing this off of comments made to ME. I've been quoted a few times on here now from other forums. The assumption has been made a few times now that I made this thread bc of my other threads today. Nobody was even "mean" to me on those. You're trying to call me out as being wrong on my comments, even though I made sure to note that "everybody is different". I made this tread because of the people that are cursing at each other and calling each other names. It's uncalled for and quoting me from previous posts today proves nothing. I didn't make this thread about me or things that have happened to me.

akern1987

I totally agree with you, but that is the nature of the beast.

Sometimes people just can't see beyond there own needs and (even trying to be constructive) the comments can get really mean.

I'm sure that all of us using this site, have at one time at least, felt insecure and stupid for having the questions we have regarding health and fitness, so if you are one of those lucky few that have reached your goal, dont make others feel stupid because they aren't there yet.

Let me quote one of Disney's best movies...Bambi "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

chunkydunk714

I just keep wondering why people don't take advantage of the ignore button. If you don't like the way someone responds to posts, just hit that little triangle next to their username, select "ignore" and POOF, no more posts by that person. Easy, and no need for whiny "everyone is so mean to me" posts.

I never knew this existed!! Guess im going to be ignoring a sh**t load of users! ha!

AlohaKeAkua

PS- A lot of people in this forum have lost tons of weight... pretty awesome! I'm amazed by some of these numbers!

bootsandfros

Also. Most people who are unhappy with themselves, are mean. Aaaand this site has many of those.

i think this is it right here. quite simple. for that reason, i let it roll off my back. not my problem.

never knew there was an ignore button but that's good to know.