Guys would you date someone with specail needs?

245

Replies

  • Getyourshineon
    Getyourshineon Posts: 114
    Interesting topic.. I don't have time to read it all now so I'm going to BUMP but I've often wondered too. My soon to be 18 yrs old daughter has Epilepsy and has numerous seizures monthly. She's had a few boyfriends, but I wonder what her future holds. She's pretty much a normal teenager and beautiful but the seizures are frequent, exhausting, and very scary. It will take someone willing to endure all the episodes with courage and love. She worries too, I know, as to whether she will ever get to be married and have children. She may never be able to hold down a job or drive a car, even with all the meds she is on. Makes a momma worry!
  • DebbieMc3
    DebbieMc3 Posts: 289 Member
    It's just hard i mean i see a lot of hot guys but im scared to tell them what my special needs is because with would not want to go out with me and that has happened a lot

    It would depend on what the need was. Some people are just not strong enough to deal with things and others might choose not to date someone with a special need.
    There is someone out there for everyone. Would you date someone with a special need? If so, I'm sure you are also dateable.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    What are your special needs? Why are you hiding it?

    Here's the thing, nobody's perfect. You're categorizing your "special needs" worse than other people's imperfections. Some beautiful people are perfectly healthy.. but outright psychopaths. And I'd rather date a kind person with "special needs" than a hot narcissist that will rip your heart out.

    My son has asperger's and type 1 diabetes. I hope he can find someone that appreciates him for what he is, but we never hide what his needs are. He's on an insulin pump. Without it, he'll die. Anyone who makes a life with him will have to take on some of that burden to help keep him alive. The whole point is finding someone who wants to do that. And his social issues are going to make it VERY difficult for that to happen.

    In short, I see no difference between a person with "special needs" and any other flawed human. Which is all of us. I hope you can extend that kindess to yourself.
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    i'll let you in on a secret: dating sucks for EVERYONE!!

    just be you, all the time. refuse to change yourself. go out there and do stuff that you're passionate about. then, if you meet someone doing those things too, you know you already have stuff in common.

    good luck.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    i'll let you in on a secret: dating sucks for EVERYONE!!

    just be you, all the time. refuse to change yourself. go out there and do stuff that you're passionate about. then, if you meet someone doing those things too, you know you already have stuff in common.

    good luck.

    I agree with this.

    You may find someone.

    You may not.

    Learn to be alright with both.
  • sedwards9999
    sedwards9999 Posts: 160 Member
    It's just hard i mean i see a lot of hot guys but im scared to tell them what my special needs is because with would not want to go out with me and that has happened a lot

    Be up front about everything. Your special need is part of who you are.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    Special needs would not eliminate someone from consideration as "dating material" if I were dating.

    Now, that's easy for me to say being older, with more perspective... and unavailable.

    Be yourself, put you and your personality first - without focusing on your special needs. Focus on whats great about you, what makes you a special person - your ABILITIES (I'm sure you've heard all this before).

    We all have baggage and issues that prevent us from doing or having the things we truly want. Try to overcome those issues.

    Maybe someone will come along, maybe not. That's a chance we all take.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    I deleted this:. . .never mind. . too bitter. . valentines day.. lol..
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    Go to events where you can meet some cute special needs boys and say hi.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    I deleted this:. . .never mind. . too bitter. . valentines day.. lol..

    Hah. It felt right to me.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
    Yes, there is someone out there who will love and appreciate you for exactly who you are! My oldest brother is profoundly deaf and although we worried years ago that he may not find someone to love he is happily married to a wonderful woman and they have a beautiful baby... You are who you are supposed to be and somewhere there is a person who will love you for that.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    It depends on what kind of special needs but most cases, probably.

    We love who we love and that is all that matters. Sometimes we find love in surprising places.
  • _Witsy_
    _Witsy_ Posts: 609 Member
    Oh sweetie there is someone out there for everyone, that I believe.

    There are men out there that date people with special needs as well as women who date men with special needs.

    Just be yourself. You don't need to have a disclaimer of "Hey I'm special needs" and what not, at least not in the beginning stages of meeting someone, learning about them, and growing a bond. That first stage is hard for anyone...but once you get to a solid ground of trust with the right person, whatever special needs you have will not matter to them.
  • whitneyas
    whitneyas Posts: 95 Member
    What are your special needs? Why are you hiding it?

    Here's the thing, nobody's perfect. You're categorizing your "special needs" worse than other people's imperfections. Some beautiful people are perfectly healthy.. but outright psychopaths. And I'd rather date a kind person with "special needs" than a hot narcissist that will rip your heart out.

    So very true! I have a friend who is legally blind and he is so sweet, cute, funny and smart (he is in law school) and he worries that he will never find someone... if I weren't married I would date him in a heartbeat. It is so easy to forget he is what some may see as "special" needs because of who he is.

    I know some people who you might look at and think they are perfect, but my goodness what is in their head is down right scary!
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    I'm going to be 100% honest here in the hopes that it somehow helps give you insight.

    Physical disablities would give me pause... simply because i would be affraid that i couldn't enjoy all the things with my partner that i otherwise would. But if we connected in every other way, it really wouldn't stop me.

    Mental disabilities it would depend greatly on the nature of the disability. If its some kind of major learning disability (and again, if i'm otherwise connecting with this person) i could get past that. If its something that creates a real gap in maturity, communication, or emotionally connecting then i'm not so sure i could fall in love with that person.

    And then there's the 'what will everyone else think'. If it was a physical disability, i could happily tell everyone to fo F themselves, its none of thier buisness anyway. but when it came to a mental disability (and again it depends on the nature of the disability), if someone expressed disaproval of the relationship, it might cause me to second guess myself and wonder if it was in fact somehow inappropriate. maybe its terrible for me to say this but i think you just want truth
  • invisibubble
    invisibubble Posts: 662 Member
    It depends on what you classify as "special needs". This can apply to a whole array of different things with a person. Some things I can handle, and some I cannot, simply because I have some.. Differences, myself.
  • marie_eve_78
    marie_eve_78 Posts: 72 Member
    I just heard on the radio this morning the story of a lady with cerebral palsy who just got a baby with her long time boyfriend. Dont despair! Everything is possible!
  • CallMeCupcakeDammit
    CallMeCupcakeDammit Posts: 9,377 Member
    I like to believe that there is someone for everyone. Sometimes you find them when you are NOT looking for them....

    and your special needs won't even matter one bit when you find him. He will love you no matter what.

    +1
  • teshiburu
    teshiburu Posts: 262 Member
    I wonder why guys are not wanting to date someone with special needs are they scared that they scared something wrong will happen to the person they date?
    Reason why im asking is because i am special needs and i have been single all my life .

    I'd like to think that I would, I have aspergers myself, and do not have much luck at all in relationships, but I do not think its my aspergers that impacts the relationships...
  • perfectingpatti
    perfectingpatti Posts: 1,037 Member
    Definitely set your expectations realistically. Don't expect some very hot guy who is athletic and healthy to fall in love at first sight.

    Wow. Anyway...

    OP- My 13 year old has autism. He is high functioning, but lacks social skills. I know it will be a very special person who wants to date or marry him. He's not everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay. He will probably find someone just as quirky as he is. I make sure he goes to support groups where he can be around people who don't make him feel different. Not everyone knows how to deal with people who have special needs, and that's okay, too.
  • BamBam125
    BamBam125 Posts: 229 Member
    Depends on the "special need." I can definitely love, care for, and be friends with someone with special needs.

    Although honestly, some needs are a bit overwhelming for me. I haven't had a lot of experiences with many of them, so I'm at a loss for how to react sometimes.

    I've been "trapped" in a conversation with a special needs person on a number of occasions that was, for me, really uncomfortable. It's depressing (her foot problems, her weight, her money concerns, her romantic issues, family abuse, etc). Sometimes it's just too much information for me. I care, but it burns me out. I'd have that same problem with someone who wasn't special needs who shared too much, but I think she lacks the mental filter to know when enough is enough. I try to be polite, but often times I'm looking for an out to get out of the conversation when my attempts to steer the conversation to something more neutral (like recent events, how nice her new outfit is, etc) fail. If she were a man and I were single, I would not be attracted to her because of these things, even though she is very sweet.

    Likewise, if the special needs meant that the person didn't get an advanced education, I would have trouble being emotionally attracted to the person. I have the same issue when I talk to old friends from high school who never went to college. That sort of kindred experience and world view just isn't there with some of them. I remember one guy I occasionally went to the movies with in HS being disappointed in the army as an adult because it was "boring" and "not enough like Halo." :grumble: I catching up with them, but it feels like they got "stuck" and I "kept going." Often I feel like they are just as uncomfortable with it is as I am, so we're not as close as we were back in the day.

    For me, personally, honestly, in a romantic sense, I could handle a physical special need (like wheel chair, epilepsy, blind, deaf, amputee, etc) a lot easier than a mental/emotional one.

    I have family with mental/emotional special needs and I love them dearly as family. They aren't any less of a person for the need and they know it. But romantically, I really want someone who is a bit more similar to me in conversation and the like. (On that note, one family member with special needs does have a girlfriend and they are very happy together. I'm happy for them, too. Although we do worry about them from time to time because neither has a degree or a well paying job, and sometimes they don't handle strong emotions in a very healthy way. I'm not sure how well they'd be able to support and raise a kid without a lot of help--at least financially. I'm pretty sure they are *active* so we just play the "big brother/sister" roles and try to encourage life skills for them that help them be more independent... like passing a driving test to get a license and changing to a job with full time hours, etc.)

    If my husband were psychically handicapped or mentally handicapped by an accident, I would still love him dearly and romantically. I think that would be easier because I could remember what it was like when I first fell in love with him. I would mourn for the loss of what used to be, but I think I'd be able to handle the new because I'd already had the good old days.
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    I'm in a wheelchair, so of course I'd date someone with 'special needs.'

    Too bad more people can't look past it in me. In my first relationship they were also in a wheelchair, and in my second I 'settled' because finding someone who actually didn't care was a miracle. Too bad you can't settle in things like that. I wasn't actually attracted to them in the end.

    I haven't had a date in two years, and it sucks.
  • Abhishek1984
    Abhishek1984 Posts: 49
    I have Charcot Marie Tooth , its a neurological disorder and am always the "best friend guy" :) , Its not just guys , women too are apprehensive about dating some one who's physically challenged , one must listen to the ,excuses when I ask some one out , i mean hardly any kind of creativity ;) ....i have stopped ask out all those able bodied women .Now i am on a look out for a woman with special needs but i never come across one :)
  • mattagascar
    mattagascar Posts: 708 Member
    Every woman has special needs
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
    Every woman has special needs

    This is true
  • sedwards9999
    sedwards9999 Posts: 160 Member
    I have Charcot Marie Tooth , its a neurological disorder and am always the "best friend guy" :) , Its not just guys , women too are apprehensive about dating some one who's physically challenged , one must listen to the ,excuses when I ask some one out , i mean hardly any kind of creativity ;) ....i have stopped ask out all those able bodied women .Now i am on a look out for a woman with special needs but i never come across one :)

    I have CMT also. It took me a while but I found someone.

    I met my wife on a disabled dating site. She has MS.
  • sedwards9999
    sedwards9999 Posts: 160 Member
    Definitely set your expectations realistically. Don't expect some very hot guy who is athletic and healthy to fall in love at first sight.

    Wow. Anyway...

    Sorry but life is not a romantic comedy.
  • lacurandera1
    lacurandera1 Posts: 8,083 Member
    I think some people are not up to the challenge of being with someone with special needs, whatever they may be. I have a friend who is paralyzed from the waist down and he and his girlfriend have been together for a couple years. She's young, too, in her early 20s, and it surprises me how caring and helpful she is. I mean, he can't control or feel his bowel movements. Sometimes he forgets it's time to cath. I can imagine how many mornings she has to clean and change their bed sheets. I love him to the moon and back. But I could not do the things she does for him. It takes a very very special person to deal with some special needs.

    My bf of 10 years is dysthmic and refuses to be medicated. It's been a long road and there have been days when I truly think my life would be happier without him. But that's in the moment. On the whole, I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't a part of my life. What I'm trying to say is, there's some things people can deal with that others can't.

    That said, when you find your guy (and you will! You're so young still!) you'll know it. There's a fantastic person out there who will love you for every thing that you are and would move mountains for you. Don't get discouraged.
  • amy_fulk
    amy_fulk Posts: 69
    I have 5 auto-immune diseases, one is now being compared to having the pain as a Stage 4 Cancer patient. I honestly think that a woman (or a man!) would have to be completely comfortable and happy with how their life is before getting into a relationship. Sometimes patients feel like they bring others down simply because they are sick or may have to do things in certain ways that takes a lot of patience for other people. I can definitely see why many people are often hesitant to get involved with a person who has disabilities like myself. They really have to educate themselves and know a lot about the diseases/illnesses so they can be aware of symptoms and complications that may occur. But having a special need shouldn't be considered as 'unattractive' to anyone!
  • smilesalot1969
    smilesalot1969 Posts: 392
    Yes i would.
    My 19 year old son has Aspergers and has never had a girlfriend yet but i hope when he does he finds someone caring enough to look past his disability and like the person he is.

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