frustrated with unresponsive boyfriend
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This question is really hard to answer because it has the potential to offend, but here it goes and I will try to be gentle. Deep down you know what is going on. He could be wonderful, sent from above, but when a guy is unresponsive is because his mind is someplace else and usually preoccupied with someone else. I get what you said about him not being the “cheating type”, but (and please don’t crucify me for this) we all have the “potential” to do it. I’m not saying that he is “physically” involve, but maybe emotionally compromised.
Please, don’t create excuses for his behavior, because someone that loves and cares for another will go out of his or her way to at least return a text. Think about moving on, he is not interested anymore, and probably does not know how to break up with you. Don’t waste your time and your energy with a relationship that is not working. Use the energy to get yourself together, get healthy, increase yourself esteem, and find someone that can and will make you happy. Be courageous.0 -
As a guy.. if I am into a girl (married now, but talking about my single days) she knows it. He has checked out and is moving on IMO. Busy or not, he would find a minute to get back to someone if he cared to.
sorry 0 -
Hes not the cheating type. His ex cheated on him with his best friend and hés the type to be blunt and honest. He shows he cares when we're together. Like when he helped me move, since i dont have a car, he took me grocery shopping and he wouldnt let me pay for my own groceries (he has a steady job whereas I have only had luck with temp jobs and I have more bills to pay than him). He literally stepped in front of me and swiped his credit card. When I was down that my friend who I was getting a ride with to go to a mutual's friend birthday gathering in Fredericksburg, VA (inaccessible via public transit on weekends and 1 hour and 45 minutes from me), he offered to pick me up in Springfield metro station and drive me, even though it was out of the way.
I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down since Ive been over eating and even tried to purge for the first time in a few months a few days ago. Perhaps I am overreacting. It wouldn't bother me so much though if this is how he normally was.
Ive tried confronting him but he hasnt answered my phone calls.
I'm not saying he is but anyone can be the cheating type... things change, people change. You don't always get the right impression of people. I swore my ex would never cheat and would never lie... well, turns out he was cheating and I found out when he started acting like your boyfriend.. distant, non responsive, etc. I'm not saying he is.. I'm just saying don't put things past people.
Ask him straight up what's wrong. When you see him next talk to him. If he doesn't want to open up and talk than what's the point of staying? If you two are in a relationship he needs to talk to you and open up as you need to do with him. If you can't communicate than it's not a proper relationship. My husband gets quiet now and again... he gives short responses to texts. He will open up if something if bothering him though.
I have to agree with those who say he's not into it anymore. Regardless of how busy he is, if he is really into you he will either talk to you or make time for even a quick call to say hello... or a text. If the change is rather sudden, something is going on.
Don't have any serious conversations via text or on the phone. Speak with him in person. You can't tell tone through text.
It might be best to re-evalutate your relationship. I'm sorry... it sucks.. but is this what you really want?0 -
Thank you all. Yeah my gut was telling me that it's over or else he would've put some effort into this but I needed to hear it from others as well before accepting it.0
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Sounds like the spark is gone. Hard to know since you say he won't respond to you, but if it were me, I'd stop trying to connect with him and move on. If he wants you, he'll come back. But I wouldn't be sitting by the phone waiting for him.
^EXACTLY^
And just because his ex cheated on him, no matter how upset or hurt he was about it, he could still be cheating. I have an ex husband to prove it.0 -
I had a boyfriend like this in college. We had dated briefly in high school and reconnected and he even raced up to see me (3 hour drive) and we had a nice night and great conversations over the phone after Then all of a sudden it was like he didn't have any time for me. I'd come home thinking we'd get together and have a nice date night but he'd have plans or whatever and never followed up. He was kind of aloof when we were dating before so I just chalked it up to his personality for a bit and then I realized that he just wasn't giving me what I needed. So I stopped calling him and he never called me so that was the end of that.
Hon, you know you're worth more than that. You've had some issues in the past but you obviously don't need this stress, especially if it's bring back your ED. I think you've made a good plan. Go ahead and move on with your life. Call your girlfriends, go out and have some drinks tonight!
And personally I wouldn't give him a second chance if it were me...not without a really good explanation anyway. That's up to you though and how strongly you feel about him. Just make sure you don't allow him to take advantage again.
Take care of you!0 -
Have you tried waiting until the sedatives wear off? I know it makes couples portraits a lot harder to get just right, but you might get a little more attention from him if you let him come to first.0
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Forget what's he's doing - what are you doing? That sounds horrible. ...why put up with that? If someone doesn't have time for you, no matter what the reason, ESPECIALLY if they don't explain themselves (preferably before hand, for example, "Hey, I have a really busy couple weeks at work coming up, so I won't be able to talk/hang out as much"), then it's not your job to sit around and wait for them. Move on. I think you need to let him go. But, at the very least, have a very straightforward conversation with him about what's going on. If if can't make time for that conversation, then stop making time for him. It's clear you're not his priority, so why is he yours?
perfect!!!0 -
He's obviously got a side piece.
Side piece? He's got a main piece.0 -
I have to agree with this (except for the "moving too fast and freaking out" part). Something else is going on here. Plain and simple...if he's into you and happy to be with you...he would be calling more. It might be time to cut your losses here. Sorry :ohwell:I hate to break the news, but based on what you said it sounds like "he's just not that into you." 1.) Possibly cheating or 2.) just wants out and doesn't want to hurt you or else 3.) things just moved too fast for him and he is freaking out a little right now. Have a discussion with him and find out what is causing his change in attitude. If it is just #3, that can be easily solved by backing off a little and giving him some time and space to come to terms with being in a relationship. if it is #1 or #2, you owe it to yourself to know so you can move on.
Good luck, and I am hoping for a good outcome for you.0 -
Well, I'll just toss my cap into the ring here too.
Listen, we can rationalize anything to make ourselves feel better about our bad decisions. Trust me, I've been there. I wrote a blog post on it too (http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Paige682/view/cutting-out-the-kryptonite-447925).
By not answering your calls, returning your texts or reaching out on V-Day, he's not acting like your boyfriend. If he's already like this 3-4 months into the relationship, something isn't right. He shouldn't be like that if you've been dating for years! I know it's hard, and you can rationalize his behavior and make excuses all day long, but something is up. Unless you guys can have a meaningful conversation about what is going on, I'd walk before it gets worse.0 -
I agree with what some others have posted already...
If you've only been together since October of last year and you're ALREADY having communication problems, it just sounds like it's not meant to be. You either have to sit him down, be blunt, and ask him what his problem is...or just ditch him.
From my own experience I can tell you that you can't change people. This might be his idea of a good relationship and that's fine if it works for both of you. You need to find someone who is compatible with your needs in a relationship.0 -
Have you tried waiting until the sedatives wear off? I know it makes couples portraits a lot harder to get just right, but you might get a little more attention from him if you let him come to first.
Seriously? Was it worth your effort to be a *kitten*?0 -
Ive tried confronting him but he hasnt answered my phone calls.
Not returning phone calls/texts means he's either cheating or fading. I suspect the latter if he's not a cheater.0 -
Have you tried waiting until the sedatives wear off? I know it makes couples portraits a lot harder to get just right, but you might get a little more attention from him if you let him come to first.
Seriously? Was it worth your effort to be a *kitten*?
It's always worth my effort.0 -
Sorry you're facing this on Valentine's day, but hopefully you can remove yourself from the relationship on your own terms now. It's a much more empowering position to be in, and you deserve to be with someone who wants to return your texts and calls (or maybe even one who'll pick up the phone when it rings!).Thank you all. Yeah my gut was telling me that it's over or else he would've put some effort into this but I needed to hear it from others as well before accepting it.0 -
Also, I was dating this guy a couple years ago who did something similar. We had everything in common. He said he couldn't believe it but I was the perfect person he had been looking for. After our first time hanging out at my home, no sex involved, he kissed me goodnight and left. I text him twice the next day and he never responded. The day after that, he changed his relationship status to dating ANOTHER girl and deleted me from facebook.
Totally didn't see that coming!!! I wasn't attached but it was really hard to deal with. I didn't try to contact him after that and moved on. Saw him at the records store he works at not long ago and he just google-eyed me the whole time. Didn't say a word. Creeper.0 -
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Sounds to me like the classic high school maneuver of ignore you until you confront him and he breaks up with you. Hate to say it, but it's what it sounds like to me.
^^ this... :frown:0 -
When someone is interested in someone else, they make time, no matter how busy they are. Even for just a quick phone call.
I think you are really only telling yourself what you want to hear but not seeing whats really happening.
Sorry to say it, but it seems like it's over to me.0 -
Thank you all. Yeah my gut was telling me that it's over or else he would've put some effort into this but I needed to hear it from others as well before accepting it.
Always listen to your gut.
If you are the one putting in the effort, he's checked out. Stop emailing, texting or calling him. Let him contact you. If he does, give him the chance to explain his behaviour. Let him talk. If he has no good reasoning for it, than let him know you are going to move on in life without him. If he doesn't contact you within a few days than move on.
Do not make excuses or guesses for his behaviour. Do not try to rationalize how he is acting.0 -
I would say he is trying to tell you something. Don't waste your time with him0
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Being in a similar situation myself, years ago, I understand. You are probably feeling hurt and frustrated.. This is extreme but it just might be the best thing to do. This dude needs a wake up call, tell him that you want to break up. Not on V-Day of course. If he is still un responsive, then maybe it was the right thing to do at this time.
He has no excuses to treat you this way. On the other hand if he is interested in keeping you then this might be the wake up call that he needs. Good luck.
He is being a dummy...
From an outside perspective, I would just cut him off.0 -
I hate to break the news, but based on what you said it sounds like "he's just not that into you." 1.) Possibly cheating or 2.) just wants out and doesn't want to hurt you or else 3.) things just moved too fast for him and he is freaking out a little right now. Have a discussion with him and find out what is causing his change in attitude. If it is just #3, that can be easily solved by backing off a little and giving him some time and space to come to terms with being in a relationship. if it is #1 or #2, you owe it to yourself to know so you can move on.
Good luck, and I am hoping for a good outcome for you.
Definitely agree here. And one of my rules of thumb when it comes to relationships is that it isn't worth it if he isn't fighting to be with you when you are fighting to be with him. What is the point when you have no fight left?0 -
Just Marry him.0
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He should be like that if you've been dating for years!
:noway:
NO!
Don't accept this kind of behavior whether your relationship is new or not.
Sorry you're heartbroken on V's Day.
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Sorry honey but when a guy likes/loves a girl he will make sure she knows it and will spend time with her! Sounds as if he's lost interest. Stop texting and calling him and move on. There is a man out there that will treat you like a queen!!0
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As a guy.. if I am into a girl (married now, but talking about my single days) she knows it. He has checked out and is moving on IMO. Busy or not, he would find a minute to get back to someone if he cared to. sorry
I agree - but sometimes doesn't it feel like a lot of work? Isn't it possible to like someone and not be in their face all the time?0 -
Ive tried confronting him but he hasnt answered my phone calls.
I haven't read all the replies, I was going to but when you posted this it stopped me. I think you're looking at it wrong. I understand you're hurt, unconfused to why he's not talking to you as much but thinking of it as a confronting him sitution, won't make it any better. It seems like with that, your emotions will be running high and the chances of a calm talk happening are lesser and lesser. Give it time, you've reached out to him.
He might just be busy with work and guys are different than women, they'll just go about doing what needs to get done then finish it and act like nothing happened. Most of the time to them, they don't get it. Try not talking to him for awhile, see if that gives him the push to realize he's missed you.
Or just break it off with him...you're the only one that knows the whole story, we just know what you posted here0 -
He should be like that if you've been dating for years!
:noway:
NO!
Don't accept this kind of behavior whether your relationship is new or not.
Sorry you're heartbroken on V's Day.
OOOOPS Typo! I meant SHOULDN'T. Yikes!0
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