frustrated with unresponsive boyfriend

DonnaNCgirl

Before I read any other replies...

I think one of three (originally two) things is happening...

1) He thinks you're getting TOO CLOSE. The relationship is moving too fast for his comfort and he's ready to pull back.
2) He has decided that he's not that into you but he isn't sure how to cut it off.
3) He's busy...unlikely. I added this after I thought I'd be classified as one of the forum meanies.

You can...
1) ignore it and say nothing
2) say something and be prepared for
a. denial that anything is "wrong"
b. the truth

LaurenVamp

Sounds to me like the classic high school maneuver of ignore you until you confront him and he breaks up with you. Hate to say it, but it's what it sounds like to me.

Yep. I'd move on. I hate that and he's a coward for doing it this way, but you're better off if he isn't even man enough to own up to it.

cjlorigan

OP - I'm going to sound like my mother for a minute BUT

There are plenty of other fish in the sea....keep swimming until you get the right catch.

<<<<reverts back to self :bigsmile:

DonnaNCgirl

Hes not the cheating type. His ex cheated on him with his best friend and hés the type to be blunt and honest. He shows he cares when we're together. Like when he helped me move, since i dont have a car, he took me grocery shopping and he wouldnt let me pay for my own groceries (he has a steady job whereas I have only had luck with temp jobs and I have more bills to pay than him). He literally stepped in front of me and swiped his credit card. When I was down that my friend who I was getting a ride with to go to a mutual's friend birthday gathering in Fredericksburg, VA (inaccessible via public transit on weekends and 1 hour and 45 minutes from me), he offered to pick me up in Springfield metro station and drive me, even though it was out of the way.


I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down since Ive been over eating and even tried to purge for the first time in a few months a few days ago. Perhaps I am overreacting. It wouldn't bother me so much though if this is how he normally was.


Ive tried confronting him but he hasnt answered my phone calls.

I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down
I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down
I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down
I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down
I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down

He can't help you with your self esteem. Thus the name...self esteem

buckystars

Sorry but it really sounds like he's broken up with you but just hasn't told you yet. It sucks, I'm sorry. Move on to someone who is worth your time.

oh_em_gee

I don't think needing him to make some kind of effort is needy.

This has happened to me. I was more into him than he was into me. And he did the exact same thing, just didn't reply one day, and I knew better than to try again, since we weren't actually in a relationship. My current bf and I work opposite schedules and barely get time together, but text every day and talk when we can. We both put in effort because we want to be together.

In short, this guy is a waste of your time, whether it's because he's cheating, checked out, or just a sucky boyfriend

BrettPGH

She's a wonderful girl and I can't believe he won't return her calls.

It would be wrong to say anything else.

Reza151

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

that's unkind and uncalled for

Like I said, I was unaware of the rule change that stated we have to take her side without even hearing his. Now that friends of mine have been banned for having a difference of opinion I'll change my tune.

Obviously she's wonderful. He HAS to be a cheating jerk even though we haven't heard his side at all. It's great that she posts the details of their relationship online without his knowledge.

MFP. Where whatever you do is right.

I dont ask you to be supportive and agree. I DO however ask that you dont troll and insult, and dont make assumptions about me. I dont even care about taking sides. But please don't come here just to be outright UNSUPPORTIVE and mean. and about hearing his side of the story: Hang on a moment while I send him a link to the entire conversation thread on here because then he's SURE to respond, RIGHT!? *sarcasm*.

Becoming_A_Butterfly

I have a boyfriend. We met in October and have been together ever since. He treats me great, we have fun together, etc...I'm not normally big on valentine's day---I've always believed that every day should be full of love, and i think this day has such a focus on gifts. But I'm down because where we used to talk almost every day, we barely talk at all anymore. We see each other every other weekend or so. On monday i asked if he was busy. and he said no. I said "well I asked because you've been pretty quiet lately. In general"and he just responded with a "sorry". On tuesday we texted a short exchange but then he was unresponsive again. I texted him once yesterday. And tried calling before i went to bed. He used to call me every night just to say good night. NOt anymore though. And this morning I called and left a message saying "Hey just wanted to wish you a happy valentine's day and hope you have an awesome day at work. I wish you'd respond to my texts or phone calls, when you get the chance. We never talk anymore and what kind of relationship is that?'

I have no reason to suspect that he's upset with me and no reason to suspect that he's cheating. I understand that everyone elads a busy life. But you can't take 5 minutes from your day to talk? It would really make my day if he would just text me a simple "hey baby happy valentine's day! Miss you!"
/rant.

Of course everything posted here is just speculation, because we don't know him, you, or the entire situation. But I have to say, I am very busy most days, but it only takes a few seconds to text someone back. Hell, a person takes more time than that to go to the bathroom, so I don't buy someone being too busy to respond to a simple text, even if it's just to say "busy, talk later".

Going just from what you posted, and especially since it is a change in behavior and not the way the relationship started out, I would have to suspect he has doubts about the relationship and is fading away instead of being direct about it. I would stop contacting him altogether.

fbmandy55

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

that's unkind and uncalled for

Like I said, I was unaware of the rule change that stated we have to take her side without even hearing his. Now that friends of mine have been banned for having a difference of opinion I'll change my tune.

Obviously she's wonderful. He HAS to be a cheating jerk even though we haven't heard his side at all. It's great that she posts the details of their relationship online without his knowledge.

MFP. Where whatever you do is right.

I dont ask you to be supportive and agree. I DO however ask that you dont troll and insult, and dont make assumptions about me. I dont even care about taking sides. But please don't come here just to be outright UNSUPPORTIVE and mean. and about hearing his side of the story: Hang on a moment while I send him a link to the entire conversation thread on here because then he's SURE to respond, RIGHT!? *sarcasm*.

In short: If you can't be nice then STFU.

But it's ok for you to say STFU or GTFO. Mature...

_SusieQ_

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

that's unkind and uncalled for

Like I said, I was unaware of the rule change that stated we have to take her side without even hearing his. Now that friends of mine have been banned for having a difference of opinion I'll change my tune.

Obviously she's wonderful. He HAS to be a cheating jerk even though we haven't heard his side at all. It's great that she posts the details of their relationship online without his knowledge.

MFP. Where whatever you do is right.

I dont ask you to be supportive and agree. I DO however ask that you dont troll and insult, and dont make assumptions about me. I dont even care about taking sides. But please don't come here just to be outright UNSUPPORTIVE and mean. and about hearing his side of the story: Hang on a moment while I send him a link to the entire conversation thread on here because then he's SURE to respond, RIGHT!? *sarcasm*.

In short: If you can't be nice then STFU.

HELLO MODS???

I sincerely hope that OP got at LEAST an email or warning for constantly telling people to GTFO or STFU. One of my friends got banned for calling her nagging, yet she continues to insult and use these terms. I guess THAT'S ok though, since it's her thread??

MyChocolateDiet

bump

(to get back to after logging weight and figuring out just what kind of workout my trainer just put me through for logging purposes).
This is still a fitness site, no? Anyhoe check out my ridiculous questions on health and fitness to try to describe the exercises I did, probably gonna include pics cos I love those so just sayin'.

Iron_Duchess

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

that's unkind and uncalled for

Like I said, I was unaware of the rule change that stated we have to take her side without even hearing his. Now that friends of mine have been banned for having a difference of opinion I'll change my tune.

Obviously she's wonderful. He HAS to be a cheating jerk even though we haven't heard his side at all. It's great that she posts the details of their relationship online without his knowledge.

MFP. Where whatever you do is right.

What?... Banned because they did not agreed with the OP? This Thread? Because this thread is "mild" compared to some I've seen. Well, I hope not, but if it happened I'm sorry to hear that. Variety of opinions is on of the things that creates change and great minds, it is conductive to meditating on the problem so change and decisions can be achieved. :ohwell:

BrettPGH

She's a wonderful girl and I can't believe he won't return her calls.

*please don't strike me again*

Reza151

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

that's unkind and uncalled for

Like I said, I was unaware of the rule change that stated we have to take her side without even hearing his. Now that friends of mine have been banned for having a difference of opinion I'll change my tune.

Obviously she's wonderful. He HAS to be a cheating jerk even though we haven't heard his side at all. It's great that she posts the details of their relationship online without his knowledge.

MFP. Where whatever you do is right.

I dont ask you to be supportive and agree. I DO however ask that you dont troll and insult, and dont make assumptions about me. I dont even care about taking sides. But please don't come here just to be outright UNSUPPORTIVE and mean. and about hearing his side of the story: Hang on a moment while I send him a link to the entire conversation thread on here because then he's SURE to respond, RIGHT!? *sarcasm*.

In short: If you can't be nice then STFU.

HELLO MODS???

I sincerely hope that OP got at LEAST an email or warning for constantly telling people to GTFO or STFU. One of my friends got banned for calling her nagging, yet she continues to insult and use these terms. I guess THAT'S ok though, since it's her thread??

Really, I'm insulting by asking people to not put me down any further? By requesting that if you can't say anything nice, or if you MUST say something rude, to not contribute at all? SOmetimes the only language trolls understand is vulgar language.


So if I've insulted you, I do appologize. But as you can see, I've already had a bad day and I don't need ignorant people who have nothing better to do than to be rude. So kindly keep your opinions to yourself if you are going to automatically assume that I am clingy or compare me to the overly attached girlfriend meme(when Ive already stated that I havent sent a text or called more than once a day).

infamousmk

OP, I do suggest you try to have more of a sense of humor in the future. Many of the comments you took great issue with were humorous and meant to be lighthearted. The more you freak out about people keeping a comical viewpoint instead of just telling you what you want to hear, the more you are going to seem a little bit crazy, thus proving the assertions of such.

oregonzoo

We can file this under "jilted lover DID NOT hear what she wanted from MFP".

PikaKnight

OP - the whole stooping to their level to make them understand attitude is just silly and an excuse. I think you need to step away from the internet for a bit. Really. And just know that when you put your problems on a public forum - you are asking for all kinds of opinions and advice..both positive and negative.

You are right. We don't know you or the situation..another reason NOT to put relationship problems on the interwebs.

My advice - either way to talk to your bf and sort this out or break up.....and never ever again put your relationship problems online because overall - a relationship is between you and the other person. Not you, the other person and a bunch of people whom you hope will give you sympathy over something that could easily be "told" in a way that puts you in the right.

Reza151

-_- I ask for honest opinions, not insults. Light-hearted is okay but really if I'm already having a crappy day, why try to make it worse?


I already stated that i've been considering before i eevn posted this to let him come to me and if i dont hear back from him, to move on. But sometimes it's easier to acept something when we hear others say it to us as well.

BrettPGH

She's a wonderful girl and I can't believe he won't return her calls.

Calliope610

AlsDonkBoxSquat

She's a wonderful girl and I can't believe he won't return her calls.

close, but I think it may be missing a rainbow and a unicorn.

PikaKnight

I was going to write in to Dear Abby, but now that I see MFP is really personal relationship advice site, why waste the piece of paper and stamp. Here goes...

My husband blah, blah, blab...

What should I do?

Just break up.

infamousmk

-_- I ask for honest opinions, not insults. Light-hearted is okay but really if I'm already having a crappy day, why try to make it worse?


I already stated that i've been considering before i eevn posted this to let him come to me and if i dont hear back from him, to move on. But sometimes it's easier to acept something when we hear others say it to us as well.

People can't make you feel bad/worse without your consent. Choose to not let the comments you didn't like hurt your feeeelings.

PikaKnight

She's a wonderful girl and I can't believe he won't return her calls.

close, but I think it may be missing a rainbow and a unicorn.

LiftAllThePizzas

I don't care.

Reza151

"":a) Do not attack, mock, or otherwise insult others. You can respectfully disagree with the message or topic, but you cannot attack the messenger. This includes attacks against the user’s spelling or command of written English, or belittling a user for posting a duplicate topic.
b) If you are attacked by another user, and you reciprocate, you will also be subject to the same consequences. Defending yourself or a friend is not an excuse! Do not take matters into your own hands – instead, use the Report Post link to report an attack and we will be happy to handle the situation for you."

My appologies people. I see that indeed I was wrong to respond in the way I did to some of the posts. SO by all rights, I SHOULD be banned. I'll own up to it. Mods, feel free to lock this topic as it's obviously gone way off track. It was meant for venting, and to see if my concern was reasonable but its gotten out of hand

Mrs_Bones

Drop him on his *kitten*. You deserve someone who thinks about you and is willing to put in the time and energy for you the same way you would for them. Why settle for less?

Thomasm198

Yes we've had "the talk". He wanted the relationship before i did. He tried to hold my hand on the first date but i brushed it away. I was waiting on me to commit, not the other way around. And it probably doesnt mean much, but on facebook, his relationship status is with me (hard to lie to the world about your relationship status if it's on your facebook that you have a girlfriend).

To all of you trolls: **** you. Really there is no call for your insults and rudeness. Seriously. Learn a bit of ****ing respect.

Well there's the problem. You're giving him mixed signals.

RobfromLakewood

Sounds to me like the classic high school maneuver of ignore you until you confront him and he breaks up with you. Hate to say it, but it's what it sounds like to me.

This is what it is, 100%