frustrated with unresponsive boyfriend

angiebirdie

Girl, that's called the fade-away. Hope you realize he isn't worth your efforts or time. Good luck!

BeeElMarvin

I read "unresponsive". Thought you meant something completely different. Never mind.

PRMinx

As a guy.. if I am into a girl (married now, but talking about my single days) she knows it. He has checked out and is moving on IMO. Busy or not, he would find a minute to get back to someone if he cared to. sorry

I agree - but sometimes doesn't it feel like a lot of work? Isn't it possible to like someone and not be in their face all the time?

Touching base with your girlfriend once a day is a lot of work? Really?

Wow.

msudaisy28

Try an experiment. Don't contact him. Don't text him or email him or call him. Just find something else to do and see if he reaches out to you instead. If a week goes by and you don't hear from him, consider your relationship "dumped". If you do hear from him, ask him what's been on his mind.

This is the best advice I've read on here so far. Probably not what you want to hear.

saxmaniac

He might just be busy with work and guys are different than women, they'll just go about doing what needs to get done then finish it and act like nothing happened. Most of the time to them, they don't get it. Try not talking to him for awhile, see if that gives him the push to realize he's missed you.

I'm going to disagree here.

Not *initiating* contact to your girlfriend in a couple days might be normal when busy.

Refusing to answer or return a call is entirely different. Nobody's THAT busy, unless you work on an oil rig or are a spy.

This isn't 1983 where it's hard to find a phone. If someone can't respond with a "sorry, busy" in a day or two to their own girlfriend, it doesn't bode well.

strikerjb007

He's obviously got a side piece.

In the words of my best friend... You always need to have a side piece.. lol.

BrettPGH

As a guy.. if I am into a girl (married now, but talking about my single days) she knows it. He has checked out and is moving on IMO. Busy or not, he would find a minute to get back to someone if he cared to. sorry

I agree - but sometimes doesn't it feel like a lot of work? Isn't it possible to like someone and not be in their face all the time?

Touching base with your girlfriend once a day is a lot of work? Really?

Wow.

Please do try to keep in mind, we're only hearing her side. Not his.

$5 says if you asked him he'd say "What girlfriend?"

KatieLou6585

He's obviously got a side piece.

Side piece? He's got a main piece.

^^ my first thought

strikerjb007

Those guys that claim to be busy need to stop their BS. I can see that years ago, but in this era, with iphones, droids, text messaging, forums, emails, facetime, whatever, it really takes 20 seconds to say "Happy Valentine's Day.."


Question to the OP, does he know you are his girlfriend? I mean, seriously, did you ever had "the talk?"

Jtorres326

The guy could be going through something major and he doesn't know how to reach out. So many guys tend to just internalize when they're going through something. As women, we tend to overthink things like this. I agree with the poster who said just don't contact him for a while, cultivate your own interests and don't crowd him. If he is going through a tough time, he'll thank you. If he's just being an *kitten*, then that'll become apparent too. Either way, you put your focus where it needs to be ON YOU.

Jribeiro86

Try an experiment. Don't contact him. Don't text him or email him or call him. Just find something else to do and see if he reaches out to you instead. If a week goes by and you don't hear from him, consider your relationship "dumped". If you do hear from him, ask him what's been on his mind.

Yes, this. If he's already checked out of the relationship and hasn't had the balls to tell you this himself, it'll be immediately apparent based on his reaction to your silence. Don't waste anymore of your time, energy, and emotion chasing him down for a connection. If he still wants it to happen, it'll happen.

And I'm sorry you've gotten a few really ****ty responses here... Feeling down about concerns you have for someone you care about is NOT needy. It's human.

Julettashane

He should be like that if you've been dating for years!

:noway:
NO!

Don't accept this kind of behavior whether your relationship is new or not.

Sorry you're heartbroken on V's Day.

agreed no matter how long youve been together he still needs to show he cares

PRMinx

As a guy.. if I am into a girl (married now, but talking about my single days) she knows it. He has checked out and is moving on IMO. Busy or not, he would find a minute to get back to someone if he cared to. sorry

I agree - but sometimes doesn't it feel like a lot of work? Isn't it possible to like someone and not be in their face all the time?

Touching base with your girlfriend once a day is a lot of work? Really?

Wow.

Please do try to keep in mind, we're only hearing her side. Not his.

$5 says if you asked him he'd say "What girlfriend?"

Good point.

5ftnFun

Because a lot of people eat to soothe hurt feelings (or eat to celebrate). Hard to stay in shape & be healthy if sad feelings cause you to overeat or undereat. Learning to deal with emotions, good and bad, can lead to a happier person, physically and emotionally.

Reza151

Yes we've had "the talk". He wanted the relationship before i did. He tried to hold my hand on the first date but i brushed it away. I was waiting on me to commit, not the other way around. And it probably doesnt mean much, but on facebook, his relationship status is with me (hard to lie to the world about your relationship status if it's on your facebook that you have a girlfriend).

To all of you trolls: **** you. Really there is no call for your insults and rudeness. Seriously. Learn a bit of ****ing respect.

nashsheri33

WTF does this have to do with losing weight, staying fit, or getting into shape? Did I somehow get switched over to the Oprah Forum??

emotions have a lot to do with eating/overeating/undereating. it isn't good, but we know it's true, for some people more than others. and tomorrow there will be literally tons of cheap chocolate 75% off. that might be too much temptation for an emotional eater to fight. so hopefully, with some loving support, someone who otherwise might fall 'off the wagon' will find a way to keep true to herself and not binge on chocolate.

we are here to help each other. sometimes the 'Oprah Forum' helps.

KatieJane83

WTF does this have to do with losing weight, staying fit, or getting into shape? Did I somehow get switched over to the Oprah Forum??

Oh hi, I see you're new to the forums. You'll learn soon enough.



And to the OP, I agree with the others to step back and see if he'll come to you. If he has no urge to even call or text you in a week or so I would doubt his interest.

BrettPGH

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

tc6952

Because a lot of people eat to soothe hurt feelings (or eat to celebrate). Hard to stay in shape & be healthy if sad feelings cause you to overeat or undereat. Learning to deal with emotions, good and bad, can lead to a happier person, physically and emotionally.

And don't be such a snot.

Then people should be telling her to get over him and go to the gym. Or whatever, but giving (and getting) relationship advice on a forum that people use to build motivation to stick to a plan is the wrong place. Any forum for that matter.

How do we know she's not the type that harangues him every day because its been 17 minutes since he texted her last. Or maybe he just thinks that Valentine's Day is a ridiculous corporate holiday and he's not going to partake.

And I haven't been called a snot since I was 8, that's funny.

portergolf

Yes we've had "the talk". He wanted the relationship before i did. He tried to hold my hand on the first date but i brushed it away. I was waiting on me to commit, not the other way around. And it probably doesnt mean much, but on facebook, his relationship status is with me (hard to lie to the world about your relationship status if it's on your facebook that you have a girlfriend).

To all of you trolls: **** you. Really there is no call for your insults and rudeness. Seriously. Learn a bit of ****ing respect.

You brushed away his hand??? Dude was thinking about getting in your pants and you won't hold his hand. I am going to have to switch sides as I begin to understand more why he won't call you back.

I say you need to move on. He has.

saxmaniac

And it probably doesnt mean much, but on facebook, his relationship status is with me (hard to lie to the world about your relationship status if it's on your facebook that you have a girlfriend).

Who says he's lying to them? There are people who have no compunction about breaking up an existing relationship, with full knowledge.

portergolf

WTF does this have to do with losing weight, staying fit, or getting into shape? Did I somehow get switched over to the Oprah Forum??

Oh hi, I see you're new to the forums. You'll learn soon enough.



And to the OP, I agree with the others to step back and see if he'll come to you. If he has no urge to even call or text you in a week or so I would doubt his interest.

Yeah he is a noob... he will learn soon to support or GTFO!!!

strikerjb007

I am a guy so take this for what it's worth. When a guy acts like he doesn't give a damn, he typically DOESN'T. Maybe he's different than most of us. I don't know him.

akern1987

I know that things like this really suck, and make you question everything, but I hope this helps you:

I had a similar problem with my boyfriend when we started going out. He and I had an on again, off again thing a few years ago, and back in August, the timing just aligned and we are together now, after a couple months he was being the same way. It would take all day (sometimes more) for him to answer a text, he barely called me, and didnt see each other that much, so I just said something.

My boyfriend before him had been horrible to me in the end, and all communication stopped, and I didnt want that to happen to him, this is the text I sent to my current BF when I started feeling like you are feeling now:

Me: Ok, I know you're busy but this is bothering me...Why does it take you so long to answer me? Truth, I feel like if I didnt text you we wouldnt talk at all. I miss you, I want to talk to you, and spend time with you but I feel like I'm bothering you? I don't mean to be a ***** I just want you to know this isnt OK for me."
BF: Im sorry! I've been really distracted lately. I dont want to give you that impression. It's a problem, I know, I have issues with that with other people too.
Me: Well I understand, but it bothers me. Lack of communication is what destroyed my last relationship, I dont want it to destroy ours. Were far apart. It's not plausable to see each other a lot right now. I need you to be aware of it.
BF: I understand, I will focus more on replying more quickly and frequently.

Since then, when he knows he has busy time coming up, he lets me know in advance, and he always answers my texts.

I'm not a clingy girl, so I dont overtext (which I know a lot of girls do, especially as that desperate feeling starts to kick in) so just let him know what's up, and then give him some space.
If he cares about you, he will try and fix it.

Good luck!

Jxnsmma

If youre having these problems so early on in the relationship, sorry hun, you guys weren't meant for forever. Move on and find someone that meets your needs. Whats it going to be like for you guys in 10 years....

Reza151

Because a lot of people eat to soothe hurt feelings (or eat to celebrate). Hard to stay in shape & be healthy if sad feelings cause you to overeat or undereat. Learning to deal with emotions, good and bad, can lead to a happier person, physically and emotionally.

And don't be such a snot.

Then people should be telling her to get over him and go to the gym. Or whatever, but giving (and getting) relationship advice on a forum that people use to build motivation to stick to a plan is the wrong place. Any forum for that matter.

How do we know she's not the type that harangues him every day because its been 17 minutes since he texted her last. Or maybe he just thinks that Valentine's Day is a ridiculous corporate holiday and he's not going to partake.

And I haven't been called a snot since I was 8, that's funny.

As I said, I dont give two ****s about valentine's day. YOu should show you care every day, and gifts dont have to be the way to do it. And i think you forget, many of us on MFP are emotional eaters. It helps to vent. And by coming to the forums, i think im sticking to my goals rather than pigging out in the office kitchen. And why assume that I'm lying when I say I've only texted or called once a day and automatically think I'm the type to sned a guy text after text after text? Please, I don't need your b.s. I've had enough already. So kindly GTFO:-)

Kashmir09

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

that's unkind and uncalled for

Liatush

First, happy VDay to you!

I trully believe that when a guy is interested, no matter his busy schedule, he will make time. If he is not making you a priority and making you feel important and a part of his life, its not a relationship...

It's not to say he is necessarily cheating, or interested in someone else, but it does not seem like he is interested in you much.

I say take a few steps back and see if he reaches out to you (are you seeing him tonight at all?)

If after a week he has not reached out, make time to have a face to face conversation and let him know what kind of attention you expect (and deserve).

Good Luck!!

Kashmir09

.... errm ... my idea is he does not deserve you - ditch him with style, however much it hurts

salcha76

put your backbone in & keep it in....you don't need anything from him, period. YOU need to be happy regardless of him....from how it sounds he hasn't put forth any effort, any man can txt a hello or goodnight when they poop...& if he hasn't even done that....chin up & move on....focus on you & your happines without him....something better will come along:)