frustrated with unresponsive boyfriend

saxmaniac

And it probably doesnt mean much, but on facebook, his relationship status is with me (hard to lie to the world about your relationship status if it's on your facebook that you have a girlfriend).

Who says he's lying to them? There are people who have no compunction about breaking up an existing relationship, with full knowledge.

portergolf

WTF does this have to do with losing weight, staying fit, or getting into shape? Did I somehow get switched over to the Oprah Forum??

Oh hi, I see you're new to the forums. You'll learn soon enough.



And to the OP, I agree with the others to step back and see if he'll come to you. If he has no urge to even call or text you in a week or so I would doubt his interest.

Yeah he is a noob... he will learn soon to support or GTFO!!!

strikerjb007

I am a guy so take this for what it's worth. When a guy acts like he doesn't give a damn, he typically DOESN'T. Maybe he's different than most of us. I don't know him.

akern1987

I know that things like this really suck, and make you question everything, but I hope this helps you:

I had a similar problem with my boyfriend when we started going out. He and I had an on again, off again thing a few years ago, and back in August, the timing just aligned and we are together now, after a couple months he was being the same way. It would take all day (sometimes more) for him to answer a text, he barely called me, and didnt see each other that much, so I just said something.

My boyfriend before him had been horrible to me in the end, and all communication stopped, and I didnt want that to happen to him, this is the text I sent to my current BF when I started feeling like you are feeling now:

Me: Ok, I know you're busy but this is bothering me...Why does it take you so long to answer me? Truth, I feel like if I didnt text you we wouldnt talk at all. I miss you, I want to talk to you, and spend time with you but I feel like I'm bothering you? I don't mean to be a ***** I just want you to know this isnt OK for me."
BF: Im sorry! I've been really distracted lately. I dont want to give you that impression. It's a problem, I know, I have issues with that with other people too.
Me: Well I understand, but it bothers me. Lack of communication is what destroyed my last relationship, I dont want it to destroy ours. Were far apart. It's not plausable to see each other a lot right now. I need you to be aware of it.
BF: I understand, I will focus more on replying more quickly and frequently.

Since then, when he knows he has busy time coming up, he lets me know in advance, and he always answers my texts.

I'm not a clingy girl, so I dont overtext (which I know a lot of girls do, especially as that desperate feeling starts to kick in) so just let him know what's up, and then give him some space.
If he cares about you, he will try and fix it.

Good luck!

Jxnsmma

If youre having these problems so early on in the relationship, sorry hun, you guys weren't meant for forever. Move on and find someone that meets your needs. Whats it going to be like for you guys in 10 years....

Reza151

Because a lot of people eat to soothe hurt feelings (or eat to celebrate). Hard to stay in shape & be healthy if sad feelings cause you to overeat or undereat. Learning to deal with emotions, good and bad, can lead to a happier person, physically and emotionally.

And don't be such a snot.

Then people should be telling her to get over him and go to the gym. Or whatever, but giving (and getting) relationship advice on a forum that people use to build motivation to stick to a plan is the wrong place. Any forum for that matter.

How do we know she's not the type that harangues him every day because its been 17 minutes since he texted her last. Or maybe he just thinks that Valentine's Day is a ridiculous corporate holiday and he's not going to partake.

And I haven't been called a snot since I was 8, that's funny.

As I said, I dont give two ****s about valentine's day. YOu should show you care every day, and gifts dont have to be the way to do it. And i think you forget, many of us on MFP are emotional eaters. It helps to vent. And by coming to the forums, i think im sticking to my goals rather than pigging out in the office kitchen. And why assume that I'm lying when I say I've only texted or called once a day and automatically think I'm the type to sned a guy text after text after text? Please, I don't need your b.s. I've had enough already. So kindly GTFO:-)

Kashmir09

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

that's unkind and uncalled for

Liatush

First, happy VDay to you!

I trully believe that when a guy is interested, no matter his busy schedule, he will make time. If he is not making you a priority and making you feel important and a part of his life, its not a relationship...

It's not to say he is necessarily cheating, or interested in someone else, but it does not seem like he is interested in you much.

I say take a few steps back and see if he reaches out to you (are you seeing him tonight at all?)

If after a week he has not reached out, make time to have a face to face conversation and let him know what kind of attention you expect (and deserve).

Good Luck!!

Kashmir09

.... errm ... my idea is he does not deserve you - ditch him with style, however much it hurts

salcha76

put your backbone in & keep it in....you don't need anything from him, period. YOU need to be happy regardless of him....from how it sounds he hasn't put forth any effort, any man can txt a hello or goodnight when they poop...& if he hasn't even done that....chin up & move on....focus on you & your happines without him....something better will come along:)

DonnaNCgirl

Before I read any other replies...

I think one of three (originally two) things is happening...

1) He thinks you're getting TOO CLOSE. The relationship is moving too fast for his comfort and he's ready to pull back.
2) He has decided that he's not that into you but he isn't sure how to cut it off.
3) He's busy...unlikely. I added this after I thought I'd be classified as one of the forum meanies.

You can...
1) ignore it and say nothing
2) say something and be prepared for
a. denial that anything is "wrong"
b. the truth

LaurenVamp

Sounds to me like the classic high school maneuver of ignore you until you confront him and he breaks up with you. Hate to say it, but it's what it sounds like to me.

Yep. I'd move on. I hate that and he's a coward for doing it this way, but you're better off if he isn't even man enough to own up to it.

cjlorigan

OP - I'm going to sound like my mother for a minute BUT

There are plenty of other fish in the sea....keep swimming until you get the right catch.

<<<<reverts back to self :bigsmile:

DonnaNCgirl

Hes not the cheating type. His ex cheated on him with his best friend and hés the type to be blunt and honest. He shows he cares when we're together. Like when he helped me move, since i dont have a car, he took me grocery shopping and he wouldnt let me pay for my own groceries (he has a steady job whereas I have only had luck with temp jobs and I have more bills to pay than him). He literally stepped in front of me and swiped his credit card. When I was down that my friend who I was getting a ride with to go to a mutual's friend birthday gathering in Fredericksburg, VA (inaccessible via public transit on weekends and 1 hour and 45 minutes from me), he offered to pick me up in Springfield metro station and drive me, even though it was out of the way.


I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down since Ive been over eating and even tried to purge for the first time in a few months a few days ago. Perhaps I am overreacting. It wouldn't bother me so much though if this is how he normally was.


Ive tried confronting him but he hasnt answered my phone calls.

I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down
I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down
I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down
I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down
I know I may just be being needy; lately my self esteem has been down

He can't help you with your self esteem. Thus the name...self esteem

buckystars

Sorry but it really sounds like he's broken up with you but just hasn't told you yet. It sucks, I'm sorry. Move on to someone who is worth your time.

oh_em_gee

I don't think needing him to make some kind of effort is needy.

This has happened to me. I was more into him than he was into me. And he did the exact same thing, just didn't reply one day, and I knew better than to try again, since we weren't actually in a relationship. My current bf and I work opposite schedules and barely get time together, but text every day and talk when we can. We both put in effort because we want to be together.

In short, this guy is a waste of your time, whether it's because he's cheating, checked out, or just a sucky boyfriend

BrettPGH

She's a wonderful girl and I can't believe he won't return her calls.

It would be wrong to say anything else.

Reza151

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

that's unkind and uncalled for

Like I said, I was unaware of the rule change that stated we have to take her side without even hearing his. Now that friends of mine have been banned for having a difference of opinion I'll change my tune.

Obviously she's wonderful. He HAS to be a cheating jerk even though we haven't heard his side at all. It's great that she posts the details of their relationship online without his knowledge.

MFP. Where whatever you do is right.

I dont ask you to be supportive and agree. I DO however ask that you dont troll and insult, and dont make assumptions about me. I dont even care about taking sides. But please don't come here just to be outright UNSUPPORTIVE and mean. and about hearing his side of the story: Hang on a moment while I send him a link to the entire conversation thread on here because then he's SURE to respond, RIGHT!? *sarcasm*.

Becoming_A_Butterfly

I have a boyfriend. We met in October and have been together ever since. He treats me great, we have fun together, etc...I'm not normally big on valentine's day---I've always believed that every day should be full of love, and i think this day has such a focus on gifts. But I'm down because where we used to talk almost every day, we barely talk at all anymore. We see each other every other weekend or so. On monday i asked if he was busy. and he said no. I said "well I asked because you've been pretty quiet lately. In general"and he just responded with a "sorry". On tuesday we texted a short exchange but then he was unresponsive again. I texted him once yesterday. And tried calling before i went to bed. He used to call me every night just to say good night. NOt anymore though. And this morning I called and left a message saying "Hey just wanted to wish you a happy valentine's day and hope you have an awesome day at work. I wish you'd respond to my texts or phone calls, when you get the chance. We never talk anymore and what kind of relationship is that?'

I have no reason to suspect that he's upset with me and no reason to suspect that he's cheating. I understand that everyone elads a busy life. But you can't take 5 minutes from your day to talk? It would really make my day if he would just text me a simple "hey baby happy valentine's day! Miss you!"
/rant.

Of course everything posted here is just speculation, because we don't know him, you, or the entire situation. But I have to say, I am very busy most days, but it only takes a few seconds to text someone back. Hell, a person takes more time than that to go to the bathroom, so I don't buy someone being too busy to respond to a simple text, even if it's just to say "busy, talk later".

Going just from what you posted, and especially since it is a change in behavior and not the way the relationship started out, I would have to suspect he has doubts about the relationship and is fading away instead of being direct about it. I would stop contacting him altogether.

fbmandy55

I can see that certain posts are being deleted.

So now, not only do we have to be supportive of any one's diet plan, no matter how dangerous or ineffective, we also have to take their side in any relationship drama they choose to post in the wrong part of the forum.

So let me retract my previous stance:

I'm sure the only reason you haven't heard from him is because he's so busy ring shopping and asking your father for his blessing to marry you.

Happy now? Welcome to MFP. Where you have to support everyone, no matter what.

that's unkind and uncalled for

Like I said, I was unaware of the rule change that stated we have to take her side without even hearing his. Now that friends of mine have been banned for having a difference of opinion I'll change my tune.

Obviously she's wonderful. He HAS to be a cheating jerk even though we haven't heard his side at all. It's great that she posts the details of their relationship online without his knowledge.

MFP. Where whatever you do is right.

I dont ask you to be supportive and agree. I DO however ask that you dont troll and insult, and dont make assumptions about me. I dont even care about taking sides. But please don't come here just to be outright UNSUPPORTIVE and mean. and about hearing his side of the story: Hang on a moment while I send him a link to the entire conversation thread on here because then he's SURE to respond, RIGHT!? *sarcasm*.

In short: If you can't be nice then STFU.

But it's ok for you to say STFU or GTFO. Mature...