Marriage: Lasting or Not?
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They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
Not
I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...
Misunderstood you, sorry.
Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:
Love conquers all.
Yes, it does.
I thought you were referring to infamous "starter" marriages...0 -
I'm not married, but I'm engaged, and have been dating my fiance since essentially the beginning of freshman year in college (3 years ago). I wouldn't have agreed to marry him unless I knew it was going to last. A friend of mine said that her and her boyfriend agreed that they would sign a prenub. if they ever got married, and there's no way that I'd ever agree to that. If you're going to marry someone, there shouldn't be any "what-if's" in your mind. That's probably idealistic of me to say that, because the divorce rate is so high, but for me, divorce isn't an option unless someone was unfaithful, but I take my relationships and loyalty very seriously.
I disagree but mainly because I signed one when my husband and I got married. It has nothing to do with no trust or either one of us thinking that it's going to end in divorce but everything to do with the fact that I came into the marriage with nothing. He had a house. He had a good job. He had a lot of things going for him. I was coming from living in an apartment with not a lot of furniture and a good job. He had been married before and was burned pretty bad and wanted to protect himself and I really didn't blame him. When he brought it up I laughed because I knew what he was getting at and I said that I would be fine signing one. To each their own on this one I suppose and it depends on the circumstances.
As for the original post: we have been married for 7 years, together for about 17 and have never had an argument or any serious disagreements. We communicate with each other about everything and are open and honest. We don't sweat the small stuff and if something is on either one of our minds or if either one of us has done something that bothers the other we discuss it. We have never raised our voices, slammed doors or gone to bed angry with each other because it's just not worth it.
Do we disagree? Absolutely but we agree to disagree because we are different people with differing opinions on things.0 -
The attorney in the office next to mine does family law. He says there are two kinds of marriages: The kind that has problems and ends in divorce, and the kind that just has problems.0
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I finally made the decision to leave my first husband when I realized I could no longer trust him. After years of physical and emotional abuse, I found my voice again and left.
In 2011, I remarried. I have known my husband for over 20 years, and he is my best friend. Yes, we've had rough times as most couples do. We've also had to be apart for the first 6 months of our marriage (long, sad story for another time...) But, we know how to communicate and keep those lines open between us. We talk to one another and express ourselves. We may not always agree, but at least we know why the other doesn't agree.
Divorce sucks. It costs more than the actual wedding does. And the emotional turmoil? Ugh... I would recommend to anyone who has doubts to postpone the wedding and wait. If already married and having doubts, seek assistance. Talk to someone together. The only times I would say that it is irreparable (and this is MY opinion, so don't hate) are in cases of abuse (physical or emotional) or cheating. In these cases, seek an attorney and leave. Abuse is NEVER acceptable. And, if they cheat once, they will most likely cheat again. (And that goes both ways... guys and girls.)0 -
The attorney in the office next to mine does family law. He says there are two kinds of marriages: The kind that has problems and ends in divorce, and the kind that just has problems.
I'd agree with that (for relationships in general). I think too many people expect to have a perfect Disney-style relationship where they never argue. I think couples that fight (to an extent) actually have stronger relationships, because they know how to work out issues. Couples that never fight, I think if they're together for several years, the first argument they have is going to possibly end badly because they haven't dealt with disagreements before.0 -
They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
Not
I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...
Misunderstood you, sorry.
Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:
Love conquers all.
Yes, it does.
I thought you were referring to infamous "starter" marriages...
No I wasn't. But I guess I had one of those, in retrospect. lol! Now with my 2nd marriage it seems I didn't know what marriage was until I met him (my current husband). Had no idea it was possible to love like that.0 -
Been with my wife for almost 25 years. Just had our 20th anniversary last August. I can honestly say we have't had ANY Rocky times. Been poor, had health issues, been through deaths, births and adversity, but, the two of us have always had the same goals, same vision,same expectation.
In all those years we have not had one fight. We have compromised on occasion. Being right has never been more important to me than my relationship.
I know with absolute certainty that she is the woman I will live the rest of my life with.
This, although I am only on 12 years
We have suffered through 3 years of unemployment (him, sole bread winner) debilitating injury, loss of home, and so on and so on.,..,, but we always know that together we can overcome anything life throws at us, so outside struggles never chip away at us.
I also accept him for who he is, flaws included. He does the same for me. No one is perfect including ourselves and we can't expect perfection from someone else.
And last, I have noticed a lot of people (women especially) when they have children get completely sucked into motherhood, to the exclusion almost of their spouse. I try to remember that I have them, because of him. And make him and our relationship priority.0 -
Lasting as long as both partners make a point of not letting the ups and downs of life drive them apart.0
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30 years of wedded bliss..........Im the most luckiest guy in the world........
I wouldn't change a thing.......truly , I am blessed to have such a wonderful person in my life.............Hope it happens to you too0 -
She says religion has been playing a huge part for her...He hasn't grasped it yet.
Wooooah! Hold up there!
Religion was one part of the reason I got divorced. Ex-wife wanted more, but I am (and have always been) an atheist. So she turned to an ex-boyfriend for "spiritual guidance" (to coin a euphemism).
He isn't going to "grasp it". Expecting him to "grasp it" is wrong. He doesn't have to be an atheist, but even if he is non-religious or just kinda wishy washy about it, religion isn't going to be the answer. If she has suddenly gotten more religious, and he hasn't, then religion is part of the problem.0 -
They all have an expiration date. What I like most about being married is learning about myself and growing.
Not
I'm pretty sure one or both of us will die one day. Of course I could be wrong, technology is advancing rapidly...
Misunderstood you, sorry.
Planning on being with my hubby in heaven :flowerforyou:
Love conquers all.
Yes, it does.
I thought you were referring to infamous "starter" marriages...
No I wasn't. But I guess I had one of those, in retrospect. lol! Now with my 2nd marriage it seems I didn't know what marriage was until I met him (my current husband). Had no idea it was possible to love like that.
Awww, yeah...:flowerforyou:
I really didn't understand how men thought until I met my second husband.
He would tell me how a guy thinks about life and I would be like "really!?!
So clueless in some ways, Oy...
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She says religion has been playing a huge part for her...He hasn't grasped it yet.
Wooooah! Hold up there!
Religion was one part of the reason I got divorced. Ex-wife wanted more, but I am (and have always been) an atheist. So she turned to an ex-boyfriend for "spiritual guidance" (to coin a euphemism).
He isn't going to "grasp it". Expecting him to "grasp it" is wrong. He doesn't have to be an atheist, but even if he is non-religious or just kinda wishy washy about it, religion isn't going to be the answer. If she has suddenly gotten more religious, and he hasn't, then religion is part of the problem.
I think religious differences are only a problem if one of the people in the relationship is one of the "if you don't agree with me, you're wrong" kind of people. I'm not religious, however, I respect other peoples' religions, so long as they don't try to shove their beliefs down my throat, and I will also not try to force my beliefs on someone else. However, if I was dating someone who was extremely religious and expected me to be the same way, issues would arise, as I feel that would be compromising myself as a person.0 -
BOTH people need to work hard to get through. If just one person is trying, it's useless. Do everything you can to make the other person understand what needs to happen to make it work.Has anyone been through rough years in your marriage? Yes, a few in the 20+ years I was married.
Did you make it through? No, divorced now.
How do you know if it's going to last? I'm not sure you ever know, until you finally know that it won't.
How long do you work at it without seeing a change before you decide enough is enough? I tried for over 10 years. At one point I gave up trying and then tried to pretend things were fine, but when the kids were talking about moving out on their own, I had to face the reality of sharing a house with a stranger. I thought "if I'm going to be lonely, I might as well be alone and lonely". I talked to him again at that point and let him know what was going through my mind, he finally said he'd make some changes (what I was asking for wasn't hard at ALL) - nothing changed so I left.
I definitely agree with the first post I quoted above, either both have to be committed to trying to make things work or it's useless. Relationships are hard work and you can't do it alone, both parties have to work at it.0 -
Married 30 yrs and counting. We've been through it all! "Through sickness and in health"...yep...."For richer or poorer"...hell yes!...."for better or worse"...you bet. Some may say we are one of the lucky ones who made it. I say we work hard at it. I understand that some marriages just can't be, but I think too many couples throw in the towel too soon. Again, I reiterate, I get that some marriages just cannot be allowed to continue. We sometimes argue & fight, have silent spells, but eventually we work it out. Secret? I don't know if there is just one thing. I do know one thing though, we both have the attitude that "I ain't a leavin' you babe". Works for us.
I've been married for 25 years and I couldn't have said it better!!
Ditto to this! Been married 31 years to my best friend! We have been through it all, but still cant wait to come home at the end of the day to each other!0 -
Married 30 yrs and counting. We've been through it all! "Through sickness and in health"...yep...."For richer or poorer"...hell yes!...."for better or worse"...you bet. Some may say we are one of the lucky ones who made it. I say we work hard at it. I understand that some marriages just can't be, but I think too many couples throw in the towel too soon. Again, I reiterate, I get that some marriages just cannot be allowed to continue. We sometimes argue & fight, have silent spells, but eventually we work it out. Secret? I don't know if there is just one thing. I do know one thing though, we both have the attitude that "I ain't a leavin' you babe". Works for us.
HAHHAHAH...I hear ya. We have been married 22 years this year and started dating over 30 years. There is NO secret. Marriage is hard work and commitment. He is my best friend and the thought of being without him just kills me (even when I could literally choke him at times). We have had our issues as stated above (all of the above) but when it comes right down to it, I could not have made it through ANY of those trials without him. Good luck to your friend. If she is asking for advice she is not ready to give up0 -
Been with my wife for almost 25 years. Just had our 20th anniversary last August. I can honestly say we have't had ANY Rocky times. Been poor, had health issues, been through deaths, births and adversity, but, the two of us have always had the same goals, same vision,same expectation.
In all those years we have not had one fight. We have compromised on occasion. Being right has never been more important to me than my relationship.
I know with absolute certainty that she is the woman I will live the rest of my life with.
That is so sweet! It kinda restores my faith in humanity! Congratulations to you and your wife :flowerforyou:
ETA: I have been married to my best friend and soul mate for 6 years, we have been together 12. I hope we can, one day, join the ranks of the happy, long term married folks. There doesn't seem to be many of them out there0 -
Don't expect perfection. Expext to give and take. I've been married to my first -and-only husband for 42 years. Yes, we've had ups and downs and arguements, differences of opinion, financial hard times, and each does something that drives the other one bonkers. We're still together because we are friends and we care. Now that his health is so bad I couldn't morally leave him even if the marriage was bad, which it is not. Looks and health can and will deteriorate, sexual passion can disappear, but caring and respect will carry you through. A sense of humor helps a lot. For my generation, if there was a problem, you didn't rush to divorce, throwing the relationship out; you fixed it. (Here's to you, Bear, still my best friend.)0
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Don't expect perfection. Expext to give and take. I've been married to my first -and-only husband for 42 years. Yes, we've had ups and downs and arguements, differences of opinion, financial hard times, and each does something that drives the other one bonkers. We're still together because we are friends and we care. Now that his health is so bad I couldn't morally leave him even if the marriage was bad, which it is not. Looks and health can and will deteriorate, sexual passion can disappear, but caring and respect will carry you through. A sense of humor helps a lot. For my generation, if there was a problem, you didn't rush to divorce, throwing the relationship out; you fixed it. (Here's to you, Bear, still my best friend.)
Awwww:flowerforyou:
I think younger generations could learn a thing or two from you and your marriage 0 -
She says religion has been playing a huge part for her...He hasn't grasped it yet.
Wooooah! Hold up there!
Religion was one part of the reason I got divorced. Ex-wife wanted more, but I am (and have always been) an atheist. So she turned to an ex-boyfriend for "spiritual guidance" (to coin a euphemism).
He isn't going to "grasp it". Expecting him to "grasp it" is wrong. He doesn't have to be an atheist, but even if he is non-religious or just kinda wishy washy about it, religion isn't going to be the answer. If she has suddenly gotten more religious, and he hasn't, then religion is part of the problem.
I think religious differences are only a problem if one of the people in the relationship is one of the "if you don't agree with me, you're wrong" kind of people. I'm not religious, however, I respect other peoples' religions, so long as they don't try to shove their beliefs down my throat, and I will also not try to force my beliefs on someone else. However, if I was dating someone who was extremely religious and expected me to be the same way, issues would arise, as I feel that would be compromising myself as a person.
Well, that was kinda what I meant. By expecting the husband to "grasp it" suggests to me that the wife is expecting the husband to follow in her religious path whether he wants to or not. i.e She is attempting to force her religious beliefs on him.0 -
I just got married last may but feel that one thing is true marriage definitely has its ups and down. My husband is in graduate school so getting to spend time together and really connect is hard sometimes. I am not a person who likes to be home alone a lot. I like to have him home for dinner every night but had to realize that that is not always possible. We have seen both richer and poorer for sure. I have lost my job two times in the last year and in college we werent always sure how we were going to buy groceries or pay rent. Anyway I think all the hard time bring your closer together. You can't take each other for granted. You have to work together and never forget the little things like a kiss on the way out the door or the I love you before you go to sleep at night 0
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