Marriage: Lasting or Not?

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  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
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    Interesting topic.
  • MBNagel74
    MBNagel74 Posts: 444 Member
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    She says religion has been playing a huge part for her...He hasn't grasped it yet.

    Wooooah! Hold up there!

    Religion was one part of the reason I got divorced. Ex-wife wanted more, but I am (and have always been) an atheist. So she turned to an ex-boyfriend for "spiritual guidance" (to coin a euphemism).

    He isn't going to "grasp it". Expecting him to "grasp it" is wrong. He doesn't have to be an atheist, but even if he is non-religious or just kinda wishy washy about it, religion isn't going to be the answer. If she has suddenly gotten more religious, and he hasn't, then religion is part of the problem.

    I think religious differences are only a problem if one of the people in the relationship is one of the "if you don't agree with me, you're wrong" kind of people. I'm not religious, however, I respect other peoples' religions, so long as they don't try to shove their beliefs down my throat, and I will also not try to force my beliefs on someone else. However, if I was dating someone who was extremely religious and expected me to be the same way, issues would arise, as I feel that would be compromising myself as a person.

    Well, that was kinda what I meant. By expecting the husband to "grasp it" suggests to me that the wife is expecting the husband to follow in her religious path whether he wants to or not. i.e She is attempting to force her religious beliefs on him.

    My ex is Catholic - although he didn't go to church or confession. Long story short, he told me convert "or else"... Should have been my first clue. I converted, but I am so not Catholic. He forced his religion - one he was not actually practicing - because it was what he thought was right.

    I am now married to a man who shares my beliefs, and I agree that having it in common helps. Or, at least, being with someone who understands that you are not their clone and respects your decision to practice a different faith (if you are a believer).

    Someone who tries to change you is not a partner. My opinion anyway...
  • triciab79
    triciab79 Posts: 1,713 Member
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    In my first marriage the rough spot started about 2 days in and lasted all 10yrs. I started begging for compromise right off but he said if I didn't like it I should just leave. I'm stubborn but 10 yrs of being told to leave was about all I could handle. Both sides have to be willing to change, you cannot will it to work no matter how stubborn you are.
  • Cognito1025
    Cognito1025 Posts: 323 Member
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    We did everything you're supposedly not supposed to do. I moved in after about three dates, had copious amounts of sex early in the relationship, had a child out of wedlock, then got married and had another immediately. We just had our ten year anniversary and all is well, although I would like to get head more often. Ö

    We work opposite shifts, she's an RN (7p-7a) and I'm a chef who works mostly days. I think separation and having our own lives outside of the house helps....

    It's all about compromise and not being a petty, selfish ****head.
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
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    I wasn't married, but I was with someone for 9 years...
    We got to a point where there was no communication and no one was trying anymore. When you start to feel alone in your relationship and the other person does not seem interested in putting their all into it... it is time to let go.

    this :(

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