Why do men sabotage wife or girlfriends weight loss?

nsagley
nsagley Posts: 84 Member
in Motivation and Support
I just don't understand it. My boyfriend is constantly snacking in front of me and offering me food that he knows isn't good for me and he acts like his feelings are hurt when I tell him I don't want any. He sometimes even holds it in front of my face and says "Are you sure you don't want some?". It's just sooo frustrating.
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Replies

  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Enjoying a snack =/= sabotaging anyone.
  • rachel4304
    rachel4304 Posts: 115 Member
    I really think guys can't win. If he didn't offer to share he'd be selfish and uncaring about your needs. Just cause your on a diet doesn't mean he is. Have self-control, say no thanks and move on with your day.
  • carbar90
    carbar90 Posts: 60 Member
    I don't think he's intentionally trying to sabotage you.. My boyfriend is very skinny and can consume anything he wants. He doesn't understand it's a lot harder for me to eat something junky and lose weight. Maybe try explaining it to him your reasons for wanting to lose weight and ask him to support you by not offering you any? Just because you're eating healthy doesn't mean everyone else is going to follow suit :P
  • happyheathen927
    happyheathen927 Posts: 167 Member
    Politely offering to share something is one thing; holding it in someone's face after they've already said no is an entirely different thing. :(
  • miracole
    miracole Posts: 492 Member
    because there is less guilt when you know the other person is having the junk food too. It's only sabotaging if you choose to let it affect you. Just say "no thanks" and go back to whatever you're doing, he'll take the hint eventually, and possibly eat less of it when he starts subconsciously following your example.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    I know exactly how you feel.

    I have a friend (he's even on MFP!!!) that sabotages me daily. Tells me to eat more, acts disappointed when I don't get a burrito AND 20 tacos (true story), and he is constantly trying to get me to eat high calorie foods. He also is always showing pictures of all these high calorie looking gigantic portion sized meals that he eats. WHY IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME FAT?! :sad:
  • MidwestAngel
    MidwestAngel Posts: 1,897 Member
    It's so hard not to have self control and be in charge of what goes into my mouth.
  • AngelsInThighHighs
    AngelsInThighHighs Posts: 247 Member
    First off, he is allowed to eat what he wants and where ever he wants YOUR dieting NOT him. Second, if you have enough self control to say no even when he is waving it i front of your face you shouldnt be worried about sabotage.
  • AngelsInThighHighs
    AngelsInThighHighs Posts: 247 Member
    It's so hard not to have self control and be in charge of what goes into my mouth.

    Winner winner chicken dinner! Wait...thats sabotage muahahahahahahahah
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    I don't even know anymore , wow... this planet what has it become...
  • OkieinMinny
    OkieinMinny Posts: 834 Member
    saying no thank you is hard
  • khall86790
    khall86790 Posts: 1,100 Member
    because there is less guilt when you know the other person is having the junk food too.

    Agreed!
    What I dislike is the "oh, will you feel guilty if you eat it?" or "go on, it'll be alright" comments that I get from some people.
    I am not on a diet, I am changing my lifestyle and eating habits. Meaning that when I want a snack or something bad for me, I will have it. But I make conscious choices 9 times out of 10 to not randomly eat crap because I'd rather plan to go out and have a meal with friends at the weekend or drink a few glasses of wine at the weekend which I won't feel guilty about if I am not binging on crappy foods in the mean time!

    I understand your frustrations, but sometimes I don't think people realise what they are doing. And like the above poster said, if you aren't eating it because it's bad for you then they will feel guilty for eating it too. It's pretty basic stuff... just try putting yourself in their shoes over it.

    In future, I'd get your own healthy snack and eat that in front of him so you can just say no thanks, I am happy with what I've got! OR, say no and mean it because really you don't want any!
    Your body is your temple ;)
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,474 Member
    its time we do some *****slapping back.
  • Midnight_Sunshine
    Midnight_Sunshine Posts: 369 Member
    I know!! Like when you are so good all day and then when you are sleeping they inject chicken fat into your veins!!
  • _Witsy_
    _Witsy_ Posts: 609 Member
    Him enjoying his junk food is not sabotage. You're on a diet, not him.

    However, if he is waving food in your face knowing you dont' want it and making you uncomfortable, make it very clear that is unacceptable. That's just rude.
  • Summer_Lunatic
    Summer_Lunatic Posts: 543 Member
    It's so hard not to have self control and be in charge of what goes into my mouth.



    FR sent. :bigsmile: :laugh:
  • _SABOTEUR_
    _SABOTEUR_ Posts: 6,833 Member
    I know exactly how you feel.

    I have a friend (he's even on MFP!!!) that sabotages me daily. Tells me to eat more, acts disappointed when I don't get a burrito AND 20 tacos (true story), and he is constantly trying to get me to eat high calorie foods. He also is always showing pictures of all these high calorie looking gigantic portion sized meals that he eats. WHY IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME FAT?! :sad:

    I know that guy. I heard his ab muscles are actually silicone.
  • Infauna
    Infauna Posts: 89
    He's probably trying to make a kind gesture. Some people use offering food as a kind gesture, others give gifts. But really, it's not that hard to say "I appreciate the offer but no thank you." I'm also sure he's not purposely trying to sabotage you, it's ridiculous to think that people are trying to sabotage you by offering you food. You have control over what you do or do not eat.
  • now_or_never13
    now_or_never13 Posts: 1,575 Member
    I just don't understand it. My boyfriend is constantly snacking in front of me and offering me food that he knows isn't good for me and he acts like his feelings are hurt when I tell him I don't want any. He sometimes even holds it in front of my face and says "Are you sure you don't want some?". It's just sooo frustrating.

    Is your boyfriend trying to change his eating habits or lose weight? If the answer is no, than he can snack all he wants.

    Offering a snack isn't sabotage. He isn't forcing you to eat the food. Tell him no thank you if you don't want a snack.

    Why isn't whatever he is snacking on good for you? There is nothing stopping you from having a bite or two ... fit it into your calories. Nothing should be off limits besides something that you medically have to stay away from.

    Holding it in front of your face is not all that nice of him. Tell him not to do that. If he does, get up and leave.

    My husband regularly snacks while sitting beside me... chips, cookies, whatever. Do I think he's trying to sabotage me when he asks if I want some? No.

    No one can sabotage your efforts without YOU letting them.

    Just because you are trying to lose weight doesn't mean someone else can't snack in front of you and you shouldn't expect him not to.
  • ScratchAndSniff
    ScratchAndSniff Posts: 48
    He's cheating on you too. Bank on it.
  • cubbies77
    cubbies77 Posts: 607 Member
    My boyfriend always offers me some of whatever he's eating because he thinks it's impolite to eat in front of someone and not offer to share. I do the same when I'm with him and/or another friend. Sometimes I take a bite if it fits into my calories, and sometimes I don't. No biggie. I don't see anything wrong with offering to share. It's polite.

    He doesn't wave it in my face, though. If your boyfriend continues to wave it in your face, explain how immature it is and ask that he please respect you the first time you say, "No, thank you." If he continues to wave it in your face after you have that talk, then you have a bigger issue at-hand: as in, he needs to grow up.
  • shawnaarbaugh
    shawnaarbaugh Posts: 6
    I have a husband that does this to me odd thing is when I am not dieting he offers nothing but as soon as he sees a few pounds going off he starts.. So I just asked and it may be the same thing with you just ask him but my husbands reply " I dont mean to but when I see you I know you are already beautiful and I am afraid when you lose the weight there may be someone better than me you find." I never do anything to make him think this way he just feels it and I am glad he finally told me so I can show him hes all I want with or without my weight:)
  • Midnight_Sunshine
    Midnight_Sunshine Posts: 369 Member
    My boyfriend gets all butt-hurt too when I say no to treats he offers me.

    That's not MY problem.
  • mizzie1980
    mizzie1980 Posts: 379 Member
    It is a little insensitive of him to wave it in your face after you said "no, thank you". I'm assuming he knows your reasons. Maybe try explaining it to him again, including the reasons why you want to lose weight and your plan to do so. Let him know that he can help by not waving it in your face. But don't expect him to not snack around you, that's not really fair. Also have this talk at a time when he's not snacking and you are not upset.

    I do have to take issue with the title of the thread though, "why do men sabotage wife or girlfriends weight loss". For one, many men (some are even on here) are working on their own weight loss. For two, many men are very supportive of their wives or girlfriend's weight loss, mine included.
  • Lt_Starbuck
    Lt_Starbuck Posts: 576 Member
    Personal responsibility for your actions and emotions and your own self-discipline are traits you should encourage in yourself daily, instead of deciding that another person (that you love) is trying to stop you from reaching your personal goals.

    People do not purposefully try to stop other people from reaching their goals. They joke around with each other though. Brush it off.

    Unless you are a superhero and there is a supervillain living in your city.
  • Anthonydaman
    Anthonydaman Posts: 854 Member
    I would say insecurity, but I think men just don't have to be as critical of what they consume as woman do, due to metabolism, society, etc. I know, it's not fair
  • ApexLeader
    ApexLeader Posts: 580 Member
    don't women do the same thing to men?

    i think you mean "why do people sabotage other people's weight loss"
  • Peanutbutterx
    Peanutbutterx Posts: 332
    bring/buy your own snacks that are healthy when you hang out with him, i have to do that with my boyfriend
  • ethompso0105
    ethompso0105 Posts: 418 Member
    I asked a BF once, straight out, why he did that. He was honest and told me that it was his own insecurities that caused him to do it. Once we had an honest conversation about it, he quieted down with his pushy snack offers. It could also just be teasing--you know what they say when you're back in grade school--guys only tease the girls they really like. LOL
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    I really think guys can't win. If he didn't offer to share he'd be selfish and uncaring about your needs. Just cause your on a diet doesn't mean he is. Have self-control, say no thanks and move on with your day.

    Seriously thank you.

    I'm a man.

    I went through the exact same thing as I'm sure everyone else on this thread did.

    It's not a gender thing.

    It's just what happens when you practice self control.

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