Why do men sabotage wife or girlfriends weight loss?

DontStopB_Leakin

I know exactly how you feel.

I have a friend (he's even on MFP!!!) that sabotages me daily. Tells me to eat more, acts disappointed when I don't get a burrito AND 20 tacos (true story), and he is constantly trying to get me to eat high calorie foods. He also is always showing pictures of all these high calorie looking gigantic portion sized meals that he eats. WHY IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME FAT?! :sad:

I love you, Ariel.

n8dawg77

Couldn't possibly be someone's own issues with food. It's always someone else's fault and "sabotage." Having the self control to go to the kitchen and get, oh, I don't know, some sliced cucumber or carrots or something like that to snack on is really tough stuff. Get up. Get at snack that is maybe 40 calories of something you think is healthy, and stop accusing someone who merely offers you a potato chip of trying to ruin your life.

N8 runs away crying... I never should have asked to see Angry T

Heather_Rider

I just don't understand it. My boyfriend is constantly snacking in front of me and offering me food that he knows isn't good for me and he acts like his feelings are hurt when I tell him I don't want any. He sometimes even holds it in front of my face and says "Are you sure you don't want some?". It's just sooo frustrating.

Do you not know how to say no thank you and mean it? How old are you? How old is he? Is he bullying you? shoving it down your throat? Forcing you to eat it? Whats the problem here? YOU are the one wanting to eat healthier, not him right? Why should he have to change for you? This is your rodeo babe.. you cant force someone to change. Have you even TALKED to him? Not been hateful and said "dont DO that to me!" but sat down & had a heart to heart and said "Honey, im making changes to better my life for us and for our {future} family. I need your love, guidence and support. These are the changes i would like to make... " Depending on who cooks, you need to work out some "ground rules" if you cook, offer to encorporate healthier choices. Take a cooking class together. Make your usual main courses and use portion control, but prepare healthier sides and you eat a salad with your meal.

Also.. if they truly sabotaged you.. they would be doing things like putting sugar in your drinks.. or slipping butter into your food. They simply are offering you foods that you normally would want... like you would normally take. This is a change for them too, so dont be so hard on them! Give them a hug and a reminder that you are changing their lifestyle. Say "no thank you, but how about an apple from the fridge instead!"

labellecanuck

I know for my bf, offering me those "comfort" foods such as bread, cheese, wine, pastries, etc. is his way of not only enjoying quality food and time together but taking care of me as well since he knows I looooove them. So even though he is trying to eat healthier himself these days, I'll often get "the look" when I turn down food or request healthier options.

n8dawg77

I do have to take issue with the title of the thread though, "why do men sabotage wife or girlfriends weight loss". For one, many men (some are even on here) are working on their own weight loss. For two, many men are very supportive of their wives or girlfriend's weight loss, mine included.

This as well. Not all men are trying to keep their wife/girlfriend overweight by sabotaging their efforts.

A lot of men are incredibly supportive like the above poster pointed out or trying to reach their own weight loss goals.

My husband is very supportive of my efforts.

Your title groups all men into the not supportive, sabotaging group which is definatley not true.

Hey, not all of us are supportive! I could use some sabotage tips if anyone has some. Seriously, please throw a guy a bone here! Oh, wait, wrong terminology?

And THIS ^^^ is why he's my friend... he's got great life skills and is helpful.

now_or_never13

Politely offering to share something is one thing; holding it in someone's face after they've already said no is an entirely different thing.

Exactly. Glad someone said it... I was thinking no one actually read the OP's entire post there for a second...

There are people who have read the whole post.

If you look at my original comment I said she needs to tell him not to do that anymore and if he continues she needs to get up and walk away if she doesn't like it. If he wants to act like a little child like that than she needs to remove herself.

nsagley

I have no problem with him snacking. I buy snacks for him to eat. And offering once doesn't bother me either. It's when he asks me 3 or 4 times after I've already said I don't want it and then waves it in front of my nose that I get irritated.

now_or_never13

Also.. if they truly sabotaged you.. they would be doing things like putting sugar in your drinks.. or slipping butter into your food.

This is sabotage... offering you snacks is not.

oregonzoo

I have no problem with him snacking. I buy snacks for him to eat. And offering once doesn't bother me either. It's when he asks me 3 or 4 times after I've already said I don't want it and then waves it in front of my nose that I get irritated.

ok well then just break up.

he's not trying to sabotage you, he's trying to mess with you. Chill out.

now_or_never13

I have no problem with him snacking. I buy snacks for him to eat. And offering once doesn't bother me either. It's when he asks me 3 or 4 times after I've already said I don't want it and then waves it in front of my nose that I get irritated.

Have you told him how it irritates you? And not by getting mad at him.

If you tell him no thank you and he keeps asking get up and walk away. If he waves it in front of your nose than get up and walk away. Waving it in front of your nose is childish.

damiana879

I do agree with that. It is one thing to offer some out of kindness, even when they know the you're going to say no, but getting feelings hurt when you say "No."....well, that's something else entirely. It can lead to arguments and fights, believe me, I've been there.

My ex husband used to do that to me ALL the time. He would bring me chocolate, candy, fried greasy food, when he KNEW I was trying to get my body back into shape after having the baby. He would get upset when I would tell him that although I appreciated the gesture, it's really not good for the diet I was on, and he'd have a cow. I even told him "Hey, maybe some bubble bath instead (cheaper and not edible) so that I can soak after a workout.." and I would always buy him more the stuff he wanted, like a new phone, pair of workboots that would cost me in excess of $100, things like that.

I'm not saying that your SO is intentionally sabatoging it, but I know for a fact (I've talked to him about it since our divorce 10 years ago) that mine was intentionally trying to throw me off my diet balance because he was insecure. And he felt that if my body got back into better shape, I would shape up and find someone better than him. In all actuality, he ended up finding someone other than me, but again, it was his insecurities that made him do what he did all the way around.

I'm just saying...and sometimes they don't even realize that they're doing it. It could be an unconsious desire to keep you that way so that "no one else looks".

It could just be coincidence. I would say that if he does it again, and you say no, and he gets upset and hurt, just sit him down and say "Honey, I'm doing this for us, and maybe something a little less edible (say bubble bath, nice flowers, etc) may be a good thing for me right now instead of the food because I want to look my best for the both of us."

Hope that helps!

Heather_Rider

Him offering you a snack is something he has done for how long now? Its HABIT... and how long have you taken him up on that offer?? You cant give him shiz for that! How about a gentle reminder.. "No, thank you, but i would LOVE an apple from the fridge!"

Its not that hard...

I just dont get why people make this harder than it has to be. OWN THIS. Stop making excuses and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF!

WendyTerry420

It would be sabotage if he was sneaking sugar packets in your food or something. It sounds more like teasing to me. If it bothers you, tell him so. Or just break up. Whichever.

jen81uk

My boyfriend doesn't eat much so we're pretty good. He'll have junk but isnt greedy so we don't have anything in excess. Which I like.

My ex did though and we would have junk and stuff. It was a case of eat it or lose it as he would go for my plate after his. He would go on about stuff till I agreed (takeout etc) Or if we went out for dinner we'd go to nice places (rich, lovely food) and he'd almost guilt me into having a starter or pudding by saying it looks weird having on own, we deserve a treat or just order me one etc. He used to go to the shop for ice cream and turn up home with doritos, pringles, cakes too and although I didn't have to eat any of it, it becomes a sort of romance, snuggling watching a film, eating crap. He would always eat three quarters of it but I was still having stuff I didn't need. Because he could eat what he wanted I would eat more. Oh and get this... he then had the audacity to moan when I put a few lbs on but wouldn't tolerate salad or a carbless dinner ever (which led to secret snacking, not majorly but I did). He would expect me to do two separate meals, which I did not.

I know we are in charge of our own food consumption but (apart from the fact I think I ate cos I was miserable in the relationship) when you have someone who can eat loads you are naturally around more food and your portion size sneaks up. I was in the 130's at the beginning of our relationship, at the end 9 and half yrs later 170's. Not his fault, just his attitude didn't help. I would always cook extra and we went out and drank wine LOADS!! Luckily I am not in that space now and am almost back in the 130's

Will power and portion control is all you need xx

lovelee79

Politely offering to share something is one thing; holding it in someone's face after they've already said no is an entirely different thing.

Exactly. Glad someone said it... I was thinking no one actually read the OP's entire post there for a second...

OK, yeah, that's seriously messed up and rude that he's waving it in your face after you said no!!
If my husband or anyone did that to me I'd punch'em in the throat!

Talk to him and tell him that's not acceptable.

iysys

your diet is your responsibility. period. end of story. it is not anyone else's job to make you stick with it.

i am really tired of people beating on men all the time. if a man was to say "why do women always do x?" everyone would scream "oh you're sexist!" that's a two way street folks.

wellbert

I don't want her to get skinny and leave me. She takes a lot of protein powder. So I put in a couple cups of sugar in the protein powder and mixed it in.

Also we buy bottles of soda. I dump out the diet and put in regular soda.

I buy 80% beef and tell her it's 93% lean.

Also, I set her HRM to say she weighs 700lbs so she thinks she burns way more calories than she does, so she eats them back.


So far it's working really well. In fact, she's gained a little weight.

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

I don't want her to get skinny and leave me. She takes a lot of protein powder. So I put in a couple cups of sugar in the protein powder and mixed it in.

Also we buy bottles of soda. I dump out the diet and put in regular soda.

I buy 80% beef and tell her it's 93% lean.

Also, I set her HRM to say she weighs 700lbs so she thinks she burns way more calories than she does, so she eats them back.


So far it's working really well. In fact, she's gained a little weight.

where would you even come up with this stuff?

squirrelzzrule22

Well I've never felt like my boyfriend is trying to sabotage me, but I will say this: the other night we calculated his bmr vs. mine.....THAT *kitten*! It is so hard to be female!!! Basically he can maintain at DOUBLE what I eat plus 500. He finds this HILARIOUS! Point is, he is always going to eat what he wants, BECAUSE HE CAN! And I won't try to stop him.

When we eat together, I just make a healthier version of what we're having for myself. Last night I cooked and I made him steak tips with salad, I had a veggie burger patty with the salad. That's one option to consider- have your healthy snack on hand when he goes to munch on doritos or whatevs.

Also, in a stable happy relationship I see no reason why you can't calmly and nicely explain to him that this is an important effort to you and that you'd really like him to not insist on you eating something. If its important to you and he cares about you, he won't do it!

Last point- he probably doesn't think you need to lose weight. Good boyfriends never do!

pastryari

I know exactly how you feel.

I have a friend (he's even on MFP!!!) that sabotages me daily. Tells me to eat more, acts disappointed when I don't get a burrito AND 20 tacos (true story), and he is constantly trying to get me to eat high calorie foods. He also is always showing pictures of all these high calorie looking gigantic portion sized meals that he eats. WHY IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME FAT?! :sad:

I love you, Ariel.

I forgive you.