Fat people are invisible somehow.

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  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    brower47 wrote: »
    kajaknowers wrote: »
    I know its a confidence thing....I havent been clubbing after starting my weightloss journey and I know when I was this size I felt sexy but i just wanted to hear your opinions on the matter on how I society behaves around our looks x

    I find it equally interesting to look at how we behave because of our looks and how we perceive society behaving. Are we assigning behavours and reactions to people and situations because that's the filter were viewing them through.

    Perception can be your personal twisted reality if you let it be despite what actually reality might be.

    I bet you wouldn't say that to my face!!!
  • z_roar
    z_roar Posts: 7 Member
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    DeguelloTex wrote: »
    The nerve of people having preferences.

    It's not an excuse to treat people poorly because of how they look, but the idea that all people "should" be equally attractive to all other people regardless of physical appearance just flies in the face of biology and nature.

    I wonder how many of the people who think it is shallow to care about physical appearance don't care about the physical appearance of others. Probably close to zero.

    ^^^ this.

    People have preferences and that's totally fine. Just because someone doesn't find you attractive due to your weight does not make them a bad person or a "b****rd". Thinking that all men are supposed to flock to you like they may do with your smaller friends is just a bit ridiculous. If they don't prefer a larger woman than they aren't going to hit on you, big deal! There are plenty of people who don't mind someone being more heavyset.
  • Working2BLean
    Working2BLean Posts: 386 Member
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    It is true

    Fat people are considered by most as not attractive

    The self confidence but is partially true but there is that attraction

    Just because a person is not attracted to you or me for that matter does not make them shallow. This idea that if a man or woman is attracted to a normal weight person and not a fat one makes them shallow is quite judgemental

    I have been on both sides

    Weighed over 300 pounds, now down to 12.5% body fat in the summer and 14% now during triathlon off season

    There is a huge difference in how women treated me. We are talking casually meeting type scenarios

    So yes. I agree. Fat people are unfortunately invisible to many. It was not a good feeling at all. I hated it.

    Even business studies show attractive people are promoted more often. It is our society.
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
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    wolf23 wrote: »
    A great quote from Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

    Yes. I never felt invisible, even at my heaviest. I do not hide--it just isn't my personality.

    Of course looks matter, and weight as well as age...but being invisible is something much more complex. I know someone who was invisible in her teens, when she wasn't overweight. I know larger/older people who are incredibly vibrant and dynamic. Invisibility is something that people fall into accidentally, but at some point, it becomes a choice.

    I have to laugh at the idea that people over 30 never date or go out...ha! Even if I were married, I would still go out dancing as much as possible.
  • Kimegatron
    Kimegatron Posts: 772 Member
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    I am always laughing and having a great time. I had always been a big flirt, but a silly kind. I think I'm too outgoing to be invisible. I'm much too loud, lol
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
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    foxyforce wrote: »
    I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.

    this is so true. my 300 lb friend gets all the dudes at the club, i **** you not. it has gotta be the boobs that go with it!

    Great boobs definitely help. :)
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    I've felt like I've had the same level of visibility/invisibility at all sizes. I'm a blender and fine with it.
  • senecarr
    senecarr Posts: 5,377 Member
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    Kalikel wrote: »
    Yes, I agree. And I understand this, to be honest. Overweight isn't usually attractive. But it's much worse when people acknowledge you with disgust because of your size.

    I'm 85kg and a size 16 right now, which is my highest weight, and I am indeed invisible to men. Apart from much older gentlemen and certain ethnic groups that tend to prefer a larger woman. Most men ignore me completely or look at me like I'm a beast.

    A year or so ago when I was about a size 12 (70-75kgs) I was still getting rejected from guys that I found attractive, and just half-heartedly pursued by some others. In comparison, a few years ago I was a size 8/10, 59kgs and found myself constantly flirted with whilst out and about, and had many guys at my work asking me out etc.

    So basically from this I can conclude that anything size 12 and over I am not particularly desirable. That's fine, I understand this, and even at a size 12 I wasn't happy with my own weight BUT what saddens me is, when I finally reach my goal weight of a size 8/10 again, how will I know that they guys who hit on me and want to date me, wouldn't be the same guys that would have ignored me and fat-shamed me when I was a size 12 and above???

    I understand why most people have this response to an overweight woman. Overweight is generally not attractive, to either sex. At size 14 and 16, I've been ignored and also been looked at with disgust. I much prefer the former!

    I understand why fat people are invisible, even though it's not really fair to ignore the 'person' inside the body. But that's life. That's part of what motivates us to do something about it. What I find hardest is that I'll never know if the guy I end up dating/marrying when I'm a size 10, would have looked at me in disgust if he'd known me when I was a size 16.

    Ignoring subconsciously is not as bad as acknowledging with disgust.
    With men, it always starts with physical attraction. You'll often hear them comment on how they don't understand how big, fat guys get hot girls. They really don't get it! They can't imagine a woman even considering someone if she "could do better." It doesn't even enter their minds that she would care about who that man is more than his BMI. They never consider that maybe she couldn't do better, because he is an awesome guy. Men are so funny like that.

    Older men are different, but young men, it all starts with sex. If they ask you out or even chat you up, they're wondering if you'll sleep with them, when you'll sleep with them, etc.

    But Yes, the same guys who ask you out when you're thin probably wouldn't have when you were fat. Nature of the beast. If you ignore every man who is hitting on you because he wants to sleep with you, you will have to ignore them all. :)
    "Only a Sith deals in absolutes."
  • froggyfreak330
    froggyfreak330 Posts: 3 Member
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    I hear you, but we aren't completely invisible. If you're fat and have a wonderful, outgoing personality then people seem to be able to look past your weight to a degree. However, if you are a shy fat girl, like me, good luck.
  • dhimaan
    dhimaan Posts: 774 Member
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    It's the way of the world. Fat/obese folks are not seen as attractive, so people turn a blind eye. It is unfair, but so is life.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    OneLastTime25 wrote: »
    DeguelloTex wrote: »
    The nerve of people having preferences.

    It's not an excuse to treat people poorly because of how they look, but the idea that all people "should" be equally attractive to all other people regardless of physical appearance just flies in the face of biology and nature.

    I wonder how many of the people who think it is shallow to care about physical appearance don't care about the physical appearance of others. Probably close to zero.

    ^^^ this.

    People have preferences and that's totally fine. Just because someone doesn't find you attractive due to your weight does not make them a bad person or a "b****rd". Thinking that all men are supposed to flock to you like they may do with your smaller friends is just a bit ridiculous. If they don't prefer a larger woman than they aren't going to hit on you, big deal! There are plenty of people who don't mind someone being more heavyset.

    tumblr_lr6uiqel0X1r2hybuo1_400.gif
  • jessicajones170486
    jessicajones170486 Posts: 4 Member
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    It's totally a confidence thing. More men than you'd imagine like fuller figures. Not all men, but a fair amount.
  • alyssagb1
    alyssagb1 Posts: 353 Member
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    Chenoachem wrote: »
    I think it has more to do with self confidence than anything. I have friends that are very much overweight, but have a high amount of self confidence and were always swarming with guys. I had always been skinny with no self confidence, and had a hard time getting a date. Sometimes our self confidence is linked to how we think others percieve us.

    Very well put.
  • blkandwhite77
    blkandwhite77 Posts: 281 Member
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    I think it's about perception. Maybe you're feeling invisible when your heavier so that is what you see? I've been morbidly obese and low end of the healthy BMI and everything in between throughout life and I never felt invisible. However, I know people who aren't big and still feel that way because it is how they perceive themselves and not how others perceive them.

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