Selfish-ness

atamrowski

What do you consider selfish behavior? How do you differentiate between selfishness vs. narcissist? Conceited vs confident.?

I ask because I know of someone who is all the above, in my eyes. This person is an important person in my life but only seems to care about herself. The type that only reaches out to friends/family when something is needed. There's no initiation on her part to just say hi and see how others are doing; only responds when the other party reaches out to them first.

Your problems are nothing compared to hers. Put yourself in her shoes and see what she has to do (single mother). It's been like this for many years and it gets to a point where it's exhausting. I finally said "I am going to evict the people that live rent free in my mind and my life" and focus on myself. Am I being selfish?

Just a point to ponder and get your feedback.

Linli_Anne

I think we are all selfish to a point. We do the right thing because we have been programmed to know that it is the right thing to do, but that doesn't necessarily mean that our motives are pure.

Narcissism, not sure I really know anyone truly narcissistic...as in can not pull themselves away from their reflection and are madly in love with themselves. Conceited howeve, yes, I know people like this. I find that the difference between them and the confident people I know is that the ones who are confident don't crave/demand/expect as much recognition/attention.


Having said all that, when I talk to someone who is my truest-bluest-deepest friend, I have no expectations on them to call first, because I thought that they should. If I want to talk, I call, and if they need to vent/talk/cry/ask for help, then I welcome it, and do help, because they are my friend, and I care for them no matter what. When things in their life calm down, then maybe they will be more able to return the initiated calls or whatever, but I never keep score, and if it were life or death or something like that, I woudln't hesitate to call.

So, are you being selfish? Probably, but like I said, I truly believe that we all are selfish in a sense. Maybe it's time to think about all the ways this person is important to you, and an important part of your life, and not worry so much about who picks up the phone first.

jnichel

This should be good. Y'all hold on while I grab some popcorn.

jbutterflye

Yay I'm selfish!!

JenniTheVeggie

This should be good. Y'all hold on while I grab some popcorn.

:laugh:

odusgolp

This should be good. Y'all hold on while I grab some popcorn.

Grab me some.... *slides up a chair all giddy with anticipation*

diodelcibo

Everything I do has a selfish purpose and I'm one of the most narcissistic people ever... Do I win the prize? :laugh:

_DaniD_

kdub67

This should be good. Y'all hold on while I grab some popcorn.

^^This:)

corn63

So my not wanting to have kids. While I realize I have selfish motive, I don't want to share my millions or ruin my bidness or anything (No, I'm not saying all mom's have ruined bidness. So hush)

BUT. I recognize it enough to not spawn. Doesn't that give me brownie points or something? I think it's a pretty selfless thing not to bring a child into a world where I really don't want it. Not everybody is made to be a mother.

Lazygal53

This should be good. Y'all hold on while I grab some popcorn.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Cliffslosinit

This should be good. Y'all hold on while I grab some popcorn.

Grab me some.... *slides up a chair all giddy with anticipation*

Scoot over...let's watch. Who's the man with the popcorn? Hi I'm Cliff can i share.

oregonzoo

So my not wanting to have kids. While I realize I have selfish motive, I don't want to share my millions or ruin my bidness or anything (No, I'm not saying all mom's have ruined bidness. So hush)

BUT. I recognize it enough to not spawn. Doesn't that give me brownie points or something? I think it's a pretty selfless thing not to bring a child into a world where I really don't want it. Not everybody is made to be a mother.

You get brownie points from me. Parenting is hard, even for people who always wanted children. So.....

smittieaj

Scoot over...let's watch. Who's the man with the popcorn? Hi I'm Cliff can i share.

Sorry, but the show isn't free. You can't watch unless you contribute to the trolling or buy a ticket.

wareagle8706

Not selfish. It's called doing whatever the *kitten* you want because it's your life.

Why would you keep someone around who is only there to suck life out of you and not breathe life into you?

Ditch them.

Cliffslosinit

Great generalization....Bless your heart.:flowerforyou:

CorvusCorax77

People who don't want to get married.
People who don't want to have kids.
People who don't want to beleive Christianity.

Stuff like that.

This should be good. Y'all hold on while I grab some popcorn.

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—

1 Peter 3:3

1ConcreteGirl

This should be good. Y'all hold on while I grab some popcorn.

*pulls up a chair*

MoreBean13

People who don't want to get married.
People who don't want to have kids.
People who don't want to beleive Christianity.

Stuff like that.

Ummmm......

BRB, gotta go get saved, get married and reproduce for the sake of unselfishness.

Cliffslosinit

Scoot over...let's watch. Who's the man with the popcorn? Hi I'm Cliff can i share.

Sorry, but the show isn't free. You can't watch unless you contribute to the trolling or buy a ticket.

Hi newb, get me a beer.

odusgolp

Scoot on in, Cliff. Play with my hair while you're here....

smittieaj

Scoot over...let's watch. Who's the man with the popcorn? Hi I'm Cliff can i share.

Sorry, but the show isn't free. You can't watch unless you contribute to the trolling or buy a ticket.

Hi newb, get me a beer.

No prob... Are you sure that's within your calorie goal, dawg?

odusgolp

Scoot over...let's watch. Who's the man with the popcorn? Hi I'm Cliff can i share.

Sorry, but the show isn't free. You can't watch unless you contribute to the trolling or buy a ticket.

Hi newb, get me a beer.

Oh me too! I need beer

wow29

hmm bump 4 sure

kennethmgreen

I think "selfish" and "self-centered" is too often considered negative. How many people do we know - friends, family, co-workers - who create anxiety, stress, pain, and negativity in their lives in the name of "doing for others." I have family members who are miserable because they don't consider their own wants or needs.

We are creatures of survival and comfort. The relationships that I feel the best about are ones where I am getting some needs met. Often the best way to get my needs met are to ask for them, set boundaries around them, etc. I don't think it's wrong to consider myself first sometimes. Maybe most times. Even as a husband and father, if I don't think of myself by taking care of myself, I am no good to my family.

In my experience, most of the time discussion about "selfish" really is a discussion about judgement - that is, *you* are selfish because *you* don't consider my needs as much as I think you should. When I talk of others being selfish, I am generally speaking in terms of others not acting the way I think they should. Who's really being selfish then?

stargazer008

People who don't want to get married.
People who don't want to have kids.
People who don't want to beleive Christianity.

Stuff like that.

What if someone doesn't want a child because perhaps they know the child will not have a nice upbringing. What if the mom has some genetic disease and knows her child will get it and the mom doesn't want the child to suffer from it, how is that selfish?

What if the country is war torn and the mother knows the child will likely experience trauma from the war or perhaps even die or get injured.

wow29

Scoot over...let's watch. Who's the man with the popcorn? Hi I'm Cliff can i share.

Sorry, but the show isn't free. You can't watch unless you contribute to the trolling or buy a ticket.

Hi newb, get me a beer.

Oh me too! I need beer
I could use some hair of the dog! Any brandy with that??

Rhonnie

I think it is all a balance between hurting/hindering others in order to help/benefit yourself. If you have no regard for how your actions are affecting other people then you are selfish.

SarahofTwins

I think we all share some selfishness...some more than others of course. I grew out of being selfish over time but sometimes it creeps back in because I feel if I start caring I might get hurt again. It just depends on how much you give to her and how it is affecting you. I know that you can't change a person but accept them for who they are. Hopefully they'll realize what they are doing and make things for the best.

AllTehBeers

People who don't want to get married.
People who don't want to have kids.
People who don't want to beleive Christianity.

Stuff like that.

I want to get married... But the US has a thing against 2 chicks doing all that heathonism.

I also want to have kids, but they cost money and I want to do fun stuff. Like vegas.

And christians, well I grew up one and still am one, but they don't like the gay much either.

pboya235

I could have written this. The only difference is that the female person is a relative. But I would say that there are "givers" and "takers" and you sound like a kind and giving person like myself (I would like to think) and you are not selfish at all. Just thinking about this negativity does harm to us. I say this person is not worth your time and energy. Now I should take my own advice....