ladies, a personal question. laides only.

Maidofmer

if you're a guy reading, then you're just creepy. it says ladies only.


have you noticed any change in your libido? before and after weight loss or gain? I have pretty much shut down after I got pregnant, 2 1/2 years ago. I have no interest in sex at all. when my hubby tries to "prep" me, I lay there debating with myself "I don't want to be touched. it'll be over soon. I don't ****ing care I don't want to be touched. but give it 10 minutes. no! get the **** off me!" after about 20 minutes of him not getting the hints, me just laying there, not trying to cuddle or anything, I know the only way i'll get what I want is if he gets what he wants. I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.

my question is obviously if that's happened to you, and did it change after you lost the weight?

I went from 204-260 while prego. went down to 215 in about 5 months but was struggling with PPD so was not interested in anything, but with a job in fast food, and those hours clashing with gym hours I damned myself back into the 260 area.

i'm wondering if it's just the weight now, cause a big part of it is i'm embarrassed to be seen by him. he says he doesn't care or notice, but he's my husband. bound by the if you don't want your *kitten* kicked marital law he has to say that. it may be true, but I don't believe it.

anyway, back to main subject. did you notice it get higher when you were nearing your weight goal?

SilverLotusGirl

My libdio changes with my mood. Body image and energy level are the main things that seem to influence it. Sometimes now at 210ish and heavier I didn't want to be touched or looked at naked but the only time I felt pretty was while making love with my boyfriend. It's sometimes still the same and I'm quite sure that once I'm more comfortable with my body I will be more into sex.

Are you still dealing with depression issues, related to pregnancy or otherwise? Depression is a major libido killer.

I hope that you are able to find a workable solution.

Gallowmere1984

<~~~creepy.

Terasome

I find that as my confidence grows and I start noticing improvements in my self and the compliments start flowing from people, my libido has slowly returned. I felt like you did after having my kids and really didn't have any interest..now however I'm up for it a lot more

daisygettinghealthy

I completely went off it for about six months and the more I lost the more self concious I was in that sense. it is so strange. its slowly starting to come back but not much. i went to doctor but not to do with weight loss

Pookylou

Even at my biggest I was still comfortable enough to enjoy/want sex with my partner. But now I am a lot smaller and fitter my libido is through the roof! My boyfriend has a lower sex drive than me (mine is through the roof though) and I pounce on him very frequently.
I think it is a combination of self confidence, and increased physical ability (my boyfriend can literally carry me to bed now which is ace :blushing: ) which has helped me.
I hope you get to a better place with your self confidence and the sex drive returns with it :flowerforyou:

zealousmissjj_wechange

Hey babe! It certainly changed my libido. I used to be so selfconsious, didn't want to get naked or walk around in my underwear. Felt ashamed. Now, 10kg's lighter and much more athletic, it's actually driving me crazy . Also, I never noticed other men. AT ALL. Now, all day long I feel like I'm in a Coca Cola Light-break commercial.. I'm like "well, hello there..." *eyes following every cute guy*

So, if you're like me, it will come back. I thought it would never ever come back but it did. Yay me!!

kennie2

mine is pretty much completely gone but i thought that might be my birth control instead of weight loss but there are studies that show that a skinnier person normally has more trouble getting "wet" than a larger person due to the amount of water in their body or something. i dont remember exactly. However i think this study was only a correlation between the two things, not a cause.

KANGOOJUMPS

HELL YEAH!
'ROMPING TIME!
the more you lose, the hotter you feel
and yep
IT HAPPENS!
oh, but it is blissful.,

DezireeEd

I understand how you feel.

These days I have a very hard time sleeping, about the only time I'm interested in an orgasm is when I'm trying to fall asleep and looking for exhaustion. I feel bad about it. I have a wonderful, caring, sexy fiancé who loves my curves, but I can't help but be repulsed. During sex my mind spends more time thinking about how gross I must look from his angle, trying to cover my stomach with blankets or dealing with worry about bloating. Um-yuck.

Even when he tells me he's attracted to me and he loves my tummy, I know in my head that he's saying that because he cares about the person trapped in my body, not that he has a fetish for the stubborn fat I'm trying to bust. I think sex for a woman is good when she feels sexy. When she can move easily, stretch and contort without feeling shy or ashamed and generally just feel like a sex-kitten. That's how I used to feel. Perhaps it's because I'm dealing with having a body I'm embarrassed about now vs. a body that was pretty damn good, way-back-when, and knowing that stretch-marks mean I'll never get back to that point, that gives me real hangups when trying to see myself as a sexy woman.

I can say for certain that my libido has been effected chemically by increased weight. Because of my weight, about 50 pounds above where I should be, I have stopped cycling completely, no periods, no ovulation, no urges (Though I'm still capable of being aroused and having orgasms). According to my OBGYN, fat cells give off estrogen, like the ovaries, because I have so much fat my ovaries only build up so much estrogen, not enough to fully develop an egg for ovulation but enough that with the added estrogen from the fat cells my brain's censors are tricked into thinking everything is fine on the estrogen front and certain hormones aren't released to advance the process.

I have been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which means a number of things that make me feel negatively about my body (and therefore about my body having sex); An insulin resistance, which can make it easier to gain weight and harder to lose it, excess body hair (androgen/male pattern hair growth), cycle irregularity. - Not feeling 'normal'.

My plan is to deal with the insulin resistance with intermittent fasting (proven to help in studies)
Cut out sugars and restrict carbs (as sugars have been said to cause hair growth)
And try to get to a state of ketosis to help with the hunger pangs that the intermittent fasting would cause and teach my body to use fats as fuel instead of carbs.

I'm working on my eating habits now to feel more energy, sleep better and experience less body pains. - If this has a positive effect on my libido, bonus.

Ryanmariem

I would go to your OBGYN and have your hormone levels checked. Yes self image has a lot to do with how you feel, but by the sound of it even after attention from your hubby it still won't kick in. It is normal for your hormones to be way off after having your child, and esp if you had the "baby blues". I was not interested in anything until my child turned 2, infact I found it very painful up until she was 1yr... but also I just wasn't into it, not interested. Once I started excercising regularly I started to feel normal again. I talked w/my OBGYN and she told me I should have seen her earlier, (I was just to embarrassed and ashamed as I had gained a lot of weight). She told me that was normal esp. w/the hormone fluctuations, had I gone to her sooner I would have started to feel "normal" so much sooner. Getting on track of a healthy whole food diet and excercise with naturally start to regulate hormone levels, and once you start to notice results I would think you should be feeling "normal" gain... if not then check back in w/your Dr. as they may have ideas to help.

Lulzaroonie

I can't speak for any woman other than myself, as we're all different, but in my experience, post baby, yes. My sexual desires changed greatly.
It doesn't help that I gained so much weight over the last couple of years, but I can honestly say I've experienced exactly as you described, the abhorrence at being touched, feeling like it's your duty to just get it over with.
I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, so my lady workings don't really do much at the best of times.
Sometimes I get the urge, but mostly, I'd rather just go to bed.

TheArmadillo

Are you taking any medications such as anti depressants, anti anxiety drugs, contraceptives as they can affect your sex drive enormously. This is not an exhaustive list.

The less you have sex can mean the less you want it, so sometimes you do need to start having sex once or twice a week to build your sex drive back up again.

How long ago was your last baby born? Some women find that they lose a lot of sensation in their genitalia after giving birth which affects their sex drive as they stop getting much out of sex. This tends to be temporary though, lasting not usually more than a year.

Losing weight can help as much as in helping you feel better about yourself. I think from a getting healthier point of view it does as well, getting healthier makes you feel better all over

GymBeast2

OK, TMI here.

I have noticed my sex drive has increased, but not really from the weight loss. I have a DH who makes no comment on the loss or muscle gain. In fact he says he doesn't notice any of it. So when we ave our "together" time, I trying my hardest to flex and move in different ways.

It is true the less sex you have the less you want. I have (most ladies do) body issues from pregnancy. I hate my tummy with the extra skin. I'm trying to get over it.

Ramberta

Okay, first, you need better communication with your man. Don't just let him touch you if you don't want to be touched! Also, it's not fair to him, because he has no idea what you're thinking if you don't tell him.

Second, I would really recommend seeing a counselor. Take your man with you if you feel comfortable, if not, go alone. But there are much deeper issues here than body image, it looks like.

Third, I have not noticed a change in my libido no matter what my weight, but it is true that as you lose weight you gain self-confidence, and confidence is sexy. HOWEVER, the thing holding me back from enjoying/wanting sex was ME and my brain, not anything to do with my physical body or libido. I used to think nobody would find me attractive, and even if they pitied me enough to do me, I just "couldn't" orgasm except by *kitten*-- WRONG! (And how happy was I to finally discover that!!) You're not going to fully enjoy sex until you fully trust your partner, and let go of your insecurities. It's amazing how much you can hold pleasure back from yourself without even realizing it. It's hard enough dealing with low self esteem everywhere else you go-- if you can't even let go of it in the bedroom, you're going to have a miserable love life! And I don't mean to sound harsh, but when a young pretty woman like you says sex "sickens her" and that you've never really liked it, and that your husband is "bound" to say that he wants you-- it's pretty clear that you don't have a healthy attitude towards intimacy of any kind, and you AND he are going to suffer for it the longer it goes unresolved.

Best of luck to you and yours.

Ryanmariem

I understand how you feel.

These days I have a very hard time sleeping, about the only time I'm interested in an orgasm is when I'm trying to fall asleep and looking for exhaustion. I feel bad about it. I have a wonderful, caring, sexy fiancé who loves my curves, but I can't help but be repulsed. During sex my mind spends more time thinking about how gross I must look from his angle, trying to cover my stomach with blankets or dealing with worry about bloating. Um-yuck.

Even when he tells me he's attracted to me and he loves my tummy, I know in my head that he's saying that because he cares about the person trapped in my body, not that he has a fetish for the stubborn fat I'm trying to bust. I think sex for a woman is good when she feels sexy. When she can move easily, stretch and contort without feeling shy or ashamed and generally just feel like a sex-kitten. That's how I used to feel. Perhaps it's because I'm dealing with having a body I'm embarrassed about now vs. a body that was pretty damn good, way-back-when, and knowing that stretch-marks mean I'll never get back to that point, that gives me real hangups when trying to see myself as a sexy woman.

I can say for certain that my libido has been effected chemically by increased weight. Because of my weight, about 50 pounds above where I should be, I have stopped cycling completely, no periods, no ovulation, no urges (Though I'm still capable of being aroused and having orgasms). According to my OBGYN, fat cells give off estrogen, like the ovaries, because I have so much fat my ovaries only build up so much estrogen, not enough to fully develop an egg for ovulation but enough that with the added estrogen from the fat cells my brain's censors are tricked into thinking everything is fine on the estrogen front and certain hormones aren't released to advance the process.

I have been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which means a number of things that make me feel negatively about my body (and therefore about my body having sex); An insulin resistance, which can make it easier to gain weight and harder to lose it, excess body hair (androgen/male pattern hair growth), cycle irregularity. - Not feeling 'normal'.

My plan is to deal with the insulin resistance with intermittent fasting (proven to help in studies)
Cut out sugars and restrict carbs (as sugars have been said to cause hair growth)
And try to get to a state of ketosis to help with the hunger pangs that the intermittent fasting would cause and teach my body to use fats as fuel instead of carbs.

I'm working on my eating habits now to feel more energy, sleep better and experience less body pains. - If this has a positive effect on my libido, bonus.

I also have PCOS, along w/ hypoglycemia, type 2 hypothyroidism, fibromyalgia, & chronic fatigue (etc...) I have found "The Blood Sugar Solution: by Dr. Mark Hyman also the book "The Calcium Lie" by Dr. Robert Thompson.... I was diagnosed w/the chronic fatigue when I was 15 and hypoglycemia at 17.... the rest came these last two years... and it has been a yo-yo of hormone problems that I had not experienced since I was pregnant and shortly after.

It is so true how much our hormones effect are overall health and once one hormone goes off balance, left untreated it is a dominoes effect on the rest of the system when you are left wondering what went wrong orginally, like what came first the chicken or the egg.... you just have to start treating each hormone and of course the best and safest way is through diet and excercise... it is soo importan to keep our blood sugar in check as it effects all our hormones. Also each woman is dif. as what hormone levels are optimal for them.

never124get

I have been diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which means a number of things that make me feel negatively about my body (and therefore about my body having sex); An insulin resistance, which can make it easier to gain weight and harder to lose it, excess body hair (androgen/male pattern hair growth), cycle irregularity. - Not feeling 'normal'.

This is what made me really really insecure. I too have PCOS, when I found out I felt abnormal. I actually went from being outgoing to a shy person because I felt like everyone noticed the extra hair on my arms or stuff like that, that was never even a problem before. It's stupid I know. When I met my boyfriend a year ago I ended up telling him I had PCOS and I told him all of the side effects, I was afraid he would see me differently. Nope, not the case at all. He understands and is supportive, I'm trying to lose this weight because I want to be able to have children. (women with PCOS who are overweight have a hard time conceiving, rather than women with a normal weight who have it.

And as far as my weight affecting my sex drive...I have noticed that the more I lose the more I want to "show off" for him. I feel better now when I try to be sexy for him and keep things alive in the bedroom. From what he said before I always looked confident, even when I was at my heaviest and he always has said I've always been beautiful and sexy, I'm just coming more in tuned with my body now I guess. He has always had a thing for thicker women...and I'm naturally a larger framed women. I agree with what someone else said though, go get your hormone levels checked...

Momf3boys

Here's my experience...I was 275 pounds and didn't want to be touched AT ALL. I lost 130 pounds and couldn't get enough...I was a complete horn dog...then I was diagnosed with breast cancer so my desire diminished, especially after surgery and radiation (the burns were gross)...six months after completing treatment I got pregnant (we all know how that happened)...during pregnancy I was once again a horn dog. Well, my breast cancer was hormone positive and I also tested positive for the BRCA II gene (the breast cancer and ovarian cancer gene) so when I had my baby last May I had my ovaries removed...I now have ZERO libido and I'm going through menopause I literally could go the rest of my life without it...that totally sucks.

Ascolti_la_musica

I think you should open this discussion to men, too. My husband certainly feels self-conscious and less aroused than he did when he weighed less.

As for me, I have PCOS as described by Dez. My entire body is covered in thick hair, and it takes almost three hours to shave it all. It makes me feel like a complete freak of nature or evolutionary backpedal toward Neanderthal. No matter how thin I get, I will never like the beast in the mirror. (Troll away- it won't be anything I haven't heard/seen before.) :-P

Despite both of our physical hang ups, my husband and I manage to be attracted to each other. We still make love fairly regularly, and enjoy the intimacy of it. No matter what the mirror says, my husband makes me feel beautiful.

If your husband isn't doing this for you, you need to have a good talk outside of the bedroom. The primary rule of a happy marriage is open, honest communication.

Maidofmer

thanks for all the feed back. glad to know i'm not alone in this. shout out to momf3boys, amazing you beat the cancer.

a lot of you have described what im feeling. covering my stomach, thinking it's my duty and just waiting for it to be over. I remember seeing a commercial for men saying their sex drive goes down at 50 and all I could think was, I have to wait another 10 years?

we don't have sex as often as he'd like, simply because I don't like my body and I don't want to be touched. my husband is my first everything, and after we got married, I got pregnant a month later. When I was 204, I thought I looked damn good. 204 was my lowest weight since grade school. was 230 and the with diet and exercise I lost 24 lbs and 40 inches. so the pregnancy was a slap in the face.

I have some depression, but I've always been a pretty depressing person. always out going, but half empty glass. I am on the mirena iud birth control. it's stopped my period and i'm fine with that. I don't want to be pregnant again. my daughter was a hard time and frankly, when I lose the weight, i'd be terrified to gain anything.

I've tried talking to my husband. I tell him I feel gross and disgusting, and all he says is im not and never goes further than that. i'm not a therapy person. I feel they're just in it for the money. bad experience when I was teen. my mom had me see a therapist after my dad died. $75 for an hour, and she was usually 10 minutes late and pushed me out when my hour was up. just asked how I was feeling.

I'm going to see if I lose weight it will go up. but we'll see. thanks again everyone

jnichel

<~~~creepy.

Birds of a feather....