ladies, a personal question. laides only.
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It's hard for me to relate as I can't recall a time where I ~didn't~ want to be touched ... I mean touching feels good ... and it leads to sex ... and sex leads to orgasms ... and who doesn't love orgasms?!
With that being said, I can assure you that what is going through YOUR head in regard to how you see yourself is NOT going through your husband's head and yet he is being punished for wanting you. Yes, I said punished. Try reversing the roles ... you want him ... you go to touch him ... and he just lays there. You do everything you can in the hope that he will touch you back and ... nothing.
No amount of weight loss is going to help fix this for you and your husband as I fear your poor self image goes beyond your physical self. Look into therapy and for God's sake TALK to your husband ... let him know what's going on with you before he begins to think that wanting you is not a good thing.0 -
I'm way more than "just creepy" give me some credit0
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I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.
This makes me think that the issue goes deeper than weight/body image insecurities. I think you should see someone.
I agree. If you haven't spoken to your primary care or OBGYN about this, do it!0 -
I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.
This makes me think that the issue goes deeper than weight/body image insecurities. I think you should see someone.
Totally agree. And I'm guessing the answer to your other question is no (it is for me and I don't have those thoughts anymore).0 -
I'm way more than "just creepy" give me some credit
You a super freak.
*fistbump*0 -
I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.
This makes me think that the issue goes deeper than weight/body image insecurities. I think you should see someone.
Totally agree. And I'm guessing the answer to your other question is no (it is for me and I don't have those thoughts anymore).
Just a quick note on asexuality as a spectrum of sexual tolerance or disinterest ranging to sexual repulsion. It is not a problem, is not abnormal, and does not necessarily require therapy unless the individual is struggling to cope. I'm not diagnosing or anything, I just don't think anyone should be suggesting people "go see someone" just because they don't care for sex for extended periods of time.
ETA: I'm also not singling out these two responses. I have seen several like them.0 -
Yes. My libido definitely climbs as I get fitter and healthier and feel more vibrant and attractive and unselfconscious.
Sometimes I even crave sex more than I crave kettle chips.
Sometimes.0 -
I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.
This makes me think that the issue goes deeper than weight/body image insecurities. I think you should see someone.
Totally agree. And I'm guessing the answer to your other question is no (it is for me and I don't have those thoughts anymore).
Just a quick note on asexuality as a spectrum of sexual tolerance or disinterest ranging to sexual repulsion. It is not a problem, is not abnormal, and does not necessarily require therapy unless the individual is struggling to cope. I'm not diagnosing or anything, I just don't think anyone should be suggesting people "go see someone" just because they don't care for sex.
point taken...HOWEVER...the OP has made it clear that her husband does care for sex...so there is a oppositional point in her life...and they (together granted) have to figure out the compromise.
she just doesn't get to say "I don't care for it and that's ok because it's ok to be that way" and he gets left out in the cold as a result. there is a compromisable situation here and it should be found...
niether should be left feeling unhappy....but how do you fix a situation where one doesn't want it and another does?
doctors and therapy are a good start...no?0 -
I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.
This makes me think that the issue goes deeper than weight/body image insecurities. I think you should see someone.
Totally agree. And I'm guessing the answer to your other question is no (it is for me and I don't have those thoughts anymore).
Just a quick note on asexuality as a spectrum of sexual tolerance or disinterest ranging to sexual repulsion. It is not a problem, is not abnormal, and does not necessarily require therapy unless the individual is struggling to cope. I'm not diagnosing or anything, I just don't think anyone should be suggesting people "go see someone" just because they don't care for sex for extended periods of time.
ETA: I'm also not singling out these two responses. I have seen several like them.
I believe her husband would represent the "struggling to cope" aspect. Also, the fact that she lays there disgusted and freaking out that her husband is touching her, isn't a healthy feeling for her to be having. Someone shouldn't have to endure that type of feeling on a semi-regular basis. I would say that qualifies a need to "see" someone since I doubt most men who can still get it up are going to be okay with no sex.0 -
I have some depression, but I've always been a pretty depressing person. always out going, but half empty glass. I am on the mirena iud birth control. it's stopped my period and i'm fine with that. I don't want to be pregnant again. my daughter was a hard time and frankly, when I lose the weight, i'd be terrified to gain anything.
I've tried talking to my husband. I tell him I feel gross and disgusting, and all he says is im not and never goes further than that. i'm not a therapy person. I feel they're just in it for the money. bad experience when I was teen. my mom had me see a therapist after my dad died. $75 for an hour, and she was usually 10 minutes late and pushed me out when my hour was up. just asked how I was feeling.
I'm sorry to hear that your counseling experience was not a positive one. I can assure you that there are many wonderful mental health professionals out there who really do care about what they do and can make a huge difference.0 -
I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.
This makes me think that the issue goes deeper than weight/body image insecurities. I think you should see someone.
Totally agree. And I'm guessing the answer to your other question is no (it is for me and I don't have those thoughts anymore).
Just a quick note on asexuality as a spectrum of sexual tolerance or disinterest ranging to sexual repulsion. It is not a problem, is not abnormal, and does not necessarily require therapy unless the individual is struggling to cope. I'm not diagnosing or anything, I just don't think anyone should be suggesting people "go see someone" just because they don't care for sex.
point taken...HOWEVER...the OP has made it clear that her husband does care for sex...so there is a oppositional point in her life...and they (together granted) have to figure out the compromise.
she just doesn't get to say "I don't care for it and that's ok because it's ok to be that way" and he gets left out in the cold as a result. there is a compromisable situation here and it should be found...
niether should be left feeling unhappy....but how do you fix a situation where one doesn't want it and another does?
doctors and therapy are a good start...no?
I see where you're coming from. Such opposition does warrant a compromise, and couples counselling may be quite beneficial. I am certainly not condemning it, or advising against it. I simply felt the need to acknowledge the fact that we can't generalize labels. In OPs case, it may be a long-standing personal preference and it may be related to body image, or even just the pressure resultant from her partner's desire to engage. I think she should try to uncover the root of why she isn't interested, and discuss it with him. This may be easier with counselling, but it may also be easier 1-on-1 without a stranger in the room.0 -
First off you must believe your husband when he says you are beautiful and sexy. They don't say that just because, they say that from the way they see you. He loves you and cares about you no matter what... There are a few good decent people yet that truely see the inner beauty.
And believe that you are beautiful..and when you start believing it, you wll start to enjoy each other again.
after I had my second child I still liked sex, but I hated the touchy feelyness...that was 13 years ago. It did come back..so yours should too. But if you still have issues, you should talk with your doctor too, you might be low on a vitamin or mineral.
I wish you the best!0 -
Ever since iv lost weight, and cont. to lose, I want sex A LOT more!!!! Its like i want it all the time!!! I dont know if its the new found confidence or what but all i know is I want it want it WANT IT!!! LOL My girlfriend doesnt mind it either... LOL Before, i was kinda hesitant, and would be like "Ugh, dont look at me", but now im like "here i am"!!!!0
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I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.
This makes me think that the issue goes deeper than weight/body image insecurities. I think you should see someone.
Totally agree. And I'm guessing the answer to your other question is no (it is for me and I don't have those thoughts anymore).
Just a quick note on asexuality as a spectrum of sexual tolerance or disinterest ranging to sexual repulsion. It is not a problem, is not abnormal, and does not necessarily require therapy unless the individual is struggling to cope. I'm not diagnosing or anything, I just don't think anyone should be suggesting people "go see someone" just because they don't care for sex for extended periods of time.
ETA: I'm also not singling out these two responses. I have seen several like them.
I believe her husband would represent the "struggling to cope" aspect. Also, the fact that she lays there disgusted and freaking out that her husband is touching her, isn't a healthy feeling for her to be having. Someone shouldn't have to endure that type of feeling on a semi-regular basis. I would say that qualifies a need to "see" someone since I doubt most men who can still get it up are going to be okay with no sex.
Which is why I am suggesting a conversation with him as first and foremost. I was fortunate to have my partner's support when I expressed my concerns. My lack of libido issues stemmed from body image related depression which led to less effort put into taking care of my body. Poor eating binges, and laziness with grooming just made me feel even more repulsive and I didn't want him to see that. But discussing it led to support in my weight loss as well as understanding when I said no. It was very hard to discuss it with him, but I would have found it harder to discuss it with a stranger. Everyone is different and I had noticed an air of abnormality given to her. I wanted to point out that she should not view her lack of libido as a problem with her or the relationship, as I was getting that vibe from the direction of the thread.
I hope that cleared things up a bit!0 -
I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.
This makes me think that the issue goes deeper than weight/body image insecurities. I think you should see someone.
Totally agree. And I'm guessing the answer to your other question is no (it is for me and I don't have those thoughts anymore).
Just a quick note on asexuality as a spectrum of sexual tolerance or disinterest ranging to sexual repulsion. It is not a problem, is not abnormal, and does not necessarily require therapy unless the individual is struggling to cope. I'm not diagnosing or anything, I just don't think anyone should be suggesting people "go see someone" just because they don't care for sex.
point taken...HOWEVER...the OP has made it clear that her husband does care for sex...so there is a oppositional point in her life...and they (together granted) have to figure out the compromise.
she just doesn't get to say "I don't care for it and that's ok because it's ok to be that way" and he gets left out in the cold as a result. there is a compromisable situation here and it should be found...
niether should be left feeling unhappy....but how do you fix a situation where one doesn't want it and another does?
doctors and therapy are a good start...no?
I see where you're coming from. Such opposition does warrant a compromise, and couples counselling may be quite beneficial. I am certainly not condemning it, or advising against it. I simply felt the need to acknowledge the fact that we can't generalize labels. In OPs case, it may be a long-standing personal preference and it may be related to body image, or even just the pressure resultant from her partner's desire to engage. I think she should try to uncover the root of why she isn't interested, and discuss it with him. This may be easier with counselling, but it may also be easier 1-on-1 without a stranger in the room.
As someone who has had the thoughts of the OP, when I hear/see someone describe a revulsion to physical contact in terms that are as strong as what the OP said, that's kind of a red flag to me. And while she describes these feelings as having existed "always", she is linking this to her relatively recent (I'm the scheme of things) weight issue. I don't know that the a non-guided discussion is really going to address the root of the issue. If the OP doesn't have a history like mine (and I pray she doesn't), she may not even know why she feels the way she does. And the fact that she's posting on the interwebs asking for people's help/opinions/experiences indicates that she is looking for a solution and is having trouble finding one herself.0 -
i know since i gained all this weight my drive has went out the door! i dont even wanna be on top its just alot of work plus im short as hell and he is big as well i know he gets frustrated but more reason he should want to either join me losing weight or support me0
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Ok, read your entire original post, scanned the rest.
1. unless he's specifically said something, if your husband wants to have sex with you, he still finds you attractive - he doesn't really care about the weight
2. There does seem to be some deeper issues that may need addressed with a therapist. Now I understand there are insurance restrictions but do some checking. I went to therapy twice when I was younger and I loved both women (which I specifically asked for female) and it really helped. I saw one that I did NOT like just once and said I wouldn't go back to and was able to switch to someone else. It was well worth it
3. Talk to your gyno as well....hormone imbalances can cause chaos on a woman's emotions and mental health
Best of luck to you and your weight loss.0 -
The more weight I lost, the higher my sex drive became. I went from 284 to 189 last year and went from having sex maybe once a week to every day.0
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I have never really been too into sex to begin with. the idea just sickens me. it just weirds me out, but I did have a sex drive once, even if it was small and well hid.
This makes me think that the issue goes deeper than weight/body image insecurities. I think you should see someone.
Totally agree. And I'm guessing the answer to your other question is no (it is for me and I don't have those thoughts anymore).
Just a quick note on asexuality as a spectrum of sexual tolerance or disinterest ranging to sexual repulsion. It is not a problem, is not abnormal, and does not necessarily require therapy unless the individual is struggling to cope. I'm not diagnosing or anything, I just don't think anyone should be suggesting people "go see someone" just because they don't care for sex.
point taken...HOWEVER...the OP has made it clear that her husband does care for sex...so there is a oppositional point in her life...and they (together granted) have to figure out the compromise.
she just doesn't get to say "I don't care for it and that's ok because it's ok to be that way" and he gets left out in the cold as a result. there is a compromisable situation here and it should be found...
niether should be left feeling unhappy....but how do you fix a situation where one doesn't want it and another does?
doctors and therapy are a good start...no?
I see where you're coming from. Such opposition does warrant a compromise, and couples counselling may be quite beneficial. I am certainly not condemning it, or advising against it. I simply felt the need to acknowledge the fact that we can't generalize labels. In OPs case, it may be a long-standing personal preference and it may be related to body image, or even just the pressure resultant from her partner's desire to engage. I think she should try to uncover the root of why she isn't interested, and discuss it with him. This may be easier with counselling, but it may also be easier 1-on-1 without a stranger in the room.
As someone who has had the thoughts of the OP, when I hear/see someone describe a revulsion to physical contact in terms that are as strong as what the OP said, that's kind of a red flag to me. And while she describes these feelings as having existed "always", she is linking this to her relatively recent (I'm the scheme of things) weight issue. I don't know that the a non-guided discussion is really going to address the root of the issue. If the OP doesn't have a history like mine (and I pray she doesn't), she may not even know why she feels the way she does. And the fact that she's posting on the interwebs asking for people's help/opinions/experiences indicates that she is looking for a solution and is having trouble finding one herself.
Or looking for acknowledgement that others have felt the same, and have overcome this feeling. Reassurance is always nice.0 -
Oops.
Awesome lol....
I've never not been interested, I was most self conscious after having my daughter(before I lost the weight) but even then I'd just turn off the light n go to town : /0
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