Spousal Cheaters?

245

Replies

  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    Nope. Drop him ASAP. "He was drunk" is an excuse. Even when drunk, a person should face the consequences of their actions, it doesn't make them exempt from responsibility after the fact. Is he going to never drink again for the rest of his life? I kind of doubt it. You can't trust him anymore, so what's the point?
  • SummerNights32
    SummerNights32 Posts: 86 Member
    I believe that cheating can be forgiven...one time. I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on, and the anger I kept inside was so much worse than finally forgiving him. I will say this...once a person has cheated and knows they can get away with it, they have a very high chance of doing it again. I was with my boyfriend for a year when he cheated, and I didn't talk to him for an entire year. When I finally gave him another chance, things seemed perfect for the next three years, until I found out he was up to his old tricks...he just hid it better.

    You are so young, so please don't fall in to the trap of feeling like you have to marry this guy because of your weight. You can find better, and you will if you allow yourself. Just imagine saying "I do" while thinking in the back of your head that he cheated on you. Certainly do not get married yet, if you choose to still marry him. And in all honesty. just because he called your ex friend in front of you, that doesn't mean he is sorry. They are both to blame, so dont let him off the hook that easy.
  • AlbaAngel25
    AlbaAngel25 Posts: 484 Member
    No... it would always be in the back of my head, and no one should live a life like that!
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
    He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.

    I don't know though....
    So she gets cut out of your life, but he doesn't? They are both equally guilty. Maybe him even more so, since he was the one who was engaged.
    Also, he's frisky when he's drunk and ends up sleeping with other people. Did he give up drinking too? It's very likely that there will be other girls around next time he gets drunk.


    Yes, he gave up drinking, too. Happily.
  • karen_golfs
    karen_golfs Posts: 377 Member
    No - life is too short to look over your shoulder and wonder. I don't believe "one time I swear". Male or female - move on.
  • j4nash
    j4nash Posts: 1,719 Member
    You're going to resent him forever and that resentment is going to grow stronger as the years go by. You're young, move on.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
    I raelly don;t think this is the place for something like this.

    Why did you bother commenting on this?
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    It's always okay to forgive, and whether you decide to stay in the relationship or not is up to you and your partner.
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
    There's ALWAYS room for forgiveness. If not you'll live in bitterness and that's just as ugly!

    - in my humble opinion...

    Indeed
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Ditch them both! You deserve much better! Cute horse btw!!!!
  • Mrs_Bones
    Mrs_Bones Posts: 195 Member
    You can forgive him, but I wouldn't recommend marrying him.
    Yeah, think twice about that. What does he give as an excuse? Was he drunk? In love? He proposed in december and 3-4 months later he cheats!? What happened in between?

    He was very drunk. And this "friend" of mine was a woman he'd had feelings for before we started dating. Within the last few months this girl would get drunk with us and then ask my fiance why it had never worked out between them. The last time she did that she thought I was asleep and he said, "I would really prefer to not talk about this. I'm with Amber now and I love her." After he cheated a few months later, he admitted that when she started asking those stupid questions, "conflicting feelings" arose. But once it was done he made the choice to work it out with me....I have no idea what to think about all of it.

    The term "very drunk" is throwing me off a bit here. Obviously drunk enough to make a really bad call but sober enough that he could still get it up... Personally, I have a hard time buying the "drunk" excuse because even when I've been totally plastered myself, I still have that little voice in my head that says, "Hold up! Maybe not the best idea..." If he really is sorry and you guys really want to work it out, then that's one thing and do what you feel is right, but being drunk is no excuse.
  • Meg_78
    Meg_78 Posts: 998 Member
    There are times I would forgive cheating, that window is tiny and limited, but yes, under certain circumstances, I would forgive (though maybe never entirely forget), and work on building trust again. But only I can make that judgment of what is ok for me and my relationship, and what is not, and you have to make that decision too....I have been with my man for 13 years, and neither of us have ever cheated, nor desired too, but there was defo a period in our life that I would had forgiven him if he had.

    I think for me the betrayal is much worse coming from the best friend, I would have a harder time forgiving her.
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
    Does he have a lot more money than you?

    If so, forgive an marry. If he never cheats again, super.
    If he does, you divorce him and get half his stuff.

    Win win.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
    Maybe try counseling?
  • ms_leanne
    ms_leanne Posts: 523 Member
    Hey matchbox_girl,

    Cheating is one of those things that I couldn't forgive. What happened was because at some point he had some doubt in his mind about you and wanted something else. Now I can imagine that maybe he saw the error of his ways and now loves you but he did at some point not consider you at all and did what his manhood told him to do.

    I could not forgive that and I think at the very least you should call the wedding off. I'm not sure he will totally have stopped drinking and I would hate to think it would happen again on his batchelor party.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
    Maybe try counseling?

    Yes, the day after it happened he called and set up couples counseling for us. Our second session is tomorrow.
  • kmacgera
    kmacgera Posts: 137 Member
    When I drink too much I eat "forbidden foods", don't have sex with people, just saying...

    On the other hand, the phone call the de-friending and the counseling is saying a lot. Maybe "afiance" for another year.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    Maybe there's room for forgiveness under some circumstances, but (and this is just my personal opinion) if he cheats within months of proposing and months away from your wedding, I think that's unforgivable. Really, it comes down to what you're willing to accept.
  • peachfigs
    peachfigs Posts: 831 Member
    I think you should ask yourself that question.

    Do YOU want to forgive him?
  • foxro
    foxro Posts: 793 Member
    Has he asked to be forgiven ?
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.

    I don't know though....

    I would say...you are young, there are no children involved (are there?) so there's no real point in staying with him.

    He's a man, there's alot of them around, find a new one. :flowerforyou:

    RUN, as fast as you can and start over.

    He's cut her out of his life? LOL!!!
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    He was drunk, she was drunk, now he has cut her from his life, as have I. He called her on the phone while I was there and said that he wanted nothing more than to work it out with me, but that he would not be able to associate with her anymore. Then he hung up, blocked her on Facebook, and deleted her number.

    I don't know though....
    So she gets cut out of your life, but he doesn't? They are both equally guilty. Maybe him even more so, since he was the one who was engaged.
    Also, he's frisky when he's drunk and ends up sleeping with other people. Did he give up drinking too? It's very likely that there will be other girls around next time he gets drunk.


    Yes, he gave up drinking, too. Happily.
    I see.
    Here's what i think.
    You took him back already, now you are just looking for people to make you feel better about your decision, because you still doubt it was the right one. I understand where you are coming for, I did make the mistake to take a cheater back, again and again. I wasted years, and by the end i was full of resentment. Never again!

    So you're with him now. Okay, but please don't marry him. Make it clear that he needs to regain your trust. If he doesn't cheat on you in the next 5 years, MAYBE consider marrying him. You're only 22, you have time to wait.
  • katellanova
    katellanova Posts: 204 Member
    To me it makes a difference if it was a one time thing or a full affair.
  • matchbox_girl
    matchbox_girl Posts: 535 Member
    Has he asked to be forgiven ?

    No, because he knows it's too early to be forgiven, and I refuse to say that I forgive him.
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
    It is always the right thing to forgive. However, forgiveness is not the same thing as acceptance of the behavior...it seems like from what you have said that he is genuinely remorseful, but once trust is broken is can be so very hard to regain. Only time will tell whether he is truly sincere. I would maybe think very seriously about postponing the wedding a little bit...
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
    Good God woman, what did he eat?

    My ex-friend/future bridesmaid :)

    Damn
  • KimberlyinMN
    KimberlyinMN Posts: 302 Member
    He was very drunk. And this "friend" of mine was a woman he'd had feelings for before we started dating. Within the last few months this girl would get drunk with us and then ask my fiance why it had never worked out between them. The last time she did that she thought I was asleep and he said, "I would really prefer to not talk about this. I'm with Amber now and I love her." After he cheated a few months later, he admitted that when she started asking those stupid questions, "conflicting feelings" arose. But once it was done he made the choice to work it out with me....I have no idea what to think about all of it.

    So.. they used to date?
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
    Just leave him. He cheated, that will never change. Don't look for justification from here to stay with him.

    He betrayed you! Guys with weak character don't change, they stay weak.
  • foxro
    foxro Posts: 793 Member
    Hard call...if you do decide to forgive get a pre-nup agreement or something in writing from him about what happens if he commits strike #2. Protect yourself that's all. If he doesn't want such an agreement it's time to move on.
  • JJordon
    JJordon Posts: 857 Member
    I raelly don;t think this is the place for something like this.

    MFP is the Facebook for the weight/health conscious.

    I.E. Its the perfect place since a terrible significant other is nothing but dead weight.

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