CAFFEINE IS A DEADLY TOXIN

LaLouve_RK

Guess the OP didnt see the latest research that say that one cup of coffee per day is good for the health...

lithezebra

Guess the OP didnt see the latest research that say that one cup of coffee per day is good for the health...

There's an even better study that shows that more is better.

BurtHuttz

Guess the OP didnt see the latest research that say that one cup of coffee per day is good for the health...

"Hey did you know ice cream is really good for you, lots of calcium."
"Hey apparently ice cream isn't good for you, too much sugar, not enough calcium."

twiggypal

eat this...dont eat that. care...dont care..... i dont care

SlickFootAnna

It is???


Well, then, just IV that deadly toxin into my arm!!!

KCoolBeanz

The only way caffeine is deadly, is if I don't get enough of it in the morning. Existence then becomes unsafe for others around me.

neandermagnon

Mmmhmm. I hear ice cream and rat poison are related somehow. What do you think of that?

8 out of 10 murderers say their victims prefer it... (i.e. ice cream laced with arsenic... it adds a subtle almond flavour apparently...)

neandermagnon

The only way caffeine is deadly, is if I don't get enough of it in the morning. Existence then becomes unsafe for others around me.

SO TRUE!!!!!!!!

This is totally my experience too!

olDave

Lol...too funny!

nolachick

Relatively minor quantities of caffeine, as low as 10 grams - the same weight as four pennies, or two teaspoons of butter for comparison - is a lethal dose.

A shot of espresso has 100mg of caffeine in it! That's one percent of the lethal dose.
Also caffeine has a half life of 5 hours . . . so to get to a lethal dose you would only need to take 100 cups of espresso with an hour or two to keep pace with caffeine's half life.

At two ounces per shot of espresso, that's only 200 ounces of fluid (a little more than a gallon and a half.) MFP recommends eight glasses of water a day and if they're 12 ounce glasses that means that you're only talking about 16 glasses of espresso which is only two times as much as MFP already says you should drink.

If you're not alarmed yet, you will be now - - the water content alone of this quantity of espresso, ingested in this time frame, would cause hyponatremia - - the water dilutes the blood to the point that sodium levels tank and osmotic pressure on the rest of your bodily tissues forces water into them. Your brain swells with this water, and creates crushing pressures in your skull, so you die.

Death, people. Death. There is no business more serious than this business. Please drink responsibly.

With love,
Burt

dude this is so funny it made my eyes water hahahahaha

fatalis_vox

I keep coming back to this thread every once in a while, just to see who actually reads it and gets the joke, who actually reads it and doesn't get the joke, and those who don't bother to read it before posting a response. It keeps those slow days going a little faster.

SeaRunner26

But what about those of us that are addicts? Can you help us, dear Burt?

neandermagnon

But what about those of us that are addicts? Can you help us, dear Burt?

I can help you deal with caffeine addiction. Here's my advice:

1. never be without your caffeinated beverage of choice

2. errr, no, that's it for rules. See rule number one for further clarification if necessary....

SeaRunner26

I can help you deal with caffeine addiction. Here's my advice:

1. never be without your caffeinated beverage of choice

2. errr, no, that's it for rules. See rule number one for further clarification if necessary....

What about just carrying around coffee beans in case of emergency?

neandermagnon

I can help you deal with caffeine addiction. Here's my advice:

1. never be without your caffeinated beverage of choice

2. errr, no, that's it for rules. See rule number one for further clarification if necessary....

What about just carrying around coffee beans in case of emergency?

That's a good idea, although it technically still comes under rule number 1, i.e. remaining close to your caffeinated beverage of choice. It's up to you whether you eat the coffee beans as they are or take the trouble to locate a cup, hot water, and other equipment needed to prepare your cup of coffee.

It's teabags for me though, as I'm British and don't like the taste of coffee. I have stashes of English Breakfast and Earl Grey teabags in my handbag for emergency use. (In zip lock freezer bags to preserve the flavour correctly, as the flavour of tea is easily contaminated)

SeaRunner26

That's a good idea, although it technically still comes under rule number 1, i.e. remaining close to your caffeinated beverage of choice. It's up to you whether you eat the coffee beans as they are or take the trouble to locate a cup, hot water, and other equipment needed to prepare your cup of coffee.

It's teabags for me though, as I'm British and don't like the taste of coffee. I have stashes of English Breakfast and Earl Grey teabags in my handbag for emergency use. (In zip lock freezer bags to preserve the flavour correctly, as the flavour of tea is easily contaminated)

My plan was just to eat the beans. I rarely travel with my coffee maker.

Of course, I live in the Seattle Metro area so there's a Starbucks on every corner. Sometimes two.

neandermagnon

That's a good idea, although it technically still comes under rule number 1, i.e. remaining close to your caffeinated beverage of choice. It's up to you whether you eat the coffee beans as they are or take the trouble to locate a cup, hot water, and other equipment needed to prepare your cup of coffee.

It's teabags for me though, as I'm British and don't like the taste of coffee. I have stashes of English Breakfast and Earl Grey teabags in my handbag for emergency use. (In zip lock freezer bags to preserve the flavour correctly, as the flavour of tea is easily contaminated)

My plan was just to eat the beans. I rarely travel with my coffee maker.

Of course, I live in the Seattle Metro area so there's a Starbucks on every corner. Sometimes two.

well if you like the taste of beans then why not. I'm not sure I could eat a teabag though :sick:

BurtHuttz

But what about those of us that are addicts? Can you help us, dear Burt?

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that I left you to receive advice from this neanderthal. If you showed her a percolator she'd likely club you for being some sort of evil wizard.

Thing is, Sear Under, I can't help you if you're addicted. Caffeine addiction is a disease. It's like chocoholism, and it destroys families. You're on the right track with keeping the beans on you at all times, but you're making a misstep by masticating them. You'll find much longer term satiety if you can use them as suppositories - I know it's distasteful, but remember, water finds its level. And since coffee shoots through the GI tract like an overweight man in a luge, you know that's where it wants to be.

I can only recommend some sort of rehabilitation clinic where they perhaps provide decaf beans or something to wean you off. I wish you the best.

With love,
Burt

sbbhbm

So what you're saying OP is that if I stop drinking coffee I'll live forever?


Still not worth it :drinker:

VpinkLotus

F that noise.

amandapye78

well, I would prefer that I get poisoned than kill my whole family when they wake me up at 5:00 am without coffee

BurtHuttz

well, I would prefer that I get poisoned than kill my whole family when they wake me up at 5:00 am without coffee

On the plus side, you'd be single again. Hi, I'm Burt.

amandapye78

well, I would prefer that I get poisoned than kill my whole family when they wake me up at 5:00 am without coffee

On the plus side, you'd be single again. Hi, I'm Burt.

Single and in prison..:)

SeaRunner26

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that I left you to receive advice from this neanderthal. If you showed her a percolator she'd likely club you for being some sort of evil wizard.

Thing is, Sear Under, I can't help you if you're addicted. Caffeine addiction is a disease. It's like chocoholism, and it destroys families. You're on the right track with keeping the beans on you at all times, but you're making a misstep by masticating them. You'll find much longer term satiety if you can use them as suppositories - I know it's distasteful, but remember, water finds its level. And since coffee shoots through the GI tract like an overweight man in a luge, you know that's where it wants to be.

I can only recommend some sort of rehabilitation clinic where they perhaps provide decaf beans or something to wean you off. I wish you the best.

With love,
Burt

But isn't recognizing my addiction the first step? Now that you know, it's your responsibility to arrange an intervention. Perhaps turn it into a reality show as well.

As for using coffee beans as suppositories, that just won't do. There's no more room with the five-pound bag of sugar and the two liter bottle of diet soda. I just can't ween myself off all my addictions at once. Plus, the TSA is getting suspicious.

Lastly, I question your scientific knowledge. Newton effectively proved, ignoring friction, a fat man in a luge and and skinny man in a luge will pass through the GI tract at the same speed, unless there is a a McDonalds drive-through on the route, in which case one of them may pull over.

Respectfully,
Sear

boboff

Didn't read, just wanted to post in this thread to be one of the cool kids.

You are so, like, totally, up and with it man!

And this makes as much sence as the warning that drinking 100 cups of expresso would not only cause you to die from caffine but also too much liquid.


Hey kids....don't run with Scissors!

neandermagnon

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that I left you to receive advice from this neanderthal. If you showed her a percolator she'd likely club you for being some sort of evil wizard.

Thing is, Sear Under, I can't help you if you're addicted. Caffeine addiction is a disease. It's like chocoholism, and it destroys families. You're on the right track with keeping the beans on you at all times, but you're making a misstep by masticating them. You'll find much longer term satiety if you can use them as suppositories - I know it's distasteful, but remember, water finds its level. And since coffee shoots through the GI tract like an overweight man in a luge, you know that's where it wants to be.

I can only recommend some sort of rehabilitation clinic where they perhaps provide decaf beans or something to wean you off. I wish you the best.

With love,
Burt

But isn't recognizing my addiction the first step? Now that you know, it's your responsibility to arrange an intervention. Perhaps turn it into a reality show as well.

As for using coffee beans as suppositories, that just won't do. There's no more room with the five-pound bag of sugar and the two liter bottle of diet soda. I just can't ween myself off all my addictions at once. Plus, the TSA is getting suspicious.

Lastly, I question your scientific knowledge. Newton effectively proved, ignoring friction, a fat man in a luge and and skinny man in a luge will pass through the GI tract at the same speed, unless there is a a McDonalds drive-through on the route, in which case one of them may pull over.

Respectfully,
Sear

this Homo sapiens clearly thinks his vertical forehead, pointy chin, projectile weapons and stitched clothing means he is an expert in all things post-middle-palaeolithic. there may be many conflicting opinions about how/why the neanderthals went extinct, but you will never find any scientist anywhere who believes they died out from consuming too much caffeine. Caffeine addiction therefore will not make your species go extinct, so really, nothing to stress about. Just eat the coffee beans if you want to. no need for any rehab programmes or reality shows, unless you want to do that for reasons other than caffeine addiction, which is not a disease, it's a normal physiological response to drinking large quantities of caffeine on a regular basis.

regarding the luge, you have not factored in friction/air resistance. The fat man will in fact go more slowly due to greater air resistance* and greater friction* against the luge itself as more of him will be in contact with it. It is, as you say, a common misconception that heavier objects fall faster than lighter objects in the same gravitational field. they fall at the same speed, all other factors being equal. However the fat man will be subject to greater friction* and thus slide down the luge more slowly than the skinny man. To paraphrase, the skinny man will be more aerodynamic. More evidence that you should, in fact, just eat the coffee beans.

*air resistance is, in fact, friction (from the air particles) so the two are the same thing really. and eat the coffee beans. or put them in a percolator and make them into a cup of coffee. whatever. personal choice. And there's nothing wrong with using them as suppositories either, if you are so inclined. Just don't believe any hype claiming that this is superior.

vkw1

but it tastes great and is full of antioxidants! Off to drink my last one for the day!

Dlacenere

Written from my grave -

Ilovecoffee.com

krhn

Cheers for wasting 1 minute of my life... :grumble:

BurtHuttz

Cheers for wasting 1 minute of my life... :grumble: