Call All Those Who Have Been Cheated On!

Mhaney

Yes I knew every time he cheated no matter how much he denied. I can't explain it really....

cuterbee

I have always heard (especially for women) that if your SO is cheating you will know, whether you want to believe it or not. I'm just curious to know if this is actually true. So if you have been cheated on by a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or whatever else did you know?

I had no clue. One of his girlfriends (in Canada, no less, when we were living in Kansas) called me when she figured out he'd lied about being single. Then (dun dun DUNNNNN), I found his carefully hidden videotapes, along with photos and letters that let me know it had been ongoing for most of our 19-year marriage*.

OMG. Filed for divorce the next day.


*Everyone (both our families, his coworkers, our friends and even his best friends) was stunned. Without the taped evidence, I'm not sure I would have believed it, either. I've since come to believe that he's some kind of sociopath.

djsupreme6

if its a one time thing, it don't matter who you are..unless its obvious you aren't gonna know...if its continual then you very well may assume or be absolutely sure its happening....but....its still gotta be something obvious to sink it in.

Many base things on past experiences and its not always the best indicator...and no way would I ever believe that as soon as it happens you know...every circumstance described here has a counter as to something else it could be....new underwear...mood swings...as I said...its gotta be concrete before you really truly know

Imadarkswan

Yes, I knew.

Scott2ndGradeTeacher

I did not know.

When I was deployed, it turns out my ex had more soldiers in her than the Trojan Horse.

JinxRita

The first time, I knew it in my heart but was fully in denial and chose to ignore it because I wasn't in love - I was infatuated. We ended up breaking up anyway.

The second time I knew, and I snooped to confirm my suspicions. He had merely been flirting with her over Facebook, but I confronted him and we had a frank talk about it, and other things. We're actually still together, but he knows that if he ever strays outside the lines again, there will be no coming back. Five years in and we're still strong, though.

Tinkerbutton

I knew when his herpes test came back positive and he smelled of cheap hooker perfume.......just sayin

Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt

You might know that SOMETHING isn't going right, but you don't always "know" they're cheating. I've been cheated on twice - and once caught my (ex) best friend in bed with my boyfriend of 3 months (Senior year of high school - some pretty epic drama unfurled after that one).

Cheating is really just a symptom of something else, so I think that's really what makes people "know" when something isn't right. Either you're not in love anymore, or they're angry and frustrated at you (and instead of being mature enough to be open about that, they start cheating for revenge), or maybe they're gay or just aren't the type of person who can really be in a committed relationship without sabotaging it somehow (like say, with some hussy ex-friend of yours that ends up giving him the clap). It happens, and if it DOES happen, then most likely it just wasn't meant to be.

wikitbikit

Man, five pages of cheating stories sure makes me think, "Boy, I want to go out and get me into a relationship!"

:laugh:

Guns_N_Buns

A woman's intuition is never wrong. I knew...I could probably pinpoint the time and day he started. For 3 months I just KNEW it wasn't right. It wasn't. Never ignore red flags, intuition and don't rationalize multiple sketchy incidents as "coincidence"...it's not.

Because all women are automatically more perceptive than all men? Sorry, I don't buy it.

I never implied women are more perceptive than men...I could have easily said "a woman's intuition and a man's intuition..." Got a complex there, pal? 0.o My INTUITION tells me you don't buy a lot of things...

ScatteredThoughts

I never implied women are more perceptive than men...I could have easily said "a woman's intuition and a man's intuition..."

So why didn't you? Why focus on a woman's intuition?

Got a complex there, pal? 0.o

Vague. Please elaborate

My INTUITION tells me you don't buy a lot of things...

I certainly don't buy into many outdated stereotypes.

wolverine66

the question seems like you are stacking the deck just to support what you want to do.

there could be dozens/hundreds/thousands of people who are being cheated on right now but don't know they are being cheated on - how would they know to answer in this thread? the answer is, they wouldn't.

so you call the people who have been cheated on, and knew it. and even if they didn't know it when it was happening, after they find out, they say "ah yes, I should have known because of X,Y, and Z"

i'm not saying your significant other is or is not cheating on you, I am just pointing out that you have asked a question that will only illicit responses that will make you more suspicious.

KiwiKimblee

I hadn't idea until I caught an std. Threw him out that day.

KiwiKimblee

Lol. I have had a lot of relationships and only been cheated on once. We just tend not to forget the bad stuff, so we know not to let. It happen again.

Strength2Succeed

As other posters have mentioned you have a gut feeling its a matter of the evidence. Such a shame, I wish people had more respect.

djeffreys10

I knew. When he called her cell 10 times in one hour while we were on a date, it gave it away. She still denies it, even though we are divorced. But his old cell phone with naked pictures of her on it tells a different story. Turns out, she lied to him and said we were seperated, and started telling people he was stalking her as an excuse for all the phone calls. He didn't take to well to that, so he provided the evidence to me in case I needed it in the divorce.

JennetteMac

Wow, obviously I am short of guts and intuition. I had absolutely no idea until I recieved the first of 15 anonymous letters from the other woman. Even then I continued to trust him when he denied it saying there must be someone who really hated him if they could write such rubbish and try to hurt us.
Kind of fell apart when she sent photos though...
Split after almost 25 years of marriage.
Think I'm happier now, but it took a while to get over it, and the hurt that came from being taken for a total mug for so long.

tinak33

I didn't know for a while..... but then when he started accusing me of cheating, I could tell he was feeling guilty about something....
I never asked him about it. We broke up for many reasons (his repeated false accusations was one of those reasons) and then a few of his friends came forward and told me he cheated. I kind of already knew, but it was in the past, I wasn't with him anymore so I wasn't going to sweat it.
He spent the next 5 years on and off, wanting to get back together. :noway:
Yeah......I don't think so.

FishingGuy75

I supected but couldn't prove it until after the divorce was final.

firstsip

I realized my fiance was cheating when he laid down a six card straight.

ChantalD75

Had a gut feeling. Now he is with her and have a baby.

Alex_is_Hawks

I'd like to say that I knew...but I didn't....

and I found out after the relationships were done (for other reasons) both times...

I'm really laid back and trusting...so yeah...i didn't know...

pinkraynedropjacki

Yeah I knew. I could tell something was wrong, followed through with those instincts till I found a text message..... it tore me in half. I actually had anxiety attacks after that to the point I was shaking all the time. We are all good now, and this was almost 3 years ago... but damn..... I never want anyone to have to go through that. I even asked him if he'd ever cheat on me about a week before I found the text. He said "never in my life" ....... I asked him several times & when the person would call he would pretend it was our mutual friend calling. He would even say "hi Chris" on the phone call.... o the woman knew he was doing wrong. I knew who she was as well.... let me tell you...I threatened to kill her over the phone, left her a message at 2am telling her I' come & kill her & to stay away. Funny she never called again or sent a text.... I knew where she lives, she dont know where we live... she will get her's one day..... I'll happily go to prison for murdering her. Her husband was not happy either.... they got divorced & she was crying the victim.....*****.

"I'll happily go to prison for murdering her. Her husband was not happy either.... they got divorced & she was crying the victim....."

Uhmmm. wow. So resorting to murder is an okay response to infidelity? I hope you are being hyperbolic because that sentiment is messed up on so many levels.

Nope being deadly serious. I don't care, you try to mess with MY family or take MY man.... I'll take YOUR life. Simple as that.

WOW...so...you don't hold YOUR man responsible for HIS cheating? It takes two. Yes...I was devastated and hated the b!tch that my ex was cheating with but the bottom line was that HE said vows to me and committed to me...not her...I realized that I deserved more and if a man is going to cheat on me, his *kitten* isn't worth it...you deserve more...good luck.

My family is worth it. We'd been through so much & I knew & still know he'll never do it again.He knows he stuffed up big. He understands all that. I take my vows seriously & don't believe in divorce. Neither does he. We got through it. Him & my son I care about...her I don't. I don't give a rats toss if anyone here does not like it either. It's not your life, it's mine. I stand by what I said.

sdleischner

Dont snoop, Talk!!!!!! communication is the glue in a relationship. Snooping will only create more suspisions break trust and possibly loss of respect on both parts.

glbragg

I was married for 8 years and had no idea and no one around me ever suspected it either. An act of God allowed me to find out, I called to see we were having for dinner and instead of pushing the "End" button on her phone she pushed the "Talk" button out of habit and I could hear them hanging out. After I confronted her she told me she had been seeing another married guy for 6 months, needless to say we got divorced and I figured out who he was and called his wife to let her know also. If I'm going down I'm taking everyone with me.

djeffreys10

Looking back, the fact that she accused me of cheating often should have been a giveaway.

firstsip

Yeah I knew. I could tell something was wrong, followed through with those instincts till I found a text message..... it tore me in half. I actually had anxiety attacks after that to the point I was shaking all the time. We are all good now, and this was almost 3 years ago... but damn..... I never want anyone to have to go through that. I even asked him if he'd ever cheat on me about a week before I found the text. He said "never in my life" ....... I asked him several times & when the person would call he would pretend it was our mutual friend calling. He would even say "hi Chris" on the phone call.... o the woman knew he was doing wrong. I knew who she was as well.... let me tell you...I threatened to kill her over the phone, left her a message at 2am telling her I' come & kill her & to stay away. Funny she never called again or sent a text.... I knew where she lives, she dont know where we live... she will get her's one day..... I'll happily go to prison for murdering her. Her husband was not happy either.... they got divorced & she was crying the victim.....*****.

"I'll happily go to prison for murdering her. Her husband was not happy either.... they got divorced & she was crying the victim....."

Uhmmm. wow. So resorting to murder is an okay response to infidelity? I hope you are being hyperbolic because that sentiment is messed up on so many levels.

Nope being deadly serious. I don't care, you try to mess with MY family or take MY man.... I'll take YOUR life. Simple as that.

WOW...so...you don't hold YOUR man responsible for HIS cheating? It takes two. Yes...I was devastated and hated the b!tch that my ex was cheating with but the bottom line was that HE said vows to me and committed to me...not her...I realized that I deserved more and if a man is going to cheat on me, his *kitten* isn't worth it...you deserve more...good luck.

My family is worth it. We'd been through so much & I knew & still know he'll never do it again.He knows he stuffed up big. He understands all that. I take my vows seriously & don't believe in divorce. Neither does he. We got through it. Him & my son I care about...her I don't. I don't give a rats toss if anyone here does not like it either. It's not your life, it's mine. I stand by what I said.

Yeah, it's your life, but you just aired it out on a forum, and it's pretty odd that you seem to be pinpointing all blame on a woman you still insist you wish death upon. Your husband was equally responsible for the transgression. If you're into "forgive & forget" to heal your marriage, that's good. Why not do that with this other woman instead of harboring 100% of aggression on her, to the point of humorlessly condoning murder?

cosmic0074

I knew 2 months into our relation****. It was too obvious. My ex had another girl and guy on the side the entire time we were together.

pawnstarNate

My wife acts all weird about every 28 days or so. I know I'm not paranoid but, she gets angry, sad, happy, whiny, and very short tempered.....and recently I found chocolate kisses wrappers in the nightstand. I know something is up but, just can't put my finger on it.

skinnybunny_x

I had a feeling, something inside of me that I wouldn't acknowledge, but I didn't technically know. Now as a grown woman, when I listen to my intuition, it has yet to do me wrong!

Bottom line, it's not you, or even the relationship ... it's the other person, who will ultimately determine if they cheat or not. You have the right to educate yourself, and if your partner objects, there is usually a reason. If they won't log onto facebook or check their phone in front of you, there is a reason. If they are gone for hours without explanation, there is a reason. The red flag I should have picked up on with my ex was the fact that he would always bring home drinks from sit down restaurants like Applebees, but claimed never to have eaten there - just picked up a beverage. After we broke up, I learned from all his coworkers that he was taking his girlfriend from work out for lunch everyday. When he texted me that he didn't get a lunch break because of how busy the store was, that was why. He never let me read his e-mail, phone, facebook, etc.

Don't be afraid to be viewed as "nosey", so long as you're willing to let your partner look at the same information, all is fair.