Am I being insensitive to my over weight friend?

ThisNewFitGirl

I have a huge problem. My best friend is greatly over weight and she keeps insisting that she's happy with her weight and when she really wants to loose it she will. She's constantly reminising about the days she was skinny and thin and pretty and putting herself down but when I suggest that she do something about it she gets all defensive. I don't try to motivate her anymore because she takes it as a personal attack so instead I just try to be as healthy as possible around her so that she might see what i'm doing and be motivated that way. HOWEVER, she is always making fun of my "healthy lifestlye" and taking stabs about how much I workout and eat healthy and sometimes I just want to say " you know what, you're projecting because you're over weight and i'm sick of it. Loose some weight and maybe you won't feel so gross all the time." But that would be mean and I couldn't do that to her. I cant talk to her about it because everytime I do she gets angry with me What can I do?

quirkytizzy

Bite your tongue, lead by example.

missprincessgina

One of my friends would make fun of me for running before work and then hitting the gym at lunch time ... then one day she came and asked me for help and she went from a size 14 to a size 4. It's been awhile since I worked, and my friend is still lean and healthy and kept off all the weight.

Nimue108

There is nothing you can do. She is unhappy with how she is, but unmotivated to do anything about it. If she keeps taking jabs at you just smile at her and say that you don't talk mean about her so you would appreciate it if she didn't talk mean about you. If she continues then let her know that if she doesn't stop that you will stop hanging out with her. She has to decide for herself that she is willing to do the work to get healthy and some people prefer to wallow in their current life. You can ask if she wants to try some of you healthy food, or go to a workout class to get her feet wet, but if she declines then it is on her. Sorry you are dealing with this, but some people are just that way. *hugs*

Cr01502

I think you should say how you feel as long as you have the action to back it up.

momjmd

I would just reply that eating this way and exercising makes you feel great- physically and mentally. Talk about the great benefits you are receiving for being fit. Eventually she may realize that she wants some of that too-- otherwise, there is not much you can do. Just lead by your good example.

anaquay

I have a friend who is exactly like that and I worry so much about her deteriorating health but I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing I can do. The change will only come when she is ready.

imchicbad

Funny how she hates you to comment on her weight but she does that to you. So why give her permission to do it to you? A real friend doesn't drag another friend down. I would seriously , next time she makes a snide remark say something like" alright enough about my weight, I'm healthy and fit, so don't get me started on you" or be straight up and tell her " look you don't like me to comment on your weight, so why do you feel the need to comment on my healthy life style? I don't understand."

lithezebra

My suggestion is that you don't try to motivate her. If she criticizes your choices, ask her to stop. If you are tired of talking about body issues, change the subject, and if that doesn't work, explain that you're tired of talking about weight.

Delicate

just lead by example

i had a friend who was the same, but kept complaining about medical problems caused by her weight, making excuses, the whole trying to encourage her never worked.

however said friend through gentle encouragement and seeing me enjoying eating well, and exercising, has decided to take the baton (thinking its her own idea!) of joining the gym, going, and enjoying it and is eating better as a result.

It helped when she started 'dissing' my attitude towards exercise and eating well, i changed subject.

squirrelzzrule22

She obviously has major self esteem issues, and I can totally sympathize. And I'm sure that how well you take care of yourself DOES make her feel badly. But that doesn't mean you should stop taking care of yourself. Just do you and bite your tongue. If the way SHE is treating YOU becomes a problem then discuss it with her but ONLY in regards to how you feel- with no comment on her weight. Just say something along the lines of "It makes me feel badly when you tease me about working out. Its something I enjoy doing and its not fair for you to make fun of me so please don't." Good luck!

Lyerin

If she is truly a friend, tell her that it hurts your feelings when she makes fun of your lifestyle and ask her not to do it. Continue to lead by example.

amyrc12

Bite your tongue, lead by example.

Amen!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

When she talks negatively about herself why not say "Hey, don't talk about my friend that way" and list some of her positive traits? Sometimes people really don't need role models -- they just need to know they are valuable outside of their appearance. It's a self-loathing cycle. Encourage your friend to love herself and healthier habits will likely follow.

Bridget0927

Tell her she hurts your feelings when she makes fun of your "Healthy lifestyle"
Maybe hearing that will make her stop and think. I imagine she has had her feelings hurt before about the opposite. Telling someone they have hurt your feelings sounds silly but it works everytime. Shhhhhh dont tell to many ppl then it will lose its luster

Buzymomof_3

Unfortunately, until she's ready and committed it won't work for her (speaking from experience). Keep inviting but keep it light or she will take it as an attack. And find something to help her take pride in, her hair, her hands, her attitude on something. As for when she gives a negative comment about your workout or diet, just tell her - but it's what I like and I feel good when I do it, I would really like your support. Good Luck!

Mzfoster0517

I understand I have a close friend like that, but sometime it's just best as one person said on here too lead by example. My mom always told me when you get tired you'll do something to fix the problem, you just aren't tired yet. When I got tired and exhausted I changed.

Lot's of people know what they need to do, but don't like hearing it! I'm like that with driving. i know I need to drive, and it would be a life saver, and I want too, but I can't stand when someone tells me "You need to get your car running, You need to drive" UM DUR I know this already

GamerLady

I would tell her what I think. I'm not a mean person, but when you have someone that doesn't respect you, you shouldn't put up with it just to not hurt their feelings, she obviously doesn't care about yours.
I can't stand the pity party, oh woe is me, not taking responsibility for themselves and their actions, some people get when overweight and won't do anything about it.

Mzfoster0517

I like that suggestion

Gworkmanii

JUST BE HONEST. A true friend will understand honesty.

LauraDotts

Why is she your best friend? Why are you allowing someone to treat you that way and continue to call her friend? Friends are friendly not verbally abusive.