Not pregnant... but thanks for asking?

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  • emily356
    emily356 Posts: 318 Member
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    That happened to me a couple of times---it's awful. Unfortunately I don't ever seem to lose my belly. Now it is not as bad as it was before I lost so much weight, but it is still disproportionately large. I had 4 kids in 8 years & now I'm permanently pregnant shaped :grumble: .

    This!!! Except I have three. My legs look very nice and lean and muscular, belly is round and huge.:'( I've always carried weight in my middle, but being short and having 3 giant babies now makes me look pregnant at all times. And yes, I get asked.:( Saving up for that tummy tuck and muscle repair!!
  • elle2bee
    elle2bee Posts: 70 Member
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    It is not rude to ask a women if she is pregnent. If she looks prenent then it is not the askers fault. If you look pregnent and you are offended then you are the one being rude if you decide to take offense. (assuming someone is honestly asking of course and not just being mean)

    Your intent might not be rude, but the result is. And it can also be devastating, so please reconsider your thought process on this. Unless the subject is brought up, you should not mention it. The daughter of a man I work with is going through a miscarriage of twins at 19 weeks right now. She still looks pregnant, and once the ordeal is over she will still look pregnant for a while. A person who takes your attitude puts her in the position of either having to tell you the truth (which is absolutely none of your business) or quietly harboring the pain of your question (which you never should have asked). The status of a woman's uterus is not up for discussion, unless she says it is.

    i disagree. using that logic, never ask if someone is ok because maybe they just lost a family member to cancer


    I wasn't offended when I was mistaken for being pregnant at all. I was more sad and disapointed at myself. I do however think that the response back from somone who has mistaken somneone for being pregnant can cause the situation to be offensive. A simple apology for the mistake and assumption that you thought she was preganant can lighten the blow. I was with a friend once and an lady asked when she was due. My friend wasn't pregnant and responded that she wasn't in a nice way. The lady just said "Oh" and walked off. NOW THAT IS RUDE! A simple apology would have made up for the mistake. I personally wanted to smack her.
  • elle2bee
    elle2bee Posts: 70 Member
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    It is not rude to ask a women if she is pregnent. If she looks prenent then it is not the askers fault. If you look pregnent and you are offended then you are the one being rude if you decide to take offense. (assuming someone is honestly asking of course and not just being mean)

    Your intent might not be rude, but the result is. And it can also be devastating, so please reconsider your thought process on this. Unless the subject is brought up, you should not mention it. The daughter of a man I work with is going through a miscarriage of twins at 19 weeks right now. She still looks pregnant, and once the ordeal is over she will still look pregnant for a while. A person who takes your attitude puts her in the position of either having to tell you the truth (which is absolutely none of your business) or quietly harboring the pain of your question (which you never should have asked). The status of a woman's uterus is not up for discussion, unless she says it is.

    i disagree. using that logic, never ask if someone is ok because maybe they just lost a family member to cancer


    I wasn't offended when I was mistaken for being pregnant at all. I was more sad and disapointed at myself. I do however think that the response back from somone who has mistaken somneone for being pregnant can cause the situation to be offensive. A simple apology for the mistake and assumption that you thought she was preganant can lighten the blow. I was with a friend once and an lady asked when she was due. My friend wasn't pregnant and responded that she wasn't in a nice way. The lady just said "Oh" and walked off. NOW THAT IS RUDE! A simple apology would have made up for the mistake. I personally wanted to smack her.


    Oh, and really? You're comparison to cancer is irrelevant and insensitive.
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    Oh, and really? You're comparison to cancer is irrelevant and insensitive.

    wrong and wrong

    people ask questions out of curiosity. personally i would never ask a woman if she is pregnant nor would i compliment a lady on a hair cut (did that once to a good friend who busted out in tears for a half hour cause apparently the lady cut it too short and my friend hated it). but in the grand scheme of things having a baby is generally considered a good thing and such a happy time in someones life and people want to compliment others on it.

    i would say 99.9999999999% of the time there is absolutely no malice involved in asking said question but while some of the responses are amusing they also can be considered rude and only serve to put the person on the offensive/defensive causing the situation to get even worse.

    I had a friend say you and your mother crack me up and asked me how she was. I got to tell her that my mom recently passed away. want to talk awkward?

    we as people cannot go around wearing signs on our necks saying dont ask this dont say this. there are actually some good people out there who generally try to be nice and ask strangers questions, its not a bad thing.
  • graceylou222
    graceylou222 Posts: 198 Member
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    hey at least theyre asking!! I was told CONGRATS and i got excited lol I said ohh for what??? I thought I had won something, and the old man said, on being pregnant!! I gave him the most evil, death look ever. And then I went and cried lol
  • YogaNikki
    YogaNikki Posts: 284 Member
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    Someone once asked me how many children i had. None was my answer and she said "don't lie to me, you look like you've had at least 3"

    Real confidence boost...

    :noway:
  • annbillingsley
    annbillingsley Posts: 60 Member
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    I think it is a bit of being rude AND being oversensitive. You should feel proud you are small enough that people cannot tell if you are pregnant or carrying extra weight. I have had 2 children and I carry my extra weight mainly in my stomach and NO ONE could tell I was pregnant AT ALL! When I finally lost enough weight for people to not be sure if I was pregnant or fat, it was AWESOME! I have been asked once and it was one of the biggest compliments I have gotten, especially since it was an accident!

    So I think you all should pull up your big girl panties and not be so oversensitive
  • MeIShouldB
    MeIShouldB Posts: 578 Member
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    Been there.
  • Greenlola
    Greenlola Posts: 30 Member
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    I have had that asked before from a complete stranger urghhh stupid people like everyone said before if you are not sure don't ask. I also never wore that dress again (maybe that's why i hate dresses lol)

    But on a funnier or sadder note, i've had the opposite happen, while i was pregnant on my last week of work i was saying my goodbyes to some people when one guy (that saw me almost everyday or at least weekly) says "oh, are you pregnant?" I was like "yeahhhh, did you think i just got fatter?" he replied "yes" Sad but true, wasn't quite sure how to take that one lol
  • alexpl91
    alexpl91 Posts: 36 Member
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    I'm sorry but as far as I am concerned you NEVER EVER ask a woman if she's pregnant, end of story no matter what.

    i agree!
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    I don't know that I ever got the question, except from kids MAYBE - but what I got more of was stares at the belly. I could not believe how many people stared at my belly. Or gave me a "look" whenever I would go out to eat (never mattered what I ordered).

    About 2 weeks ago, I had the belly removed. I had lost 117 before the belly was removed, and the removal of the beast took 26 more pounds (doing a panniculectomy).

    I went to Olive Garden yesterday and ordered just the soup/breadsticks, and then decided I wanted a piece of the black tie moussecake. The water never gave me a wierd look or anything. I swear - first time ever. It was nice.

    Soon enough, people will quit asking. WIsh there was some sort of "Emily Post/etiquette for overweight people".
  • JuliaJitterbug
    JuliaJitterbug Posts: 22 Member
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    Lost 30 lbs once and someone asked me when I was due....made that 30 lbs loss seem like nothing, but oh well people are stupid in so many way you just have to keep going!
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    I have had that asked before from a complete stranger urghhh stupid people like everyone said before if you are not sure don't ask. I also never wore that dress again (maybe that's why i hate dresses lol)

    But on a funnier or sadder note, i've had the opposite happen, while i was pregnant on my last week of work i was saying my goodbyes to some people when one guy (that saw me almost everyday or at least weekly) says "oh, are you pregnant?" I was like "yeahhhh, did you think i just got fatter?" he replied "yes" Sad but true, wasn't quite sure how to take that one lol

    so if you ask youre rude if you dont ask youre an idiot

    this is the quandry. as i said before, you usually want to congratulate folks for pocreating
  • clockworkgeisha
    clockworkgeisha Posts: 48 Member
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    10 or 12 years ago, I was generally thinner, but that just made my belly more noticeable, and I would get asked if I was pregnant ALL THE TIME. After a while it stopped bothering me - it was actually pretty funny to see them react when I told them that no, this was just a pie baby...
  • Mavrick_RN
    Mavrick_RN Posts: 439 Member
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    (take note, I was only 17 when this happened)

    I was working as a cashier at Walmart, and this customer asked me "So, when is your baby due?". Being the snarky little person that I am I replied back "The same time yours is." She looked confused and said "but I'm not...." and I was like "yeah, neither am I - and I'd hope not, considering I'm 17. So sorry, I'm just a fat teenager." She was mortified and so embarrassed.

    I finished checking her out, told her to have a great day. Then she left and I started bawling. The CSM overheard everything though and let me take the rest of the night off.

    Some life lessons are harder to learn than others. Hopefully that customer will never be so rude again and perhaps you saved someone else with a "faux-pregnancy" problem the mortification and embarrassment you suffered.

    I will NEVER, EVER, EVER ask a woman who doesn't have a new-born attached to her by an umbilical cord if she is pregnant. I would ask if I could dial 911 though.
  • Krissy366
    Krissy366 Posts: 458 Member
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    It is not rude to ask a women if she is pregnent. If she looks prenent then it is not the askers fault. If you look pregnent and you are offended then you are the one being rude if you decide to take offense. (assuming someone is honestly asking of course and not just being mean)

    Your intent might not be rude, but the result is. And it can also be devastating, so please reconsider your thought process on this. Unless the subject is brought up, you should not mention it. The daughter of a man I work with is going through a miscarriage of twins at 19 weeks right now. She still looks pregnant, and once the ordeal is over she will still look pregnant for a while. A person who takes your attitude puts her in the position of either having to tell you the truth (which is absolutely none of your business) or quietly harboring the pain of your question (which you never should have asked). The status of a woman's uterus is not up for discussion, unless she says it is.

    i disagree. using that logic, never ask if someone is ok because maybe they just lost a family member to cancer

    I think if you're asking "are you ok" it is likely because someone appears distressed, in which case a compassionate person would ask. If you mean asking "how are you" well, that's a pretty standard question and typically requires no more response than "I'm fine" among acquaintances (and strangers), and therefore doesn't put the recipient of the question in an awkward or traumatizing position.

    My point about the pregnancy is, if you are close enough to the person for it to be your business, you will know (and then, when they decide you should - superstitions and family politics and all). If you're not, it's not YOUR conversation to start. Sure, chat it up if they talk, but there are SO many reasons not to open that door. Along with my example and the OPs, a person could be having a problem pregnancy, they could have an unwanted pregnancy and be planning to give the baby up, they could just simply be tired of being treated like they no longer rate conversation on their own merit but merely only on the contents of their uterus. There are so many reasons why the question is a bad idea. The best course of action with strangers is not not introduce intrusive topics that aren't your business to begin with.
  • slucardie
    slucardie Posts: 2 Member
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    yes, a couple years ago 2 different people asked me in the same month! 4 weeks later a positive test ;)
  • Wgbn32
    Wgbn32 Posts: 38 Member
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    This happened to me too a few years ago. I was about 23-24. I don't have any kids and I felt so low when the lady asked me. She was soo rude about it though, like she thought I was lying when I said "no". Sigh.
  • Juggernaut_D
    Juggernaut_D Posts: 149 Member
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    Heck - the woman could be rubbing her belly and I could see the baby kicking and I would still act shocked if she TOLD me she was pregnant - But I would NEVER ask!!!
  • AlohaKeAkua
    AlohaKeAkua Posts: 92
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    I've had a few students ask me this over the years. The first time it went like this:
    Student: "Are you pregnant" (from across the room and I called him up to the front)
    Me: " Are you completely unaware that it's inappropriate to ask a woman that?! No! I am not pregnant! Why would you ask me that?!"
    Student: "You seem moody today. That's all"... I felt awful about myself and then worse that I wore my feelings on my sleeve that day!

    Second time-
    I was walking across campus and was wearing my new dress. A student came up to me:
    Student: "Are you pregnant?"
    Me: "Ugh, no"
    Student: "Don't lie"
    ... Don't lie?! I never wore the dress again!

    It doesn't feel good!! I am SO self-consciousness about it now!! I'm more wide hipped than belly flab, but golly do I worry! Maybe I need to not care so much what others think! I'm getting healthy and my husand is proud of me and loves me either way :love:

    But, I teach 8th grade... Sometimes they have no censor or sense!!

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