support for Binge Eating Disorder

Behavior_Modification

Welcome Angie!

glypta

Hi folks, well I had a weekend of bingeing. And not the 'I'm doing it on fruit in my allocated calories' kind. I don't know if it was triggered by the hope that I'd be 'cured' yesterday, but it happened. It started with the fruit. Then more fruit, in an attempt to keep the big one at bay. Then the dried fruit. And then 'if I sick it up, it'll be ok'. So then I had a whole box of chocolates followed by the remainder of a huge (like 200g or 500g) bar of chocolate. Felt sick, though not physically - mentally, you know the drill. Shame, regret, guilt. So I sicked up what I could, felt relieved, though more guilty and ashamed, and took myself to bed, as there's no food habit there.

Went to the NLP guy, and we developed my goals ~
1. To enjoy running more - I want to keep it up. It's good for me, it keeps my weight in check, and I get (certainly no endorphines) a good feeling at having completed it. If only I could actually not dread doing it so much...
2. To make better choices - I'm so, so good at being 'good' most of the time: why can't I do it when the bingey-need arrives? He asked me why, and I got so upset, because I just don't know: I don't do it (I don't think) out of depression, stress, anxiety, etc. At best it might be boredon, or a general (single) loneliness, but I'm certainly used to the latter (unfortunately!). And that should stop the bingeing: I don't want to not purge (sorry - well I do, but not if I'm still bingeing), but I want to stop bingeing, so badly.
3. To be content not eating: and that's not to not want to eat, but to comfortably sit in front of the TV at night and not feel I NEED to eat something to be relaxed and calm.
4. To relieve myself of the guilt I feel when I feel I've eaten something bad ~ this made me worry as it's the guit that kepps me on the straight and narrow, but he assured me if I can keep the running (and like it!), keep making good choices, then why would I need to binge?

However, the usual 'tools' don't work on me, so I've to go back for a few sessions (no extra cost, he assures me) and do it bit by bit, and it seems that my initial suggestion, which had me in tears (I think I was grieving for my future no-cakes) was to just make me not want my trigger foods. He was against this, as it restricts my diet more and eliminates choice, but I'm such an oddity/whatever that it seems very unlikely tradtitional tools will work (visualisation, etc). He's not altogether cool with it but thinks it'll be more effective for what I want. Imagine, not WANTING biscuits and chocolate!!! How free would I feel!!!

So, I met my friend afterwards, we had a healthy lunch, followed by cake and ice cream (yum) then I went to my friend's for dinner and had far too much (albeit healthhy) pasta, followed by a whole banoffee cheesecake between the three of us. And garlic bread (not in that order). I didn't sick it up, but felt guilty about not doing so (and I didn't because she knows I do, and she told me I'd fecking better well not!).

So now I'm off for a run, then I'm calling my friend to cancel dinner tonight so I can't be tempted by burger, chips and pudding (which was the best of all three I'd ever had at that same restaurant before :frown: ). Good choice food-wise, bad choice fun/friendship-wise.
Thanks for listening/reading. Hope you all had a better weekend food-wise than me. xxx

MrsBattousai

Hey!

Day 2 no binging! Getting there!

IsMollyReallyHungry

Hey!

Day 2 no binging! Getting there!

Excellent!! Keep up the good work!

IsMollyReallyHungry

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS
One Day at a Time
September 12, 2010

~ LOVE ~

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

"Love yourself first and everything else
falls into line. You really have to
love yourself to get anything done in
this world."

Lucille Ball

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

It took me a long time to learn what
love truly means. I thought love
included pleasing others, saying "yes"
when I meant "no," swallowing my true
feelings and putting myself last. What I
didn’t know is that I was practicing
resentment, anger, fear, jealousy and
everything but love. I could not love
others because I did not love myself.

Then I decided to take care of myself
first. I considered no one but me, took
care of myself, (or so I thought) while
actually alienating myself from those
close to me. I ate compulsively to tame
the self-loathing I felt inside. And I
loathed myself because I did not treat
myself with real love and kindness.

Today I know that loving myself must
come first. If I love myself, I am
better able to love everyone in my life
because I do things from a place of
honesty. If I treat myself with respect,
I treat others with respect. Everyone
wins when I love myself enough to accept
myself, flaws and all.

ONE DAY AT A TIME . . .

I will ask my Higher Power for the
ability to accept and love myself for where I
am this day, knowing I am a work in progress like a
tree that grows from self-care and nurturing.

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~

"God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

Behavior_Modification

Good morning everyone. Glypta, thank you so much for sharing your weekend with us. Not even wanting to eat so much of the bad foods would be awesome, wouldn't it? I had an unfortunate binge day yesterday. I'm not sure if it started with the jello pudding pop I had a few hours after waking up or the wine the night before, but all day I was just insatiable for sugar. I couldn't get enough. I wanted chocolate and ice cream and lots of it. It got bad where I could tell I was just downing the food and not really even eating it and fully enjoying it. I even considered not logging it all because I was so ashamed of my lack of control. But I have to remember that one day is not a pattern and today is a new day.

MrsBattousai

Hey! dianeg1981

First of all we all fall down it how we get up that matters. Put it bind you because you can not can the past. Don't beat yourself up it is very hard sometimes. Just learn from it and your right log it in. Don't be like me and not log it in. It does help. It also tells you when you you binged for next time and j=keep your self busy for next time. You can do it!

We are all here for you!

IsMollyReallyHungry

Diane,

Good job on logging it anyways! And trying to analyze the trigger. You know there is not always a trigger for us. But it is good to see if you can find one. It may be sugar or emotional or again nothing at all. That why it is a disorder and we have to learn how to be mindful of it and manage it. That is important. Log no matter what. That is why I make my diary private now because I don not want to start playing games with myself. and I don't need imput from others because I know myself what I eat.

Consistency not perfection. Keep up the good work!!

MrsBattousai

Hey!

So I had other binge day yesterday! But I'm moving on and going to my meeting tomorrow night for overeating so it should help to talk it out! Tks for the surport guys! Today will be better day!

Behavior_Modification

Hey, me too I'm pretty sure my hormones are taking over right now and it is very hard to battle them. It didn't help that I went grocery shopping last night too so I had a few extra goodies in the house. I've also been bad w/ exercise the past 3 days and I know on days I exercise I'm less prone to binge too. Tonight I see my personal trainer for a session so I'm looking forward to that and it will surely exhaust me so hopefully I can fall asleep w/ no problems.

MrsBattousai

Hey!

I figured one thing out about my binging, I'm way more prone to binge when I'm by myself so I try to be around people as much as I can. And when I'm byself I try to keep very busy. And try not to do one thing for to long. I also found as soon as I'm done eating I brush my teeth so no taste of food is there after. And the worest time for me is in the afternoon so I take a nap. Getting there slowly. One step at a time.

Melissa

Behavior_Modification

Yesterday was better. I had the urge to binge last night big time but I also was legitamitely hungry so I ate a whole bag of 94% fat free popcorn, some yogurt and a fiber granola bar....and then a little chocolate. And I was able to stop thank goodness and went to bed.

lilangel7671

Bump..I'd like to keep in touch, I am dealing with this myself..I've gained back about 30lbs since feb. when I was in a car accident (kinda emotional scars i'm dealing with now) and really am trying hard to get my body back! lol..just want to have as much support as i can:) Thanks!

Robin42

Hey!

I figured one thing out about my binging, I'm way more prone to binge when I'm by myself so I try to be around people as much as I can. And when I'm byself I try to keep very busy. And try not to do one thing for to long. I also found as soon as I'm done eating I brush my teeth so no taste of food is there after. And the worest time for me is in the afternoon so I take a nap. Getting there slowly. One step at a time.

Melissa

Thanks for this Melissa. This is helpful.

IsMollyReallyHungry

Daily Inspiration for September 15, 2010

Harbor hope.

So what do you do when you stumble? Do you shake your head in self-disgust and say to yourself, "Well, what else is new? I always screw up. What's the point?" Or do you humbly acknowledge the fact that you are a flawed human being (like everyone else on the planet) and vow to do better next time?

If you "slam" yourself too much, you'll lose hope for the future. Hope is your heart's way of pushing you to try more, accomplish more, and be more. Don't extinguish that spark.

Action for the day: Reflect on the most recent misstep you made in your weight loss journey. Determine what lesson can be learned from it, forgive yourself for it, and then move on.

IsMollyReallyHungry

Good job Melissa and Diane!!! One Day at a time.....

Behavior_Modification

Mollie you are so awesome!

Robin42

Hi Friends,
just wanted you all to know that I'm learning from you. I kept so busy today that I didn't binge. I'm so happy. There are so many better things to do than stuff myself. Funny, I couldn't come up with a simple solution like that on my own. Thant;s what friends are for, though, right?
THANKS!!!!

gillleeman

Hello saw this site today and just had to write. I have suffered with ED all my life (from as early as can remember). Developed anorexia, bulimia, over- exercising, and finally emotional binge eating disorder. I joined OA is 2000 and as a result have come face to face with alot of my demons and worked the programme through 4 times, each time achieving more and more. I dropped a stone of weight in my first year and then noticed it was starting to creep up again over the past 4 years.

OA does not endorse any food plan, it is up to you, so I decided to join here and count calories. I'm now finally shifting my last stone (maybe stone and half - 21 lbs).

I don't attend OA meetings so much these days (moved out of the area) but do follow the spiritual side daily and find that keeps me in recovery.

This problem is a lot more common that we think, at the time we think we are very alone, but we're not.

Thanks for all sharing.

Behavior_Modification

Welcome Gill!

Great job Robin!

For myself, I have been eating a LOT of popcorn lately. I have just been insatiable. Stress, hormones, I don't know what's changed. I have still been keeping to my good foods throughout the day to keep me satisfied on a good amount of protein and fiber. But I just want to shove stuff in my mouth, but nothing healthy of course. I want sweet and I want salty. So I've been eating popcorn to ward off the salty and trying to keep the sweet to a minimum since that is much more of a trigger. Overall yesterday was another good day even though I had several snack foods in the evening. And I took an hour walk too after work so I felt good about that and tonight I'll see the trainer again. But sort of not looking forward to that because my glutes and hamms are killing me still from Tues' workout. I'm going to ask if we can focus on upper body instead. I hope everyone has a good day!

Robin42

WOW! I had a very good day! I had a couple of boiled eggs mid morning instead of my usual granola bar, and that carried me through so much better! I think I'm gonna go low carb. My body seems to respond better to that style of eating. Carbs just make me want more carbs.

I hear you about popcorn, Diane!! I could eat it til I puke!
:-)
Bless you all!

IsMollyReallyHungry

Good Job Robin!!

Diane, I feel you on popcorn. Popcorn is better than sweets or salty snacks. A good alternative.

My 2nd bad eating day......:-( Thanks goodness I workout out like a demon today and took a short walk at lunch. One more bad day and I know I will be up on weigh in. Oh well. TOM IS LEAVING ME SOON. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Have a good weekend everyone!!

Behavior_Modification

Hi Mollie. You are definitely rocking the exercise lately and I am very inspired by seeing that on my news feed. I'm like wow, Mollie can do over an hour on the eliptical, that is AMAZING!!! You are doing very well ma'am. :flowerforyou:

Right now it is 9pm and I haven't eaten since about 4 when I finished my 3rd eating experience. Not intentionally but I had my workout at 6pm and then when I got home I've had this horrible feeling that once I get started I'm not going to be able to stop so I haven't eaten anything yet and am hoping that I can just fast the rest of the day and avoid it all together today. My fiancee is on his way over for a quick hello and then I should be off to bed.

Behavior_Modification

I'm very proud for resisting the delicious pizza Joe brought over with him last night. He brought a Jack's naturally rising frozen pizza and it smelled so good. I didn't even have a bite and told myself I could have some leftover for lunch today (I love cold pizza). I still got in about 1200 cals yesterday and woke up feeling good about not bingeing yesterday.

Behavior_Modification

Well today's post is much different than yesterdays because I had a really bad evening. It started with too much chocolate and not being able to say no to some free cookies to stopping at Wendy's for a small frosty because I "needed" it...Um, yeah, I don't have much to say about yesterday other than I logged it all and even with the splurge I wasn't much over 3000 calories, but I do feel like crap today because of it. My body is letting me know it did not appreciate the binge.

Today will be better.

IsMollyReallyHungry

Hi Mollie. You are definitely rocking the exercise lately and I am very inspired by seeing that on my news feed. I'm like wow, Mollie can do over an hour on the eliptical, that is AMAZING!!! You are doing very well ma'am. :flowerforyou:

This week was totally bad including today. Good job on the pizza. I am definitely struggling and the only saving grace is the exercise.....:-)

I wish I could say I was doing over 60 mind on elliptical Diane!! :laugh: Nope, not I. No one ever sees it says including cardio exercises. Most days I only do 20 to 35 min on elliptical. I try to do 45 min cardio but usually a mix of 2 machines or including walking a few minutes. The calories show up the machine that burned the most calories so MFP always shows elliptical as the primary exercise when I do it -- which is most days except weekends. But I am glad it motivates, but I figured I would let you know I am no super woman. And M W F I do 30 to 45 min weights which is included in my totals minutes.

Robin42

Weekends ARE pretty hard!
I really don't know how I managed to stay under my calories, but I did!

I can't even allow myself to enjoy that victory, though, because it was SO HARD!!!!!!!!!!! It felt like such deprivation! I just wish I could eat like a normal person without the effort half killing me.

Can you guys relate to that?

Thanks for being there!!!

Behavior_Modification

Yes, weekends are hard! I can totally relate to you Robin. We have to work so much harder.

Molly, thanks for the explanation, you are still incredible!

I need to kick it back up into high gear, but I just don't feel like I have it in me right now. So I must continue to just take it a day at a time and do my best each day. I will try not to look so far ahead and I will focus on mini daily goals instead of big picture goals because right now those are too overwhelming.

glypta

I have nothing but guilt and abject shame at what I ate over the weekend. I was away Fri-Mon for a half marathon on Sun, and a mix of 'holiday mode' and a knowledge that I actually HAD to eat a little more than normal (based on feeling unwell at a race two weeks ago) and I went mental. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't write everything I ate, suffice it to say I ate from the time I woke up on Friday until last thing last night: some of it was healthy, most of it wasn't.

I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop (although of course I did). And now I feel just awful that I have so little control.

Robin42

glypta, I am in the same boat. I completed my food entries last night, and an hour later came in and raided the fridge. I was too ashamed to even log it.
Today is a new day. Let's get through it together, folks!
Thanks for being there for me to be honest with.