Texting is NOT ENOUGH, Pick Up the Damned Phone!!
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Simply put : texting has just become engrained in our society. It's what's considered the "norm." That being said, I do feel your frustration... I'm currently dating a guy that is much more comfortable texting than talking.
So I call him. And if the texting really bugs me ... I gently let him know that my preferred means of communication is actually SPEAKING to him. He's really cool with it.
If you do that hopefully the problem will be solved : if it isn't ... maybe he just isn't the right guy. The old-fashioned gentleman you speak of isn't extinct, but he's just harder to find these days.
So phone calls are old-fashioned and well-mannered and chivalrous (yes you didn't say that, but this thread implies it)..but texts are not? I'd be interesting in hearing the logic on this one. Rhetorical question, there is clearly no logic behind it. Riding your horse down a cobblestone street and asking the girl out in person in front of her father is old-fashioned. Phone calls are not old fashioned. And they are certainly no more 'old fashioned' and well mannered than texts.
I'm following your logic and I agree with it. However, historically, I haven't seen men use texting as a means to a date. More like something they can casually do when they get a moment and hope it leads to sex eventually. I would have no problem being asked out on a date through text, but I don't even think people date anymore as it is. I just don't think people go on formal dates. Period.
Given your recent thread covering your troubles in finding an introverted man, like yourself...all I can say is, good luck. You want an introverted or shy man, you admit you are introverted and shy, and yet you place a host of qualifications on your potential partner which effectively rule out most of those men you claim to be seeking.
And you don't think people go on formal dates these days? The problem here clearly isn't phone vs txt. It's your inexperience with dating and unwillingness to date. No offense meant in the slightest. But I can assure you people still go on formal dates...even dates arranged via txt.
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Well, it is quite the conundrum, yes. Although I'm introverted, I've got no problem picking up the phone to call a guy i'm interested it. And even extroverted men I meet these days still get wrapped up in the endless texting cycles. I find it's really not related to extroversion or introversion. I'm just of the mindset that if someone is truly interested, they will pick up the phone and perhaps I haven't met anyone truly interested. This could also be the case.
I'll give you the last 4 people I met within the last month and 1 ex.
1. We dated a few years, he was a texter, hardly ever called, I always initiated us hanging out and getting together. This possibly has started my aversion to this method of me being the initiator.
2. Met an interesting guy, we exchanged info. He texted me right away saying he'd like to take me out sometime if my schedule allowed. I agreed. He drops off the face of the earth, never to be heard of again. I shot him a quick hello text, no response.
3. Met a guy on the street and we talked for about an hour, great conversation. Exchanged information and started the texting cycle which he consistently tried to steer towards a sexual nature and I consistently rebuffed him expressing my disinterest in moving that quickly. He finally sent me an unsolicited picture of his privates which turned me off completely.
4. Ran into someone I'd met a few times a year and a half ago and clicked immediately. We exchanged info and because our night had been cut short, I called him up and we talked for 4 hours, effortlessly. He's texted me every day since, but hasn't called or made plans to get together.
Now... if you can tell me where I'm going wrong, please enlighten me! From my experience, I'm starting to see a pattern develop, although the pool may be too small to draw conclusions from.0 -
I think it depends on where you live. I live in a small city/large town, and all my male friends, though they text, also call and chat with girls they meet. They're not so old fashioned that they'd have a problem with the woman taking charge (a lot of them find it sexy), but they generally do the whole courtship thing.
But we're living in a technological world. And I am a technological girl.
Also its rather interesting, the amount of people who are afraid to talk on the phone. Social anxiety abounds.0 -
. Call me old fashioned, but I appreciate traditional gender roles in which the man COURTS the woman. Courtship seems dead. Now it's, meet, text, hook up. WTF is that mess?
Just like everything else, things change!!
Hmm, how far does this 'old fashioned/traditional' role go...are you going to give up your career to stay at home, cook, clean for your man, have his dinner ready when he gets home?
I hear alot of women wanting to be wooed and courted in the 'old fashioned' way but then get all modern and feminist when it comes to the other traditional roles.
Wake up, we're not little women that need to be kept and protected, we have fought for equality on so many levels...but you want to go back there? Not me, no thanks!!
I'd love to stay home instead of work. i do the majority of the cleaning/cooking anyway. lol0 -
All the good ones are snatched up in their 30s? I know a couple 30-somethings who are always complaining that all the good women are married by their 30s. I'd introduce you, if it were possible.
I don't mind dating. Sure, it can be a pain in the butt, but that it normal and it always has been. You can't expect to go "back on the market" and find someone you're compatible with immediately. Sometimes you just have to deal with crappy dates to get to the better ones. You're right about the texting, though. It does seem like most people prefer to text nowadays, but I won't lie, I prefer it myself because I just do not like talking over the phone - not even with my friends. The only time I actually prefer talking over the phone is if there is a problem, otherwise texting is good enough for me - especially if we are going to see each other in person. I know I find texting more casual. I don't think I would like having my bf call me every day to talk - not unless we haven't seen each other for awhile. My only advise is to just be patient with finding someone you really like, and if calling is important to you (for making plans, saying hello, etc.), you can try to bring it up early on. If someone is serious about getting to know you, hopefully they'd be willing to compromise and call you from time to time, instead of purely texting.0 -
My boyfriend (of 2.5 years) and I have talked on the phone once. And that was because Sprint wasn't sending messages and he was letting me know he'd be late. We got right to the point and we made actually plans for actually dates by text. And we had quite a few dates before we "hooked up". This would have been the exact same path if this was pre-text and we had to call.
Technology and dating is what you make. It is neither good nor bad.0 -
If it is something short, then I will text. If it requires a conversation, I will call. I hate text conversations and I hate textspeak. I have seen too many people take texts the wrong way and end up in a row with someone mostly because the meaning is so lost in the abbreviations the message is almost indecipherable!
As for these people who get anxious on the phone because they need to think - get some practice! Think about what you want to say first and then dial the number and TALK! It's not hard - it's a pre-requisit skill for a lot of jobs!
Speak on the phone! It's good for you!!!0 -
Simply put : texting has just become engrained in our society. It's what's considered the "norm." That being said, I do feel your frustration... I'm currently dating a guy that is much more comfortable texting than talking.
So I call him. And if the texting really bugs me ... I gently let him know that my preferred means of communication is actually SPEAKING to him. He's really cool with it.
If you do that hopefully the problem will be solved : if it isn't ... maybe he just isn't the right guy. The old-fashioned gentleman you speak of isn't extinct, but he's just harder to find these days.
So phone calls are old-fashioned and well-mannered and chivalrous (yes you didn't say that, but this thread implies it)..but texts are not? I'd be interesting in hearing the logic on this one. Rhetorical question, there is clearly no logic behind it. Riding your horse down a cobblestone street and asking the girl out in person in front of her father is old-fashioned. Phone calls are not old fashioned. And they are certainly no more 'old fashioned' and well mannered than texts.
I'm following your logic and I agree with it. However, historically, I haven't seen men use texting as a means to a date. More like something they can casually do when they get a moment and hope it leads to sex eventually. I would have no problem being asked out on a date through text, but I don't even think people date anymore as it is. I just don't think people go on formal dates. Period.
Given your recent thread covering your troubles in finding an introverted man, like yourself...all I can say is, good luck. You want an introverted or shy man, you admit you are introverted and shy, and yet you place a host of qualifications on your potential partner which effectively rule out most of those men you claim to be seeking.
And you don't think people go on formal dates these days? The problem here clearly isn't phone vs txt. It's your inexperience with dating and unwillingness to date. No offense meant in the slightest. But I can assure you people still go on formal dates...even dates arranged via txt.
Well, it is quite the conundrum, yes. Although I'm introverted, I've got no problem picking up the phone to call a guy i'm interested it. And even extroverted men I meet these days still get wrapped up in the endless texting cycles. I find it's really not related to extroversion or introversion. I'm just of the mindset that if someone is truly interesting, they will pick up the phone and perhaps I haven't met anyone truly interested. This could also be the case.
I'll give you the last 4 people I met within the last month and 1 ex.
1. We dated a few years, he was a texter, hardly ever called, I always initiated us hanging out and getting together.
2. Met an interesting guy, we exchanged info. He texted me right away saying he'd like to take me out sometime if my schedule allowed. I agreed. He drops off the face of the earth, never to be heard of again. I shot him a quick hello text, no response.
3. Met a guy on the street and we talked for about an hour, great conversation. Exchanged information and started the texting cycle which he consistently tried to steer towards a sexual nature and I consistently rebuffed him expressing my disinterest in moving that quickly. He finally sent me an unsolicited picture of his privates which turned me off completely.
4. Ran into someone I'd met a few times a year and a half ago and clicked immediately. We exchanged info and because our night had been cut short, I called him up and we talked for 4 hours, effortlessly. He's texted me every day since, but hasn't called or made plans to get together.
How... if you can tell me where I'm going wrong, please enlighten me!
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They aren't into you. My past experience, if a guy wants you, he'll make an effort. If he doesn't want you, he won't. As far as #3, there are always going to be the people who are just trying to get "some" (girls included). Just the way it is.0 -
Based on those 4 date examples, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Luck of the draw. But that last guy could be good. Maybe send him an explicit hint "when are we going to go out"? This way he still makes the plans, but you make your intentions clear. As a guy, I'd appreciate this especially if he is still trying to feel you out.
You can tell their interest level via txt. If you always initiate and he is boring....it's a bad sign. If he is txting you, engaging, but not asking you out directly....it's safe to say he is interested but needs a little nudge.0 -
Based on those 4 date examples, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Luck of the draw. But that last guy could be good. Maybe send him an explicit hint "when are we going to go out"? This way he still makes the plans, but you make your intentions clear. As a guy, I'd appreciate this especially if he is still trying to feel you out.
You can tell their interest level via txt. If you always initiate and he is boring....it's a bad sign. If he is txting you, engaging, but not asking you out directly....it's safe to say he is interested but needs a little nudge.
Thank you. I appreciate your insightful comments and I'll give this a try.
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Based on those 4 date examples, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Luck of the draw. But that last guy could be good. Maybe send him an explicit hint "when are we going to go out"? This way he still makes the plans, but you make your intentions clear. As a guy, I'd appreciate this especially if he is still trying to feel you out.
You can tell their interest level via txt. If you always initiate and he is boring....it's a bad sign. If he is txting you, engaging, but not asking you out directly....it's safe to say he is interested but needs a little nudge.
Thank you. I appreciate your insightful comments and I'll give this a try.
That is good advise - lots of guys like to feel courted, too. 0 -
1. We dated a few years, he was a texter, hardly ever called, I always initiated us hanging out and getting together. This possibly has started my aversion to this method of me being the initiator.
Wimp.2. Met an interesting guy, we exchanged info. He texted me right away saying he'd like to take me out sometime if my schedule allowed. I agreed. He drops off the face of the earth, never to be heard of again. I shot him a quick hello text, no response.
Found someone better. You were a backup.Met a guy on the street and we talked for about an hour, great conversation. Exchanged information and started the texting cycle which he consistently tried to steer towards a sexual nature and I consistently rebuffed him expressing my disinterest in moving that quickly. He finally sent me an unsolicited picture of his privates which turned me off completely.
Wanted a FWB. It was failing, so he threw a Hail Mary to be sure.4. Ran into someone I'd met a few times a year and a half ago and clicked immediately. We exchanged info and because our night had been cut short, I called him up and we talked for 4 hours, effortlessly. He's texted me every day since, but hasn't called or made plans to get together.
Has a girlfriend or wife.Now... if you can tell me where I'm going wrong, please enlighten me! From my experience, I'm starting to see a pattern develop, although the pool may be too small to draw conclusions from.
Nothing wrong with you.0 -
I HATE talking on the phone and I always have. To family, friends, whatever. The only person I would agree to speak to on the phone was my dad because my parents were divorced and I was a TOTAL daddy's girl and only got to see him a couple times a year. He's still the person I talk to most, and even then it's probably once a week. I have never cared whether a guy wanted to talk to me on the phone and I don't interpret it in any way other than someone is more comfortable with it than I am. My BF also hates talking on the phone. So, we never do! We never really have. For months we texted when we were apart (which wasn't often), but these days we actually just e-mail throughout the day. I love emailing. You can say as much as you want, you don't interrupt each other on accident, and your words are waiting whenever the other party is ready. I think it's sort of unique.
Anywho, I wouldn't attach too much meaning to one thing. The best thing you can do for any blossoming (or established) relationship is to have very few expectations and a very open mind.0 -
All the good ones are snatched up in their 30s? I know a couple 30-somethings who are always complaining that all the good women are married by their 30s. I'd introduce you, if it were possible.
I don't mind dating. Sure, it can be a pain in the butt, but that it normal and it always has been. You can't expect to go "back on the market" and find someone you're compatible with immediately. Sometimes you just have to deal with crappy dates to get to the better ones. You're right about the texting, though. It does seem like most people prefer to text nowadays, but I won't lie, I prefer it myself because I just do not like talking over the phone - not even with my friends. The only time I actually prefer talking over the phone is if there is a problem, otherwise texting is good enough for me - especially if we are going to see each other in person. I know I find texting more casual. I don't think I would like having my bf call me every day to talk - not unless we haven't seen each other for awhile. My only advise is to just be patient with finding someone you really like, and if calling is important to you (for making plans, saying hello, etc.), you can try to bring it up early on. If someone is serious about getting to know you, hopefully they'd be willing to compromise and call you from time to time, instead of purely texting.
^^ Yes. I'll have to set my own boundary early on.0 -
1. We dated a few years, he was a texter, hardly ever called, I always initiated us hanging out and getting together. This possibly has started my aversion to this method of me being the initiator.
Wimp.2. Met an interesting guy, we exchanged info. He texted me right away saying he'd like to take me out sometime if my schedule allowed. I agreed. He drops off the face of the earth, never to be heard of again. I shot him a quick hello text, no response.
Found someone better. You were a backup.Met a guy on the street and we talked for about an hour, great conversation. Exchanged information and started the texting cycle which he consistently tried to steer towards a sexual nature and I consistently rebuffed him expressing my disinterest in moving that quickly. He finally sent me an unsolicited picture of his privates which turned me off completely.
Wanted a FWB. It was failing, so he threw a Hail Mary to be sure.4. Ran into someone I'd met a few times a year and a half ago and clicked immediately. We exchanged info and because our night had been cut short, I called him up and we talked for 4 hours, effortlessly. He's texted me every day since, but hasn't called or made plans to get together.
Has a girlfriend or wife.Now... if you can tell me where I'm going wrong, please enlighten me! From my experience, I'm starting to see a pattern develop, although the pool may be too small to draw conclusions from.
Nothing wrong with you.
HAHAHA about the Hail Mary. He tried to recover after that but I shut him down as his agenda was blatantly obvious.0 -
Call me old fashioned, but I appreciate traditional gender roles in which the man COURTS the woman.
So.... do you make a good samwich?0 -
I actually still do enjoy the after work call, there was nothing better than calling this one girl after we were done work on occasion. We'd text during the day then she would either call me after work or I'd call her depending on who got done earlier it was nice phone call. One time she sounded tired after work so I invited her over for the rest of my dinner I had cooked.0
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So when's the last time anyone here wrote a real letter? I did to my mom last week for her birthday.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
So when's the last time anyone here wrote a real letter? I did to my mom last week for her birthday.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
When Santa never wrote back I said eff writing letters0 -
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Call me old fashioned, but I appreciate traditional gender roles in which the man COURTS the woman.
So.... do you make a good samwich?
I'm Italian and I went to culinary school so what do you think?0 -
The only phone communication I actually hate is voicemail. OMIGOD! It's 2013! Who uses voicemail?!
I'm a cheap *kitten* and I only have a 200 text plan, so I do a fair amount of calling. OP, send me your number and I'll call you.
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Call me old fashioned, but I appreciate traditional gender roles in which the man COURTS the woman.
So.... do you make a good samwich?
I'm Italian and I went to culinary school so what do you think?
Lol..Point taken0 -
My husband basically moved in with me after our first date and we eloped a couple weeks later. We have been married for over 4 years and we hardly ever talk on the phone. We mainly google chat. I tell people that we don't even know how to talk on the phone. But that's because we never had to. We were always around each other, basically from day one.0
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The only phone communication I actually hate is voicemail. OMIGOD! It's 2013! Who uses voicemail?!
I'm a cheap *kitten* and I only have a 200 text plan, so I do a fair amount of calling. OP, send me your number and I'll call you.
smooooth operator......0 -
This because I often think of things during the day I want to say before I forget. Usually it's when I can't or don't have time to talk.0
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Wow. When did it become a bad thing to expect a certain standard of behavior? I don't think there's anything wrong with hook-ups, texting, hanging out, or whatever. But so many women in this thread seem more resigned to the "fact" that they may not get more than a text, than they are ok with just getting a text. The common thread throughout this thread, see what I did there, seems to be that women, or the OP, anyway, is dissatisfied with so many men's attitude of minimum effort for maximum results. But the women in this thread seem to have really low expectations of men.
I have a little girl, and I'm trying to raise her not to buy into that nonsense. It's not needy to expect a phone call. Old fashioned isn't a cuss word. I'm teaching my little girl that if a guy's really interested he can make a phone call, open a door, pull out a chair.0 -
Well addressing it to South Pole probably didn't help.So when's the last time anyone here wrote a real letter? I did to my mom last week for her birthday.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
When Santa never wrote back I said eff writing letters
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Wow. When did it become a bad thing to expect a certain standard of behavior? I don't think there's anything wrong with hook-ups, texting, hanging out, or whatever. But so many women in this thread seem more resigned to the "fact" that they may not get more than a text, than they are ok with just getting a text. The common thread throughout this thread, see what I did there, seems to be that women, or the OP, anyway, is dissatisfied with so many men's attitude of minimum effort for maximum results. But the women in this thread seem to have really low expectations of men.
I have a little girl, and I'm trying to raise her not to buy into that nonsense. It's not needy to expect a phone call. Old fashioned isn't a cuss word. I'm teaching my little girl that if a guy's really interested he can make a phone call, open a door, pull out a chair.
^^ I'm all about not setting oneself up with false expectations, but I think there should be AT LEAST SOME standards, don't you? The reason that this stuff is changing is because society is allowing it to happen. It's not that women need "protecting". We can take care of ourselves, but I come from the school of thought that we take care of EACH OTHER. I0 -
Well addressing it to South Pole probably didn't help.So when's the last time anyone here wrote a real letter? I did to my mom last week for her birthday.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
When Santa never wrote back I said eff writing letters
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I thought he was vacation I thought if I sent it in July he'd get the heads and have plenty of time to get my stuff0 -
I HATE telephones. Texting, too. Don't expect to hear from me unless you're on a website I frequent.0
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