need relationship advice

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Replies

  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    A real man provides for his family and puts them first above anything else. Marrying him just because he accepted your daughter wasn't a good reason to be with him. Your daughter is at a age that knows what is going on and she is right that you deserve better. They are growing up seeing their father ignore them and that will effect them when they are adults. Lack of intimacy between a husband and wife is never good and it just makes you both drift a part til you resent eachother. I think marriage counseling is a good idea and if it doesn't work maybe leaving is a best answer.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
    Ask your children if anyone has touched their private parts. Make sure they know the basic sexual behavior safety rules for children.

    1. Keep your pants up and shirt down. Don't change when anyone is around.
    2. Don't let anyone look at your private parts and don't look at anyone elses
    3. Don't let anyone touch your private parts and don't touch anyone elses.
    4. If any one asks you to do these things tell an adult immediately and keep telling different adults until someone listens and helps you.
    5. Keep the bathroom door closed while in there and only one person to a time.

    Pedophiles seek out women who have children already. Your children crying when he plays with them is a huge red flag. It shows anxiety. The fact that he's not having sex with you is another huge red flag. If your child tells you that they have been touched immediately dial 911. Don't doubt them. Doubt him. Don't worry about financial problems it may cause. Just dial.

    Seriously. I would leave with my children as fast as I could.

    Good luck.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    Ask your children if anyone has touched their private parts. Make sure they know the basic sexual behavior safety rules for children.

    1. Keep your pants up and shirt down. Don't change when anyone is around.
    2. Don't let anyone look at your private parts and don't look at anyone elses
    3. Don't let anyone touch your private parts and don't touch anyone elses.
    4. If any one asks you to do these things tell an adult immediately and keep telling different adults until someone listens and helps you.
    5. Keep the bathroom door closed while in there and only one person to a time.

    Pedophiles seek out women who have children already. Your children crying when he plays with them is a huge red flag. It shows anxiety. The fact that he's not having sex with you is another huge red flag. If your child tells you that they have been touched immediately dial 911. Don't doubt them. Doubt him. Don't worry about financial problems it may cause. Just dial.

    Seriously. I would leave with my children as fast as I could.

    Good luck.
    even without the sex aspect:

    if a man asked me for a hug, i said no and he grabbed me and held me despite me crying and wanting it to stop? i'd call the cops and he's be on an assault charge.
    that they're kids makes it no better.
    he's training them to the belief that they don't have a right to say no to a man's forced affections, which leaves them wide open to abuse.

    the OP has ostrich issues on this one.
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
    oh and another huge red flag- "dh" "wrestling" with your children. Pedophiles use any excuse to have bodily contact with kids. It is a way that they desensitize their victims. It is a part of the grooming process. The fact that a grown man is putting children in choke holds to "practice" is sick.

    I'm not trying to be snarky. A mother knows when something isn't right with her children and another adult. I truly believe you wouldn't be posing these questions if you didn't already have suspicions or concerns. Most likely he has effed with your mind as well because parents of victims are groomed to. He is testing to see how far you will let him go with your children. He is doing it right in front of your face. He is trying to desensitize you to what he is doing. He has also probably tried to convince you that you're over reacting and that it's all in your head. Talk to your children!!!
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    The fact that a grown man is putting children in choke holds to "practice" is sick.
    my kid does martial arts too. i know a lot of kids who do. parents putting kids in choke holds is not normal or even helpful.
    if there was an issue with technique then the qualified instructors are the people who will address it.
    adults we mistreat kids in order to ''toughen them up'' are being abusive.

    even if it's not sexual, it's physical bullying.
  • IamOnMywayNow
    IamOnMywayNow Posts: 470 Member
    Ask your children if anyone has touched their private parts. Make sure they know the basic sexual behavior safety rules for children.

    1. Keep your pants up and shirt down. Don't change when anyone is around.
    2. Don't let anyone look at your private parts and don't look at anyone elses
    3. Don't let anyone touch your private parts and don't touch anyone elses.
    4. If any one asks you to do these things tell an adult immediately and keep telling different adults until someone listens and helps you.
    5. Keep the bathroom door closed while in there and only one person to a time.

    Pedophiles seek out women who have children already. Your children crying when he plays with them is a huge red flag. It shows anxiety. The fact that he's not having sex with you is another huge red flag. If your child tells you that they have been touched immediately dial 911. Don't doubt them. Doubt him. Don't worry about financial problems it may cause. Just dial.


    Seriously. I would leave with my children as fast as I could.

    Good luck.

    ^^^^This!!! As soon as I finished reading your post I got a sick feeling in my stomach that something is not right about your kids and their father, especially your daughter from your previous relationship. Her telling you that you deserve better all the time may be a cry for help. She may not think you would believe her if she told you what was happening. And the hands in his pants thing is really giving me the creepy vibe!!! That is NOT normal!!

    Trust me when I say if he is not getting sex from you he is getting his jollys off somehow and you said he does not leave the house much. .........just saying:( I say get out now/first ask questions later!
  • carryingon
    carryingon Posts: 609 Member
    The fact that a grown man is putting children in choke holds to "practice" is sick.
    my kid does martial arts too. i know a lot of kids who do. parents putting kids in choke holds is not normal or even helpful.
    if there was an issue with technique then the qualified instructors are the people who will address it.
    adults we mistreat kids in order to ''toughen them up'' are being abusive.

    even if it's not sexual, it's physical bullying.

    yeah I trained with Mick Doyle as a teenager. He never needed to put me in a choke hold to help me practice.
  • LetsMakeupXtina
    LetsMakeupXtina Posts: 627 Member
    Hi... a lot of what you wrote describes my marriage I was in. I got out. That is no life to live, and you only live once... and there are better things out there waiting for you... If you are as unhappy and miserable as I was, and if you have tried to make it work in any way you can, I say it's time to move on and see what else God has in store for you and your life..

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