Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?

Options
13567…26

Replies

  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
    Options
    Basically he's attracted to you but at the same time is sort of ashamed he is , I say unless he changes this attitude leave him.
  • wbandel
    wbandel Posts: 530 Member
    Options
    And what if you got into a car accident or some other type of unfortunate event and were permanently disfigured, would he hate being seen with you in the mall then too? Would he worry that his family doesn't think he should be with someone who is less than "ideal"? I could understand if he was being supportive, or if he was worried about your long term health, but being worried about appearances in public just seems shallow. What happens when you're the old woman in the mall? Or the pregnant woman in the mall? You should probably sit down with him and ask him and yourself these questions. I was 18 when I injured my leg and it was permanently disfigured. These things can happen and you need to know that the 99% that he loves about you will be stronger than the 1% that is worried about outside appearances.
  • dfonte
    dfonte Posts: 263 Member
    Options
    From a guys point of view...

    He was honest which is good but..

    Changing because of him will set you up for failure. You need to do that on your own. And just going by what you said here - "He said he doesn't want to be walking in the mall with me and have people wonder why he is with me." means he cares too much about other people and not you. So my honest opinion is that he changed mentally. You need to separate from him and change yourself physically. Once your happy then if you really still have feelings then revisit the relationship. Negative people are everywhere, don't willingly put yourself around them.
  • rachel4304
    rachel4304 Posts: 115 Member
    Options
    The nice part of me:

    At least you found out he was a dbag before you married him. You can only do this for you -- and what happens down the road if you get pregnant or an illness and end up gaining some of the weight back? He still going to love you?


    The spiteful part of me:

    Let him pay for the boob reduction (I know I would love one!) and then dump him. BWAHAHA! <OK, don't really but its nice to imagine.>
  • curleegirl68
    curleegirl68 Posts: 53 Member
    Options
    I would totally dump him if I were you and agree with the others that you should get hot and let him see what he's loss. His loss totally.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,713 Member
    Options
    i say break up with him. if he's childish enough to let his family tell him what he should find unattractive and be ashamed of, he's too immature for you.

    i think you should consider losing weight because you will live a longer, healthier life if you lose weight. the fickle attention of this manchild should be a moot point.
  • faithhayes75
    faithhayes75 Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    What bothers me is the things he said. If someone who loves us is concerned about our weight and is wanting to help, they can simply say, "I'm worried about your health and want you to feel happy and good about yourself. How can I help you through this journey? Maybe we can do it together. I'll be here for you no matter what." He said, "I want to be with someone who wears bikinis and looks like thin girls that I check out and I'll buy you a breast reduction to look thinner." Do you hear the difference? His approach was selfish, unkind, and unsupportive. You may need to evaluate if this is his overall attitude towards you, how he makes you feel about yourself and if you are willing to continue to be treated this way. You are beautiful and there are plenty of men out there who would love you for you, curves and all! :)
  • sxymilf
    sxymilf Posts: 17
    Options
    I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.

    Or at least, thats what I would do :)

    ^^ totally this.
  • Barbellerella
    Barbellerella Posts: 1,838 Member
    Options
    About how big is this guy??? That's about how much weight you need to lose.
  • running_shoe
    running_shoe Posts: 180 Member
    Options
    I couldn't stay with him. Even if I could lose all the weight "he" wanted, I'd spend the rest of my life anxious about my weight and it happening again. Unless you're model thin, he could always use your weight against you again. Sorry, hun. That really smarts.
  • befitandchange
    befitandchange Posts: 2
    Options
    You should lose if you want to if it makes you happy and to lead a healthier life style and not because someone is forcing you to. Beautiful comes in all shapes and sizes and i don't think being chubby makes you ugly or not worth dating. i know you've been dating this guy for like a really long time but he doesn't really seem like a nice guy to me.
  • atb0821
    atb0821 Posts: 458 Member
    Options
    He sounds awful, sorry. Say you lost tons of weight and got to where he finally "approved." Then what? What about when you start getting gray hair and wrinkles? What about if you get pregnant and get *gasp* stretch marks and stuff?! Will he be sending you to a plastic surgeon and stylist to get you back to looking hot so he can "love" you again? He sounds like the type of guy that ends up cheating on someone and then blaming HER for it. You can do better!
  • cazzer69
    cazzer69 Posts: 162 Member
    Options
    Marry him...

    Then dump him and take half his ****.


    Arsehole....

    If you were skinny and put the weight on since he met you...fair do. Still shallow but well, fair do.

    If you have always been large since he met you then he's pathetic.
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    Options
    He's the weight you need to lose.
  • 1brokegal44
    1brokegal44 Posts: 562 Member
    Options
    Move on. Take care of you. :flowerforyou:
  • magmama23
    magmama23 Posts: 21
    Options
    I think I would continue to try and lose the weight for myself and my health...but as for him I would move on. Looking at your picture, you are a beautiful young woman and any man would be lucky to have you.
  • tbullucks06
    tbullucks06 Posts: 128
    Options
    He's an A**hole and thank your lucky stars he's gone. How rude of him. Obviously he is not perfect himself if he believes he can judge you.
  • PrincessEliNa
    PrincessEliNa Posts: 524 Member
    Options
    In MY opinion...this depends. If this is really the only thing that has been "off" about your relationship (every other aspect is great, he respects you, shows you he loves you, doesn't cheat, etc..)..I would be happy that he said something instead of going behind your back with someone that he found more attractive. Relationships do have some kind of superficiality-- I mean, attraction (sexual, too) is important in relationships. Since he has a belly, I would ask him to do this journey with you.

    Most importantly though, lose the weight for YOURSELF. If you do this for someone else, you won't be happy about it. You are the most important person in your life.

    Honestly...I agree with this. Do this journey for YOURSELF, let him know it's for YOU, invite him to take the journey with you...
    You're the one that knows the guy, and you're the one that knows if his comments came from a place of love (Wanting to be with you, but wanting you to be healthy) or just wanting that "hot girl" to be seen with.

    You have to be attracted to the person you're with... Best of luck! You ARE beautiful! :flowerforyou:
  • luv86elle
    luv86elle Posts: 68 Member
    Options
    Wow, that's really mean.

    The only person that can change you, is yourself!....and if you do, do it for you!

    You deserve better!
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
    Options
    Have you talked to him about what his family actually said and why he is letting that affect his opinion of a relationship he has been in for years?

Categories