Dumped because I am fat...what do you think?
Replies
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Besides for ALL OF THE REASONS you wrote about in your original post, his co-dependence on his family is another HUGE RED FLAG!
For anyone to be that reliant on their family on the opinions of their loved ones body shape, size etc. is extremely unhealthy and something you should not have to deal with.
It sounds as is he has some growing up to do in being able to hold on to his own opinions, thoughts and ideals and believe me hun, I've been where you are and I know it hurts and it will and you'll have to go through it to get through it but you will and will be that much more appreciative of the person who chooses to love you because of the amazing person you are!!
Best of luck, it does and will get better and I believe when you look back on this event in time, you will be so thankful he showed you his true colors before any sort of marriage happenes.
HUGS!
Sal0 -
I say dump him... and then get super hot and rub it in his face.
Or at least, thats what I would do
THIS^^
Its the perfect solution.0 -
Honey. Lemme tell ya. Fix your weight FOR YOU. Because it's healthier and you will feel hella better. But he's an *kitten*. If you hadn't been with him for so damn long I'd say GIVE HIM THE BOOT. And dont worry about falling off the wagon- start slowly babe. I'll help if you want to add me.
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You should know that true love doesn't require you be a certain weight!!!!!!!!!0
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Leave him.
You are amazing and you dont need a man like him.
Find someone who will help you along your weight loss journey!
You can do whatever you want. Everyone here will be with you.0 -
Lose weight, get sexy, then dump him.0
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do you really want to be with someone who after 2 1/2 years turns around and says this??? i would think not....you need to do this for you not anyone else...if i was in your shoes i'd tell him to take a hike!!!0
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My gut reaction is that his priorities are all kinds of skewed and that he sounds like a jerk. However, while his attitude seems to leave a lot to be desired, I cannot condone breaking a relationship off based upon one or two examples of untoward behavior in a forum thread. For you, my big concerns are as follows:
The fact that he's willing to pay for a breast reduction just to make you *look* smaller indicates that he's not interested in your health or well-being, but rather your physical appearance. He's not concerned with your emotional or physical well-being, but rather how being with you reflects on him... to strangers at the mall, no less. I understand that his family has offered some opinions, but when it comes to choosing a partner (especially for marriage), it needs to be about the relationship between you and that person.
He doesn't seem to want to offer you any support, but rather to make ultimatums. Ultimatums, no matter how you slice it, are relationship kryptonite.
Finally, losing weight doesn't make you a better person. It can come with a whole lot of emotional and physical benefits, but it does not make you a better human being. You are, in no way, bad or unworthy for being overweight.
I would speak to him about some of the more concerning statements that he's made regarding your weight and explain to him why they're not acceptable or supportive. I think it's very important that he both apologize and undergo an attitude readjustment, for both your sake, in the long term. If he sticks to his guns, you may want to reconsider whether or not he's worthy of marrying you.0 -
I met my husband right after I lost 80 lbs. I was 5'4 and 135 lbs when we met. Looked amazing for me. Fast forward some time, many dinners out and desserts made. I put some weight back on. I still wasn't huge. About 160 or so when I met his family. His mom tried to convince him to meet a girl she knew. We had been dating for 5 months or so by then. His family is very thin and she made comments to him about my weight. I had just confessed to him my big dark secret of losing 80 lbs before I met him (very hard to confess that as I was afraid he would leave me if i put the weight back on). He stood by my side. Never said a word to me about my weight. He loves me for me. Is it hard with his family not liking my weight? Yes of course it is. They make comments about it all the time. But, my husband would never leave me because I got heavy again. BTW I put all that weight back on after marriage and two children. I have taken a little more than half of it off again. He is wonderful at encouraging it and says how great I look. But, my weight would never make him decide if he would leave me or stay with me.
I think you will find better. You will find someone who loves you for you. Also, don't lose the weight for him. It won't stick if that is your reason for losing. You have to lose the weight for you. I have to say I am losing my weight for my children though but for selfish reasons. I want to live long and healthy to be around to see my children grow, get married, and see their children, maybe even my great grandkids.0 -
How would you react to this? I would be hurt for a while and then I would get over it and use it as fuel to make myself better. I would also kick his *kitten* to the curb and never look back.
What do you think about it? I think its really stupid and he is using his family as a way to put pressure on you and that is not fair.
Would you try to lose the weight and be a better person for him or would you see him as superficial and shallow? No, see above, I would lose weight for me, I would kick his *kitten* to the curb, I would become better, stronger, faster and then I would go out of my way to make him realize exactly how damn dumb he was for being a shallow douche.
Thats just me I don't take shallow people really seriously. Personally I wouldn't want to be a part of him or his family even if I did lose the weight and was accepted in.0 -
It's one thing to not be attracted to overweight people at all -- but this isn't that. Obviously, he likes you enough to date you, but it's really crappy to put a condition on marriage like that.
What a tool!0 -
d***.
he should never ever get married. to anyone.0 -
You should have him read this entire thread. Then dump his *kitten*. Maybe one day he'll get a freakin clue.0
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I'm physically sick over reading this.
Beyond disgusted.
Dump the loser.
You are not a possession to be oogled over. You are a human being!
Lose the weight for you.
Ugh.0 -
I'd talk to your boyfriend about making this a lifestyle change TOGETHER.
HOWEVER, if he is superficial enough to make comments to you about wishing you were "hot" and you believe his family is not supporting his decision to be with you, then you need to run. Run away. Because when you marry the boy, you marry his family too. No one needs that kind of judgment and feeling inferior or disliked. It'll never go away. If he's not willing to "get hot" himself, then he's not worth your time.0 -
If you lose weight to comply with his wishes what's to say that he wont require something else next? Need a higher degree? Need plastic surgery to fix something else? It's too much. Boot him. There are too many to settle for one who wants to change you. Love yourself and do it for yourself.0
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I agree with those who said lose weight for yourself - not for anyone else. Nothing ever sticks if you are only doing it because you have to or someone else wants you to.
Oh - and I'd be willing to be if you did get to a point where you felt healthier and more confident in yourself, he'd be the one getting kicked to the curb - not the other way around. You're taking scraps because that's what you think you deserve. He's the one who is going to end up with a sad reality check in the end.0 -
Run.
Run far away.
That is NOT love.
Run.
^^ This.You deserve someone a heck of a lot better than this douche and his family.0 -
I'd dump him for sure! If you aren't good enough to marry as you are (in his mind,I think you're gorgeous) then he isn't worth it. You don't want to have to feel under pressure for the rest of your life to stay thin fir him. I honestly think that he will end up finding something else he doesn't like or cheating on you with the 'hotter' secretary eventually. I'm so sorry this guy is such a shallow person and has wasted 2 1/2 years of your life!!0
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He is an awful, shallow, superficial, disgusting son of a ***** that doesn't deserve you. Get rid of that mess now.
You never, ever, ever lose weight for anyone else but yourself. What kind of pressure is that? To lose and maintain weight because someone who *supposedly* loves you doesn't like you the way you are? That is not a way to live. Remove him from your life and find someone that will appreciate you for you, and love you in every form you may take.
What a prick.0 -
Move on AND be grateful that he told you now and not five years later after marriage and kids.
Now as for the dieting; you have to do it for yourself period.
^^^EXACTLY^^^0 -
Anyone who is willing to put you through surgery without second thought, just so you can look good on his arm is probably not worth it.0
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Run.
Run far away.
That is NOT love.
Run.
My sentiments completely. Shallow Hal.
Have enough self-esteem to know you deserve and can have better.0 -
You should lost weight for yourself, for your health, not for him.
If that is his attitude to you then he isn't worth it. I know you've been with him a long time but he really doesn't sound like a nice guy.
I agree. he sounds like an idiot. Lose weight for yourself, your health and your self image. You will find a nice man/ Besides if you ever want children being over weight is not good. Don't you want to wear all those cute clothes? A few years is not that long.0 -
I have two feelings about this and they are completely contradictory.
1) It's impossible to judge him and what he said and how he said it since none of us were there and we don't know him. I love my husband and I know he loves me but sometimes he approaches difficult conversations in the dumbest possible ways because he's pretty straight forward/blunt about things. Only you know how he said what he said and if he was coming from a shallow place or if he was trying to say something motivational to get you to act. Like, I'll pay for you to have a boob reduction if that'll help get you going. That would be a dumb thing to say, but was he saying it to help himself or to help you? Again, only you know the answer to that. I urge you to be honest with yourself though.
2) Based on what information you did provide, my gut reaction is to end the relationship and move on. Love isn't conditional. As you guys get older you'll both gain weight and lose weight, lose hair, gravity will make everything sink a little, you'll get sick, you'll get better, your interests will change...change is the only thing you can count on in the future. If he thinks you have to be thinner for HIM, he's completely delusional. You're not an accessory. If he wants you to lose weight because he wants you to be healthy so you can have a long life together, you need to talk to him about how he approaches you about this subject. It's ok to be honest that being overweight might scare him, but it's not ok if he just wants you to look the way he thinks you should look. The comment about the surgery freaks me out because that's crazy - surgically altering yourself for him is all kinds of wrong. Surgery is difficult and painful and brings unnecessary risk to your overall health. IF he really cares about your health, he should be open to both of you working out and eating better TOGETHER as a support system. If his whole thing is that you just look better but not actually be healthy, than he's the absolute worst and you should run without looking back.
Honestly, you should talk to him. You should tell him how this made you feel and you should really do some soul searching. We don't know him and you're the one who has to live with the consequences of staying or leaving. Good luck.0 -
This is really messed up, i would have punched him the face for saying that to me. But thats just me lol. Honey dont do it for him he isnt worth it. Do it for your self, now you are worth doing it for. Sounds like he needs a reality check, i would have packed my bags and left. There are plenty of men out there that will love every inch of you no matter what size you are. good luck!0
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In my opinion...even if you do this for him he will find some other fault he dislikes about you.
Take the time now to concentrate on you and get healthy then worry about relationships...they say that relationships tend to happen when you least expect it.0 -
If his family has that much influence your relationship you'll likely never be truly happy. Time to move on.
This!0 -
lose weight for yourself. Use this as an eye opening experience. However there are many men that love heavy women, just as there are women that love heavy men. You have to do things for you, not anyone else at this moment.0
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forget about our opinion, WHATS YOUR OPINION? is this the kind of guy you want to be maried to? do you want to be married to someone that for the rest of your life, you have to worry if he will divorce you or have an affair if you gain 10 pounds? do you want to be married to a guy that has such a lack of respect for you that he would hurt you just to satisfy his family? do you want to have children with a man that may or may not be there for them in the long run if you gain 30 pounds during a pregnancy? WHATS YOUR OPINION ON THIS? maybe you are willing to settle, or willing to accept this treatment because you THINK you cant get better... i have news for you... A REAL MAN WILL LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE, AND SUPPORT A HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE FOR BOTH OF YOU, NOT JUST YOU. A REAL MAN WOULDNT ALLOW HIS FAMILY TO EXPRESS A NEGATIVE OPINION OF YOU, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN TOSSED ON THEIR BUTTS... A REAL MAN WOULD BE SO HEAD OVER HEALS IN LOVE WITH YOU, THAT HED TAKE YOU ANY WAY HE COULD, BECAUSE HE JUST COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT YOU.
look, i was 250, and i knew i didnt look good, but my husband always told me how good i looked... now that im losing, he still tells me how awesome i look, but reminds me that i didnt have to lose weight to look good, that he loves me no matter what...
WHATS YOUR OPINION ON HOW YOU WANT TO SPEND THE NEXT 50 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE?0
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