Book Club: Women Food and God (Author: Geneen Roth)

BeautifulScarsWECHANGED

I'm still plugging though the chapters and will post my response hopefully today or tomorrow. I think it's VERY important that you mentioned this should not be a place where we're pushing our religious or spiritual beliefs on eachother. I believe we all have a right to write without judgement in order to really benefit from this experience. I do hope we really focus on the real issue here, why we're here in the first place....we all need to figure out the REAL reasons we're in this pattern to begin with and break the cycle for good.

I'm happy (and scared to be honest) to be in this journey with all of you. I'm not sure what I will find out about myself, but I know this is really the only way I can fully understand why I am here counting the calories.

AmandaB4588

I didn't forget you guys! My book is getting here this evening, so I will respond tomorrow (to the discussion question AND to you guys!)

apromise2me

I went out today and bought the book as well as two others she has written (one on binge eating), so hopefully I'll get a chance to read this evening or tomorrow. Interesting thoughts, Fab!

Debi :flowerforyou:

FabulousFifty

I'm still plugging though the chapters and will post my response hopefully today or tomorrow. I think it's VERY important that you mentioned this should not be a place where we're pushing our religious or spiritual beliefs on eachother. I believe we all have a right to write without judgement in order to really benefit from this experience. I do hope we really focus on the real issue here, why we're here in the first place....we all need to figure out the REAL reasons we're in this pattern to begin with and break the cycle for good.

I'm happy (and scared to be honest) to be in this journey with all of you. I'm not sure what I will find out about myself, but I know this is really the only way I can fully understand why I am here counting the calories.

Well said - I think we are all happy and scared right now. When you dig deep and face your fears you have a choice to make. Do you keep doing what you are doing or make a change. I am ready to face myself, my whole self, good + bad and deal with my issues. I am ready to go forward. And you are right...no one should be in this discussion to push religous values. Mine have significant value to ME. I am not here to recruit church members. I am simply here to take my journey and share my reflections. Thanks for holding my hand on this road. Let's face the unknown together! :flowerforyou:

BeautifulScarsWECHANGED

I would have to agree in saying we're all going to feel volurable here, but here goes.

I can't actually recall a time in my childhood where I had any issues with food. I think my issues began when I was 16. After reading and re-reading and journaling I think I've figured a few things out about myself. I tend to reject food when I feel rejected. Every time in my life where I was anorexic and super thin, I was going through a time in my life where I felt abandoned or rejected. Examples:

• I left home when I was 16 (over a boy of course), my mother wouldn't forgive me and wouldn't let me come back home (unless I broke up with him and completely surrendered to her rules).

• Having to move out of my friend’s house after graduating high school because they were all moving out of state.

• Having to leave my boyfriend’s house (he was rooming with 4 other guys) because the owner of the house was getting married and needed his house back.

• My husband abandoned both myself and my daughter. Throughout our marriage, he became addicted to drugs, abusive, and ultimately decided to just leave and go back to NY. Once again, I found myself rejected and trying to figure out where and how I was going to live. Thinnest I had been in years, yet not the happiest.

Here’s the part I’m still trying to wrap my head around. This is the happiest time in my life, and now I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. I have a healthy marriage with a wonderful man, I’ve just had my second baby (he’s 6 weeks old today) after 10 years. I know that now I’m dealing with baby weight in addition to the weight I wanted to lose before. So now I have an additional 30 lbs or so to lose on top of the 20 I wanted to lose before becoming pregnant. This is the best time of my life to date….so why am I having such a hard time losing weight??

I’ve thought about this over and over again. One theory I have is, ironically enough, is God….or in my case my spirituality. I’m not religious per se, I don’t believe in a giant human-like figure sitting in a huge chair giving orders. I’m not going to get into my beliefs because I don’t think the details are important here. But as I was journaling, I came to this realization: one of the biggest differences between my current husband (where I’m now struggling with my weight) and my ex-husband (where I didn’t struggle so much) would be the spiritual part of our relationship. My ex-husband and I were pretty much on the same page with our spiritual beliefs. We supported each other with our metaphysical studies, astrology, and our own individual theories. Therefore, I was always studying and learning and growing spiritually. Now….my current husband was raised a Catholic, but now doesn’t believe in ANYTHING. And by that I mean he believes when we die that nothing happens. It’s a big black hole. I always joke with him saying “What’s the point in getting out of bed every day then??”. He never really has an answer. I knew this in the beginning and I really can’t hold it against him. However, he is also a HUGE skeptic…..he won’t believe it unless he sees it and there’s a ton of research out there to back it up. So over the years I have, for the most part, abandoned all my studies because I feel as though I can’t share my thoughts due to his skepticism. I think I feel as though he thinks I’m crazy. In all fairness, I’m not sure if that’s how he really feels….but that’s the vibe I get. I never really thought our spiritual differences really affected me, or us, but now I’m starting to think otherwise.

Definitely worth exploring, and I’m not going to lie when I say I’m a little scared to dive into it. Any thoughts would certainly be appreciated.

AmandaB4588

Response to Discussion Question:

I lived the dream childhood. My parents are still married, and they provided us with an abundance of... well, everything one needs to have a dream childhood. I have always said that if I have children, I hope I can raise them in the exact same way that my parents raised my siblings and me. That being said, I have no memory of using food to punish or medicate myself as a child. I evolved into an emotional eater fairly recently, over the past 3-4 years. It's funny that those years seem SO LONG (and dark and lonely and difficult and and and) in comparison to the many that I spent not caring about weight.

I began to care about my weight when I realized I was fat, which I didn't realize until multiple people asked me if I was pregnant. I had gained 40 lbs in a year without even noticing. My confidence plummeted, and that's when the numbers game began for me. I tried every diet in this short time, losing 25 lbs on the most "successful" one and always gaining every bit back. I find it interesting that the first time I ever dieted in my life happened simultaneously with when I began emotionally eating. I think Roth is onto something!

My moment of discovery came from reading as well as the thought I put into answering this discussion question. I am triggered not by the stresses of life but by the guilt I feel for being stressed. Perfect family, perfect boyfriend, perfect life. How could I feel anything but pure joy? My worries are tiny in comparison to REAL problems, and allowing myself to feel sad/stressed/unhappy means that I am not appreciating all of the great things about my life.

.... shouldn't the first 2 chapters be too soon to feel a huge weight lifted?

AmandaB4588

The fact that both of you have struggled with starving/binging and I haven't is the perfect example of something I would feel tremendous guilt about. In comparison, why in the world should I complain?

BeautifulScars--- Your spirituality is yours. Explore it! As a skeptic myself, I can tell you that we all WANT to believe in something. When things happen that are beyond our control, faith is the difference between feeling helpless or not, and nobody wants to feel helpless. I hope that your husband will support you through this.

BeautifulScarsWECHANGED

Thank you so much for your thoughts Amanda. In essense, I have the pefect life too, but yet here I am. We should try not to compare ourselves to eachother thinking that your struggle isn't as hard or as founded as anothers. We are all struggling with our own personal experiences that have brought us all to the same place. Strange when you think about it.

I'm really glad to be a part of this book club, I think we have a lot to learn about ourselves....and eachother. :-)

FabulousFifty

Beautful Scars: Thank you for your honesty. We are all digging deep and it is kinda unnerving to know we are eally looking at ourselves in the mirror, and for some of us...it is the first time at taking an honest look. I respect your exploration of spirituality and hope you find what you are really hungry for. My hope is that your husband will support you. I am glad you are journaling as you are reading. I think it is in reflection that I come to grips with my real feelings. Keep reading...keep digging....you are sooooo worth it! :flowerforyou:


Amanda: You and G. Roth may be onto something deep....dieting may indeed trigger emotional eating for some. You have been blessed with this solid background and now you must be able to allow yourself to feel your emotions. What you see in the mirror and what I see in my mirror are two different people, with similar problems. Let's dig deep and get to the bottom of this. And yes, I believe it is too early to feel a huge weight lifted after Chapter 1 and 2. But, I am surprised how early we are able to identify some of our triggers of emotional eating. The journaling is helping to get down to the bottom of this.

I haven't been able to resist. I read Chapter 3 today. I am still pondering on Chapters 1-2. Read on if you are ready. :flowerforyou:

HealthyChanges2010

I'm in! I put a hold on it at the library a little while back and I'm #28 so it won't be long, our library system always gets tons when it's on the Oprah show. lol

Just tagging this so I can find you all again!:flowerforyou:

Becca

pmjsmom

I haven't received my book yet--hopefully really soon--but I did pick up a copy of one of her other books (When Food Is Love) when I was at a thrift store. I read a chapter and it is really making me think--and it's a little scary, too. I have never thought about these things. I admit to being very nervous about this book discussion!

AmandaB4588

I think being nervous is appropriate. I didn't expect to feel so vulnerable sharing what I was thinking/feeling, but it seriously took me HOURS to write the little response I wrote. I would write something, delete, edit, write, delete, edit over and over again. That process is what lead me to my discovery--- not the reading itself. It was very hard to put into words.

EboniA

Hi. I just saw this on Oprah last night (Tivo). It got me thinking about where I took a turn for the worst. My father was never around but I was fine in elementary school. Then he popped back into my mom's life and made us move away but I was fine in Jr High. In high school I was fine also even though he kicked me out of the house for having a black boyfriend... who I married 15 years later.

So I am an accountant but the road to a successful career has been a struggle. I actually think the fear of failure combined with the lack of self worth from childhood has made me feel not good enough for true happiness. Home life is great with hubby and 2 kids but I hate my job and as we all know, it's so hard to find another one. I think I am emotionally tied to money, as weird as that sounds. I eat emotionally whenever there's not enough or if I can't buy something I want or the kids want. I always thought that was so irrational but now I think it's possible and actually what my problem is. My lightbulb was when she mentioned God as an enlightenment and not as a religious figure.

I'm going to buy the book next time I can afford it but would like to continue the discussion regardless. Thanks!

DeeDeeLHF

Ladies,

I appreciated so much the reading. I am going to request the book through the library but I am sure I will be on a waiting list for awhile.

As I reflected on the questions I realized something about myself as well. I am terrified of failure and will do anything to make sure that doesn't happen. It is one reason MFP works for me...I don't want to fail in front of all of these people. E~ I understand the money thing as well. Money was tight in a lot of ways growing up. My siblings and I joke about not even wanting to tell our parents when we needed notebooks for school because purchasing them was such a big deal. For me money became a really big deal when I was allowed to go on a trip to Germany with my aunt. I was there for 7 weeks and gained 15#s. I was only 13 and weighed 95 going and 110 coming home. When I came down the ramp at the airport my mother didn't even recognize me until I was right next to her and spoke to her! Then it was in college...my Dad was very negative about the whole thing. I was the first to go to college and my high school grades were only average. My father didn't think I would be accepted into the nursing program but I was and then the $$ issues again. I have very little spending money. There were many social activities that I didn't participate in because of money. Even scrounging enough to do laundry was an issue. I remember one really bad day. I didn't do well on a test (a C+) and I walked a long way to a convenient store, spent the $3.00 that I had on all junk food. Started walking back but made this insane detour through a wooded area. Even though I had scrapes from the brambles and such climbing up this hill, I did it to eat the whole thing in private. I never told anyone about it. I got to the dorm and then threw-up. This started a binge purge pattern. Eventually I got scared and didn't want to "fail" so I stopped.
When I wanted to marry, very few people were supportive. My mom cried and said she would help with the wedding but I had to plan the whole thing (dresses, flowers, reception etc) for under $800.00. I did. The nursing instructors told me straight out that they were not going to pass me the next year because I was married (being a married nursing student was once taboo). Well, I did pass and I made Dean's List and received several awards! But that year was tough! My husband a recent grad had not found a good job yet and after my graduation when we decided to start our family things were again really bad. Money was tight and I was stressed because our income was based on me. I was so sick throwing up 8-12 times per day. I was throwing up in my patients bathrooms and having to explain that I wasn't sick, just pregnant. Despite that I gained 15# in my first trimester and 50 through the whole thing! I left my job when my husband secured a better paying job. Whenever money gets tight...I eat. There was one exception. Things here had gotten so bad a couple of years ago when my husband lost his job and we lost our house...that I lost weight. I was so upset I couldn't eat (a first). I choked down a half of a sleeve of saltines per day for 14 weeks. I was taking max strenght Zantac twice a day.

I am as terrified of the no money thing as I am of failure...they go hand in hand. My Dad measures success by money, so as long as we can pay the bills, OK but if things get tight...I am a failure.

OK...enough purging for now. I feel sick.

D

HealthyChanges2010

bump

BeautifulScarsWECHANGED

Just thought I'd check in real quick. When I went to Borders to purchase this book, it was $24 but with my reward card it came up $16, so for those who are waiting for the library to carry it or just can't afford it right now, this may be an option for you.

Since reading and journaling the first 2 chapters I've noticed a change in my eating patterns already. I'm already making better choices and slowing down to really figure out when I'm full. Also at restaurants I'm boxing half immediatly before digging into my dish. I really hope this is a sign of more positive things to come!

I may plug into chapter 3 today and journal since this seems to be quite a process! :laugh:

Great responses so far!

FabulousFifty

Hi dear ones,

I definitely think money and food habits are connected. I will also throw in the order of my house with that. When my life is chaotic and out of control so is my budget (or lack thereof) and my health habits. While this is going on, my house seems a wreck. When I feel more in control of my life, it is easier to focus on good health, pay attention to finances and keep my home organized. Is this weird??? Anyway, I am enjoying my read and when faced with icky things, trying to feel them, NOT EAT THEM!

I am telling myself that I need some things in my "toolbox" to help me deal with stressy times so I don't turn to food. Right away the journal comes to mind. It is helping me identify my feelings and focus on what is causing them. Also, for me, a planner should be in my toolbox. This helps me feel organized and plan to succeed at home and in my personal and professional life. I also have a small notebook with my planner now. This way I can make grocery lists and other lists to help me stayed prepared to succeed. MFP is definitely going in my toolbox! It helps me keep accountable and feel in control. What's in your toolbox to help you succeed?

I so want to welcome anyone who cannot get the book yet. You can begin journaling and coming to terms with yourself in response to the discussion questions. It is also my hope that deep friendships form as we encourage one another. I wish you a warm and wonderful weekend! I am so proud of you for doing this even though it is a little scary. :smooched: Let's take this journey together.

Fab:flowerforyou:

EboniA

Wow, I truly thought I was alone in the money issues. Thanks for your input D, Beautiful, and Fab. If you can't get the book yet, you can go to Amazon.com and get a sneak peak at parts of the book. Just keep clicking on Surprise Me!

Weekends are hard for me so this is going to be a challenge. I tend to overeat and oversnack, under exercise and underdo my water intake. I will definitely be more aware of it this weekend.

My toolbox contains my iTouch (that I won at the work Christmas party) so I can take it with me and keep track of my food, water, and exercise even without the computer. What a relief to find you guys. See you Monday!

AmandaB4588

I definitely think money and food habits are connected. I will also throw in the order of my house with that. When my life is chaotic and out of control so is my budget (or lack thereof) and my health habits. While this is going on, my house seems a wreck. When I feel more in control of my life, it is easier to focus on good health, pay attention to finances and keep my home organized. Is this weird??? Anyway, I am enjoying my read and when faced with icky things, trying to feel them, NOT EAT THEM!

The order of your house certainly reflects the order of your life! You mentioned before that you have anxiety, and I do too. I think that is why EVERYTHING--- money, house, personal relationships, diet, etc--- suffers when one of those things goes wrong. The anxiety from one problem is enough to create problems everywhere else.

Through this journey, I hope I can learn to roll with the punches. I do consider this one of my biggest struggles!

pmjsmom

This has been very hard and I haven't even started the book yet! Just thinking about the questions made me think about things I have been trying to block out for most of my life.
I am actually having a harder time staying on my plan this week. Has anyone else had this happen? Junk has been calling my name like it hasn't in almost a year! And I've been answering even as I tell myself I don't need to.
Well, here are my reflections on this weeks questions:

Week 1 Discussion Question: As you read Chapters 1 and 2 reflect back to see if you have a memory of using food as a child to medicate or punish yourself. Journal about this incident.

I know I was a slender, normal weight child until the summer between kindergarten and first grade. I started really putting on weight that summer but I cannot think of any reason why! It wasn't school--I loved my school and all the teachers there.

It was probably related to my father as I know that when I got a little older he had a 'pair of hands' on him (inappropriate touching). For the longest time I didn't even know why I no longer wanted to be around him--sexual abuse was not a topic back then!

He was also very controlling and physically abusive (with my brothers), though that did not last long as my mother would not let him discipline them after the first time he went too far. (Divorce was also a word I had never heard at that time!)

I do remember him marking the soda bottles so he would know if anyone had had any of 'his' soda while he was gone and he would also put the meat for the meal in front of him and only let us have one piece while he ate all he wanted. Thinking about it now--he was a really sick man--AND he had the power!

So, that must be when and why my overeating started.

Respond here this week: Tell us about a memory you may have of medicating or punishing yourself with food. What was the trigger? Have you seen this pattern repeat itself throughout your life? How can you deal with these triggers today? How can you stay in control without medicating with food?

Lately I eat because I'm bored or overtired but I know that in the past I would use food whenever a relationship started going bad.

When things were good I was okay but as soon as things got tense I would eat, and eat, and eat--sometimes until I felt sick!

This pattern has mostly stopped but not completely--I still make bad choices when I am tense or stressed but I no longer eat until I feel ill. Usually i stop myself and tell myself that I can have more later if I really want it.

I guess it is good that I have already recognised the pattern but I still need to work on better responses to these situations