Book Club: Women Food and God (Author: Geneen Roth)

EboniA

Hi everyone. I'm so glad the weekend is over (eating-wise). It was very difficult to limit my snacking when the kids snack between every meal. I stayed in my calorie range but I was still hungry at times. I even had a moment of panic because I was on the edge of my calories and the kids wanted Wendy's. My mind started says "oh, screw it. this day is going to be shot because I will go over my cals at Wendy's". I logged on and blogged about and realized that we had chili in the fridge and I knew that was filling and fit perfectly into my cals. I took the kids to Wendy's and came home at ate chili. A very proud moment but it was because MFP that I was able to do it.

Hi Kathy, I think it's so important to know where our troubles began, no matter how traumatizing. In regards to the book, Geneen Roth says that we are already feeling the feelings we are running from so eating just doubles our pain and still doesn't make the feeling go away. It's a process that requires awareness first and action next.

Congrats to all the "losers". My weigh in is not until Thursday. I never put my weight goal for the 4th of July. I'm at 222 and hope to get to at least 215 (ideally 210). Here's to a great week!

slightingscale

Respond here this week: Tell us about a memory you may have of medicating or punishing yourself with food. What was the trigger? Have you seen this pattern repeat itself throughout your life? How can you deal with these triggers today? How can you stay in control without medicating with food?

My childhood memories are more of me sitting alone in an empty room (cafeteria or home) and refusing to eat the food provided. At school, the canned peas, peaches, etc. were so gross, that I refused to eat them. I was the only one left in the cafeteria, staring at my food tray, refusing to eat. Meanwhile, I heard the kids playing on the playground.
At home, I was alone in the kitchen, the dishes were done, and the dishwasher was humming. I still refused to eat the liver (or whatever). Everyone else had left the table a long time ago.
In the end, in both scenarios, I was finally given a disgusted reprieve by the authority figure. In essence, I had won.

I was never over weight as a child, but I need to reflect further, to see how this food/control paradigm has affected me as an adult.

HealthyChanges2010

tag

FabulousFifty

Week 2: Book Club Discussion

Wow! What a great opening week it was. I believe we are just beginning to see the causes of our obsession with food and our inclination to be emotional eaters. For next week let's read Chapters 3-4 and respond to these points:

1. In Chapter 3 Geneen R. shares that obsession gives you something to do besides having your heart shattered by heart-shattering events. It creates a parallel world. What are we afraid to face?

2. In Chapter 4 she states that weight is only the by-product of what happens when you use food to "flatten" your life. It's not really about the food, it is about your beief it's not possible to live any other way. If we want to make changes we must face our fears and address what we don't want to deal with. Let's dig deep to find out what it is we are avoiding. Is it a bad marriage, bad job, terrible childhood, low self-esteem, money problems??? All of the above??? We are going to have to muster up a boldness to really discover what it is we are avoiding. It is scarey because when we identify this, we must address it in order to change.

All the best,
Fab

EboniA

I got the book!! My husband is a bar manager and bartends for the weddings at work. He gets tips at events and gave me the money for the book. We usually put it to bills but he knew how much this meant to me.

So, I am through chapter 3 so far... I will comment on the chapter 4 question later.

What am I afraid to face? I was thinking of my fear of failure. I keep trying to accomplish my goals and they always seem just out of reach. My career goals, my friendship goals, my financial goals. I was wondering if fear of failure stems from fear of rejection. Or maybe a little of both. It seems to be the more directly personal things having to do with who I am. I was rejected by my father as a child and now I reject him. I was rejected by my best friends from high school and now I don't really get too close to anyone. I am still working on my finances and my career but I feel like I deserve more and I just can't get there. Am I sabotaging myself in some way because of the fear of rejection and failure?????????

sweet_p

How do I "follow" this topic? Just bought the book and ready to get started.

caro0301

I just barely found this thread and I'm excited!!
I've been reading the book on my own since before she was on Oprah and am almost finished with it!
This will be long, I apologize in advance :bigsmile:

**What am I afraid to face? I'm afraid that the reality I've created in my own head about my unworthiness will prove itself to be true! I'm afraid that if I'm not overweight and DO NOT have that excuse to hide behind...my true worth will come to light! I'm afraid that the little girl inside that says "i'm not good enough" all the time will be crushed when she discovers that it really is true!! After doing some work and understanding the principles in this book I understand that I'm not that little girl anymore! That the story I've been carrying for 31 years, the belief I've been holding as TRUTH, is actually my own feeling of unworthiness. It is the story I've created and kept alive through years and years of self-neglect and harm. The most freeing moment was realizing that I don't have to wait until I lose a certain number of pounds or until I become that ideal physical image...I am worthy NOW in this very precise moment! I am worthy at this weight, I am worthy being exactly who I am!!

**I've been avoiding truly living! I've deprived myself from the joy of being vibrant and full of life because I felt I wasn't worthy of such happiness! I feel as if most my life I've been watching everyone else live from the sidelines. Always routing them on and being their support. I abandoned myself completely repeatedly mainly by escaping with food! I have had a long-held belief that WHEN I finally lost ALL THE WEIGHT on that very special day...the change would magically happen! I would magically be worthy, I would finally be happy, I would finally start to live!! How sad that I've spent soooo long punishing myself for not being good enough! Now I see that food was just the tool I used to punish myself!! I am starting to love myself in a differnt way...a way that is kind and open and forgiving... finally!

EboniA

It's so nice to see examples of what other people struggle with. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. I like how Geneen puts lots of examples in her book and how we are all able to express our stories.

I read chapter 4 and the truth that I have been living with is that I'm not good enough. I was a little perturbed when she said you need to find happiness in the now and live and love life just as you are. My first thought was that if we could do that we wouldn't be fat. I closed the book and went to sleep a little upset. Did I just miss something that was supposed to make a difference? I understand living in the moment and being aware and feeling my feelings instead of eating but where did hapiness come in?

Oh, BTW, I lost 5 lbs this week. Yay me!

BeautifulScarsWECHANGED

sweet_p,

By responding, you've already tagged this. To follow us, go to your community tab, go to my topics, and you'll see us there.

AmandaB4588

Discussion Answer 1 (Chapter 3)
I just about cried my way through Chapter 3! The feelings she has about her husband passing away are ones I have felt my entire life about my family. I am terrified of losing a loved one and always have been. I can remember, even as early as 5 years old, adding "if someone has to die please let it be me" to my nightly prayer. These thoughts terrorized me for years. Over time, I learned to keep my mind from wandering to such dark places but I am still afraid that if I let myself, I will go right back to the scared child I always was. To know that Roth has felt this same irrational fear and was able to overcome it is such a relief to me. I have never before had hope that I could overcome this until now.

Discussion Answer 2 (Chapter 4)
I binged all week. I haven't done this in years, and despite the craziness that comes with binging, I am happy it happened because I had forgotten what it was like. I do not think I could answer this question appropriately without my terrible week. What was I avoiding? ANY feeling of discomfort, unease, guilt, etc. I am always scared that every "bad" feeling will be the one to push me over the edge, to take me from the point of being a stressed person to a person who is losing her mind. The things that are stressing me out are laughable, really. I had to make some calls to change some plans. Really, that's it. For some reason, I feel obligated to say "yes, yes, yes" to everyone, and I was in a panic over having to tell a few people "no" even though the reasons for it were out of my control. That said, I NEVER say no to something simply because I don't want to do it. I am always going this place, that place, doing this thing or that thing when I really do not want to.

FabulousFifty

So glad to have newcomers join the book club. This discussion is helping us to peal the complicated layers that are hiding what we are really feeding. Sometimes I think that the way I have been handling stress and feeling out of control has just become habits for me. I know I have to really take a look at what I have been doing in order to really break these bad habits.

I am so glad members are able to pick up their books, I know a couple still have to get them, but continue to discuss and respond with us in the meantime. I think it is crucial that you pick up a notebook to use as a journal when you are contemplating your response to discussions, The more you write, the better handle you will have on what is really "eating you!" Be kind to yourself this weekend! You sooooooooooooo deserve it. Tell yourself this and mean it,. I bet some of you don't believe it yet, but throught this journey I hope you will come to believe it.

I wish you many blessings! You are one of mine!
Fab

EboniA

Amanda, regarding you answer for chapter 4, that's exactly what Oprah said. She hated saying no to people because of the guilt, even when it was out of her control. She was almost in tears about it. It's giving up your power to say yes when you don't want to. Why don't you want to be powerful? You don't have to answer, I'm just curious because I'm trying to explore why I don't feel worthy. :ohwell:

I reread chapter 4 and decided that being happy in the now is going to be a goal but I'm not there yet. I think there may be some work for me to do. I do know that I need to dig deeper into this feeling of not being good enough.

I am miserable in my job and a friend referred me to a recruiter. I was not in her arena so she referred me to another person. This guy didn't return my call for whole day, no biggie. I called him again and he asked me to call him at a certain time later that day. I called and he wasn't there. He didn't call me until 6:00 that night (I missed the call). We finally connected and we set up a time to meet. He didn't show... he went to the wrong office in a different city. My friend was furious, she said I needed to tell her contact what was happening. I just let it go. My recruiter apologized and set up another call. When I called at the time he said, he was on the other line and said he would call me back. I finally told him that wasn't going to work for me! He got off the other line but ugh!! I think I might be letting him walk on me. Do I deserve better than that? Is this standard practice? I'm so confused. I get scared to ask for more because... wow, I really have to think about why I'm scared. I guess I think something is better than nothing even if that means settling for less that what I deserve.

Jenniepoo

I watched the Oprah show and immediately bought the book. Since then I have read it twice, because I really wanted to take it all in. I wanted to discuss it with others, but none of my friends want to read it. I am glad I found this group. I recently took up running because you don't normally see overweight runners and I thought running would make me thin. I completed my first half marathon at the beginning of May, and I do feel stronger, but I haven't lost an ounce:( I decided that it had to be deeper, and this book has really made me step back and look at myself. I still have a long way to go though. Just tonigh I ate dinner and put it in a small dish, and ate until I felt satisfied. I honestly felt really good, and then the phone rang. I got some news I wasn't expecting and before I knew it I was eating more of the dinner out of the pan on the stove. Like I said, it is going to be a long journey, but I am willing to explore it. I feel like so many of your stories are just like mine. Thank you for sharing!

BeautifulScarsWECHANGED

Ok, here are my responses to Chapter 3 and Chapter 4. This book really does make you dig deep! I thought all this boiled down to just one thing, but as I continue, I've noticed more and more things come up. Sooo....

Chapter 3:

So to answer the question….I’m honestly not sure what it is I’m afraid to face. There are always the usual suspects of rejection, judgment from others, never feeling like I’m good enough. Is there something more though? What has brought me to this point?! The answer has to be staring me in the face, but am I too blind to see it?? I’m afraid of confrontation….I become passive-aggressive and laugh though confrontational situations. Whether it is with my mother, my co-workers, my husband or friends….as though I don’t really want to rock the boat but want to express myself. This may stem from my mother rejecting me after I moved out of her home when I was 16. Or it could be from my ex-husband….I finally stood up for myself and said “Enough!” and was abandoned. Why is this coming up again now in my life? When I seem most happy? Is it because if I stand up for my spirituality and my beliefs I fear Matt (my hubby) with reject me too? If I stand up to my friends they will abandon me as well? It seems so rediculous. God, when I read this stuff, I make my husband look like an *kitten*, but I assure you that's not the case! LOL!! I overthink things out of fear. My husband must support me and want to be around me or he wouldn't have married me. I mean my beliefs haven't changed. But I really believe the core of the issue here is abadonment. I have a huge fear of the people I care about the most leaving me. It's happened in the past.

Chapter 4:

In this chapter I found that I am trying to 'flatten' a few issues. I didn't really think about it before, but I really don't like the work I do. I work in accounting because that's where I got stuck.....one job led to another which led to another, you get the idea. I make decent money now, but I really don't enjoy what I do. I need something more creative, more interactive....something that makes a difference! I'm stilll not sure what that is though. You would think by now I would have it figured out, I'm 31 after all, but I can't for the life of me figure it out. And thinking more and more about it, I tend to snack more at work. I thought it was out of boredom (and I'm sure that's part of it), but now I know it's because I really don't enjoy what I'm doing.

And recently I found out that I'm probably going to be laid off toward the beginning of next year.....this needs to be the time of big change for me. I need to figure out a career change for sure. My dream job right now? Stay at home mom. I never in a milion years thought I would enjoy this, but being on maternity leave with my son has changed my mind. I didn't enjoy it at all with my daughter 10 years ago but the circumstances were way different. Now that I'm older, in town, have family around me, and am wiser.....I love the time I'm spending with him. I know financially it's not realistic though. :- ( My second dream job would be to do something with a non-profit....it could involve some accounting, but not all the time all day. I need some sort of variety, I need to feel like what I'm doing is making a difference! Switching careers is scary....I can't really afford a pay cut and I need insurance for my family. Sigh.....this needs to be figured out or I'm going to just be like that woman in this chapter!!

The abadonment issue still lingers there in the background, but this job thing sure does add an interesting twist to the situation. Now what??

pmjsmom

I have the book but haven't finished chapter 4 yet. Here's my response to the first of this week's questions:

1. In Chapter 3 Geneen R. shares that obsession gives you something to do besides having your heart shattered by heart-shattering events. It creates a parallel world. What are we afraid to face?

So, what am I afraid to face? Of course, I am afaid to fail. I have realized that, much as I love my mother, she was very critical while I was growing up. Nothing I did was ever good enough--and I'm not talking about the big things, either. I would straighten up the living room, for instance, and she would find something that was out of place--a magazine, a newspaper, it didn't matter--she would ALWAYS find something wrong! So now I seem to have this belief that nothing I do is good enough.

I make jewelry. In the past I have thought about trying to sell it but never seemed to get around to it. This past month, though, I have been approached by 3 different people while working. One person has already bought a piece, another will be looking at a sample piece in a week or so and another wants to get together for coffee--she is a jeweller and wants to talk to me about some of the pieces I have made. She says I am very talented. So why haven't I called her yet? Because somewhere inside me I know she's going to find 'something' wrong with everything I show her.

This is something I REALLY need to work on--I am afraid to face being sucessful!

FabulousFifty

Greetings!

We are on our way home from a wonderful vacation with our son and soldier in beautiful Colorado.:happy: I will post book club discussion and reflection questions on Wed. This week let's read chapters 5-6. Be sure to journal as you read to help you sort out your thoughts. As we write and ponder we get down to the nitty-gritty. After you post your response this week, be sure to respond to someone else's post. We can encourage one another and dicuss our experiences.

PMJsmom: I just read your last post. My heart goes out to you. I am telling you right now, you are worthy of success!!! By this realization, you are stepping toward the light. Wonder what your next step should be in helping you to feel whole and ready to be all you can be? I believe this process started in me as a young parent. It was healing for me to parent and fill in those holes in my heart. I did not hear the words "i love you," as a child. I now realize that my parents showed me love, but both were children of alcoholics and had their own issues. I freely tell my grown kids how much I love them and it is healing for me and good for them. I pray that you too will have healing opportunities in your own parenting.:flowerforyou:

Catch you guys here this week digging deeper~Be kind to yourself...YOU DESERVE IT!

Mia8

Hey everyone!

I'm so excited this group exists! I actually just got done with chapter 6 and I was thinking, I wish there was some sort of support group that is reading this book too that I could discuss and share how it is helping us. So I googled women, food and god book club and I found this site!

First of all let me just say that I can relate in some way or another to all of your stories so far. And it feels good that I'm not alone and that other people know how hard it is to overcome food addiction. This book has really changed my life and has opened my eyes to the real reasons I use food to show how I'm dealing with life and how I feel about myself. I'm 18, but this started for me at 16. It started after I was dieting for a boyfriend so that I could be "skinny" and when he broke up with me I binged for three months, ever since I have been on the diet and binge cycle. I'll diet to try to get my body back and be healthy but when life gets too hard I binge. I actually have isolated myself for over a year, yes literally, because I'm so ashamed of how I look from bingeing. I cut out all my friends and live, breathe and eat by a diet and exercise schedule so that I can get to that magic number on the scale and be worth having a life again. This book has taught me why I use food to self medicate and all I can say I'd every time I read more of this book, I look at food with new eyes.

FabulousFifty

Hey everyone!

I'm so excited this group exists! I actually just got done with chapter 6 and I was thinking, I wish there was some sort of support group that is reading this book too that I could discuss and share how it is helping us. So I googled women, food and god book club and I found this site!

First of all let me just say that I can relate in some way or another to all of your stories so far. And it feels good that I'm not alone and that other people know how hard it is to overcome food addiction. This book has really changed my life and has opened my eyes to the real reasons I use food to show how I'm dealing with life and how I feel about myself. I'm 18, but this started for me at 16. It started after I was dieting for a boyfriend so that I could be "skinny" and when he broke up with me I binged for three months, ever since I have been on the diet and binge cycle. I'll diet to try to get my body back and be healthy but when life gets too hard I binge. I actually have isolated myself for over a year, yes literally, because I'm so ashamed of how I look from bingeing. I cut out all my friends and live, breathe and eat by a diet and exercise schedule so that I can get to that magic number on the scale and be worth having a life again. This book has taught me why I use food to self medicate and all I can say I'd every time I read more of this book, I look at food with new eyes.

Mia, Welcome! So glad to have you join us on our journey. We are getting down to bottom of this once and for all. Glad you are in! :flowerforyou:

FabulousFifty

:flowerforyou: Welcome to Week 3 of bookclub! We are reading Chapters 5 and 6. As reading ponder these points and respond this week with your thoughts. Be sure to respond to someone else's post to interact with each other. I just reviewed chapter 5 (cheated and read ahead last week!:laugh: ) I am so glad I had to read it twice because I had a light bulb moment today thinking about it. Chapter 5-6 rock you guys!

Chapter 5 Discussion Point:
The author shares her experience of an allergic reaction while on a speaking tour. She went ahead and spoke to make a real point. This is the entire point of Chapter 5. Brokenness is learned, not innate. Did Geneen believe she was broken when her face swelled up and she was actually unrecognizable. No, she believed she was still Geneen Roth and had something good to teach people who signed up for her retreat. She had every reason in the world not to show up. But she did to make this excellent point. She believed she was not broken.
I had such a lightbulb moment today while pondering this. Here are my thoughts: I am not defined by my circumstances. I am not defined by the way people treat me. I am Sharon. I just am. If someone else is having a bad day and treats me rudely, it does not mean I deserve it. I DESERVE BETTER! If I recall some dark moments growing up, that does not mean I am less of a person because of those moments. I AM WORTHY OF A GOOD LIFE. If I run into rocky roads in relationships, they are just that. Those rocky roads are not me! I am Sharon. I am worthy of a good life. I am not broken! Ok Geneen Roth, I get it! Duh....why has it taken me so long to realize that I should not define myself by how people treat me. Today, I define myself by who I am. Just Sharon.... Have you been defining yourself by the way others treat you or have treated you? Has this convinced you that you are broken. How can you make changes in your attitude and ulitimately in your self-concept by knowing that you are NOT defined by the way people treat you or circumstances. You are not broken. You are whole. Will this change the way you treat yourself? It will me!

Chapter 6 Discussion Point: What a beautiful chapter, "Reteaching Loveliness. Think about the way you have lost weight in the past. Have you starved yourself? Have you tortured your body by overexercising? Maybe you have suffered from anorexia or bulimia. These are all ways of torturing and punishing yourself for your weight. It becomes a sick cycle of self abuse. 3 great points are made on page 81. 1. Truth, not force, does the work of ending compulsive eating. 2. Awareness, not deprivation, informs what you eat. 3. Presence, not shame, changes how you see yourself and what you rely on. By journaling, reflecting and using the tools on MFP I think I can get to these points in my life. How will you incorporate truth, awareness and presence into your life so you no longer force, deprive or shame your beautiful self?

You are worth spending some time to think about these points. My wish for all of you is that you have a "light bulb moment" this week, as I have. It has totally changed my way of thinking of myself. I would not have gotten to this point if it weren't for Chapter 5, so far my favorite! Thanks Geneen Roth! :flowerforyou:

Have a wonderful week all. You are so worthy of it!

sweet4keeps22

bump

I was just looking at picking up a different book by Geneen Roth. I hope to catch up on this thread (which I don't have time to read in it's entirety right now) and perhaps pick up this book shortly, maybe while I am out tomorrow. Wish you all well. :flowerforyou: