What do YOU think?

VeganSurfer

If I did something wrong as a child, my mum would smack my *kitten* or the back of my legs...I wouldn't do it again. I hate the lack of discipline in the UK, it's political correctness gone mad!

LibbyCaramia

I was smacked on the bum as a child and I feel like I've grown into a well-adjusted adult. I think it gave me a healthy respect for my parents and I rarely acted up. Not out of fear, but just because I knew if I did the wrong thing there would be consequences. And it wasn't always a smack. That was the last resort as far as I remember.

It's funny, I was actually having this conversation with a couple of friends the other day.
One of those friends who wasn't smacked as a kid is now 21 and treats her mother horribly. She just has no respect for her - calls her stupid and insults her, and gets her to do everything for her. It's really awful to watch, because I know if I ever even thought of treating my mum like that (not that I would) she would be so shocked and upset. I wasn't brought up that way at all.
And yet the other girl, who is 19 - she was also disciplined by smacking as a child and is one of the most resourceful, hard-working people I've ever met. She loves her parents dearly and would never do anything to hurt them.

So, how much of this is down to how they were disciplined as a child - I don't know. But I don't think it turns people bad. Abuse does that.

DalekBrittany

I will clarify, I mean spanking as a pop on the tush or hand, not using things like a wooden spoon or a belt or a stick...if you are going to spank your kids for a legitimate reason (imo touching a hot stove, playing with something sharp/dangerous, etc. when they are too young to understand) you don't need something to help you do it. A hand will do just fine.


My parents spanked me with hands and I never got more than one pat, but my grandmother spanked me with a 'switch' (a thin stick from the yard) or a wooden spoon with a hole through it, or a belt. But, she grew up with abusive parents and then an abusive husband. I turned out fine, by the way, never got scarred for getting a pat on the bum!

DalekBrittany

Libby, I don't think I could be friends with someone who treated their mom that way!

sPaRkLiNgLYFE

I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them

I can see your point here. But how do you teach say a very young child who can't understand you yet how something is wrong? You can't sit them down and tell them what they've done is wrong. Do you yell at them? Do you put them in time out, where they stand the potential of not even knowing.caring why they are there?

yes I understand that its difficult to explain things to a very small child but I cant really imagine what a very small child could do that would merit being spanked. I would worry that being disciplined violently without being capable of understanding what youve done wrong would be at best pointless and at worst damaging

sometimes small children do things that is potentially dangerous, and a few swats on the bottom helps them remember not to do it again.

LibbyCaramia

I know - I'm starting to feel the same way..! We work together and her general attitude is wearing me out.

richied26

I will clarify, I mean spanking as a pop on the tush or hand, not using things like a wooden spoon or a belt or a stick...if you are going to spank your kids for a legitimate reason (imo touching a hot stove, playing with something sharp/dangerous, etc. when they are too young to understand) you don't need something to help you do it. A hand will do just fine.


My parents spanked me with hands and I never got more than one pat, but my grandmother spanked me with a 'switch' (a thin stick from the yard) or a wooden spoon with a hole through it, or a belt. But, she grew up with abusive parents and then an abusive husband. I turned out fine, by the way, never got scarred for getting a pat on the bum!

well I see what you mean... but the original post equated spanking with preventing delinquency...I dont really see how patting a small child on the behind because it goes to near a hot stove has anything to do with the picture your friend posted on facebook...anyway its midnight in UK so I'm off to bed...thx for a thought provoking thread and have a nice day/night whatever it is where you are lol

bmiller211

when I was a newer father I would spank my son. I truly thought it was the right thing to do to control his terrible twos!! I was trying to get him to bed one night and he was pissing me off something awful. I spanked him so hard it left a handprint on his butt through his diaper!! Right then and there I realized I was being wrong in my thinking. I never hit him or my daughter again. I think they turned out wonderful. I also think hitting is a cope-out in that you don't have to try as hard as a parent if you can hit them and control them! I think hard work and time spent with a child is what makes them a good person...corporal punishment isn't the answer. I am a very conservative person and believe a lot of the old ways are the right ways...this however isn't (in my opinion) the right way!

foxro

Some way the child needs to learn that they are not above the law, and their actions are not appropriate. I got spanked, but with that spanking I had to make it up to my "victems". Did spanking help ? I think making up for my actions did a lot more, and learning that I'm responsible for what I did. I don't think the spanking made me be empathetic for my "victems", just that I got my Dad mad at me and I ended up fearing my Dad, until I got older and started to laugh at him when he threatened a spanking.

Still a hard call. What I don't like is that victems remain victems until compensated even then wounds do not heal, a spanking is temporary and can sometimes be forgetten, (unless it becomes more like beatings), along with the pain felt by the "victems"

P/S one more edit - back then when you got spanked whether it was relatives or teachers(yes teachers) you couldn't garner any sympathy, and you were told you got what you deserved. Am I am any worse off for that experience ?? I certainly didn't like having to fear my Dad !!

1223345

I think it's a load of crap. My mother beat the crap out of us everyday. In fact, we were afraid to so much as sneeze sometimes. All the kids in my family were spanked at the very least and spanked regularly. I can't tell you how much jail time has been served collectively. How many drugs, how much alcohol, how much rude and delinquent behavior has gone on. I have relatives who have continued this behavior into their adult lives. I think there is a right way to spank a child. There MUST be love in the home. Without that the children are doomed to a life of failure. There should be parents who will lead by example, and do all they can to actually raise their kids. Kids need to talk to their parents, and if they feel like they can't then there's another layer adding to potential problems. Spanking does not equal well behaved people.

marsellient

I think there's a big difference between a smack on the bottom in order to get a younger child's attention, and then using other forms of discipline and a spanking as punishment. That said, the lack of attention and consistency in enforcing limits is probably more responsible for misbehaviour in older kids and teenagers than lack of corporal punishment.

pobalita

I'm guessing that many of the people who believe in spanking aren't parents themselves. It's easy to look at someone else's misbehaving little demon and say "if that were my kid....."

I was spanked as a child and it was effective. Because of that, I figured I would be a parent who spanked, too. It worked, right? I'm not damaged from it. However, once I became a parent, I could never dream of hitting (or swatting or whatever other word is substituted for "hit") my child. I could honestly not look my child in the face and then hit him. Sorry. No.

There are so many ways to deal with misbehaving, and spanking is just not one of them for me. When my kids were very young just saying "I don't like that" was usually enough. Sometimes a time out was needed. Now that they are older, withholding privleges seems to work well - missing out on a social event, taking away the cell phone, docking allowance... all effective.

Kabijots

I just dont see how you can differentiate violence into legitimate and non legitimate forms. and surely the point is to teach children what is right and wrong...not just that they have to do what I say or I'll hit them

I can see your point here. But how do you teach say a very young child who can't understand you yet how something is wrong? You can't sit them down and tell them what they've done is wrong. Do you yell at them? Do you put them in time out, where they stand the potential of not even knowing.caring why they are there?

Children learn very early on what 'No' means in a stern and low voice. You don't have to explain anything, no shouting, just 'No' once, nicely, then, 'NO' sternly. If they continue on, we put them on time out. Just one or two minutes but they get the message. Being removed from the family room to the hall or stairs is powerful when you are tiny. Before you bring them back in, you reiterate why they are in the corner i.e. 'you mustn't touch the fire guard', kisses, cuddles and it is forgotten. I found with our boys, they tested us on particular rules every three or six months to see if the rules still stood.

Absolute consistency is the key. If its no, its no. When mummy says so, daddy, grandma or whoever and whenever you ask. Our children have always been content because we have provided a reliable and stable house where the rules don't change - who ever you are! Its not right for anyone to hit anyone here! The other thing is we don't have endless lists of rules. We just picked the top 10-15 that were important and we all keep those. Its far easier for them to understand as they grow up and start challenging rules.

I was smacked as a child and I honestly don't think it did me any harm but I do not think it is an appropriate method of punishment. When my parent's hit me it was because they had lost control and in the end their anger far outweighed the original misdemeanour.

Besides, I can't say to my boys, 'don't hit your brother', while smacking them!

youcantfoolme

I know someone now that makes their 16 year old and 5 year old kneel in a corner on uncooked rice for ten minutes. That's just mean.

It's more than mean, it's child abuse. They need counseling and some parenting classes. This kind of abuse will eventually escalate.

1223345

I know someone now that makes their 16 year old and 5 year old kneel in a corner on uncooked rice for ten minutes. That's just mean.

It's more than mean, it's child abuse. They need counseling and some parenting classes. This kind of abuse will eventually escalate.

This is terrible. I was a bed wetter, my mom used to rub my face in the wet sheets in the morning. That among other rotten things she did. This will be bad for those kids. They will not emerge without emotional damage. I hope and pray for the children's sake that someone will intervene.

IronMikeFox

As a victim of severe physical and mental child abuse, I will never use spanking or any form of violence as a form of discipline. I have found that making sure my sons know what their boundaries are and knowing what the ramifications are if they cross them along with consistent follow through works better than any of the forms of abuse I was subjected to. The key, along with consistency, is making sure that the ramifications are something that will ROCK THEIR WORLD and that they will not soon forget. For one of my sons, we had to ground him to his room for a week. But before he started his grounding, we made him watch as we removed EVERYTHING from his room except his bed (sheets,and pillow included) and desk. After one full day, he was quite remorseful. If I remember correctly, I think we took pity on him after 3 full days. But those 3 days were enough. Since then, all we have had to do is remind him of the consequences if he over-steps certain boundaries and he is good to go.

Willowana

Young children may not understand verbally, but they do understand tone of voice, facial expressions, and direct eye contact when you are kneeling at their level....face to face. It has to be done immediately after the behavior to be effective.

When children begin understanding your words, it's important to explain that they're not being punished. Their behavior is being punished. Tell them WHAT they did wrong, tell them WHY it's not acceptable, and GIVE them an example of appropriate behavior for a similar situation in the future. "Because I say so" is not an acceptable answer.

Punishment depends on the child. It has to be effective, consistent, and it has to be something they dislike. Spanking definitely doesn't work for all kids. Neither does the corner. I don't see spanking as abuse, but I also don't see it as the most effective way to handle the situation. Kids are taught not to strike others, and I think parents should set that example.

But moreover, spanking causes a child to fear the parent, and I don't see that as being condusive to a child-parent relationship. A child should respect you, not out of fear, but because:

1. You are the voice of reason
2. You set expectations for them
3. You hold them accountable for their actions
4. You never set yourself above your own rules

Kids are more apt to follow your lead if they feel loved and respected. I see a lot of my friends yell and smack their kids for swearing and then proceed to use those same words in their normal conversations. That makes a kid lose trust. "Because I'm an adult and you're a child" is another excuse that doesn't float. Parents put themselves on infallible pillars only to fall. Losing a kid's trust and belief in what you tell them makes them cynical of anything else you say is unacceptible. They just assume you want to control them and stop their fun.

I think kids need to know you are only human. If you have a bad day and say a swear word, apologize to the kid. Tell them, "I'm sorry, honey. That was wrong for mommy to use that word. I should not have said that, and I'm sorry you had to hear it." It reinforces to the child that swearing isn't right....not even for parents.

I think the ultimate goal is not to raise kids.... it's to raise adults. Adults that are independant, capable of assessing their choices in tough situations, and getting it right most times. I don't necessarily see spanking as the means by which to do that. The picture of those thugs would not have simply benefitted from getting spankings when they were younger. In fact, for all we know... they did! What they needed was the love, structure, and guidance of a stable home. And parents that held them accountable to higher standards and were "up in their business". Which is to say, parents DO have the right to go in the child's room, through their things, on their Facebook page, through their phones, etc. There should never be any expectation of privacy. You are the homeowner, the parent, and the guardian. It's not an issue of respect... It's an issue of safety. Keeping them away from these kinds of influences, and interceeding when they do can go a long way.

TL/DR: These kids needed a hell of a lot more than just a spanking.

.

DalekBrittany

I know someone now that makes their 16 year old and 5 year old kneel in a corner on uncooked rice for ten minutes. That's just mean.

It's more than mean, it's child abuse. They need counseling and some parenting classes. This kind of abuse will eventually escalate.

This is terrible. I was a bed wetter, my mom used to rub my face in the wet sheets in the morning. That among other rotten things she did. This will be bad for those kids. They will not emerge without emotional damage. I hope and pray for the children's sake that someone will intervene.

That's awful. I'm truly sorry to hear about that experience. I am glad you seem to have grown from it and seem like a good person, from what I've seen of you on the forums. Her 16 year old wants to be a cop and he is a very good kid...however, he's also extremely depressed and introverted. No telling how the five year old will turn out yet.

andrea464

Can we debate homeschooling, breastfeeding and diapers when this one gets locked? Pllleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeee????????????????

DalekBrittany

Can we debate homeschooling, breastfeeding and diapers when this one gets locked? Pllleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeee????????????????

lol. This still hasn't gotten locked after quite a few hours and people saying it will. This renders your post is quite pointless

andrea464

lol. This still hasn't gotten locked after quite a few hours and people saying it will. This renders your post is quite pointless

Meh. I've been witness to many a posts within moms groups that start out with a simple question that will drag on for days before it finally gets locked b/c it's just them beating a dead horse. No viewpoints were changed, just arguments and eventually name calling and childish behavior.

crazyjlyn

Theres a difference between abusing and spanking.

and I think that picture is dead on.

DalekBrittany

lol. This still hasn't gotten locked after quite a few hours and people saying it will. This renders your post is quite pointless

Meh. I've been witness to many a posts within moms groups that start out with a simple question that will drag on for days before it finally gets locked b/c it's just them beating a dead horse. No viewpoints were changed, just arguments and eventually name calling and childish behavior.

I agree and I've seen the same. But anything offensive I just report myself...matter of fact I'm about to go do that right now to make sure my thread stays non-offensive lol

2FatToRun

You should spank a child but they get to an age where it doesnt work anymore so that is when you start mentally spanking them. My kids never argue with me because I tell them conversation is over, done period. They try from time to time to bargain but I don t budge. My daughter at 13 got really brave and called me an unfair ***** and I almost knocked her head off. She has never done it again. It is not that you want to instill fear in them (that is a plus) but they need to know their boundaries. What mom and dad says goes. You dont obey you pay the consequences. I never let them know what the consequence is going to be because they will do something because they are willing to forfeit tv or computer for a day or week lol So I will hit them where it hurts by not letting them leave the yard. You have to be involved and know what is going on in their lives though or it doesnt work. I am constantly checking their computers an FB. I have called many parents to let them know some of the **** their kids are putting out there. Needless to say it deters my 2 lol But bet yoru sweet *kitten* they get mouthy with me and back talk me I am knocking their head off.

DalekBrittany

You should spank a child but they get to an age where it doesnt work anymore so that is when you start mentally spanking them. My kids never argue with me because I tell them conversation is over, done period. They try from time to time to bargain but I don t budge. My daughter at 13 got really brave and called me an unfair ***** and I almost knocked her head off. She has never done it again. It is not that you want to instill fear in them (that is a plus) but they need to know their boundaries. What mom and dad says goes. You dont obey you pay the consequences. I never let them know what the consequence is going to be because they will do something because they are willing to forfeit tv or computer for a day or week lol So I will hit them where it hurts by not letting them leave the yard. You have to be involved and know what is going on in their lives though or it doesnt work. I am constantly checking their computers an FB. I have called many parents to let them know some of the **** their kids are putting out there. Needless to say it deters my 2 lol But bet yoru sweet *kitten* they get mouthy with me and back talk me I am knocking their head off.

I think the only time my mother ever really hit any of us after we were older than like 6, was when my brother got arrested. She kicked his *kitten*, too. lol

2FatToRun

You should spank a child but they get to an age where it doesnt work anymore so that is when you start mentally spanking them. My kids never argue with me because I tell them conversation is over, done period. They try from time to time to bargain but I don t budge. My daughter at 13 got really brave and called me an unfair ***** and I almost knocked her head off. She has never done it again. It is not that you want to instill fear in them (that is a plus) but they need to know their boundaries. What mom and dad says goes. You dont obey you pay the consequences. I never let them know what the consequence is going to be because they will do something because they are willing to forfeit tv or computer for a day or week lol So I will hit them where it hurts by not letting them leave the yard. You have to be involved and know what is going on in their lives though or it doesnt work. I am constantly checking their computers an FB. I have called many parents to let them know some of the **** their kids are putting out there. Needless to say it deters my 2 lol But bet yoru sweet *kitten* they get mouthy with me and back talk me I am knocking their head off.

I think the only time my mother ever really hit any of us after we were older than like 6, was when my brother got arrested. She kicked his *kitten*, too. lol

Yeah I hear ya...I mean it is pointless when they are older lol I remember poppin hands or butts for getting too close for mommies comfort to the stove. Stuff like that. But once they turn like 8 they are smart enough to know right from wrong and how to learn to be held accountable for their actions. I tell my 2 all the time ..go on go ahead and do wtf ever you want but be ready to pay the piper. They never go thru with it lol They need to learn now instant gratification is not as rewarding as consideration train of thought and better out comes. So far so good except that one time she called me a the B word lol :laugh: I think they grow a set when they turn 13 lol I made sure to make them shrink right back up lol

wolfpack77

Spanking teaches children that violence is an appropriate response to anger. I never spanked any of my children.

As the adult it is your responsibility to find appropriate forms of discipline for the child without using violence. Bad behavior on the part of the child doesn't justify the same for you. The child doesn't know any better, but you do.

One of the greatest things you can teach your child is how to handle their emotions. If you teach them violence as a response to anger, they will respond with fear. A child should never fear their parent, nor should fear play a role influencing good behavior. Furthermore, losing your temper demonstrates to them that you have no control over your own emotions.

You will find that children will respond much better to discipline when an attentive and compassionate parent teaches them to be mindful of their feelings, and how to communicate them effectively. Not by fear as a tool for correcting them. Thats the easy way of dealing with it and has no positive affect on the child.

2FatToRun

Spanking teaches children that violence is an appropriate response to anger. I never spanked any of my children.

As the adult it is your responsibility to find appropriate forms of discipline for the child without using violence. Bad behavior on the part of the child doesn't justify the same for you. The child doesn't know any better, but you do.

One of the greatest things you can teach your child is how to handle their emotions. If you teach them violence as a response to anger, they will respond with fear. A child should never fear their parent, nor should fear play a role influencing good behavior. Furthermore, losing your temper demonstrates to them that you have no control over your own emotions.

You will find that children will respond much better to discipline when an attentive and compassionate parent teaches them to be mindful of their feelings, and how to communicate them effectively. Not by fear as a tool for correcting them. Thats the easy way of dealing with it and has no positive affect on the child.

This is why society is all F'd up lol That may work for you and yours but I def wont allow that pansy crap for my kids. My kids are going to be tough and able to fight if someone swings on them. Just because you spank your kids doesnt mean you do it in anger. If I hit my kids everytime they made me angry or annoyed me they would be black and blue. Good luck to you and your kids though hope they are stable and strong when they become adults. Oh BTW spanking doesnt teach a child violence not explaining why they were spanked does.

vice350z

i love how some wussy schools don't even have teams that lose...both teams are winners...LOLOL...way to bring kids up. Loss and failure is something everyone should deal with to become a stronger person. Sick of cry babies wanting everyon coddled.

OMGeeeHorses

Well coming from a very abusive childhood. I can say spanking is a form of a parent not being able to stay in control and needing to hit someone is to release that control.. Just like with a dog would you smack it in the face and expect it to remember what it did? NO..its going to learn to fear the hand and the person. My father was a very ignorant man and would hit me as hard as he could and wouldn't stop till I was howling for mercy. I know spanking might have "saved" some peoples kids.. but all it did for me was make me a bitter adult, need counseling and need to learn anger management because I was raised to see hitting as a form of punishment to do to people when I wanted them to do something and if they didn't I acted out in anger.. Yes as an adult I should know better, but its harder to know what a loving family is when you were raised around and through all sorts of abuse.
Heck my brother in law was raised all christian and was corrected with a rod and has a very loving family and he has WORSE anger issues than I do...so really its not about the hitting/spanking.

SO in my own opinion spanking doesn't create less of thugs and all that stuff.. It could be a hand in making them or could not. its 50/50 depending on how your WHOLE family is and not the way you are corrected.