A Woman Needs To Feel Desired

saxmaniac

One of the worst things I have done in previous relationships is not convey how much I appreciated and desired my partners. Then men I have been with suffered just as greatly as my ex-gf at my careless treatment of them. This is a good piece and can be applied universally.

I can tell who the kind souls in this thread are, and the angry folks.

Y'all know how who you are: and :huh: respectively.

hbrittingham

I don't see this as sexist at all. It's presenting one side of a relationship, the woman's. A man needs to feel desired, too. That's how relationships thrive. Without desire on either side, a marriage may survive, but what a sad existence, in my opinion.

I am married to my best friend and soul mate. We've been together for 23 years. I still desire him and he desires me. There is nothing more fun than flirting with him and letting him know that I find him very attractive. Nothing makes me smile bigger than when he tells me how beautiful and sexy I am.

He doesn't define me and I don't define him, instead we complement each other perfectly. And we find each other attractive still after all of these years.

bcattoes

I don't like the implications that a woman needs some sort of approval from a man in order to be happy.

But I do think that a lot of people (not just women) thrive on approval or "desire", I guess, from other people in order to feel good about themselves. At least, I know I do. So yeah, while this might be slightly true, it's presented in a way that is kiiiiiind of sexist.

Approval and desire are not the same thing. Seeking approval from "other people" is not the same as wanting your significant other to desire you. While the post is written about a married woman, it could apply to women in any committed relationship.

BeachIron

One of the worst things I have done in previous relationships is not convey how much I appreciated and desired my partners. Then men I have been with suffered just as greatly as my ex-gf at my careless treatment of them.

This is a good piece and can be applied universally.

^ This. I'll also say that some people seek to be offended and are best ignored.

MiloBloom83

women AND men appreciate being desired.

It's JUST as important for a man to know you desire him...it is a two way street.

This is true. It feels so good to be wanted. I spent the last 5 years not feeling wanted, and that sucks. Much better now though...

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

All people want to be desired by the ones they desire. If a partner makes constant remarks seeking to be desired, but then never returns the favor, there's something very wrong.

This happens all the time, and it is sad. A woman asks, "Do you think I'm pretty?" He responds, "Yes. You're beautiful and I love you." Then ten minutes later, the woman makes a "joke" about her fat slob husband not needing to be attractive to the opposite sex.

Or a man comes home late from work and the wife is standing at the door with his favorite cocktail wearing nothing but a pair of shoes, telling him how much she missed him, but he walks past her, never looking up from his iPhone because he's texting with his mistress.

What is wrong with me today????

Tennolina

I don't see this as sexist at all. It's presenting one side of a relationship, the woman's. A man needs to feel desired, too. That's how relationships thrive. Without desire on either side, a marriage may survive, but what a sad existence, in my opinion.

I am married to my best friend and soul mate. We've been together for 23 years. I still desire him and he desires me. There is nothing more fun than flirting with him and letting him know that I find him very attractive. Nothing makes me smile bigger than when he tells me how beautiful and sexy I am.

He doesn't define me and I don't define him, instead we complement each other perfectly. And we find each other attractive still after all of these years.

Beautiful!

myofibril

I feel this thread is clearly indicative of a matriarchal society where men have to stifle their own self development and worth to devote time to ensure a woman feels desired and therefore repress their own needs for love.

I am outraged and will be writing a strongly worded letter to the Editor of the Daily Mail along these lines.

Tennolina

This reminds me of that song by Joe so thanks!

Tell me what kind of man
Would treat his woman so cold
Treat you like you're nothin'
When you're worth more than gold

Girl, to me you're like a diamond
I love the way you shine
A hundred million dollar treasure
I'll give the world to make you mine

(La, la, la, la, la)
I'll put a string a pearls right in your hand
Make love on a beach of jet black sand
Outside in the rain we can do it all night
Out to tour the places he would not
And some you never knew would get you hot
Nothin' is forbidden when we touch

Baby, I wanna do
All of the things your man won't do
I'll do them for you (Whoa)
Baby, I wanna do (Hey)
All of (All of) the things your man won't do (Every little thing)
I'll do them for you (Yeah)

Bow chicka bow wow....

BuffyEat2Live

I'm unmarried, no kids, and am a feminist.

And I enjoyed this poem. I think that yes, parts are sexist, and I think that yes, men also need to feel desired, and I think that this poem is written for straight, married with children couples, excluding everyone else, but... I enjoyed it.

And this part:
"and by listening to what she's saying
and then responding appropriately."

makes it sound pretty simple, but geeze it's hard to "respond appropriately" to me sometimes.

Lanise_10

Why is this awesome thread being called sexist? If a woman (or a man for that matter) doesn't want to feel desired then that persons flame is gone and that is just sad. Maybe if he/she had felt more desired their flame within them wouldn't have died.

Nice thread OP

Agree and very nice post OP

_chiaroscuro

I get the sentiment, But this just doesn't resonate with me. It seems out of order.

I am desirable because that's the way I want to feel about myself. Just me. Before anyone else enters the picture. Then I choose a partner who thinks so too and does the things and reinforces that I'm desirable. But my partner doesn't do so to keep me buoyed emotionally, or confident, or a nice person. He does those things just because he has the good sense to agree with what is true...that I'm lovely. And vice-versa. Joyful partnership ensues and everyone is still responsible for their own happiness...which runs insanely deep btw.

I could be wrong. But that's what I've learned so far.

Morninglory81

I get the sentiment, But this just doesn't resonate with me. It seems out of order.

I am desirable because that's the way I want to feel about myself. Just me. Before anyone else enters the picture. Then I choose a partner who thinks so too and does the things and reinforces that I'm desirable. But my partner doesn't do so to keep me buoyed emotionally, or confident, or a nice person. He does those things just because he has the good sense to agree with what is true...that I'm lovely. And vice-versa. Joyful partnership ensues and everyone is still responsible for their own happiness...which runs insanely deep btw.

I could be wrong. But that's what I've learned so far.

I can appreciate this.

bcattoes

I get the sentiment, But this just doesn't resonate with me. It seems out of order.

I am desirable because that's the way I want to feel about myself. Just me. Before anyone else enters the picture. Then I choose a partner who thinks so too and does the things and reinforces that I'm desirable. But my partner doesn't do so to keep me buoyed emotionally, or confident, or a nice person. He does those things just because he has the good sense to agree with what is true...that I'm lovely. And vice-versa. Joyful partnership ensues and everyone is still responsible for their own happiness...which runs insanely deep btw.

I could be wrong. But that's what I've learned so far.

And suppose this partner's desire wanes over the years, or the partner becomes overly comfortable and begins not show desire as much. Desire is easy to feel and convey in the beginning of a relationship. To keep it up day to day for many decades is not always so easy, especially when the demands of children and advancing careers, aging, etc. are thrown into the mix. Knowing yourself to be desirable does not guarantee that your partner will feel that desire.

brendaj39

LIKE LIKE LIKE

ChefTJP

Wow... no words.

Im_NotPerfect

I love this! Now how to get my husband to read it without being too obvious....

lithezebra

Men aren't supposed to need this, but in my experience, some version of this applies to men too. Everyone needs to feel essential.

drchimpanzee

Also women like to complain. And shop. Mostly complain though.

_chiaroscuro

I get the sentiment, But this just doesn't resonate with me. It seems out of order.

I am desirable because that's the way I want to feel about myself. Just me. Before anyone else enters the picture. Then I choose a partner who thinks so too and does the things and reinforces that I'm desirable. But my partner doesn't do so to keep me buoyed emotionally, or confident, or a nice person. He does those things just because he has the good sense to agree with what is true...that I'm lovely. And vice-versa. Joyful partnership ensues and everyone is still responsible for their own happiness...which runs insanely deep btw.

I could be wrong. But that's what I've learned so far.

And suppose this partner's desire wanes over the years, or the partner becomes overly comfortable and begins not show desire as much. Desire is easy to feel and convey in the beginning of a relationship. To keep it up day to day for many decades is not always so easy, especially when the demands of children and advancing careers, aging, etc. are thrown into the mix. Knowing yourself to be desirable does not guarantee that your partner will feel that desire.

Well if course it's no guarantee that my partner will feel that desire. In fact I completely expect our fire for each other to burn at varying strengths at different times/circumstances through the years. That's just life. But whether or not I feel desirable isn't tethered to how my partner feels, so it's constant. And that makes me happy.