Guys please explain..
Replies
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...The Male Code of Conduct
When guys are with a group of guys (work, sports etc.), what is the ultimate goal and what do you do/not do to achieve that goal?
depends what the group is doing, you mean at a bar? just hanging out with the fellas and probably trying to have some type of sexual relation with one of the women at said barHow do your brains work?
i cant speak for anyone else, everyone is different. mine has an automatic turn a serious answer into something sarcastic. i purge any pertinent information that can be used for later (phone numbers, important dates etc...) for vague 80s references and lyrics to crappy songs and it also has stored memories about various friends that are so trivial and non-essential that my friends think i make them up
for me personally it is really hard to lose on purpose. whether its the basketball games we play each week or games with my friends kids.Is is really all about "winning"? The competitive drive?And the real point of my post: how does this carry over into your relationship with your wife/girlfriend? Or does it?
it doesnt as my partner is currently rosie, but things not mentioned about my brain is i cant just lie to a woman to get something. im honest about what i want and what i think and that hasnt gotten me any lasting relationships but personally i find it better than being a guy who uses all the lines to get what he wants only to grow tired after he gets it and moves on0 -
The answer is always 42.0
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To say of what is that it is not, or of what is not that it is, is false, while to say of what is that it is, and of what is not that it is not, is true.0
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A lot of guys are pretending like they don't know what you're talking about here.
It IS about competition, but also cooperation, and a little bit of sexual tension. In the United States that last part is considered taboo but in most other cultures in the world men are more physically affectionate, dance together, etc.
So when we get together as Men - - it has nothing to do with women and how we are around women has nothing to do with our interactions with men.
If we're on the same team, it's more about cooperation and a little bit about competition with a relatively high amount of sexual tension. If we're on opposing teams, there's a LOT more competition and a pretty high amount of sexual tension. If we aren't engaged in a competitive pursuit like sports but just hanging out at a bar, it's entirely sexual tension.
Any man who disagrees with this is just trying to fool you so you don't know what we ALL really do. Trust me, I've been a man my whole life. The nay-sayers are just so culturally messed up that they can't admit the truth.
With love,
Burt
QFT. Why do you think physical contact sports are so popular?0 -
you will be placed on immediate brobation until such time as your broformance can be signed off by your local brosician \m/*****any bros caught violating rule 1 of the bro code will have their bro card revoked immediately - no access to brotein, broscientology, no broceptions***** \m/
^^This^^
my brosician just looked at my broficency reports. no broblem, I'm good to bro.0 -
RULE 1 Don't talk about fight club!FIGHT CLUB!! LOL0 -
QFT. I'm not saying the OP is guilty of this particular behavior, but very often when I see questions like this, the underlying thought process is one of "My gender (or gender identity) is nuanced, complex, and too individualized to be boiled down to a pat answer. The other gender, on the other hand, is EASY to understand because they're just silly [insert term for male or female child]."You cannot reduce the male psyche to a set of stereotypical behaviors.0 -
Beer0
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...The Male Code of Conduct
When guys are with a group of guys (work, sports etc.), what is the ultimate goal and what do you do/not do to achieve that goal?
How do your brains work?
Is is really all about "winning"? The competitive drive?
And the real point of my post: how does this carry over into your relationship with your wife/girlfriend? Or does it?
Might want to watch "The Guy Code" on MTV. lol0 -
How about if a guy feels disrepsected, put down or insulted in front of other guys? (by a guy)
What response might that evoke?
Okay, OP, who hurt you and/or got in a bar fight last night and has you piecing his broken *** back together right now?0 -
QFT. I'm not saying the OP is guilty of this particular behavior, but very often when I see questions like this, the underlying thought process is one of "My gender (or gender identity) is nuanced, complex, and to individualized to be boiled down to a pat answer. The other gender, on the other hand, is EASY to understand because they're just silly [insert term for male or female child]."You cannot reduce the male psyche to a set of stereotypical behaviors.
I understand that there will be no "pat" answer.
I wasn't looking for one.
Just feedback- which I'm getting plenty of.
So, your answer is that men are complex and women are...0 -
So, your answer is that men are complex and women are...
Annoying.
They ask too many questions...0 -
How about if a guy feels disrepsected, put down or insulted in front of other guys? (by a guy)
What response might that evoke?
Okay, OP, who hurt you and/or got in a bar fight last night and has you piecing his broken *** back together right now?
Negative.
I was at work last night.0 -
Beer
simple and honest0 -
How about if a guy feels disrepsected, put down or insulted in front of other guys? (by a guy)
What response might that evoke?
It's still hard to say. In many cases, it will depend on the group. In some scenarios, giving each other sh**t is a way of testing each other out. Sometimes, depending on the nature of the group, the response will be to fire back in kind and it becomes a kind of mental / verbal sparring.
For example, a nickname, which might be less than pleasant, can be a test of whether or not you can "hang tough". If you're not willing to endure some ribbing among the group, they don't expect you'll hang around when things become truly bad. Sometimes, it's a rite of passage because it means you've been around enough for them to have material to work with or to even bother thinking up a name. (In my case, I was christned "Peggy Sue" by a squadmate back in training in part due to my quite masculine, a 6'2", 220 lb bruiser physique. In response, I casually rested my elbow on top of his head to remind him who the "big dog" really was, kept the conversation going, and I let it roll off my back. Sure, the nickname stuck, but they knew I wasn't the type to go off and lose my cool, and it became an ironic nickname, not a derogatory one.)
Now... if "the limit" has been breached and the line has been crossed, my experience is that it's basically settled then and there. This can be in two ways. One can be breaking away from the group / situation and that is it. The other is they will verbally or physically fight. I have not seen too many cases where the insulted individual retreats to carry on an ongoing "guerilla" campaign.
I will admit, what follows is a bit of a biased view, but I think it shows some perspective: In High School, my male friends and I used to feel safe with our way of doing things. If we had a conflict, we settled it, verbally or physically everything was laid on the table. We'd have our fight, someone would win, someone would lose, or there'd be a stalemate, and that would be that. You won, lost, or tied almost as soon as the issue came up. But then we'd hear some of our female friends who *seemed* (remember, this is according to the view of a teenaged male) like they would stretch things out and scheme about how to get the offender back. We honestly didn't know how the girls managed to live through High School, not knowing if someone was carrying an active grudge with an intent for revenge.0 -
How about if a guy feels disrepsected, put down or insulted in front of other guys? (by a guy)
What response might that evoke?
It's still hard to say. In many cases, it will depend on the group. In some scenarios, giving each other sh**t is a way of testing each other out. Sometimes, depending on the nature of the group, the response will be to fire back in kind and it becomes a kind of mental / verbal sparring.
For example, a nickname, which might be less than pleasant, can be a test of whether or not you can "hang tough". If you're not willing to endure some ribbing among the group, they don't expect you'll hang around when things become truly bad. Sometimes, it's a rite of passage because it means you've been around enough for them to have material to work with or to even bother thinking up a name. (In my case, I was christned "Peggy Sue" by a squadmate back in training in part due to my quite masculine, a 6'2", 220 lb bruiser physique. In response, I casually rested my elbow on top of his head to remind him who the "big dog" really was, kept the conversation going, and I let it roll off my back. Sure, the nickname stuck, but they knew I wasn't the type to go off and lose my cool, and it became an ironic nickname, not a derogatory one.)
Now... if "the limit" has been breached and the line has been crossed, my experience is that it's basically settled then and there. This can be in two ways. One can be breaking away from the group / situation and that is it. The other is they will verbally or physically fight. I have not seen too many cases where the insulted individual retreats to carry on an ongoing "guerilla" campaign.
I will admit, what follows is a bit of a biased view, but I think it shows some perspective: In High School, my male friends and I used to feel safe with our way of doing things. If we had a conflict, we settled it, verbally or physically everything was laid on the table. We'd have our fight, someone would win, someone would lose, or there'd be a stalemate, and that would be that. You won, lost, or tied almost as soon as the issue came up. But then we'd hear some of our female friends who *seemed* (remember, this is according to the view of a teenaged male) like they would stretch things out and scheme about how to get the offender back. We honestly didn't know how the girls managed to live through High School, not knowing if someone was carrying an active grudge with an intent for revenge.
Okay, I get the first part.
If the "limit has been breached" and it comes to a verbal or physical confrontation, what is the end goal?
To settle it? To win? Both?
What about the guy who loses?
No "guerilla" campaign from him, so how does he deal with it?
I think your assessment of female high schoolers is accurate.
She survives by finding like-minded friends who support and justify her feelings.0 -
What about the guy who loses?
No "guerilla" campaign from him, so how does he deal with it?
Deal with what? The issue is settled, it's in the past.0 -
How about if a guy feels disrepsected, put down or insulted in front of other guys? (by a guy)
What response might that evoke?
Okay, OP, who hurt you and/or got in a bar fight last night and has you piecing his broken *** back together right now?
Negative.
I was at work last night.
You were at work while he slept with your best friend?! What a horrible guy!0 -
How about if a guy feels disrepsected, put down or insulted in front of other guys? (by a guy)
What response might that evoke?
It's still hard to say. In many cases, it will depend on the group. In some scenarios, giving each other sh**t is a way of testing each other out. Sometimes, depending on the nature of the group, the response will be to fire back in kind and it becomes a kind of mental / verbal sparring.
For example, a nickname, which might be less than pleasant, can be a test of whether or not you can "hang tough". If you're not willing to endure some ribbing among the group, they don't expect you'll hang around when things become truly bad. Sometimes, it's a rite of passage because it means you've been around enough for them to have material to work with or to even bother thinking up a name. (In my case, I was christned "Peggy Sue" by a squadmate back in training in part due to my quite masculine, a 6'2", 220 lb bruiser physique. In response, I casually rested my elbow on top of his head to remind him who the "big dog" really was, kept the conversation going, and I let it roll off my back. Sure, the nickname stuck, but they knew I wasn't the type to go off and lose my cool, and it became an ironic nickname, not a derogatory one.)
Now... if "the limit" has been breached and the line has been crossed, my experience is that it's basically settled then and there. This can be in two ways. One can be breaking away from the group / situation and that is it. The other is they will verbally or physically fight. I have not seen too many cases where the insulted individual retreats to carry on an ongoing "guerilla" campaign.
I will admit, what follows is a bit of a biased view, but I think it shows some perspective: In High School, my male friends and I used to feel safe with our way of doing things. If we had a conflict, we settled it, verbally or physically everything was laid on the table. We'd have our fight, someone would win, someone would lose, or there'd be a stalemate, and that would be that. You won, lost, or tied almost as soon as the issue came up. But then we'd hear some of our female friends who *seemed* (remember, this is according to the view of a teenaged male) like they would stretch things out and scheme about how to get the offender back. We honestly didn't know how the girls managed to live through High School, not knowing if someone was carrying an active grudge with an intent for revenge.
Guy code members would NEVER use this many words.
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well then, let the brodom and broraderie commence, as you are ready for to brodown and leave your hibronation \m/
you will be placed on immediate brobation until such time as your broformance can be signed off by your local brosician \m/*****any bros caught violating rule 1 of the bro code will have their bro card revoked immediately - no access to brotein, broscientology, no broceptions***** \m/
^^This^^
my brosician just looked at my broficency reports. no broblem, I'm good to bro.0 -
well then, let the brodom and broraderie commence, as you are ready for to brodown and leave your hybronation \m/
you will be placed on immediate brobation until such time as your broformance can be signed off by your local brosician \m/*****any bros caught violating rule 1 of the bro code will have their bro card revoked immediately - no access to brotein, broscientology, no broceptions***** \m/
^^This^^
my brosician just looked at my broficency reports. no broblem, I'm good to bro.
You guys are a hoot :happy:0 -
The answer is always 42.
I think this is the only thing that makes sense on this board.0 -
I really saw the bro-code when my son played High School football. Even after he graduated, with those guys it still exist. It was actually quite cool. I really respected them for it. Of course, I am sure it is different as men grow older. But, its a good thing. Men sometimes need to be with men without women and women need to be women with out men. At least it works for me.
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I really saw the bro-code when my son played High School football. Even after he graduated, with those guys it still exist. It was actually quite cool. I really respected them for it. Of course, I am sure it is different as men grow older. But, its a good thing. Men sometimes need to be with men without women and women need to be women with out men. At least it works for me.
I went to an all girls high school, then went on to nursing school, and now work with mainly women so all of this is very interesting to me. 0 -
Interesting question. I would say the "male code of conduct" runs different in different social gatherings, i.e. work friends, real life friends, long term friends, etc. and with in those gatherings, it depends on what you are doing. Example, a group of guys I work with act quite different when we are at work versus on the golf course when we can "cut loose". What ever the case may be, the oft mentioned "bro code" is alive and well for sure in what ever gathering you are in when you know each other. Kind of like the Vegas saying, what happens there stays there so to speak.
Is that really that much different that the female code of conduct?
Also, I can not say if this really has anything to do with what your real question was?? lol0 -
My answer had nothing in it differentiating the complexity of one gender over another. What about it makes you believe otherwise?
QFT. I'm not saying the OP is guilty of this particular behavior, but very often when I see questions like this, the underlying thought process is one of "My gender (or gender identity) is nuanced, complex, and to individualized to be boiled down to a pat answer. The other gender, on the other hand, is EASY to understand because they're just silly [insert term for male or female child]."You cannot reduce the male psyche to a set of stereotypical behaviors.
I understand that there will be no "pat" answer.
I wasn't looking for one.
Just feedback- which I'm getting plenty of.
So, your answer is that men are complex and women are...0 -
Interesting question. I would say the "male code of conduct" runs different in different social gatherings, i.e. work friends, real life friends, long term friends, etc. and with in those gatherings, it depends on what you are doing. Example, a group of guys I work with act quite different when we are at work versus on the golf course when we can "cut loose". What ever the case may be, the oft mentioned "bro code" is alive and well for sure in what ever gathering you are in when you know each other. Kind of like the Vegas saying, what happens there stays there so to speak.
Is that really that much different that the female code of conduct?
Also, I can not say if this really has anything to do with what your real question was?? lol
Actually, your response leads me to another aspect of my question.
What type of enviornment do you work in?
I think that affects the dynamic as well.0 -
Okay, I get the first part.
If the "limit has been breached" and it comes to a verbal or physical confrontation, what is the end goal?
To settle it? To win? Both?
What about the guy who loses?
No "guerilla" campaign from him, so how does he deal with it?
I think your assessment of female high schoolers is accurate.
She survives by finding like-minded friends who support and justify her feelings.
The goal is always to win. However, once the immediate fight is done, it's done. There's no going back to it. The loser is expected to man up, accept he lost that fight, and move on.
Things can start over IF he's insulted again at a later time, and he is permitted to prepare to fight before that happens. So if he loses today, it is acceptable for him to go to the gym, take classes, or (for the foolhardy) watch YouTube videos before getting into another fight. But what has been settled is settled and it stays in the past.0 -
[/quote]
Guy code members would NEVER use this many words.
[/quote]
Yeah... I'm the son of 2 lawyers, so I can get wordy. That led to my role as the squad's storyteller / explainer. "Well, Major, the whole issue with Jones standing on top of the dorm in his underwear, covered in flour and singing the theme to Captaini Planet at 0200 hours really has a very logical explanation...."0 -
Okay, I get the first part.
If the "limit has been breached" and it comes to a verbal or physical confrontation, what is the end goal?
To settle it? To win? Both?
What about the guy who loses?
No "guerilla" campaign from him, so how does he deal with it?
I think your assessment of female high schoolers is accurate.
She survives by finding like-minded friends who support and justify her feelings.
The goal is always to win. However, once the immediate fight is done, it's done. There's no going back to it. The loser is expected to man up, accept he lost that fight, and move on.
Things can start over IF he's insulted again at a later time, and he is permitted to prepare to fight before that happens. So if he loses today, it is acceptable for him to go to the gym, take classes, or (for the foolhardy) watch YouTube videos before getting into another fight. But what has been settled is settled and it stays in the past.
Ah, so even how he loses is important.
He can lose like a man or a sissy?
So, why do little guys pick on big guys if they know the big guy can whip their butt?0
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