Ideas for *witty* responses to healthy haters

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Replies

  • Capt_Inzane
    Capt_Inzane Posts: 733 Member
    When you die I'll still be alive.
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
    So a close relative remarked, " You can still see the roots on those," as I was happily eating lightly broiled brussels sprouts.
    "Yeah, you know where they came from," I responded.

    She continued her rant about eating vegetables. My quip did not make her laugh or shut up.

    I need better, smart-*kitten*, but funny quips/comebacks that will shut people up. I haven't found anything online. Come on, there had to be funny healthy people, right?

    In this particular situation, "well judging by that gut you'll be buried somewhere under neath those roots soon."
  • ncahill77
    ncahill77 Posts: 501 Member
    If they are eating something bad while you are being healthy just offer to staple it to their @ss and save them some time.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    tumblr_m81v758BKv1rcfputo1_500.gif
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    Reading through some of the responses in this thread, it's amazing the sense of superiority eating vegetables seems to give some people.

    Great attempt at trolling!

    Not looking to troll at all. Straight up observation of how some of the responses come across.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    Reading through some of the responses in this thread, it's amazing the sense of superiority eating vegetables seems to give some people.

    Great attempt at trolling!

    Not looking to troll at all. Straight up observation of how some of the responses come across.

    dude, im vegetarian. in my world, we cant use the same bathroom. hahahahaa.
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    I would just ask them what their secret for staying thin is... you're open to anything! (hopefully they could stand to lose a few heeheh)
  • yourenotmine
    yourenotmine Posts: 645 Member
    Well... I'm a vegetarian. Once my coworker saw me eating mushrooms and said "eeew, you're eating fungus", and I replied, "well, I just watched you eat a corpse, so what do you care?". Not my finest hour, but she stopped talking about my food.
  • TJMiddaugh
    TJMiddaugh Posts: 67 Member
    be like ***** you need some ANTI OXIDANTS! lookin all wrinkly with your cheese fries haha just kidding a friend asked me once what to say to this girl that insulted him at a football game and he wanted something funny to say back to her but in a health food way. thats what i came up with...
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    Well... I'm a vegetarian. Once my coworker saw me eating mushrooms and said "eeew, you're eating fungus", and I replied, "well, I just watched you eat a corpse, so what do you care?". Not my finest hour, but she stopped talking about my food.

    did that really happen, or were you really by yourself, tripping on mushrooms?
  • yourenotmine
    yourenotmine Posts: 645 Member
    Well... I'm a vegetarian. Once my coworker saw me eating mushrooms and said "eeew, you're eating fungus", and I replied, "well, I just watched you eat a corpse, so what do you care?". Not my finest hour, but she stopped talking about my food.

    did that really happen, or were you really by yourself, tripping on mushrooms?
    Yes, it did happen. She was not, obviously, eating a human. However, since I work in an animal hospital, I thought it was apt.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss2333333333333333333333333333333333333.sx nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

    My cat's response.

    "So's your face" works for pretty much everything.
  • runs4zen
    runs4zen Posts: 769 Member
    I get crap for how I order food in restaurants--nonfat, grilled, sauce on side, no butter or oil...you know the drill. My typical response to passive aggressive criticism is always "Can you believe I'm 48?" That typically shuts them up. As for a previous poster's observation on feeling superior...not even remotely. I don't care how other's eat but I care when they get lippy about how I'm eating.
  • theskinnyonme
    theskinnyonme Posts: 443 Member
    Just say you'd rather treat your body as a temple instead of a dumpster. :bigsmile:
  • AngelicxAnnihilation
    AngelicxAnnihilation Posts: 336 Member
    "cool story bro, tell it again with more vegetables"
  • SolanumSunrise
    SolanumSunrise Posts: 244 Member
    Well... I'm a vegetarian. Once my coworker saw me eating mushrooms and said "eeew, you're eating fungus", and I replied, "well, I just watched you eat a corpse, so what do you care?". Not my finest hour, but she stopped talking about my food.

    One of my co-workers did the same to me and I just asked him, "well, do you eat cheese?". He shut up.
  • rachaelbarton
    rachaelbarton Posts: 57 Member
    That's the point when I usually launch into the vegetable's many positive attributes; i.e. what it does for eyesight, skin, hair, memory, etc. Then people get interested. They realize that you 1) know what you're doing and 2) are willing to share your expertise with them. Next thing you know they'll be eating them too! :)
  • rachaelbarton
    rachaelbarton Posts: 57 Member
    Good call.
  • Gyroid
    Gyroid Posts: 12
    I don't care about haters.

    I'm too busy being awesome.

    I have to second this. ^_^
  • runs4zen
    runs4zen Posts: 769 Member
    I don't care about haters.

    I'm too busy being awesome.

    I have to second this. ^_^

    Hell yeah! Me three!
  • Scrimples
    Scrimples Posts: 45
    I typically go all nerdy on people like that. "Actually, brussel sprouts come off of a stalk. One stalk produces a bunch of these little guys. What you are thinking is a root is the part where the bud connects to that stalk (hold up a sprout speared on your fork and point it out). Did you know that brussel sprouts are a type of cabbage? They aren't actually baby cabbages like some people think. I like them best broiled, because they aren't very tasty overcooked and they lose some of their nutritional punch. In fact, overcooking is what typically has given brussel sprouts such a bad rep. People or restaurants overcook them and they taste too strong or smell stinky and people decide that all brussel sprouts are nasty. Done right they are really tasty. Want to try one?" I'm also likely to break out the smart phone and pull up a picture of brussel sprouts on a stalk to show them. By the time I'm done with educational speech they typically don't want a repeat and will move on and not prompt another teachable moment.

    I also use the overshare technique. I eat a lot of "funny" things, because I can't eat the original versions of much anymore. These healified versions or bringing my own foods to a gathering or having to abstain from eating at all often gets called into question for being overly picky, weird, dramatic, or gross. This year I've been diagnosed as a celiac, no more gluteny goodness, and with allergies to dairy, eggs, and cranberries. Through elimination diets with my doctor we've discovered that my body doesn't digest starch and sugar well (sometimes even natural sugars in fruits, low glycemic sugars, or regular old sugar). I have further health problems that cause such huge issues with rapid weight gain which make certain foods no go's when symptoms act up. To top it all off I lost my gallbladder and eating anything too fatty gives me tummy upsets. So, you can imagine that I have plenty of side effects that I can "overshare" when I eat the wrong thing or too much of something. Telling someone that you will have explosive diarrhea if you ate what they are or that you really don't want to blow up like a gas filled balloon or that you don't care to be the walking fart joke or that you don't want to wake up the next morning hurling or the last rash you got from that food spread over half your body and took on the appearance of a bad burn before finally starting to ooze or you aren't comfortable with the excess mucus that the food would cause and since it makes you have difficulty swallowing it is twice as bad makes them back off really quick. This is especially effective if done when they are eating as well. If done around a dinner table others will likely change the subject very quickly and save you even if the original culprit doesn't.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    I typically go all nerdy on people like that. "Actually, brussel sprouts come off of a stalk. One stalk produces a bunch of these little guys. What you are thinking is a root is the part where the bud connects to that stalk (hold up a sprout speared on your fork and point it out). Did you know that brussel sprouts are a type of cabbage? They aren't actually baby cabbages like some people think. I like them best broiled, because they aren't very tasty overcooked and they lose some of their nutritional punch. In fact, overcooking is what typically has given brussel sprouts such a bad rep. People or restaurants overcook them and they taste too strong or smell stinky and people decide that all brussel sprouts are nasty. Done right they are really tasty. Want to try one?" I'm also likely to break out the smart phone and pull up a picture of brussel sprouts on a stalk to show them. By the time I'm done with educational speech they typically don't want a repeat and will move on and not prompt another teachable moment.

    I also use the overshare technique. I eat a lot of "funny" things, because I can't eat the original versions of much anymore. These healified versions or bringing my own foods to a gathering or having to abstain from eating at all often gets called into question for being overly picky, weird, dramatic, or gross. This year I've been diagnosed as a celiac, no more gluteny goodness, and with allergies to dairy, eggs, and cranberries. Through elimination diets with my doctor we've discovered that my body doesn't digest starch and sugar well (sometimes even natural sugars in fruits, low glycemic sugars, or regular old sugar). I have further health problems that cause such huge issues with rapid weight gain which make certain foods no go's when symptoms act up. To top it all off I lost my gallbladder and eating anything too fatty gives me tummy upsets. So, you can imagine that I have plenty of side effects that I can "overshare" when I eat the wrong thing or too much of something. Telling someone that you will have explosive diarrhea if you ate what they are or that you really don't want to blow up like a gas filled balloon or that you don't care to be the walking fart joke or that you don't want to wake up the next morning hurling or the last rash you got from that food spread over half your body and took on the appearance of a bad burn before finally starting to ooze or you aren't comfortable with the excess mucus that the food would cause and since it makes you have difficulty swallowing it is twice as bad makes them back off really quick. This is especially effective if done when they are eating as well. If done around a dinner table others will likely change the subject very quickly and save you even if the original culprit doesn't.

    This must work really well in your head.
  • ButterfliiHawk
    ButterfliiHawk Posts: 20 Member
    My Friend commented on how everything I eat looks like either rabbit food or sludge (referring to salad and oatmeal!)
    He asked what on earth I was trying to prove, it wouldn't "work" so I replied -
    "It's called '50 ways NOT to have a heart attack, 30 ways to lose fat, 10 ways to live longer than you, and one way to prove you wrong!' "
    All in good fun....I like to be light hearted and jokey about it since it does not get my point across to be snappy or angry...but it definitely sunk in I think!!
    :D
  • rebamay87
    rebamay87 Posts: 103 Member
    I say this to my 4 and 5 year old students in class.. and granted I think it sadly applies to adults.

    They comment on my food.. which normally consists of "Ewww... I HATE LETTUCE!" and without skipping a beat I smile brightly pick up my fork and say

    "Oh? Well good thing this is my lunch, I didn't offer any to you.."

    They normally look a little startled but they're learning not only to not comment on my food but their peers either.

    Like.

    My five year old takes salads for lunch several times a week and loves them. He got teased at the beginning of the year and I told told him to tell them it doesn't matter if they like it because he does. It's since subsided. Most of the teachers are jealous of his lunches. :laugh:

    A couple of my kinder kids take salads and the like, they are really excited and want to sit with me when I have mine. I always encourage conversations with them, more so when I have 'different' foods, like beetroot, or bell peppers. I know for some of the, veg is not something really in their range, so it can't hurt them. Fantastic job tho sending your little man with salads, such a good habit to start when they're young!
  • ChloeRoseLejeune
    ChloeRoseLejeune Posts: 488
    tell her that she is always focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you could use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck

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