My heart is broken...

Bownzi

Wow... he sounds more confused than you... Things of the heart are hard.. You need to look at yourself and understand that you are a seemingly devoted person who is in love with someone else... Look back at yourself and start to love you the result is you finding someone who loves you for you and wants to be with you...

cindiva65

Sounds like he "loves you" but isnt "in love with you". There is a difference. He realizes you are a good person and he wishes he felt more for you than he does. As painful as it is at least he is being honest with you. Best thing you can do is to move on with your life. It sucks....I know. Sorry for your broken heart.

BeinAwesome247

Ever see the How I Met you Mother with Katy Perry as Honey. She's a sweet, naive girl that keeps telling stories and everyone's response is "Oh, Honey, No." That is my reaction to this. You sound so sweet and heartbroken over your first love. Unfortunately, as a cynic, my reaction is to move on. Please don't waste your time and emotions on someone who doesn't do the same for you. I haven't read all of the comments, but you seem to be defending him in most responses and don't seem confident in what you want.

At your age, my advice is to concentrate on you. Don't let your happiness be dictated by this. Find out what makes you happy in life and do it. You are so young and unfortunately, most of the responses you have received are correct. They may make us sound bitter, but that's only because we have more experience and unfortunately life has thrown us curve balls and we have had to grow up and be stronger too.

Do you have close girlfriends? Are you in school? What do you have to help get you past this so you don't keep running back to him?

THIS

kennethmgreen

OP - Do you remember posting this, just over a month ago?

Maybe? Don't see him tonight. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Familiarity breeds contempt." ? If you see him too much, there will be nothing to look forward to and you'll soon be sick of each other. You'll be sick of his moods teetering, and he'll be sick of your clingy-ness. I see my boyfriend at the MOST three times a week, because we both work. But when I do see him, we have the best time together and appreciate each other. I've been with him almost a year, and we're committed, but hell, we haven't even had sex yet. You need to slow waaaaay down, especially if he's telling you to take it slower. He might say something different when he's thinking with his other head (you know what I mean), but you really do need to follow his hint and slow down, lady. :P

It's here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/943156-i-want-him-he-doesnt-want-me-vent-rant?page=5

Sometimes we have the answers already and just need reminding and/or a change in perspective.

srcardinal10

I sent you a message but I'm posting this here...

Subject: It is always the darkest before the dawn...


"What defines us is how well we rise after falling."

Sweetheart, I just went through a fairly similar break-up myself in January. I'm sorry to see someone experience what I just went through. My heart is breaking for you. Please, from my own experience, give him some space. Not because he needs it, but because YOU need it. You need time to deal with what is going on and to honestly rebuild yourself and to deal with your emotions.

"Your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts."

This break-up is FRESH. It JUST happened. You're going to feel totally awful for a while. It feels like it came out of the blue which makes it hurt even more. You don't understand what happened or why? You did everything you could and he still chose to leave. I know those are some of the thoughts you're having because I had them too. It's NORMAL. While it hurts SOOOOO much right now, and it feels like there aren't enough words in any language to explain how low and awful you feel, how much you want to dig yourself into a hole and die, it will be okay. I promise.

My break-up was SO BAD for me emotionally, my parents and friends were worried about me. I saw a psychiatrist and took some Xanax because I never felt worse in my entire life. It wasn't my first break-up but I loved that man with everything I had.

You're going to cry -- a lot. You're going to feel hurt. Depressed. Angry. Confused and MANY other emotions. Honestly, my friends on MFP were at least half of the reason I was even able to make it through my break-up. They were encouraging. I'd say you're taking a great step by just opening up and talking about your feelings. With regards to feelings, you also have to let them come and pass...that's crucial. FEEL them and let them PASS. You can't hold onto them.

Here's an article that my colleague's gf wrote a few years ago and she sent it to me...
http://www.autostraddle.com/the-best-break-up-advice-youll-ever-get-84054/

Once I started wanting to feel better and not be taking Xanax or smoking to make myself not feel, I started pinning quotes on Pinterest constantly. Then, I would write down one quote everyday and post-it on my mirror in my room. I used them as things to remember and ways to SLOWLY motivate myself into feeling better.

"Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along."

I promise, you will be okay again one day. I never thought I'd be okay, but I am. It just takes time (the worst thing to hear but it's the truth).

xoxo,

michellechawner

Give it time.

MY boyfriend and I have been together 2.5 years this week, and we took one break. He wanted his time to himself. I was crushed. He came back 5 days later, and hasn't left since.

I've also had it the other way too though, don't get me wrong. You're both still so young. Who knows, 6 years down the road, he could realize he screwed up. He may realize it tomorrow. But he needs to realize it for HIMSELF.

KtotheD78

Ok, set aside your emotions. Just relax and breathe.
I read a couple of your key posts and I looked for his words. I rewrote it for you.

"Hey I'm sorry I haven't called and I've been distant. I need to talk to you. You love me more than I love you. I don't want to feel obligated to buy you dinner or take you out, and I want the freedom to do things I want to do. I feel like I'm stringing you along. I love you, but as a friend. You're beautiful, you should smile, I hate seeing you so hurt, and you'll find someone to love you even more than you loved me.... "

He is basically, in a very nice way (because he cares about your feelings and doesn't want to see you hurt), dumped you.
Let him go.
You will be ok.
I promise.

Again, breathe. It is ok. I know it hurts like hell. I get that. I have been through it. More than once. But I promise you WILL meet someone that loves you back. The same way you love them. He no longer loves you the way you love him. He loves you as a friend.

TedStout

Ever see the How I Met you Mother with Katy Perry as Honey. She's a sweet, naive girl that keeps telling stories and everyone's response is "Oh, Honey, No." That is my reaction to this. You sound so sweet and heartbroken over your first love. Unfortunately, as a cynic, my reaction is to move on. Please don't waste your time and emotions on someone who doesn't do the same for you. I haven't read all of the comments, but you seem to be defending him in most responses and don't seem confident in what you want.

At your age, my advice is to concentrate on you. Don't let your happiness be dictated by this. Find out what makes you happy in life and do it. You are so young and unfortunately, most of the responses you have received are correct. They may make us sound bitter, but that's only because we have more experience and unfortunately life has thrown us curve balls and we have had to grow up and be stronger too.

Do you have close girlfriends? Are you in school? What do you have to help get you past this so you don't keep running back to him?

THIS

THIS. As a man who has been down the road of hard knocks (over 50), I can only tell you that Life moves on. It sucks, it sucks really bad when you love someone and it doesn't work, but I promise you that it gets better over time. You have to just move on. Its easier said than done, but I am guessing that there are few people over the age of 25 that haven't had their heart shattered by someone. Its not a guy thing...women can (and do) break hearts all the time. Its not fatal...its just life. Honestly, just go out and have the best time you can. In a fairly short period, you will find it all worked out for the best. I promise.

honey_bee_keysha

Cynical but realistic head on....

Been together a year.
Not had sex.
Got hotel room.
Just cuddled.
Distant in the morning.
Left on road trip without you.
Needed to talk on return.
Cried and said he's stringing you along.

He's not an emotional cripple, he's just got fed up with waiting and shagged someone else and now has remorse.

Harsh but he's a man end of.

This^

ash8184

I'm no relationship expert, but something similar happened to me.

In the fall of last year, I got a very comparable story from my boyfriend who said that I was an awesome girl with a great personality and that I deserved better than him, because I loved him more than he loved me. This went on a few times, but I ignored it because we had a great time together.

Then, this last Christmas, I offered to pay for at least myself (if not both of us) to do something for the long break, and he said he couldn't get away from work. A day later, he sat me down and said he needed to go away... alone. Found out at a Christmas party a few days later that he was going with his best friend - so not only was he not working, not only was he going somewhere with his best friend, he lied to me.

That night, I told him to go F himself.

He wound up going on the trip, and called me the minute he got cell phone service back (he was out in the desert) and asked me to dinner. I declined, but went with him a few days later after some persistence. We wound up being "not together" for about 6 weeks, and I saw someone else during that time. We got back together, and ever since, it's been amazing. We're talking about engagement/marriage and really starting our lives together.

I don't know your specifics, but I tell you this story because you aren't alone. My boyfriend and I have now been together for over 3 1/2 years, and that break was really an amazing thing - both because I realized how much I missed him, and he realized that he missed me too. As we've talked through it since, I realized that he needed the time alone and that he needed to learn how to love himself before he could really love me. He's overweight, and as someone who's spent most of her life overweight, I've often thought of myself as not good enough for anyone else - to the point that I thought I'd spend my life alone (who would ever ask me to marry them?). When you tell someone "it's not you, it's me", it's hardly believable... but sometimes, it really is true.

Hang in there. You'll be ok, whether you get back together with him or not. It's not easy, but you (yourself, or you and him together) will come out stronger. Use this time to enjoy what you want to do - something you haven't had time to do, exercise, read a book, whatever. And remember that you are worth someone who loves you back as much as you love them!

lovemyawv

Its nice to hear only what we want to hear....and be told all the nice things nice things that your ex said....and they could all be true. But he told you that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. PERIOD. You deserve someone that loves you back. For EVERY case that I know of, when one person said they needed time and space, 100% of the time there was someone else. He knows you are a good person and feels awful, wishes he loved you, but he knows he doesn't......and someone else came along. I am sorry to say this...but some day, you will find there was someone else, even if he doesn't admit it to himself.

sorry.....

michellechawner

I'm no relationship expert, but something similar happened to me.

In the fall of last year, I got a very comparable story from my boyfriend who said that I was an awesome girl with a great personality and that I deserved better than him, because I loved him more than he loved me. This went on a few times, but I ignored it because we had a great time together.

Then, this last Christmas, I offered to pay for at least myself (if not both of us) to do something for the long break, and he said he couldn't get away from work. A day later, he sat me down and said he needed to go away... alone. Found out at a Christmas party a few days later that he was going with his best friend - so not only was he not working, not only was he going somewhere with his best friend, he lied to me.

That night, I told him to go F himself.

He wound up going on the trip, and called me the minute he got cell phone service back (he was out in the desert) and asked me to dinner. I declined, but went with him a few days later after some persistence. We wound up being "not together" for about 6 weeks, and I saw someone else during that time. We got back together, and ever since, it's been amazing. We're talking about engagement/marriage and really starting our lives together.

I don't know your specifics, but I tell you this story because you aren't alone. My boyfriend and I have now been together for over 3 1/2 years, and that break was really an amazing thing - both because I realized how much I missed him, and he realized that he missed me too. As we've talked through it since, I realized that he needed the time alone and that he needed to learn how to love himself before he could really love me. He's overweight, and as someone who's spent most of her life overweight, I've often thought of myself as not good enough for anyone else - to the point that I thought I'd spend my life alone (who would ever ask me to marry them?). When you tell someone "it's not you, it's me", it's hardly believable... but sometimes, it really is true.

Hang in there. You'll be ok, whether you get back together with him or not. It's not easy, but you (yourself, or you and him together) will come out stronger. Use this time to enjoy what you want to do - something you haven't had time to do, exercise, read a book, whatever. And remember that you are worth someone who loves you back as much as you love them!

Wow. THIS^ Do something for you. If it works with him, great. If not, what are you left with? YOU. Take up a hobby, see old girlfriends.

I know, I posted twice. I'd be happy to share my full long blown story with you, if you'd like. Just message me. I've been down both roads, so I can honestly say that when I thought "I'll never get through it, he was the only one for me", I really did think it. And now I'm on the other side of that, and I'm healthy, happy, and older and more mature.

kevinjb1

"What defines us is how well we rise after falling."

THIS

ndj1979

I'm no relationship expert, but something similar happened to me.

In the fall of last year, I got a very comparable story from my boyfriend who said that I was an awesome girl with a great personality and that I deserved better than him, because I loved him more than he loved me. This went on a few times, but I ignored it because we had a great time together.

Then, this last Christmas, I offered to pay for at least myself (if not both of us) to do something for the long break, and he said he couldn't get away from work. A day later, he sat me down and said he needed to go away... alone. Found out at a Christmas party a few days later that he was going with his best friend - so not only was he not working, not only was he going somewhere with his best friend, he lied to me.

That night, I told him to go F himself.

He wound up going on the trip, and called me the minute he got cell phone service back (he was out in the desert) and asked me to dinner. I declined, but went with him a few days later after some persistence. We wound up being "not together" for about 6 weeks, and I saw someone else during that time. We got back together, and ever since, it's been amazing. We're talking about engagement/marriage and really starting our lives together.

I don't know your specifics, but I tell you this story because you aren't alone. My boyfriend and I have now been together for over 3 1/2 years, and that break was really an amazing thing - both because I realized how much I missed him, and he realized that he missed me too. As we've talked through it since, I realized that he needed the time alone and that he needed to learn how to love himself before he could really love me. He's overweight, and as someone who's spent most of her life overweight, I've often thought of myself as not good enough for anyone else - to the point that I thought I'd spend my life alone (who would ever ask me to marry them?). When you tell someone "it's not you, it's me", it's hardly believable... but sometimes, it really is true.

Hang in there. You'll be ok, whether you get back together with him or not. It's not easy, but you (yourself, or you and him together) will come out stronger. Use this time to enjoy what you want to do - something you haven't had time to do, exercise, read a book, whatever. And remember that you are worth someone who loves you back as much as you love them!

Wow. THIS^ Do something for you. If it works with him, great. If not, what are you left with? YOU. Take up a hobby, see old girlfriends.

I know, I posted twice. I'd be happy to share my full long blown story with you, if you'd like. Just message me. I've been down both roads, so I can honestly say that when I thought "I'll never get through it, he was the only one for me", I really did think it. And now I'm on the other side of that, and I'm healthy, happy, and older and more mature.

saying I am no relationship expert and then commenting is like saying "I am not a doctor, but I will go ahead and perform that open heart surgery on you..."

nolachick

I haven't contacted him yet, it's been two days. Should I just not have contact with him for a month? To me, if he wants me back and wants things to work, he'd come back to me in at least a week or two. He sent me a message two hours after dropping me off two days ago saying something along the lines of him loving me, but as a friend, I'm beautiful, I should smile, he hated seeing me so hurt, and I'll find someone to love me even more than I loved him....

girl I have to tell u, listen to what he is saying. a lot of times we don't listen to what people are telling us because its not what we want to hear. he may very well lstill love you but as a friend, and still care for you, but as a friend. I think he truly does care for you, but for whatever reason isn't happy in the relationship right now.

I will say it again to give it time and space but most importantly give YOURSELF some time and space to let go a little and do your own thing. Don't hold on to the hope that you guys will get back, instead live your life as u normally would.

I think he is truly trying to be honest while not try to hurt you because he knew you would be devastated.

Jonesingmucho

He is basically, in a very nice way (because he cares about your feelings and doesn't want to see you hurt), dumped you.
Let him go.
You will be ok.
I promise.

Again, breathe. It is ok. I know it hurts like hell. I get that. I have been through it. More than once. But I promise you WILL meet someone that loves you back. The same way you love them. He no longer loves you the way you love him. He loves you as a friend.

^^This

Being in a relationship with someone who loves you "as a friend" because one of you or both of you can't let go will cheat you out of finding real happiness with someone who loves you like a lover/partner.

Let him go before you are trapped.
You can find someone just like him and build new memories. Better memories. Chipotle vs.Taco Bell memories.

Love ya girlfriend. Be strong.
x big hug x

gettinfitaus

I am also 21 years old. So I feel like I can relate with you a lot on this issue, based on our ages alone. My boyfriend is also 21 years old. And we've almost been together for a year. A few months back, we broke up for a months time. This was because he felt he was missing out on things by being in a committed and long term relationship. He's young. He wasn't at the level I was at in terms of what I wanted. And so I left. And in time, he came crawling back. And now we are stronger than ever. He needed that month to figure out what he really wanted. Get a bit of stuff out of his system and truly buckle down and think what is most important to him. And in the end, it was me. It always was me. He just needed his last "hoo-rah" as a 21 year old guy with freedom.
Give him time and give him his space. You are very young and have a lot of time to figure things out. I have been in two other serious relationships so I don't necessarily need to see what else or who else is out there. But maybe you two do. What I can say is don't settle for less than what you know you're worth. At the end of the day, your happiness should absolutely be the most important thing to you. And I feel like you either need to give him time to figure things out or just move on and do your own thing and do things that make you happy. Be young while you can, because we won't be forever.

I haven't contacted him yet, it's been two days. Should I just not have contact with him for a month? To me, if he wants me back and wants things to work, he'd come back to me in at least a week or two. He sent me a message two hours after dropping me off two days ago saying something along the lines of him loving me, but as a friend, I'm beautiful, I should smile, he hated seeing me so hurt, and I'll find someone to love me even more than I loved him....

But I know he still loves me, I could tell he was conflicted the whole time and he didn't want to let me go. So I'm going to give him his space, I just don't know how to go about doing it.

He SAID he loves you as a friend, you will find someone else which means this is not a break. He has broken up with you. He is gone.

He may come back but seriously do you want to be with someone who just broke up with you? Especially someone who just broke up with you after trying to ease you into having sex with him. He knew how you felt about sex, you had discussed it repeatedly and yet he went and rented a hotel room just so you could "be alone". No he rented it so that he could get some and when you asked him to stop he got disappointed and broke up with you.

As someone who has a GOOD man, who has his faults and issues but is a genuinely GOOD man - this 21 year old is not a good man. I knew my fiancee at 21 and even then he was a good man. This boy is just that, a boy who needs to grow up and get a clue. A good man does not try to ease you into sex by hiring a hotel room and making an assumption (the lets be alone was a smoke screen honey) about the only thing he did nicely was break up with you.

Let him go, find someone who deserves you.

Snow3y

I feel he is gay. He loves you but he's confused.

If every girl were to listen to you, there'd be no hope.

I was considered 'gay' by my girlfriend's friends and ensured that I was gay, well, you couldn't be more wrong.. It'd just be your loss.

I had a very close gay friend and I saw this happen. I'm just going by experience. I have no idea what is going on with you. Why do they think you are gay? You keep leading them on saying you love them like hers is then breaking their hearts? Lovely.. or you mean you dump girls that don't screw you? I'm confused.

They think I am because I'm considered 'decent' and because I don't go around flirting with other girls

ike2998

I read this poem by TD Jakes called Let It Go and it reminds me that I am to beautiful to beg someone to stay and someone is going to come along that WANTS to be around me.

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, “They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.” [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And, if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over, so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it’s dead. You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of goodbye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift. I believe in “goodbye”. It’s not that I’m insensitive or uncaring, it’s that I trust. I know whatever and whomever God means for me to have and be a part of my life He will give. And, if a relationship takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!


I am not that reglious by any means but it has a good point, you are to beautiful to beg someone to stay. Why would you want that? You should want someone who wants to spend time with you and just wants to be around you and love you. I hope this helps!

monica2410

I read this poem by TD Jakes called Let It Go and it reminds me that I am to beautiful to beg someone to stay and someone is going to come along that WANTS to be around me.

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, “They came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.” [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And, if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over, so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it’s dead. You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of goodbye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift. I believe in “goodbye”. It’s not that I’m insensitive or uncaring, it’s that I trust. I know whatever and whomever God means for me to have and be a part of my life He will give. And, if a relationship takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!


I am not that reglious by any means but it has a good point, you are to beautiful to beg someone to stay. Why would you want that? You should want someone who wants to spend time with you and just wants to be around you and love you. I hope this helps!

And the video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pketb6gxR3w
I'm not religious either but he preached!