Sick of hearing it
Replies
-
Double post0
-
Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
So because she's female, her behavior should be excused? Because of her gender, it's okay for her to constantly belittle another's success (based on gender too) and to find excuses to not change and throw self pity parties? Huh? I don't think so.
ETA: I read the other comments and wanted to say if a guy opens the door, I say thank you. Not because it is expected due to gender role actions, but because someone was nice enough to do something and its only polite and respectful to recognize the thoughtfulness. I'd appreciate it if it had been a girl who opened the door too. The point is, the woman mentioned has a history of negativity and the OP, in the past, tried to offer support and help. Sometimes, it does take a swift kick in the face (so to speak) to either make someone come to terms with the truth, or to get them to back off.0 -
at least ''typical man'' is species specific.
they are derogatory in context. this new fad for refering to women as 'females' has nothing to do with respect. i've yet to see anyone refer to men as 'males'. in this manner.
a female could refer to a dog! we're women. or ladies, if you feel that way. girls if you want to patronise.
excuse me? last time i looked, having breasts didn't stop me being responsible for my own words.Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
as a WOMAN (that's the polite & respectful word for 'females', which acknowledges that i'm human as well as ovary ridden) i would rather be spoken to the way he spoke to her than the way you spoke about her.
sheesh!
The way I spoke of her? You mean, referring to her as a female? You know...something that she is, biologically speaking....? Wow.
and what does her gender have to do with the way he spoke to her? you've yet to clarify that one. do we faint if we hear curse words?
Female / Male are scientific definitions not derogatory. His attempt at being respectful toward women was attacked. It's like the girl who yells at a man for opening the door for her "i can do it myself". Immediately thinking of a "dog" as female might reflect more on your own interpretation of the word female rather than the scientific one.
I agree- it was a bit harsh for a man to get in a woman's face about her weight. What she said was rude, but she wasn't saying it to belittle his work (even though it did, and that sucks) She was likely just finding a way to give an excuse to herself because she isn't ready to take responsibility for her own weight. She was mindless and rude, but we are all guilty of saying stupid **** at one point or another in our lives.
opening doors is something people should do regardless of gender. as should thanking people.
rude is rude, regardless of gender.
as a matter of fact I have heard women refer to men as "typical man" all the time. (i would classify that as equivalent to the context you are referring to. I understand the point you make, but i don't believe his use of the word was derogatory, it was his attempt at being respectful to women.
Rude is rude, but as the person who receives the insult we can choose to react to it with an insult or react with compassion toward the person who is clearly hurting in the situation.
Was his reaction understandable? YES- I have days I want to snap back at people too.
Was his reaction worthy of applause? Probably not. The option of rising above when we are hurt is worthy of applause.
but, yes, i do also argue with women who make post about men always being naff.
her gender is a non-issue in this thread. or should be. making it one isn't respectful, even if he thinks it is. i'll concede that he's misguided rather than trying to offend, though.
Namaste 0 -
guilt reaction to you eating fruit while she stuffs her face.
^^^ This. I hate being on the receiving end of other people's projected issues. Life's too short to put up with passive aggression. :mad:
I appreciate how awkward things must have felt afterward, but good for you for putting her in her place. You never know, this may well become her tipping point to change.
Why this assumption she wants to change or that she needs to be put in her place? Why not take the comments as a conversation starter? The OP sounds very proud of his hard work. Why not take the opportunity to fill her in on all the details. And as for the "cake dripping with chocolate" comment, the OP makes it sound like a crime for an overweight person to enjoy a dessert at a family social gathering. I'm sure the hosts were happy that their guests were enjoying the food they took the trouble to prepare.0 -
She made a pointed comment, she got a pointed response. Although it probably would have been more diplomatic to point out how hard you've been working and that it hasn't been easy. Then again, no one here knows the context of your relationship with this family member, or your family dynamic in general. If it made you feel better to put her in her place, so be it.0
-
Next time, use it as an opportunity. Stop, think, and come from a place of love and understanding. I've been there before. But, if you can use this opportunity to slightly change your tone, I think it would help the situation. Especially with family. I can be more candid and direct with my family than I can with someone from work.
Love and understanding doesn't work as well as a swift kick in the pants. Especially with people who demonstrate a keen ability to NOT listen to others' sage advice.
I don't believe she was asking for advice. I think she was enjoying a piece of cake and perhaps trying to have a conversation in a social setting.0 -
She made a pointed comment, she got a pointed response.
^this. Really well said0 -
she commented on his.
a female could refer to a dog! we're women. or ladies, if you feel that way. girls if you want to patronise.
excuse me? last time i looked, having breasts didn't stop me being responsible for my own words.Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
as a WOMAN (that's the polite & respectful word for 'females', which acknowledges that i'm human as well as ovary ridden) i would rather be spoken to the way he spoke to her than the way you spoke about her.
sheesh!
The way I spoke of her? You mean, referring to her as a female? You know...something that she is, biologically speaking....? Wow.
and what does her gender have to do with the way he spoke to her? you've yet to clarify that one. do we faint if we hear curse words?
It's rude. One thing that a man should never do is comment on a WOMAN'S (happy?) weight. How would you like it if a family member of yours maliciously told you to get off your fat, lazy *kitten*? I guarantee you'd be over in the motivation and support section making a thread about it almost instantaneously.
my *kitten* is skinny, so it's pretty unlikely. but if one of them was making snippy comments about my diet & weight i would feel justified in pointing out their own faults. even, EVEN if that person happened to have breasts.
if i randomly pointed my fork & made a snotty comment about anyone else's efforts, i would absolutely deserve a response like that!
In what way was her comment snotty? The part about how it's easier for men to lose weight? Well, truthfully, it is (see: more muscle mass and testosterone). We cut back a little on portions, do a little exercise...bada boom, bada bing; quicker weight loss. I just don't see how pointing out the obvious warranted that type of response from the OP.
Well, you don't know their history. You don't know the "tone" in which it was spoke. It's pretty unrealistic for you to "read" it in your mind and decide that it was/wasn't "snotty".
I wouldn't have gone to that extreme myself...I would have said something like "Keep eating that cake and I'm sure you'll make it easier on yourself". But he's within his right to say whatever he wants to someone he knows.
Nor do I need to know their history. Out of respect, there's just some things you don't say to people, whether you know them or not..."get off your fat *kitten* and stop b*tching" is one of them.
His call. I have a couple of relatives that if you don't "put it in their terms" so to speak, then they never get the picture. I'm not defending it, I simply don't think I am in a position to "judge" a comment when I don't know the people or situation well enough.0 -
She made a pointed comment, she got a pointed response.
That was not a pointed response. The dude took a nuclear bomb to a knife fight. As someone else said, calling anyone a lazy fat *kitten* is just something you don't do.0 -
Next time, use it as an opportunity. Stop, think, and come from a place of love and understanding. I've been there before. But, if you can use this opportunity to slightly change your tone, I think it would help the situation. Especially with family. I can be more candid and direct with my family than I can with someone from work.
Love and understanding doesn't work as well as a swift kick in the pants. Especially with people who demonstrate a keen ability to NOT listen to others' sage advice.
I don't believe she was asking for advice. I think she was enjoying a piece of cake and perhaps trying to have a conversation in a social setting.
Maybe. But I think the more likely scenario is that she was trying to dismiss his success in order to excuse her own unwillingness to take charge of her weight & health.0 -
this one made me laugh out loud.. thats great0
-
Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
So because she's female, her behavior should be excused? Because of her gender, it's okay for her to constantly belittle another's success (based on gender too) and to find excuses to not change and throw self pity parties? Huh? I don't think so.
Where did she belittle his success? Surely I missed that part. Be a doll and point me in the right direction, will ya?0 -
I support what you say....and would be on your soap box with you & your banana:) heehee....I hope it wasn't your mom that you said it too on mom's day...
0 -
When I read your response to her, my eyes widened and I covered my mouth in awe! :noway: It was more than a bit harsh, but at the end of the day, it's YOUR family; if this is what keeps the family together, do you.
I'm just curious....if this response was you taking it easy on her, WHAT in Heaven's Gates would've been your response had you really let it fly?!0 -
Hope everyone had a good Mother's Day. Today was a good day for me. Family gathered around that I haven't seen in a while complimenting me on the fact that I look thinner and trimmer which is always nice to hear.
So everyone's sitting around eating desserts. You know, cake, pie, peach cobbler, ice cream, and I'm behaving and having a banana. And then it happens, the one thing that really just pisses me off, an overweight family member points a fork at me with chocolate dripping off the end and says "it's so easy for men to lose weight".
I almost let it go, I was sooooo close! Rather than telling her it was not easy for me and that I work out everyday from 30 minutes to an hour plus and that I watch and log everything that I eat. But no I had to look at her and say something like "I guess you consider exercise getting up to get seconds on desert and using that fork to shove it in your face. If you'd get off your lazy fat *kitten*, quit *****ing about it, and put forth a little effort you might lose a little weight."
After that things were a bit awkward but I am so sick of hearing it.. It's hard for anyone to lose weight. Don't belittle my success by writing it off because I'm a guy.
Stepping off my soapbox now.
You Sir.... are my hero! I wish I had the guts to say what you said to the people who have said the same thing to me.0 -
good for you bro ...I would of said the same thing or said something like "what do you think id harder, sitting on your lazay a$s eating ding dongs all day, or taking your a$# to the gym five days a week and eating healthy...??"
I guess people think you just "magically lose weight" like they somehow "magically gained weight"
#idiots0 -
Get that man a beer! :drinker:0
-
She made a pointed comment, she got a pointed response.
That was not a pointed response. The dude took a nuclear bomb to a knife fight. As someone else said, calling anyone a lazy fat *kitten* is just something you don't do.
Again, we don't know the dynamics of the OP's family, how they communicate with each other, or his relationship with this particular family member. When you are referring to someone else's weight or health (or any personal issue) you have to be aware that you may illicit an extreme response.0 -
Sounds to me that we all agree that he should try to be nice, choose his words carefully, come from a place of love, try to help her and be there for her ... and if that all doesn't work, then put it to her blunt?
Huh, seems to me from reading through this, this is exactly what he has done.
Why are we all still arguing?0 -
that was a great response to her, but i'm thinking she didn't say anything because her mouth was full of chocolate!0
-
Can I hop on your soap box for a sec?
So after reading all this I went down to the cafeteria to grab lunch. It just so happened that the local bank was having a loan sale special in there, and as I was exiting with my empty container from my yoplait light this bank teller who was probably 400 lbs goes "Come get some free ice cream, it will take care of all that sugar free stuff!"
Really dude???
End of rant and I admire you
Edit: Yoplait lite was the dessert and not my entire lunch0 -
Maybe. But I think the more likely scenario is that she was trying to dismiss his success in order to excuse her own unwillingness to take charge of her weight & health.
Again, why does he need validation about "his success"? Can't he just be happy for himself without taking innocuous conversation snippets as personal attacks? And even if her comments were pointed and dismissive, his reaction was so over the top and sitcom-ish that he lost any moral high ground he might have had. I just can't join the gallery of applause for this.0 -
Wow. Quite frankly your response to this family member was purposely cruel and unnecessarily mean. And the people praising you for it.....this post just brought out the ugly in people. There was a nicer way to communicate to this person how hard you've worked to achieve your goals without belittling her. For shame!
Agreed. The OP could have just said something like "hey, it's really upsetting to me when you say something like that because it makes me feel like you're disregarding all of the hard work I've done to lose this weight." Instead he lashed out at her. It's not a surprising reaction since we all get to that frustrated place sometimes, but it is surprising to see so many people commending him for it.0 -
Wow. Quite frankly your response to this family member was purposely cruel and unnecessarily mean. And the people praising you for it.....this post just brought out the ugly in people. There was a nicer way to communicate to this person how hard you've worked to achieve your goals without belittling her. For shame!
Agreed. The OP could have just said something like "hey, it's really upsetting to me when you say something like that because it makes me feel like you're disregarding all of the hard work I've done to lose this weight." Instead he lashed out at her. It's not a surprising reaction since we all get to that frustrated place sometimes, but it is surprising to see so many people commending him for it.
Agree!! There isnt an excuse for being hurtful back....all thats doing is putting you on the same level as they are...so you were just as bad as she was with your response...theres always a more civil way to do things that does not require you belittling yourself to belittle others!0 -
I commend the OP for saying something, maybe the choice of words were a bit off. but it took alot to even respond0
-
where did her gender come into it? be an action figure and explain it, will ya?Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
So because she's female, her behavior should be excused? Because of her gender, it's okay for her to constantly belittle another's success (based on gender too) and to find excuses to not change and throw self pity parties? Huh? I don't think so.
Where did she belittle his success? Surely I missed that part. Be a doll and point me in the right direction, will ya?0 -
where did her gender come into it? be an action figure and explain it, will ya?Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
So because she's female, her behavior should be excused? Because of her gender, it's okay for her to constantly belittle another's success (based on gender too) and to find excuses to not change and throw self pity parties? Huh? I don't think so.
Where did she belittle his success? Surely I missed that part. Be a doll and point me in the right direction, will ya?
" I almost let it go, I was sooooo close! Rather than telling her ....."
Right there. Any other questions?0 -
.0
-
I have no idea who's quote is who's but whoever said;
must be my womb but i still can't see how this made his response worse...
where did her gender come into it? be an action figure and explain it, will ya?Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
So because she's female, her behavior should be excused? Because of her gender, it's okay for her to constantly belittle another's success (based on gender too) and to find excuses to not change and throw self pity parties? Huh? I don't think so.
Where did she belittle his success? Surely I missed that part. Be a doll and point me in the right direction, will ya?
" I almost let it go, I was sooooo close! Rather than telling her ....."
Right there. Any other questions?
"Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that."
I think was the one implying it was unacceptable because of gender.0 -
^^ So much.She made a pointed comment, she got a pointed response.
^this. Really well said0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.9K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 428 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.1K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 15 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions