Sick of hearing it
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guilt reaction to you eating fruit while she stuffs her face.
^^^ This. I hate being on the receiving end of other people's projected issues. Life's too short to put up with passive aggression. :mad:
I appreciate how awkward things must have felt afterward, but good for you for putting her in her place. You never know, this may well become her tipping point to change.0 -
Haha! You are awesome!! XD I'm just starting my journey, but i have dieted in the past and it just gets so frustrating when people start talking about your weight! Like its there business to even bring it up?! So yea, may have to take a leaf out of your book
lol again! XD
BTW well done on your amazing weight loss
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Next time, use it as an opportunity. Stop, think, and come from a place of love and understanding. I've been there before. But, if you can use this opportunity to slightly change your tone, I think it would help the situation. Especially with family. I can be more candid and direct with my family than I can with someone from work.
Love and understanding doesn't work as well as a swift kick in the pants. Especially with people who demonstrate a keen ability to NOT listen to others' sage advice.0 -
On a similar note, next person who makes a comment about me being "lucky" because I'm skinny is getting punched in the face. Luck has nothing to do with it, and the vast majority of the people who make such comments have never worked so hard for something in their lives.0
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she commented on his.
my *kitten* is skinny, so it's pretty unlikely. but if one of them was making snippy comments about my diet & weight i would feel justified in pointing out their own faults. even, EVEN if that person happened to have breasts.
if i randomly pointed my fork & made a snotty comment about anyone else's efforts, i would absolutely deserve a response like that!
In what way was her comment snotty? The part about how it's easier for men to lose weight? Well, truthfully, it is (see: more muscle mass and testosterone). We cut back a little on portions, do a little exercise...bada boom, bada bing; quicker weight loss. I just don't see how pointing out the obvious warranted that type of response from the OP.
In isolation, yeah, the comment was rude and probably an overreaction. His issues with her aren't in isolation, though. He's tried helping her and she's blown him off, on multiple occasions. Given the family's reaction (and having had a family member who acted much the same way), I doubt this was the first time she's pulled a stunt like this. It's also not like she's exactly been trying. Had she been putting forth a good-faith effort (tracking her food, going for those walks with him, etc), then it'd be an entirely different matter, as well (though still tactless).
Could he have said it more tactfully? Sure, but it was a reaction, likely from the accumulation of the previous slights, especially from her. Hindsight's 20/20, and all.0 -
they are derogatory in context. this new fad for refering to women as 'females' has nothing to do with respect. i've yet to see anyone refer to men as 'males'. in this manner.
a female could refer to a dog! we're women. or ladies, if you feel that way. girls if you want to patronise.
excuse me? last time i looked, having breasts didn't stop me being responsible for my own words.Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
as a WOMAN (that's the polite & respectful word for 'females', which acknowledges that i'm human as well as ovary ridden) i would rather be spoken to the way he spoke to her than the way you spoke about her.
sheesh!
The way I spoke of her? You mean, referring to her as a female? You know...something that she is, biologically speaking....? Wow.
and what does her gender have to do with the way he spoke to her? you've yet to clarify that one. do we faint if we hear curse words?
Female / Male are scientific definitions not derogatory. His attempt at being respectful toward women was attacked. It's like the girl who yells at a man for opening the door for her "i can do it myself". Immediately thinking of a "dog" as female might reflect more on your own interpretation of the word female rather than the scientific one.
I agree- it was a bit harsh for a man to get in a woman's face about her weight. What she said was rude, but she wasn't saying it to belittle his work (even though it did, and that sucks) She was likely just finding a way to give an excuse to herself because she isn't ready to take responsibility for her own weight. She was mindless and rude, but we are all guilty of saying stupid **** at one point or another in our lives.
opening doors is something people should do regardless of gender. as should thanking people.
rude is rude, regardless of gender.
as a matter of fact I have heard women refer to men as "typical man" all the time. (i would classify that as equivalent to the context you are referring to. I understand the point you make, but i don't believe his use of the word was derogatory, it was his attempt at being respectful to women.
Rude is rude, but as the person who receives the insult we can choose to react to it with an insult or react with compassion toward the person who is clearly hurting in the situation.
Was his reaction understandable? YES- I have days I want to snap back at people too.
Was his reaction worthy of applause? Probably not. The option of rising above when we are hurt is worthy of applause.0 -
she commented on his.
a female could refer to a dog! we're women. or ladies, if you feel that way. girls if you want to patronise.
excuse me? last time i looked, having breasts didn't stop me being responsible for my own words.Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
as a WOMAN (that's the polite & respectful word for 'females', which acknowledges that i'm human as well as ovary ridden) i would rather be spoken to the way he spoke to her than the way you spoke about her.
sheesh!
The way I spoke of her? You mean, referring to her as a female? You know...something that she is, biologically speaking....? Wow.
and what does her gender have to do with the way he spoke to her? you've yet to clarify that one. do we faint if we hear curse words?
It's rude. One thing that a man should never do is comment on a WOMAN'S (happy?) weight. How would you like it if a family member of yours maliciously told you to get off your fat, lazy *kitten*? I guarantee you'd be over in the motivation and support section making a thread about it almost instantaneously.
my *kitten* is skinny, so it's pretty unlikely. but if one of them was making snippy comments about my diet & weight i would feel justified in pointing out their own faults. even, EVEN if that person happened to have breasts.
if i randomly pointed my fork & made a snotty comment about anyone else's efforts, i would absolutely deserve a response like that!
In what way was her comment snotty? The part about how it's easier for men to lose weight? Well, truthfully, it is (see: more muscle mass and testosterone). We cut back a little on portions, do a little exercise...bada boom, bada bing; quicker weight loss. I just don't see how pointing out the obvious warranted that type of response from the OP.
Well, you don't know their history. You don't know the "tone" in which it was spoke. It's pretty unrealistic for you to "read" it in your mind and decide that it was/wasn't "snotty".
I wouldn't have gone to that extreme myself...I would have said something like "Keep eating that cake and I'm sure you'll make it easier on yourself". But he's within his right to say whatever he wants to someone he knows.
Nor do I need to know their history. Out of respect, there's just some things you don't say to people, whether you know them or not..."get off your fat *kitten* and stop b*tching" is one of them.0 -
On a similar note, next person who makes a comment about me being "lucky" because I'm skinny is getting punched in the face. Luck has nothing to do with it, and the vast majority of the people who make such comments have never worked so hard for something in their lives.
ha ha ha!!! This ^^
all i can say is - you speak the truth!0 -
.Haha! You are awesome!! XD I'm just starting my journey, but i have dieted in the past and it just gets so frustrating when people start talking about your weight! Like its there business to even bring it up?! So yea, may have to take a leaf out of your book
The problem for the OP isn't people talking about his weight. He was happy to accept the compliments of his other family members. It's just that this one family member didn't give him his trophy for his accomplishment ("Good job!") that got his nose out of joint.
If I were the host of this event, one of the two people involved would not be invited back to my house. And on Mother's Day, for heaven's sake. I hope she wasn't one of the guests of honor.0 -
at least ''typical man'' is species specific.
they are derogatory in context. this new fad for refering to women as 'females' has nothing to do with respect. i've yet to see anyone refer to men as 'males'. in this manner.
a female could refer to a dog! we're women. or ladies, if you feel that way. girls if you want to patronise.
excuse me? last time i looked, having breasts didn't stop me being responsible for my own words.Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
as a WOMAN (that's the polite & respectful word for 'females', which acknowledges that i'm human as well as ovary ridden) i would rather be spoken to the way he spoke to her than the way you spoke about her.
sheesh!
The way I spoke of her? You mean, referring to her as a female? You know...something that she is, biologically speaking....? Wow.
and what does her gender have to do with the way he spoke to her? you've yet to clarify that one. do we faint if we hear curse words?
Female / Male are scientific definitions not derogatory. His attempt at being respectful toward women was attacked. It's like the girl who yells at a man for opening the door for her "i can do it myself". Immediately thinking of a "dog" as female might reflect more on your own interpretation of the word female rather than the scientific one.
I agree- it was a bit harsh for a man to get in a woman's face about her weight. What she said was rude, but she wasn't saying it to belittle his work (even though it did, and that sucks) She was likely just finding a way to give an excuse to herself because she isn't ready to take responsibility for her own weight. She was mindless and rude, but we are all guilty of saying stupid **** at one point or another in our lives.
opening doors is something people should do regardless of gender. as should thanking people.
rude is rude, regardless of gender.
as a matter of fact I have heard women refer to men as "typical man" all the time. (i would classify that as equivalent to the context you are referring to. I understand the point you make, but i don't believe his use of the word was derogatory, it was his attempt at being respectful to women.
Rude is rude, but as the person who receives the insult we can choose to react to it with an insult or react with compassion toward the person who is clearly hurting in the situation.
Was his reaction understandable? YES- I have days I want to snap back at people too.
Was his reaction worthy of applause? Probably not. The option of rising above when we are hurt is worthy of applause.
but, yes, i do also argue with women who make post about men always being naff.
her gender is a non-issue in this thread. or should be. making it one isn't respectful, even if he thinks it is. i'll concede that he's misguided rather than trying to offend, though.0 -
Double post0
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Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
So because she's female, her behavior should be excused? Because of her gender, it's okay for her to constantly belittle another's success (based on gender too) and to find excuses to not change and throw self pity parties? Huh? I don't think so.
ETA: I read the other comments and wanted to say if a guy opens the door, I say thank you. Not because it is expected due to gender role actions, but because someone was nice enough to do something and its only polite and respectful to recognize the thoughtfulness. I'd appreciate it if it had been a girl who opened the door too. The point is, the woman mentioned has a history of negativity and the OP, in the past, tried to offer support and help. Sometimes, it does take a swift kick in the face (so to speak) to either make someone come to terms with the truth, or to get them to back off.0 -
at least ''typical man'' is species specific.
they are derogatory in context. this new fad for refering to women as 'females' has nothing to do with respect. i've yet to see anyone refer to men as 'males'. in this manner.
a female could refer to a dog! we're women. or ladies, if you feel that way. girls if you want to patronise.
excuse me? last time i looked, having breasts didn't stop me being responsible for my own words.Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
as a WOMAN (that's the polite & respectful word for 'females', which acknowledges that i'm human as well as ovary ridden) i would rather be spoken to the way he spoke to her than the way you spoke about her.
sheesh!
The way I spoke of her? You mean, referring to her as a female? You know...something that she is, biologically speaking....? Wow.
and what does her gender have to do with the way he spoke to her? you've yet to clarify that one. do we faint if we hear curse words?
Female / Male are scientific definitions not derogatory. His attempt at being respectful toward women was attacked. It's like the girl who yells at a man for opening the door for her "i can do it myself". Immediately thinking of a "dog" as female might reflect more on your own interpretation of the word female rather than the scientific one.
I agree- it was a bit harsh for a man to get in a woman's face about her weight. What she said was rude, but she wasn't saying it to belittle his work (even though it did, and that sucks) She was likely just finding a way to give an excuse to herself because she isn't ready to take responsibility for her own weight. She was mindless and rude, but we are all guilty of saying stupid **** at one point or another in our lives.
opening doors is something people should do regardless of gender. as should thanking people.
rude is rude, regardless of gender.
as a matter of fact I have heard women refer to men as "typical man" all the time. (i would classify that as equivalent to the context you are referring to. I understand the point you make, but i don't believe his use of the word was derogatory, it was his attempt at being respectful to women.
Rude is rude, but as the person who receives the insult we can choose to react to it with an insult or react with compassion toward the person who is clearly hurting in the situation.
Was his reaction understandable? YES- I have days I want to snap back at people too.
Was his reaction worthy of applause? Probably not. The option of rising above when we are hurt is worthy of applause.
but, yes, i do also argue with women who make post about men always being naff.
her gender is a non-issue in this thread. or should be. making it one isn't respectful, even if he thinks it is. i'll concede that he's misguided rather than trying to offend, though.
Namaste 0 -
guilt reaction to you eating fruit while she stuffs her face.
^^^ This. I hate being on the receiving end of other people's projected issues. Life's too short to put up with passive aggression. :mad:
I appreciate how awkward things must have felt afterward, but good for you for putting her in her place. You never know, this may well become her tipping point to change.
Why this assumption she wants to change or that she needs to be put in her place? Why not take the comments as a conversation starter? The OP sounds very proud of his hard work. Why not take the opportunity to fill her in on all the details. And as for the "cake dripping with chocolate" comment, the OP makes it sound like a crime for an overweight person to enjoy a dessert at a family social gathering. I'm sure the hosts were happy that their guests were enjoying the food they took the trouble to prepare.0 -
She made a pointed comment, she got a pointed response. Although it probably would have been more diplomatic to point out how hard you've been working and that it hasn't been easy. Then again, no one here knows the context of your relationship with this family member, or your family dynamic in general. If it made you feel better to put her in her place, so be it.0
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Next time, use it as an opportunity. Stop, think, and come from a place of love and understanding. I've been there before. But, if you can use this opportunity to slightly change your tone, I think it would help the situation. Especially with family. I can be more candid and direct with my family than I can with someone from work.
Love and understanding doesn't work as well as a swift kick in the pants. Especially with people who demonstrate a keen ability to NOT listen to others' sage advice.
I don't believe she was asking for advice. I think she was enjoying a piece of cake and perhaps trying to have a conversation in a social setting.0 -
She made a pointed comment, she got a pointed response.
^this. Really well said0 -
she commented on his.
a female could refer to a dog! we're women. or ladies, if you feel that way. girls if you want to patronise.
excuse me? last time i looked, having breasts didn't stop me being responsible for my own words.Wow, kind of harsh to rag on a female like that. I understand the frustration, but it could have been said in a more gentle yet effective way. If you speak to a Family member like this, I'd hate to see what kinds of things you say to your friends.
as a WOMAN (that's the polite & respectful word for 'females', which acknowledges that i'm human as well as ovary ridden) i would rather be spoken to the way he spoke to her than the way you spoke about her.
sheesh!
The way I spoke of her? You mean, referring to her as a female? You know...something that she is, biologically speaking....? Wow.
and what does her gender have to do with the way he spoke to her? you've yet to clarify that one. do we faint if we hear curse words?
It's rude. One thing that a man should never do is comment on a WOMAN'S (happy?) weight. How would you like it if a family member of yours maliciously told you to get off your fat, lazy *kitten*? I guarantee you'd be over in the motivation and support section making a thread about it almost instantaneously.
my *kitten* is skinny, so it's pretty unlikely. but if one of them was making snippy comments about my diet & weight i would feel justified in pointing out their own faults. even, EVEN if that person happened to have breasts.
if i randomly pointed my fork & made a snotty comment about anyone else's efforts, i would absolutely deserve a response like that!
In what way was her comment snotty? The part about how it's easier for men to lose weight? Well, truthfully, it is (see: more muscle mass and testosterone). We cut back a little on portions, do a little exercise...bada boom, bada bing; quicker weight loss. I just don't see how pointing out the obvious warranted that type of response from the OP.
Well, you don't know their history. You don't know the "tone" in which it was spoke. It's pretty unrealistic for you to "read" it in your mind and decide that it was/wasn't "snotty".
I wouldn't have gone to that extreme myself...I would have said something like "Keep eating that cake and I'm sure you'll make it easier on yourself". But he's within his right to say whatever he wants to someone he knows.
Nor do I need to know their history. Out of respect, there's just some things you don't say to people, whether you know them or not..."get off your fat *kitten* and stop b*tching" is one of them.
His call. I have a couple of relatives that if you don't "put it in their terms" so to speak, then they never get the picture. I'm not defending it, I simply don't think I am in a position to "judge" a comment when I don't know the people or situation well enough.0 -
She made a pointed comment, she got a pointed response.
That was not a pointed response. The dude took a nuclear bomb to a knife fight. As someone else said, calling anyone a lazy fat *kitten* is just something you don't do.0 -
Next time, use it as an opportunity. Stop, think, and come from a place of love and understanding. I've been there before. But, if you can use this opportunity to slightly change your tone, I think it would help the situation. Especially with family. I can be more candid and direct with my family than I can with someone from work.
Love and understanding doesn't work as well as a swift kick in the pants. Especially with people who demonstrate a keen ability to NOT listen to others' sage advice.
I don't believe she was asking for advice. I think she was enjoying a piece of cake and perhaps trying to have a conversation in a social setting.
Maybe. But I think the more likely scenario is that she was trying to dismiss his success in order to excuse her own unwillingness to take charge of her weight & health.0
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