Sick of hearing it
Replies
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Wow. Quite frankly your response to this family member was purposely cruel and unnecessarily mean. And the people praising you for it.....this post just brought out the ugly in people. There was a nicer way to communicate to this person how hard you've worked to achieve your goals without belittling her. For shame!
Agreed. The OP could have just said something like "hey, it's really upsetting to me when you say something like that because it makes me feel like you're disregarding all of the hard work I've done to lose this weight." Instead he lashed out at her. It's not a surprising reaction since we all get to that frustrated place sometimes, but it is surprising to see so many people commending him for it.
And then we'll all sit in a circle, sing Kumbaya, and take turns saying what we all like about each other. Typical family gathering, no?0 -
Wow. Quite frankly your response to this family member was purposely cruel and unnecessarily mean. And the people praising you for it.....this post just brought out the ugly in people. There was a nicer way to communicate to this person how hard you've worked to achieve your goals without belittling her. For shame!
Agreed. The OP could have just said something like "hey, it's really upsetting to me when you say something like that because it makes me feel like you're disregarding all of the hard work I've done to lose this weight." Instead he lashed out at her. It's not a surprising reaction since we all get to that frustrated place sometimes, but it is surprising to see so many people commending him for it.
Agree!! There isnt an excuse for being hurtful back....all thats doing is putting you on the same level as they are...so you were just as bad as she was with your response...theres always a more civil way to do things that does not require you belittling yourself to belittle others!
I'm with you guys.0 -
While everyone seems to be focusing on what this dude said, I think it is commendable to point out the fact that he resisted dessert, which is, usually, many of our own weaknesses. To even describe the chocolate cake without scarfing down a bite after his overweight relative's comment is proof of this guy's success.
Now, I think she was trying, as many have said, to assuage her own guilt for being unable to control her eating. Perhaps she has dieted unsuccessfully, and when seeing her relative get accolades for HIS success, she probably felt jealous. That SHE should be getting that kind of success, but she can't because she is a woman ("it is so easy for MEN to lose weight"). This is just a poor excuse for lack of effort. It's not all genes, and it's not all environment. But your action WITHIN the environment brings out the success your genes were meant to display.
There is also a lot of talk about what should have been said. Suppose the original poster read this. What would he do with this newfound script of opinions? I'm pretty sure he knew he shouldn't have said that, and I think many of us have found ourselves in a situation where our own restraint loses to impulsive distractions (when was the last time you accidentally had desert or an extra beer/glass of wine/shot? Or skipped an exercise because you just didn't feel like it?). There is a better way to handle everything, plain and simple. So while it's nice to talk about what someone else should have done better, I wonder what your mouth lets fly in reality, even if you're not aware?0 -
I keep getting told that I'm "Lucky to have just bounced back after having a kid" when infact I haven't just bounced back... I've work very hard and it upsets me too when people think I'm just lucky.... I understand sometimes letting loose on people who belittle your hard work, good job sticking up for yourself though!0
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whoah.... angry dude should have had some chocolate :devil:0
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Am I the only person who thinks losing weight is a different process for men and women?
Obviously losing weight is hard for everyone. Of that, there is no doubt. But men have more muscle mass, which burns more calories. And women trying to lose weight after menpause really struggle. Just as we have finally learned that things like heart attacks show up differently in men's and women's bodies, it is possible we will learn that men and women need to address weight loss differently.
The woman in question may well have been using this as an excuse rather than taking it as notice to really buckle down and work even harder. But still, it's different, imo.0 -
whoah.... angry dude should have had some chocolate :devil:
Right, there is no harm in having a small piece of cake on a Holiday, might help release some of that tension.0 -
whoah.... angry dude should have had some chocolate :devil:
Right, there is no harm in having a small piece of cake on a Holiday, might help release some of that tension.
And I am definitely sensing some tension here :huh:0 -
In my circle of family and friends there are at least two that I'm seeing a lot less of these days. I keep giving out invitations and they keep refusing. It's beginning to dawn on me that perhaps they don't want to be faced with the new me. They probably don't want to be reminded that they have let things slide and I have succeeded after a lot of hard work and determination. I do try not to crow too much in front of weightier people, but it's hard when you are so proud of yourself.
They haven't said that's the reason, but I can't think of another.
I can never think of the right thing to say when people diss my efforts. Only afterwards, in bed at night can I think of the right reply. I usually err on the polite side, but I might go in for the meaningful look next time! :laugh:0 -
I keep getting told that I'm "Lucky to have just bounced back after having a kid" when infact I haven't just bounced back... I've work very hard and it upsets me too when people think I'm just lucky.... I understand sometimes letting loose on people who belittle your hard work, good job sticking up for yourself though!
Really? You get "upset"? Because people have a different take on things or make routine (and not very interesting) observations about weigh loss? So if someone doesn't say the approved words about your accomplishment, you have the moral standing to "let loose" on them? Cheez, when did we all become such umbrage-taking delicate flowers?0 -
:drinker: good for you! some people really need to be put in their place.0
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I keep getting told that I'm "Lucky to have just bounced back after having a kid" when infact I haven't just bounced back... I've work very hard and it upsets me too when people think I'm just lucky.... I understand sometimes letting loose on people who belittle your hard work, good job sticking up for yourself though!
Really? You get "upset"? Because people have a different take on things or make routine (and not very interesting) observations about weigh loss? So if someone doesn't say the approved words about your accomplishment, you have the moral standing to "let loose" on them? Cheez, when did we all become such umbrage-taking delicate flowers?
When did you get to be the moral authority on telling people how they should react or feel to different situations, despite your chastising other people for doing the exact same thing? How's the view in that glass house?0 -
:drinker: good for you! some people really need to be put in their place.
Just saw this quote from the Dalai Lama:
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
Many here seem to have a lot of love and compassion for their own feelings and sensibilities. Not so much others', though.0 -
^ Kettle calling the cauldron black.:drinker: good for you! some people really need to be put in their place.
Just saw this quote from the Dalai Lama:
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
Many here seem to have a lot of love and compassion for their own feelings and sensibilities. Not so much others', though.0 -
I keep getting told that I'm "Lucky to have just bounced back after having a kid" when infact I haven't just bounced back... I've work very hard and it upsets me too when people think I'm just lucky.... I understand sometimes letting loose on people who belittle your hard work, good job sticking up for yourself though!
Really? You get "upset"? Because people have a different take on things or make routine (and not very interesting) observations about weigh loss? So if someone doesn't say the approved words about your accomplishment, you have the moral standing to "let loose" on them? Cheez, when did we all become such umbrage-taking delicate flowers?
When did you get to be the moral authority on telling people how they should react or feel to different situations, despite your chastising other people for doing the exact same thing? How's the view in that glass house?
I don't see the hypocrisy here. I'm not telling her how she should feel, I'm just surprised she is actually offended by such small potatoes (and that the OP was too). The OP's reaction, and her approval of letting loose in such a way, IMHO, is unjustified. I have no problem with taking the moral high ground in that regard.0 -
whoah.... angry dude should have had some chocolate :devil:
Right, there is no harm in having a small piece of cake on a Holiday, might help release some of that tension.
I had two yesterday....the humanity.0 -
Maybe it will cause her to look in the mirror and stop making excuses. I know it took a doctor getting very blunt with me about my weight gain to shake me up. It was what actually kicked my butt in gear to change. A year later at my Doctor visit and down 30 pounds I thanked her for being blunt and waking me up. Sometimes, sometimes that is what it takes. Even if that does not end up to be the case you still have the right to defend your hard work and success and hopefully it won't happen again.
Did your doctor's bluntness include telling you to get off your "lazy fat *kitten*"?
And really, a grown man has to "defend himself," by name calling no less, against a few words that are, at worst, a bit thoughtless? I mean, honestly. The "men lose weight so easily" meme is such a cliche, I'm surprised he took it so personally. Talk about special snowflakes.
thank you! I can't believe so many are giving this guy kudos for essentially being an *kitten*. It didn't sound, to me, like she meant any harm. but he instead, he makes a scene, goes completely ballistic, while everyone is trying to enjoy each others company and a nice meal. If he wanted to 'tell her off', he should have done it at another time, and not make the rest of the guests feel uncomfortable. Sure, he says they were 'whatever' about it, but I really question the veracity of that statement.
What he should have done, if the comment bothered him *that* deeply, was politely educate her on how much work you did put into it. Tell her about myfitnesspal and tracking calories, how often you work out, how hard it is sometimes to resist treats you love, but also talk about how it feels to be successful, and the confidence you gain, and the other positives. He could have been someone that inspired her to do the same. Instead, he was an *kitten*.0 -
^ Kettle calling the cauldron black.:drinker: good for you! some people really need to be put in their place.
Just saw this quote from the Dalai Lama:
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”
Many here seem to have a lot of love and compassion for their own feelings and sensibilities. Not so much others', though.
You know what. You're right. My comments to the woman above (regarding post baby weight loss) were neither loving nor compassionate. My apologies to her and thanks to you for pointing this out.
I stand by the Dalai Lama's sentiment, and I do hope that people are actually kinder in real life than they sometimes appear online (I include myself here).0 -
I love your response! I'm female but I get "the pounds are just melting off of you" comment. Umm...no. I've had to pry and chip every ounce off. I've worked hard to lose weight and it makes me mad when people think it's easy. It's not.0
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While everyone seems to be focusing on what this dude said, I think it is commendable to point out the fact that he resisted dessert, which is, usually, many of our own weaknesses. To even describe the chocolate cake without scarfing down a bite after his overweight relative's comment is proof of this guy's success.
Now, I think she was trying, as many have said, to assuage her own guilt for being unable to control her eating. Perhaps she has dieted unsuccessfully, and when seeing her relative get accolades for HIS success, she probably felt jealous. That SHE should be getting that kind of success, but she can't because she is a woman ("it is so easy for MEN to lose weight"). This is just a poor excuse for lack of effort. It's not all genes, and it's not all environment. But your action WITHIN the environment brings out the success your genes were meant to display.
There is also a lot of talk about what should have been said. Suppose the original poster read this. What would he do with this newfound script of opinions? I'm pretty sure he knew he shouldn't have said that, and I think many of us have found ourselves in a situation where our own restraint loses to impulsive distractions (when was the last time you accidentally had desert or an extra beer/glass of wine/shot? Or skipped an exercise because you just didn't feel like it?). There is a better way to handle everything, plain and simple. So while it's nice to talk about what someone else should have done better, I wonder what your mouth lets fly in reality, even if you're not aware?
Pretty much! Thanks for your input.0 -
While I would have toned it down a little, I understand what you are saying. It's really frustrating when people constantly complain about their health and weight, but don't do anything about it or make comments about what they are not willing to do. It is especially frustrating when they make comments about it and then try to downplay successful people. In the office I work in there are several women who have been making better choices and are showing great progress, but there is one woman who keeps asking what their secret is and then shaking her head like "no, I couldn't possibly walk a little more each day." Then this woman will bring in a bunch of cupcakes and stuff knowing that no one really wants them. We finally sat down and told her that if she wants to eat cupcakes that's fine, but most of the rest of us are not going to eat them, so it's kind of wasteful.0
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I keep getting told that I'm "Lucky to have just bounced back after having a kid" when infact I haven't just bounced back... I've work very hard and it upsets me too when people think I'm just lucky.... I understand sometimes letting loose on people who belittle your hard work, good job sticking up for yourself though!
Really? You get "upset"? Because people have a different take on things or make routine (and not very interesting) observations about weigh loss? So if someone doesn't say the approved words about your accomplishment, you have the moral standing to "let loose" on them? Cheez, when did we all become such umbrage-taking delicate flowers?
Wait a second... Were you not the one giving the OP such a hard time for being rude to a female? Now you are being rude to a female? Kettle, meet pot...0 -
In the office I work in there are several women who have been making better choices and are showing great progress, but there is one woman who keeps asking what their secret is and then shaking her head like "no, I couldn't possibly walk a little more each day." Then this woman will bring in a bunch of cupcakes and stuff knowing that no one really wants them. We finally sat down and told her that if she wants to eat cupcakes that's fine, but most of the rest of us are not going to eat them, so it's kind of wasteful.
She keeps asking? Or she asked once, or each person maybe once? If she 'keeps asking', then when I would hope that you would recommend to her to get a cat scan or something since she seems to have memory problems.0 -
I keep getting told that I'm "Lucky to have just bounced back after having a kid" when infact I haven't just bounced back... I've work very hard and it upsets me too when people think I'm just lucky.... I understand sometimes letting loose on people who belittle your hard work, good job sticking up for yourself though!
Really? You get "upset"? Because people have a different take on things or make routine (and not very interesting) observations about weigh loss? So if someone doesn't say the approved words about your accomplishment, you have the moral standing to "let loose" on them? Cheez, when did we all become such umbrage-taking delicate flowers?
Wait a second... Were you not the one giving the OP such a hard time for being rude to a female? Now you are being rude to a female? Kettle, meet pot...
I think you have me mixed up with someone else. I haven't said anything about male/female in this thread. The person I responded to happened to be woman, but her status as a "female" was immaterial. My comments apply to anyone (including the OP) who feels justified in letting loose on another person for (what I think are) fairly innocuous comments. And anyway, I apologized up thread for the tone of the post you've quoted.
ETA: I also happen to be a woman myself.
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Freaking awesome !0
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Okay, yes men work to lose weight just like woman, but lets really talk about the facts. Every body is different. My husband and I started this journey together January 6th 2013. I started at 305.8 and my husband started at 220. I overhauled my diet completely. I cut out all soda, junk food, processed food and so on. I started walking for an hour a day minimum,taking Zumba, and doing as much of Insanity as I could with my husband. He did Insanity, and cut back on soda. He still eats Big Macs, donuts, and so on. I do not. He lost 40 pounds and I lost 47... all in the same time frame. I work out at least 6 days a week, for at least an hour if not longer. He did Insanity 6 days a week. ( roughly an hour) I lose a week every month when that special time comes to be a woman. My husband has no weeks where his body refuses to lose weight and he gains water weight like a beast.
So yes,some woman have it rougher than men. Some men have it rougher than women. In my case, my husband has it easier than I do. He eats 1000 calories more than I do a day, works out less, and looses weight every week. I work out more, eat significantly less, (but within what my doctor wants) and do not lose every week.
It is incredibly frustrating to watch him drop weight every week, and me not. It is frustrating to see him sitting on the couch eating a donut and still lose weight. That is his body and not mine though. I know I will work harder to reach my goal than my husband has had to. I just count myself lucky that my husband supports my efforts. He walks with me, takes the kids swimming so I can take Zumba, and now eats junk food out of the house or where I cannot see him.0 -
whoah.... angry dude should have had some chocolate :devil:
Right, there is no harm in having a small piece of cake on a Holiday, might help release some of that tension.
And I am definitely sensing some tension here :huh:
How declassé...if someone snapped like that at my family gathering, I would have been mortified. Way to make it awkward for everyone...0 -
There are always going to be people, especially those who are overweight themselves, who are going to downplay your hard work. At the end of the day, who cares? In fact, the more that happens, the more successful you should feel. Obviously they have issues themselves, and that's where it's coming from. Hopefully, you are doing this for you, for your own health and self-image. So, if someone doesn't give you any credit, just tell yourself, I don't care about them anyways and then smile because you know how hard you have worked to get there.0
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You said what everyone else wishes they COULD say in that same situation. Good for you!!! Although it may have hurt her feelings and made that time awkward, I applaud you.
Losing weight is very hard regardless if you are a man or a woman. She is feeling pretty insecure about herself to make that kind of comment. You should have suggested MFP to her. lol0 -
In the office I work in there are several women who have been making better choices and are showing great progress, but there is one woman who keeps asking what their secret is and then shaking her head like "no, I couldn't possibly walk a little more each day." Then this woman will bring in a bunch of cupcakes and stuff knowing that no one really wants them. We finally sat down and told her that if she wants to eat cupcakes that's fine, but most of the rest of us are not going to eat them, so it's kind of wasteful.
She keeps asking? Or she asked once, or each person maybe once? If she 'keeps asking', then when I would hope that you would recommend to her to get a cat scan or something since she seems to have memory problems.
She has asked nearly every person who is making the changes and showing results what they are doing. One girl has lost over 60 lbs and she has asked about her diet, does she eat the same thing everyday, does she exercise, what kind of exercise, does her husband exercise with her and on and on. Then she makes a comment about why that wouldn't work for her. It's strange and annoying.0
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