A man says "need time" ... question for the men

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  • wareagle8706
    wareagle8706 Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Well he is just a boyfriend, he's not your husband so...give him a little time, sure. But he doesn't get to decide YOUR life, you do! You decide how much time you want to give him and stick to it. 2 weeks? a month? 3? It's up to you! Me personally I would say Ok, you don't want to break up, well I do because in a relationship we work through things together! I will give you all the space you need, see ya later! But that's just me. As a young woman I wasted time allowing others to trifle with me and affect my life plans; waiting on them to decide what they wanted to do. Luckily I got my head on straight while I was still young so didn't waste too much time.

    After you decide how much time you're willing to give him, tell him and stick to it. You have the right not to have your love life put on hold.

    I agree with this. But if he literally just up and stopped ALL communication with you even though he says he loves you... that's odd to me. If you were his world the way it sounds like he was yours then it wouldn't be as easy as "i need space BYEEE" and no more communication... So I agree that you need to give him an allotted amount of time then walk away because there is a fine line in helping him and being used.
  • JT219
    JT219 Posts: 19
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    i totally agree people need time to themselves but to just shut you out like that isn't right. i wouldn't just sit there waiting for him to come around.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Go out to the bar with some girlfriends this weekend. Get hammered and send him a drunk group picture. Preferably with girl kissing.
    Follow up almost immediately with a text that says, "Sorry that was for someone else."

    You will have him lapping at your heels within a week,

    Oh yeah, play games, how immature.
  • Frankii_x
    Frankii_x Posts: 238
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    I know you've asked for advice from men - but just from a female perspective it's ok not to understand. I know how I personally would deal with the situation but I'm not you and everyone deals with things differently. When you speak to/see someone every day and all of a sudden that's taken from you with no explanation as to why, you will be confused. It will particularly make it harder when it's likely the person who would make you feel better from this is him.

    But like a lady said further up - you make sure you retain some control else this will hurt you too much to move forward from. You decide how long you are happy (and I use the word happy very loosely) to take this time apart and stick to it. Remember your self-worth.

    I hope that helps and I'm so sorry that this is happening xx
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    “abandon your girlfriend”

    Overreacting a bit? He just said he wanted time. Plus, you’ve only been dating for 7 months, relax a little. Time apart is good.

    You're not leaving me are you???!?!?!?!?

    Wait, Tyler are you leaving me? WHAT DID I DO!? COME BACK!

    I just need my space...you're too clingy..
  • _Wild_Card_
    _Wild_Card_ Posts: 124 Member
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    He is planning his escape, I know this isn't what you want to hear. But at this point the relationship is done to him.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    That's tough. I'm not sure how I would respond... I would hope that I would give him his space and go have a lot of fun, post a bunch of FB pictures of me and the girls hanging out, having a great time, and occasionally send him a friend-text, asking how he's doing with a little smiley face on the end.

    I'm half-joking, though. Maybe he found out a parent or relative is very ill. Maybe he's dealing with something intensely personal and doesn't feel like dragging you into it. On the other hand, maybe he's pulling away and found someone else. It's hard to know off of such little info. All you can do is have respect for yourself, honor his wishes and hope for the best. In the meantime, don't stop living.

    Best of luck.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    He is planning his escape, I know this isn't what you want to hear. But at this point the relationship is done to him.

    That may or may not be true..
  • raiderrodney
    raiderrodney Posts: 617 Member
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    Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

    Great quote...and very true!
  • Shr3dded
    Shr3dded Posts: 232
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    Give him his time. No one likes a stage 5 clinger.

    This.
  • AZ_Gato
    AZ_Gato Posts: 1,270 Member
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    If you love someone set them free, if they don't come back, hunt them down and kill them.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    IMHO.....He might have stuff going on but he is not sure about the relationship......If he was he would want you there next to him to help him through it. As it is I'm guessing he likes you but thinks things are getting too serious for him. He wants time for himself and to be able to flirt with other girls without feeling guilty and determine how he really feels about you. If you really love him let him go.....if he comes back to you then he is yours to keep.....
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
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    Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

    i really like you.:flowerforyou:
  • MrsSausage58
    MrsSausage58 Posts: 143 Member
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    He needs time, so give him time. Act cool (even if you're not), don't contact him if he's asked you not to. The worst thing you can do is call him.

    Having said that, like a previous poster said, this can't on forever so don't waste too long on it......

    Good luck!
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    He's probably a secret agent and on a mission.

    secret_agent.gif
  • ShellyBell999
    ShellyBell999 Posts: 1,482 Member
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    Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

    Give him the space and concentrate on yourself.
  • dennik15
    dennik15 Posts: 97 Member
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    After you decide how much time you're willing to give him, tell him and stick to it. You have the right not to have your love life put on hold.

    ^^^^This! While I agree that all relationships need some amount of individual time and space, I DO NOT agree with the posters that just say "give him what he wants, all that he wants, and wait". No. A relationship is a two way street and he does not get to leave you hanging for an indefinite amount of time. You are not a clinger if you give him the space he needs with a finite time frame. Good luck!
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,735 Member
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    My boyfriend blindsided me on Sunday and told me he needed some time to figure his life out. He doesn't want to talk to anybody ... myself included until he gets things straight in his head. He says he doesn't want to break up and he doesn't see it going that way and he still loves me. We've been together 7 months and he just started a new job a couple months ago, plus has his kids most of the time. We don't fight ... this literally came out of nowhere. We're best friends. How do I take this? Could this be he just needs time or is this something men say as a lead up to goodbye? I know nobody is him and can tell me whats in his head ... just trying to make some sense to this. Why would you want to abandon your girlfriend. It's not fair.

    you are over-thinking this.

    women make this mistake with men all the time. don't go back through 3 months of conversations in your head trying to figure this out like it's a giant puzzle. with men, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    The worst thing you can do now is to try and have more contact than he wants. That would push him away. So your best chance is to appear (and I say appear because underneath you may be having emotional turmoil) to be supportive and understanding and let him know that you are there if he needs you.

    ^^ This. Just leave him alone until he comes to you. It's all you can do.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    Oh dear lord. Give the man some time and space. It sounds like he has a lot on his plate right now and you being clingy and needy will only add to that and push him away.

    Worse case scenario: You break up.

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