A man says "need time" ... question for the men
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If you love someone set them free, if they don't come back, hunt them down and kill them.0
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IMHO.....He might have stuff going on but he is not sure about the relationship......If he was he would want you there next to him to help him through it. As it is I'm guessing he likes you but thinks things are getting too serious for him. He wants time for himself and to be able to flirt with other girls without feeling guilty and determine how he really feels about you. If you really love him let him go.....if he comes back to you then he is yours to keep.....0
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Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.
i really like you.:flowerforyou:0 -
He needs time, so give him time. Act cool (even if you're not), don't contact him if he's asked you not to. The worst thing you can do is call him.
Having said that, like a previous poster said, this can't on forever so don't waste too long on it......
Good luck!0 -
He's probably a secret agent and on a mission.
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Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.
Give him the space and concentrate on yourself.0 -
After you decide how much time you're willing to give him, tell him and stick to it. You have the right not to have your love life put on hold.
^^^^This! While I agree that all relationships need some amount of individual time and space, I DO NOT agree with the posters that just say "give him what he wants, all that he wants, and wait". No. A relationship is a two way street and he does not get to leave you hanging for an indefinite amount of time. You are not a clinger if you give him the space he needs with a finite time frame. Good luck!0 -
My boyfriend blindsided me on Sunday and told me he needed some time to figure his life out. He doesn't want to talk to anybody ... myself included until he gets things straight in his head. He says he doesn't want to break up and he doesn't see it going that way and he still loves me. We've been together 7 months and he just started a new job a couple months ago, plus has his kids most of the time. We don't fight ... this literally came out of nowhere. We're best friends. How do I take this? Could this be he just needs time or is this something men say as a lead up to goodbye? I know nobody is him and can tell me whats in his head ... just trying to make some sense to this. Why would you want to abandon your girlfriend. It's not fair.
you are over-thinking this.
women make this mistake with men all the time. don't go back through 3 months of conversations in your head trying to figure this out like it's a giant puzzle. with men, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.0 -
The worst thing you can do now is to try and have more contact than he wants. That would push him away. So your best chance is to appear (and I say appear because underneath you may be having emotional turmoil) to be supportive and understanding and let him know that you are there if he needs you.
^^ This. Just leave him alone until he comes to you. It's all you can do.0 -
Oh dear lord. Give the man some time and space. It sounds like he has a lot on his plate right now and you being clingy and needy will only add to that and push him away.
Worse case scenario: You break up.0 -
It's only been 7 months. If he 'needs space' in the first year my feeling is that it's not right. That's the bit where you're totally into each other and want to spend all your time in bed together.
That's just from my experience not an actual representation of what might be going on in the relationship of two people I don't know.0 -
“abandon your girlfriend”
Overreacting a bit? He just said he wanted time. Plus, you’ve only been dating for 7 months, relax a little. Time apart is good.
You're not leaving me are you???!?!?!?!?
Wait, Tyler are you leaving me? WHAT DID I DO!? COME BACK!
WTH?? Tyler, you said i was the only one! Lair!!0 -
“abandon your girlfriend”
Overreacting a bit? He just said he wanted time. Plus, you’ve only been dating for 7 months, relax a little. Time apart is good.
well said... just give him a bit of time... maybe you guys got too close too quick!0 -
Seems like a test to me....give him the space, as hard as it feels. Go on with your life, and when he contacts you again, YOU get to decide if you want to pursue something with him or you're done. Maybe he is a game player and this is a way to make YOU want him more...Idk...I've seen it all. My gut tells me that he is pushing you away for a reason...that reason undoubtable is he wants to see someone else, but I don't know that.
Best advice I can give is to do your own thing, love yourself and keep your eyes and heart open to something new. Excellent advice, hard to take...I know, I wish I would take it myself.
:flowerforyou:0 -
He's probably breaking up with you.0
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I just need some time...“abandon your girlfriend”
Overreacting a bit? He just said he wanted time. Plus, you’ve only been dating for 7 months, relax a little. Time apart is good.
You're not leaving me are you???!?!?!?!?
...to spend with my other man.0 -
Take time to work on you too. Discover who you are and how you feel when he's not around. We all loose a little of ourselves when we're with someone to become an US, so much that we forget who we are as an individual. Work on that individual. Sign up for pilates, yoga, cooking class, whatever, just do something for you. When you reunite to discuss the matter you may discover that you too may have needed that time as well.0
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Well he is just a boyfriend, he's not your husband so...give him a little time, sure. But he doesn't get to decide YOUR life, you do! You decide how much time you want to give him and stick to it. 2 weeks? a month? 3? It's up to you! Me personally I would say Ok, you don't want to break up, well I do because in a relationship we work through things together! I will give you all the space you need, see ya later! But that's just me. As a young woman I wasted time allowing others to trifle with me and affect my life plans; waiting on them to decide what they wanted to do. Luckily I got my head on straight while I was still young so didn't waste too much time.
After you decide how much time you're willing to give him, tell him and stick to it. You have the right not to have your love life put on hold.
Well said.0 -
Every time I've had a guy say this in the past, or I've said it to a guy myself, it usually precludes breaking up. Usually its because the person saying it isn't sure how they feel about the commitment; 7 months is a pretty make it or break it time period, long enough to know if you stick around it will become long-term, but short enough that if you break it off usually both people have a good chance of recovering emotionally. I know when I've said it its because the guy was moving way faster than I was ready to, and I found myself pulling away further. The more he pushed the further away I got, until I just ended it. So it may be true he just has a lot going on, and needs his space, but the more you push for it the further away he may go. It sucks, but in general when the going gets tough, we want to be closer to those who we feel love for, not further away.0
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Normally, guys don't do the whole double meaning thing. They say what they mean and us women tend to over analyze what they say.
This... Guys are pretty straight up with stuff. Give him some time, but be there for him if he needs.0 -
i've heard this before. i totally get it. it makes sense to me coming from someone who is not happy with themselves and doesn't want anyone else to suffer for it.
i've even sort of been there myself: i'm not living up to my own expectations/standards, i'm not happy with myself and with the choices i've been making lately, i'm disctracted and scattered, i don't know how to feel about this or that, i need to focus and get my *kitten* together, etc et al and A) i need time and space to do that and
i don't want to bring you down with my disorganization until i stabilize. and the whole "I still care about you and don't want to break up" deal--either it's legit or its not.
myofibril hit the nail on the head vis a vis this point.0 -
:laugh: :laugh:Go out to the bar with some girlfriends this weekend. Get hammered and send him a drunk group picture. Preferably with girl kissing.
Follow up almost immediately with a text that says, "Sorry that was for someone else."
You will have him lapping at your heels within a week,
LOL because ^^this^^ can help if he does care.
Seriously tho, give him the space and concentrate on yourself.
You people give me grief on my suggestion. But really dating is a game. The most deadliest of games.
Also whats wrong with going out with friends and having a good time. He gets his alone time. Its also strategically set up to let him know that you are not a stage 5 clinger. When he asks WHO was that for? Just tell him the name of another girl and say you were sooo drunk you don't even remember. This lets him know you are a fun time. That you have fun friends, and he can be part of that life too. Its just a good thing I have a ring on my finger now because I am just like a stealthy ninja.
Its war, do you want him back or feel good with your inner child.0 -
I had a guy I kinda liked that I went on a few dates with .....he seemed nice but we didn't really get serious....so it's a different situation than yours.
however he said he needed time and I gave him time, however it didn't hurt me to do so. I shrugged it off pretty quickly. I also went out with other men and as a result found my current SO and am very deeply in love.
he has recently come back saying he made a mistake asking for time and would like another chance.
He lost. That simple.
Give him time. it may be really what he needs. Don't contact him. Live your life and have fun.
What will be, will be. no matter how it turns out.0 -
I just need some time...“abandon your girlfriend”
Overreacting a bit? He just said he wanted time. Plus, you’ve only been dating for 7 months, relax a little. Time apart is good.
You're not leaving me are you???!?!?!?!?
...to spend with my other man.
Finally....I've been waiting long enough0 -
As many have said, this is hard to say without knowing either of you. I can say that if I man wants to stray, he usually will either end things or do it behind your back, not take a "time out" without breaking up. It seems like he may really just need to figure out a direction for his life with the new job, kids, relationship and anything else. Maybe he wants to figure if he is ready for marriage, could be job related - wanting a new field. Anything. Just give him the space with maybe an occasional message to let you know he is in your thoughts and you support him. Do this as long as you can (no more than a month - most guys should be able to figure things out by then and you don't want your life on infinite hold either). You want to give him the space but also look out for yourself. You seem like a nice and attractive girl so if he can't determine that he needs to see and be with you soon, it might not be for the best. Either way, I hope things work out for you. Best of luck.
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It's a code that says he wants to see other women.
Don't chase him!!!0 -
It's a code that says he wants to see other women.
Don't chase him!!!
Yea, because then you do become the Stage 5 Clinger and NO ONE wants THAT girl. No one.0 -
Things that come to mind.
1.) He's shopping around, or has found somebody, and wants you to still be available as a plan B.
2.) He's trying to break up in steps.
3.) He really just needs some time.
I agree with most, but not all, of what supplemama posted; particularly that a limit needs to be set.0 -
Think about this logically.
If he really wants time, he'll get it. Either you give to him, or he'll break up with you eventually for not respecting his space. I get that feels weird if he said it out of the blue when nothing was going on. Just let him know how you're feeling, give him some space, and perhaps re-evaluate your expectations of the relationship. Depending how much space he needs it may not be fair to you and you should move on, but you won't know that until it happens, if it happens.0 -
:laugh: :laugh:Go out to the bar with some girlfriends this weekend. Get hammered and send him a drunk group picture. Preferably with girl kissing.
Follow up almost immediately with a text that says, "Sorry that was for someone else."
You will have him lapping at your heels within a week,
LOL because ^^this^^ can help if he does care.
Seriously tho, give him the space and concentrate on yourself.
You people give me grief on my suggestion. But really dating is a game. The most deadliest of games.
Also whats wrong with going out with friends and having a good time. He gets his alone time. Its also strategically set up to let him know that you are not a stage 5 clinger. When he asks WHO was that for? Just tell him the name of another girl and say you were sooo drunk you don't even remember. This lets him know you are a fun time. That you have fun friends, and he can be part of that life too. Its just a good thing I have a ring on my finger now because I am just like a stealthy ninja.
Its war, do you want him back or feel good with your inner child.
Honestly, this isn't a bad idea... but for the most part, I think you should just let him be.0
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