A man says "need time" ... question for the men

whierd

He's probably having a sex change operation.

I read about that happening once, on the internet.

supplemama

He's probably having a sex change operation.

I read about that happening once, on the internet.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Nikki_WantsIt

people saying that 7 months is too short of time to be in it deep with someone, that's just plain B.S...

ShreddedTweet

The worst thing you can do now is to try and have more contact than he wants. That would push him away. So your best chance is to appear (and I say appear because underneath you may be having emotional turmoil) to be supportive and understanding and let him know that you are there if he needs you.

^^ This. Just leave him alone until he comes to you. It's all you can do.

No, it's not. She can set a limit on how long she is willing to wait and once that time is up and he's still all 'I need time' she can say 'Peace out, I'm gone' and leave.

And it's not just her, it's not just him, there are kids involved. Which makes it even stranger. What is he planning to tell his children?? When they ask, where she is at and what's going on? Oh, I know you all love raige123 and have bonded with her, but I need my space and some time to think about some things, so I guess you'll see her some time in the future. I haven't decided when though. She and I haven't broken up but you can't see her or talk to her until I figure things out. No, I don't know when that will be.

Who does that to children?? It takes a lot for the children of single parents to bond with new people so this is likely to hit them hard and confuse them. It's best to do a clean break if that is his intention. If a break is not his intention then he needs to give a time frame.

I'm sorry... I didn't read anywhere that kids were involved. But they have only been dating 7 months, it takes a little more time than that to cement a bond with a child.

Also, like I previously said in another post, he probably just realized how serious things were getting and freaked out a little. Sure, she shouldn't wait for him forever, but I don't see anything wrong with letting him figure **** out. He could be getting up the nerve to propose.

You are all bent out of shape because of how it will affect the kids if he stops seeing her for a little while, but what if he breaks up with her entirely, which is what will happen if she can't respect his wishes.

Actually I'm not 'all bent out of shape' because of the kids, I just think that it's a sh*itty thing for him to do to his kids as well as to her.

And, no, it does not take more time than 7 months to cement a relationship with a child. 7 months is a LONG time to a kid. That's practically a school year. Their frame of reference in regards to time is different than adults.

If he's 'working up the nerve to propose' good heavens what kind of marriage will that be? Every time he 'needs space' he's going to withdraw? Eh, she can do better. Lots of other fish in the sea. I just hate to see young women allowing themselves to be trifled over, when they can take the reins of their own lives. She doesn't have to sit around waiting on him to decide what he's going to do with her life. Nope! he can certainly decide for his life, and she can do the same for hers.

You shouldn't even be introducing your kids to someone you've only been seeing for 7 months. This whole thread is crazy.

Phoenixchichima

The worst thing you can do now is to try and have more contact than he wants. That would push him away. So your best chance is to appear (and I say appear because underneath you may be having emotional turmoil) to be supportive and understanding and let him know that you are there if he needs you.

Harder then it seems to have no contact although I am trying very hard. We are best friends and talked all the time, and now nothing.

uh... best friends are there for you. even if he wants take a romantic time out, if he wanted to be friends he would still be in that mode too. yeah, he may have been YOUR best friend.... you know. some people yearn to have someone in their lives, then are afraid of being close so their lives area a series of push me pull you relationships. a pity. but their choice. If you like that, I can give you the name of my ex husband.....

NormInv

Prepare yourself to be broken up with. Whoever said guys are very direct is correct, but also hasn't accounted for the guys who are so nice that they feel guilty for breaking up because the woman's a good woman - just not good for him. And this was my nice way of saying this:

When I have used this line of action of action in the past, this was the reason.

tmauck4472

Time apart doesn't mean you quit living your life. May as well go out and enjoy this time apart. I'm not sure I'd tell him you got a month but I'm pretty darn sure that if he don't have it together by that time you will need to move on. Start lining up your options now. His life on hold does not mean your life is on hold, just on hold with him. Sucks about the kids though. And if and when he's ready again, at that point you tell him this is his one shot at putting you on hold. Next time he feels the need to do it then he needs to know you won't be waiting for him when he's ready to come back again.

NormInv

I feel like 7 months is ample time to have a serious relationship. If you arent getting serious around that point, might as well save some time.

eazy_

Get a new boyfriend.

Fullsterkur_woman

You people give me grief on my suggestion. But really dating is a game. The most deadliest of games.
Also whats wrong with going out with friends and having a good time. He gets his alone time. Its also strategically set up to let him know that you are not a stage 5 clinger. When he asks WHO was that for? Just tell him the name of another girl and say you were sooo drunk you don't even remember. This lets him know you are a fun time. That you have fun friends, and he can be part of that life too. Its just a good thing I have a ring on my finger now because I am just like a stealthy ninja.
Its war, do you want him back or feel good with your inner child.

I would rather be alone *forever* if my alternative was bull-pucky like what you're describing. (Says the woman whose happy marriage just ticked past 20 years and does not engage in such chicanery.)

JewelsinBigD

He's sleeping with someone else and trying to figure out which one of you he likes better.

This is true --

Cliffslosinit

He wants to see other people.

Silvervixen79

I hate to say it but it sounds like he has had interest from a new, exciting female but feels comfortable with what he has with you so is keeping you on 'stand-by'. I would tell him where to go, if he really is having issues, you are the one person he should want to work through it with... if not he is not in the same place as you in the relationship.

Kpablo

The worst thing you can do now is to try and have more contact than he wants. That would push him away. So your best chance is to appear (and I say appear because underneath you may be having emotional turmoil) to be supportive and understanding and let him know that you are there if he needs you.

^^ This. Just leave him alone until he comes to you. It's all you can do.

No, it's not. She can set a limit on how long she is willing to wait and once that time is up and he's still all 'I need time' she can say 'Peace out, I'm gone' and leave.

And it's not just her, it's not just him, there are kids involved. Which makes it even stranger. What is he planning to tell his children?? When they ask, where she is at and what's going on? Oh, I know you all love raige123 and have bonded with her, but I need my space and some time to think about some things, so I guess you'll see her some time in the future. I haven't decided when though. She and I haven't broken up but you can't see her or talk to her until I figure things out. No, I don't know when that will be.

Who does that to children?? It takes a lot for the children of single parents to bond with new people so this is likely to hit them hard and confuse them. It's best to do a clean break if that is his intention. If a break is not his intention then he needs to give a time frame.

I'm sorry... I didn't read anywhere that kids were involved. But they have only been dating 7 months, it takes a little more time than that to cement a bond with a child.

Also, like I previously said in another post, he probably just realized how serious things were getting and freaked out a little. Sure, she shouldn't wait for him forever, but I don't see anything wrong with letting him figure **** out. He could be getting up the nerve to propose.

You are all bent out of shape because of how it will affect the kids if he stops seeing her for a little while, but what if he breaks up with her entirely, which is what will happen if she can't respect his wishes.

Actually I'm not 'all bent out of shape' because of the kids, I just think that it's a sh*itty thing for him to do to his kids as well as to her.

And, no, it does not take more time than 7 months to cement a relationship with a child. 7 months is a LONG time to a kid. That's practically a school year. Their frame of reference in regards to time is different than adults.

If he's 'working up the nerve to propose' good heavens what kind of marriage will that be? Every time he 'needs space' he's going to withdraw? Eh, she can do better. Lots of other fish in the sea. I just hate to see young women allowing themselves to be trifled over, when they can take the reins of their own lives. She doesn't have to sit around waiting on him to decide what he's going to do with her life. Nope! he can certainly decide for his life, and she can do the same for hers.

You shouldn't even be introducing your kids to someone you've only been seeing for 7 months. This whole thread is crazy.

Well, idk. At 6 months I think it's an appropriate time amount to know if you are going to pursue a much serious relationship. In my divorce decree I have it that my daughter's dad cannot introduce our daughter to a romantic partner until after 6 months of consecutive dating.

SF2514

I side with the people who are saying this usually leads to breaking up. I've never had that said to me or said it to anyone else and had the relationship continue. In fact, it usually ended up messier than when we were blunt with each other. It leaves you with a devastating, mind crippling sense of false hope that drives you insane. Well in my case anyhow, but that was after 2.5 years of a "happy" relationship lol.

Fullsterkur_woman

Prepare yourself to be broken up with.

Or, you know, don't be passively waiting to be "done to" and take matters into your own hands. Better to let go and find someone who is more in tune with your needs.

MinnieInMaine

The basics ... he just started a new job with more hours and more demand than his last job. He has his kids 90% of the time and then the 2 days he doesn't have them or is doing stuff with them, he's trying to spend time with me. He said he has no time for himself and feels lost. I told him to talk to his ex about taking the kids some more but she won't so this is where we are.

Well then it sounds like to me that he is just trying to figure out how to manage his life a little better. Sometimes when you get overwhelmed, something has to give for a little while. He can't stop going to work or taking care of his kids so he is opting not to have to worry about managing your relationship for a little while. It doesn't mean anything against you. Just give the guy a chance to work through it. If you think he is taking too long, then move on, but this doesn't have to be the end of your relationship.

Remember that relationships are work. They require give-and-take. Right now, you have to give him time and he has to take it. If he takes more time than you are comfortable with, then it's up to you to decide what you really want. But for now, give him time.

This is the best response I've seen so far!! OP, it's only been TWO DAYS! Get a grip! I have to say OP, you're coming off as quite needy and a little conceited here now that we know this guy has got a crazy hectic life and you can't be understanding enough to give him a litle room?! Sure it sucks that he blindsided you and it's a big bummer that he won't talk to you right now but stressing yourself out about it isn't going to help anyone right now. Maybe call him this weekend to see how he's doing and let him know you can watch his kids if he wants to take some time for himself. Other than that, let him be!

norrisski

Go out to the bar with some girlfriends this weekend. Get hammered and send him a drunk group picture. Preferably with girl kissing.
Follow up almost immediately with a text that says, "Sorry that was for someone else."

You will have him lapping at your heels within a week,

Oh yeah, play games, how immature.

Bad idea..the only one you can control is yourself. Take this time to work on personal growth.

CindyRip

He has told you what he wants, why are you trying to fix it? I hope at that time you told him that you care about him but would only wait so long. We teach people how to treat us. The last thing you want him to learn is that you will accept this behavior on a regular basis, and sit at home in a depressed state waiting for him to get his act together. Go out, have fun, learn something new, make it a point to say "Hi" to 7 new people a day, expand your friend base, do something you've wanted to do for a long time (Vacation to some exotic place with a girl friend, even if it is only a weekend. Do not send him a text from this, you have mutual friends it will get back to him. IF it bothers him he will get back to you. .) This is a situation where you need to take time for yourself too. Improve yourself, work on your own happiness, so that if you get back together you return to him a happier better you. If you don't get back together you will still be a better you without months of regret for sitting around waiting for him to get his act together and then being dumped. Be proactive not reactive. I say do not contact him unless you did not tell him how long you would wait. If you did not I would send 1 text that said something like this " I have had time to think about your request for a time out in our relationship, I can see where you might need it and am willing to give it to you, but I can not put my life on hold forever. I have decided that I will wait xx amount of time and if you need more time than that I hope that sometime in the future that we can find our way back together, but if not maybe it was not meant to be. It will be your move to contact me next when you decide where you want our relationship to be as I will try very hard not to contact you again." Keep your life moving forward, look for the happiness in it, and be open to new opportunities.

kellijauch

So your best chance is to appear (and I say appear because underneath you may be having emotional turmoil) to be supportive and understanding and let him know that you are there if he needs you.

^this. Just tell him you love him and you want to be together, but if he needs time to work some things out, that's okay, just not to take too long, then let him be. If it's meant to be, it will be. And the longer he's without you, the more he will miss you and want to see you again. If he doesn't, then he isn't worth your time anyways.

Good luck. That's tough. Stay strong.