HELP! Should I date three more??

silvergurl518

The English alphabet has 26 letters. I figure if I dated a total of 26 girls, I'd find my perfect match. Thus, I'm going to date one girl for every letter of the alphabet. Whoever fulfills the final letter is the girl I'll marry. I'm down to T, R, O, and L so I have four potential new dates left.

"L" you say?

how YOU doin?

HotCuppaJo

As far as numbers, you should know when you know, not by a number.

I agree. When I got married, I had only dated 2 others. Since then, I've added 37 men and 8 women to the list, but I know that my husband is the right one for me. When it's right, it's right.

made me choke on my carrot!!..

Relax the throat muscles...

LOL.... Susie, you never cease to amaze me with your witty responses!! Kudos to you!

big9erfan

To try to be a little helpful ( and to be fair I didn't read all pages, just the first one ).

First, your current boyfriend is throwing up some red flags. Friends & Family don't like him ( after 2 months even ) and he's constantly checking up on you. While some checking-in is sweet and all, too much ( asking who you were texting, calling, why, etc ) all the time is signs of trust issues. You may trust him, but he OBVIOUSLY doesn't trust you.

If you don't want to get back with your ex, by all means don't, but you don't have to leave with some other guy to accomplish that.

I dated less than the magical number before marrying my wife. We've been together for almost 5 years, married for almost 2. Yes, we're still "new" but we're also quite happy together Numbers like that are meaningless, you could date 30 people and not find the right one, or date 1 and find the right one.

Roll_Tide_Meg

I married my second serious boyfriend and we have the best marriage of anyone I know. (5 years in Sept.) It's not the number that counts. You could go through a million and not have found the right one or you could go through 2 and find "THE ONE".

halips

Many things you have said concern me deeply. However, let me focus on the "science"

The theory of a biological basis of love has been explored by such biological sciences as evolutionary psychology, evolutionary biology, anthropology and neuroscience. Specific chemical substances such as oxytocin are studied in the context of their roles in producing human experiences and behaviors that are associated with love.

^^ this is science. A study in Wired is not science.

thenoxus1

Yes. I believe the immaturity and general lack of intelligence here had to be noted.

Katerbels

So.......Chris tells you Simon is cheating, and you automatically break up with him. And, amazingly enough, start dating Chris (who is totally throwing up red flags everywhere)...???? And it never occurred to you that perhaps Chris was lying to get you to break up with Simon, so he could have you? Do not marry this man. Do not marry anyone, perhaps seek the help of a professional therapist. A guy calling you numerous times throughout the day to check on your every move is not cute....it's sketchy and stalkerish.

thenoxus1

You are so dumb.

My IQ is probably higher than yours.

I might not be the best at relationships, but I'm not dumb.

If you're throwing out the IQ argument, then chances are you aren't...

1ConcreteGirl

To try to be a little helpful ( and to be fair I didn't read all pages, just the first one ).

First, your current boyfriend is throwing up some red flags. Friends & Family don't like him ( after 2 months even ) and he's constantly checking up on you. While some checking-in is sweet and all, too much ( asking who you were texting, calling, why, etc ) all the time is signs of trust issues. You may trust him, but he OBVIOUSLY doesn't trust you.

If you don't want to get back with your ex, by all means don't, but you don't have to leave with some other guy to accomplish that.

I dated less than the magical number before marrying my wife. We've been together for almost 5 years, married for almost 2. Yes, we're still "new" but we're also quite happy together Numbers like that are meaningless, you could date 30 people and not find the right one, or date 1 and find the right one.

This is really sweet, thank you!

I am starting to think that the "magical number" thing should definitely not be something that I am worried about. Everyone here has such great and different stories and there's nothing to do with the "magical number"... thank you!

PamelaGatorMom

First of all the fact that you listened to your boyfriend’s friend when he said he thought Simon was cheating and y’all just happen to hook up after you broke up with Simon (for no real reason since you yourself said you had no proof) is totally strange to me. It sounds like he was trying to get to you all along.

Second the fact that he has to ask who you are PMing or on the phone with is NOT always caring. In my experience men who are questioning you are either controlling or have something to hide themselves. He clearly went after you while you were with Simon so obviously relationships have little or no value to him.

Third you’ve been with this guy 2 months and you want to relocate for him…that’s crazy. You can’t really know someone in just 2 months. Also the fact that your family prefers Simon is also a HUGE red flag!! Your family loves you & wants what is best for you. (I know I was there back in my early 20’s my mom hated the guy I was seeing and actually got engaged too) but everything my mom & family said about him ALL came true & then some!! You have rose colored glasses on because this Chris guy is of course trying to make himself look good.

Fourth Science and love DO NOT go together!!! I actually only date 3 guess seriously (one engaged to but we didn’t marry) before I met & married my husband, that would make him #4 but he’s #1 to me!! We’ve been together over 18 years and will celebrate our 17 year wedding anniversary in September. So the whole number thing is just absurd!

And last if this Chris guy was really your soul mate the one you are meant to be with you shouldn’t have to come on a public forum and ask strangers. Also I am a firm believer if things are meant to be they will always happen, so if Chris does move away and you stay with him long distance it may just work out & your love for him grow stronger so that when you make the move to San Diego you can do so with complete confidence that’s what you really need to do.

I personally don't believe in the "Date 12 people" theory. You said you are 26 and your biological clock is ticking....yup for 9-10 more years your eggs are still good, even then the expiration date isn't stamped on them to expire the next year...you have time to be a mom..

First off, You broke it off with dude #1 because dude #2 told you something that was unfounded....what makes you think he didn't sabotage yours a dude #1's relationship?

Second, if he gets jealous and asks about PM's and texts, yada yada....he's got insecurity issues. He's afraid someone will swoop in and grab you like he did....huge red flag.

Third, You have trust issues. I do believe you posted that. Dude #2 is continuing your trust issues because he swooped in and made you trust him because he saved you from dude #2....but now he doesn't trust any other male connections you have ergo, he will force you to implicitly trust him and he will screw you over...continuing the trust issues down the rabbit hole...

Fourth, You said you have a scientific mind. Science has nothing to do with you decisions about relationships. Allow me to explain: If you approach all situations with a theoretical mind, how can the theory become reality? or are you more experimental? I would venture to guess you are more theoretical in your approaches, because if you were experimental....this post would not exist. I digress....I think you are over-analyzing the approach to relationships. Relationships are complicated. It is also trial and error. Don't buy into the hype of 12 relationships BS....if you've had 9 relationships....you already have an idea of what you want and what traits and qualities that mate possesses.

Don't let your brain control your heart or your heart control your brain. Allow them to be used together....you will know.

But I will say this....you have doubts about Dude #2....you and I both know it.

PLEASE NOTE ^^^^^

2 totally different quotes from 2 people who have no connection to each other AND they are about 6 pages apart...HOWEVER they are same basically the SAME THING!!!
Yet the OP keeps making "excuses" for why Chris might be better than Simon who she left because SHE had trust issues.

OP what if I told you I had VERY good cause to think Chris is cheating....are you going to now develop trust issues with him??? :huh:

1ConcreteGirl

You are so dumb.

My IQ is probably higher than yours.

I might not be the best at relationships, but I'm not dumb.

If you're throwing out the IQ argument, then chances are you aren't...

There's no argument, just facts.

jonnythan

2 totally different quotes from 2 people who have no connection to each other AND they are about 6 pages apart...HOWEVER they are same basically the SAME THING!!!

You're right! One's a sock puppet of the other! Good catch!

1ConcreteGirl

You are so dumb.

My IQ is probably higher than yours.

I might not be the best at relationships, but I'm not dumb.

If you're throwing out the IQ argument, then chances are you aren't...

There's no argument, just facts.

pobalita

I sincerely hope that you are kidding. This Chris character sounds really controlling, and I am even more surprised you think that is love. It sounds like he was getting in the middle of your past relationship, and now wants to control everything. You should just run and take time for yourself since you are obviously very confused about what you want.

This. Over time, jealousy and checking in won't be adorable at all. Trust me on this one. It will destroy your self esteem. It's very controlling. Six months from now you will feel like you can't go anywhere or do anything unless he says so.

Skratchie

If you have to ask these questions, then clearly you don't know what you want. So say no to Chris and move on with life. And stop being so tied up in numbers.

kskonkol

This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.

Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.

I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.

They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.

Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?

What you said here just looks like you were asking random strangers to tell you, "How wonderful you met this Chris guy and he wants to marry you too?! OMGZ!!W34234!! DO IT."

EXACTLY! She wants only the fluffy answers. Not the harsh reality. *eye roll*

I've said numerous times that the whole REASON I made this thread was because I am not decided on the situation. SO no, there's not a specific thing I am asking people to tell me. but thanks for judging me and not offering any helpful contributions. :drinker:

I offered some of the same sentiments about 80% of the people are telling you a number of pages back.

You have resisted everyone telling you a "this is what happened to me in a similar situation". It's like you have a bubble around you that keeps you safe from them. Perhaps it's the 1001 cutsie emoticons you put in most posts.

One question I haven't seen... Do you still live with your parents and/or family now?

PlanetVelma

This new guy throws up all kinds of red flags. Two months and he constantly checks in on you, gets jealous, wants to move you away from your family, your support group and make you his (essentially)? No ma'am. Throw in the fact that he magically was the one that put the seed of doubt in your mind with your relationship with Simon? Run. Run far away. Date 3 more, 100 more, but this guy is not good news and has serious trust issues with YOU instead of the other way around.

Honey, I know it is hard to see when you are so close to the situation and the relationship is still so new and wonderful feeling. But every ounce of logic speaks against staying with him. If you are logical in the very least sense, get out now.

I speak only from experience. I had a very very rough relationship once. I was trapped 600 miles away from my friends and family, none of whom liked my boyfriend in the first place. I was depressed, suicidal, lonely as hell even though I had a man who supposedly loved me and wanted us to be together forever.

They're good at telling you what you want to hear, but nothing else. Trust your family's judgement here.

Thank you for this message, I really appreciate it! :flowerforyou: I'm sorry you had to go through that. I just really want to make sure I am doing the right thing, and I know we're still in the honeymoon phase, but everyone doesn't have the same experience like you had, you know?

What you said here just looks like you were asking random strangers to tell you, "How wonderful you met this Chris guy and he wants to marry you too?! OMGZ!!W34234!! DO IT."

EXACTLY! She wants only the fluffy answers. Not the harsh reality. *eye roll*

I've said numerous times that the whole REASON I made this thread was because I am not decided on the situation. SO no, there's not a specific thing I am asking people to tell me. but thanks for judging me and not offering any helpful contributions. :drinker:

I did offer insight, like I said before, I've been in a similar situation. But you keep insisting that what he's doing is "not creepy" and that he "looooooves" you. These are NOTED warning flags for abusive relationships (note, I said abusive - not physical/emotional/financial). Those are the messages you CHOOSE to ignore.

You're smarter than that, and you know it. That's why it's annoying to me.

Obviously you are doubting A LOT of things, otherwise you wouldn't be on the interwebz asking for advice.

bearkisses

so technically you're not with anyone right now?

Why not go have some fun, hook up with 3 randoms, meet your quota and go from there. You might accidentally find what you're looking for while you're having fun.

This is just rude.

I am with Christ.

i think this is your answer lol

1ConcreteGirl

First of all the fact that you listened to your boyfriend’s friend when he said he thought Simon was cheating and y’all just happen to hook up after you broke up with Simon (for no real reason since you yourself said you had no proof) is totally strange to me. It sounds like he was trying to get to you all along.

Second the fact that he has to ask who you are PMing or on the phone with is NOT always caring. In my experience men who are questioning you are either controlling or have something to hide themselves. He clearly went after you while you were with Simon so obviously relationships have little or no value to him.

Third you’ve been with this guy 2 months and you want to relocate for him…that’s crazy. You can’t really know someone in just 2 months. Also the fact that your family prefers Simon is also a HUGE red flag!! Your family loves you & wants what is best for you. (I know I was there back in my early 20’s my mom hated the guy I was seeing and actually got engaged too) but everything my mom & family said about him ALL came true & then some!! You have rose colored glasses on because this Chris guy is of course trying to make himself look good.

Fourth Science and love DO NOT go together!!! I actually only date 3 guess seriously (one engaged to but we didn’t marry) before I met & married my husband, that would make him #4 but he’s #1 to me!! We’ve been together over 18 years and will celebrate our 17 year wedding anniversary in September. So the whole number thing is just absurd!

And last if this Chris guy was really your soul mate the one you are meant to be with you shouldn’t have to come on a public forum and ask strangers. Also I am a firm believer if things are meant to be they will always happen, so if Chris does move away and you stay with him long distance it may just work out & your love for him grow stronger so that when you make the move to San Diego you can do so with complete confidence that’s what you really need to do.

I personally don't believe in the "Date 12 people" theory. You said you are 26 and your biological clock is ticking....yup for 9-10 more years your eggs are still good, even then the expiration date isn't stamped on them to expire the next year...you have time to be a mom..

First off, You broke it off with dude #1 because dude #2 told you something that was unfounded....what makes you think he didn't sabotage yours a dude #1's relationship?

Second, if he gets jealous and asks about PM's and texts, yada yada....he's got insecurity issues. He's afraid someone will swoop in and grab you like he did....huge red flag.

Third, You have trust issues. I do believe you posted that. Dude #2 is continuing your trust issues because he swooped in and made you trust him because he saved you from dude #2....but now he doesn't trust any other male connections you have ergo, he will force you to implicitly trust him and he will screw you over...continuing the trust issues down the rabbit hole...

Fourth, You said you have a scientific mind. Science has nothing to do with you decisions about relationships. Allow me to explain: If you approach all situations with a theoretical mind, how can the theory become reality? or are you more experimental? I would venture to guess you are more theoretical in your approaches, because if you were experimental....this post would not exist. I digress....I think you are over-analyzing the approach to relationships. Relationships are complicated. It is also trial and error. Don't buy into the hype of 12 relationships BS....if you've had 9 relationships....you already have an idea of what you want and what traits and qualities that mate possesses.

Don't let your brain control your heart or your heart control your brain. Allow them to be used together....you will know.

But I will say this....you have doubts about Dude #2....you and I both know it.

PLEASE NOTE ^^^^^

2 totally different quotes from 2 people who have no connection to each other AND they are about 6 pages apart...HOWEVER they are same basically the SAME THING!!!
Yet the OP keeps making "excuses" for why Chris might be better than Simon who she left because SHE had trust issues.

OP what if I told you I had VERY good cause to think Chris is cheating....are you going to now develop trust issues with him??? :huh:

Wait, you do?

What is it?

UsedToBeHusky

Girl! Don't listen to all the haterz!! That man lurves you! Just say I do an be done wit it!