boyfriend trouble. help a girl out?

_castiel
_castiel Posts: 30
in Chit-Chat
So I've been going out with this guy for nearly 8 months now and I really, really like him and he apparently loves me back which is great but in conversation he'll constantly bring up other women.
I know that sounds lame but hear me out.
Now I'm not a particularly jealous girlfriend, but he really pushes it. When he mentions a friend, it has to be "my really hot friend" or "this girl who I can't believe doesn't think she's pretty" or "she's pretty much the fittest girl here". He's already admitted to flirting with other girls but justifies it as being ok because "it's only a joke". He also told me about how he dream cheated on me "once with two girls at once lol".
Because it's little things I can never call him out on it. Like two weeks ago I get a text from him saying that he'd stayed round his (girl) mate's house with her best friend (also a girl) overnight, and bragged to me about it!

I know I sound insecure, but it's really ****ing getting me down. I know I can't police his opinions but does he really have to tell me every time when he thinks a girl is hot? Or that she has great tits? Jesus.
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Replies

  • Runfr33
    Runfr33 Posts: 3 Member
    Do you think he's ever cheated on him? Did you ever tell him how it bothers you when he talks like that?
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Now I'm not a particularly jealous girlfriend, but he really pushes it. When he mentions a friend, it has to be "my really hot friend" or "this girl who I can't believe doesn't think she's pretty" or "she's pretty much the fittest girl here". He's already admitted to flirting with other girls but justifies it as being ok because "it's only a joke". He also told me about how he dream cheated on me "once with two girls at once lol".

    It's called grooming behavior. He is trying to get you in bed with other women. He is trying to both set the stage and illicit a response from you to open that door.

    Move on.
  • sweetzoejane
    sweetzoejane Posts: 153 Member
    I think you should find someone who is a man instead of a douchecanoe.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    You're kind of stuck. If you ask him to stop making comments, and he agrees to, you will always wonder what he's thinking, and if you ask him, he will think he has to lie to avoid hurting your feelings. I don't think you are right for each other.
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    Meh, it's only been 8 months. Move on.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    If you're bisexual and "adventurous" then it sounds like a perfection relationship. If you're not, then move on.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
    I think you should find someone who is a man instead of a douchecanoe.
  • Run_Forever
    Run_Forever Posts: 147 Member
    I think there are 2 possible things going on here, the first is what Chaelaz said and the second is maybe he is purposely trying to make you jealous to see your reaction. I have known guys who purposely make their gf's/wives jealous because it boosts their ego. I don't know why you would want to purposely make someone jealous but some people seem to enjoy or get off on it.
  • RhineDHP
    RhineDHP Posts: 1,025 Member
    That he's flirting with other women and justifying his actions is a red flag. You really need to talk to him about this because its obviously making you feel like *kitten* and is putting a strain on your trust. Its a real red flag if you tell him you feel awful when he decribes how attractive other women are and he keeps doing it.

    Communication is key.
  • RhineDHP
    RhineDHP Posts: 1,025 Member
    I think you should find someone who is a man instead of a douchecanoe.


    BAHAHA thats awesome. Douchecanoe.
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,654 Member
    I think you should find someone who is a man instead of a douchecanoe.
    QFT. Really, nothing else needs to be said here.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    just break up.
  • jus_in_bello
    jus_in_bello Posts: 326 Member
    Castiel would never put up with such treatment. Nor would a Winchester Bro. He's either super insecure or he likes making you insecure, either way it's gross, annoying, and not a trait of someone you want to date.
  • carolynsfingers
    carolynsfingers Posts: 3 Member
    you can do better. :)
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    I once had a boyfriend like this (granted, it was back when dinosaurs roamed the earth). He did not make me jealous or insecure, just turned off. I viewed it as immature and VERY insensitive behavior. You will not fix these qualities. Must dump.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    how old is he? I don't know... you two might not be on the same page. I mean some mild joking from time to time is understandable but it kind of seems like a bit of respect might be missing.
  • DalekBrittany
    DalekBrittany Posts: 1,748 Member
    Sorry, you didn't mention if you're dating a man or a boy.
  • faceoff4
    faceoff4 Posts: 1,599 Member
    You should move on. This is not healthy at all and no one should deal with this. It's completely inconsiderate and not to mention that every woman should be treated like a queen by her SO, not told about how hot all these other women are. Ditch him and find someone who will appreciate you and say those things about you and not to you regarding someone else. Good luck
  • sarahtonin015
    sarahtonin015 Posts: 193
    You don\t sound insecure at all - HE sounds like an asshat, period. When you REALLY care about - and especially love - someone, you wouldn't behave in such a way that you know would make the other person uncomfortable, which is what he seems to be constantly doing to you without any guilt. Perhaps it's because he's an insecure little boy inside, but that still doesn't excuse the things he's saying to you and the things he's doing. Such as, HOW is it appropriate for him to be sleeping at his female friend's house - was it just the two of them there? If so, that's SO not okay.. which pretty much sums up ALL of his actions. Ask yourself: if YOU did and said the things he's done to you, would HE get upset about it? Obviously he would, but he doesn't seem to care about your feelings. You deserve better and I really don't think this relationship is going to get any better (speaking from experience) - do yourself a favour, get out while it's still early and dump his *kitten*.
  • Minerva624
    Minerva624 Posts: 577 Member
    tumblr_m6i1vzPkX31rqkf12.gif

    Ditch him.
  • liftingheavy
    liftingheavy Posts: 551 Member
    No he does not have to tell you when he thinks another woman is "hot". It is disrespectful, and in my opinion, a way to slowly diminish your self esteem. If you love him and he loves you, ask him why he feels the need to tell you these things.

    If the answer seems genuine to you, stick with it. If the answer is "what is your problem, are your jealous, insecure, etc?" that tells you what he is about. At that point it's your choice to stay with him.

    Remember though, you cannot complain about what you permit. Respect each other and be happy or decide not to block your blessings and move him aside for a man who will talk about how hot you are.
  • GormanGhaste
    GormanGhaste Posts: 430 Member
    you can do better
  • Twisted_sista
    Twisted_sista Posts: 127 Member
    If it is making you uncomfortable (I would be uncomfortable too!) then I think it is ok to say something, tell him how it is making you uncomfortable.

    Good luck :-)
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    I side with the torch-wielding majority on this issue. The douchecanoe/asshat is either trying to make you jealous in order to see how you respond in order to inflate his ego, or he's conditioning you to go along with his behavior. Regardless, he isn't showing any respect, and there's no reason for you to stand for it.
  • basillowe66
    basillowe66 Posts: 432 Member
    For a girl as hot as you seem to be, dump him ! you only have 8 months invested but you learned a valuable lesson. If they are interested in someone else as he seems to be, let him know you don't need him. And you DON'T need him!! You have your self respect and pride !!


    Basil

    Hopefully you will befriend me
  • gonnamakeanewaccount
    gonnamakeanewaccount Posts: 642 Member
    Can't help you out much.

    My boyfriend and I tell each other when we think a girl is hot.
  • vmclach
    vmclach Posts: 670 Member
    so I'm confused... Why are you with him? I saw nothing positive on this post at all. You didn't even say you love him. Move on hunny. It is SO not worth your time.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    I think you should find someone who is a man instead of a douchecanoe.

    :drinker:
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
    Can't help you out much.

    My boyfriend and I tell each other when we think a girl is hot.

    What if it's a hot guy?
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    So I've been going out with this guy for nearly 8 months now and I really, really like him and he apparently loves me back which is great but in conversation he'll constantly bring up other women.
    I know that sounds lame but hear me out.
    Now I'm not a particularly jealous girlfriend, but he really pushes it. When he mentions a friend, it has to be "my really hot friend" or "this girl who I can't believe doesn't think she's pretty" or "she's pretty much the fittest girl here". He's already admitted to flirting with other girls but justifies it as being ok because "it's only a joke". He also told me about how he dream cheated on me "once with two girls at once lol".
    Because it's little things I can never call him out on it. Like two weeks ago I get a text from him saying that he'd stayed round his (girl) mate's house with her best friend (also a girl) overnight, and bragged to me about it!

    I know I sound insecure, but it's really ****ing getting me down. I know I can't police his opinions but does he really have to tell me every time when he thinks a girl is hot? Or that she has great tits? Jesus.


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