boyfriend trouble. help a girl out?

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  • crista_b
    crista_b Posts: 1,192 Member
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    I think you should find someone who is a man instead of a douchecanoe.
    I'm stealing your word. :laugh:
    My list of insults now includes (in addition to the expected ones): douchecanoe, twatwaffle, and c.untmuffin. Thank you, MFP. You've taught me so much.
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
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    Man, so many people are ready to unleash the nuclear option based on such a tiny picture of the situation.

    Look, I agree with the other here that say that constantly mentioning the appearance of other women is disrespectful. We can't really tell if he's just mentioning this off-hand or if there is some subtle comparison going on where he is sending messages about what he thinks about other women compared to you.

    Does he ever comment on how he thinks you look?

    Anyway, the answer to this is simple:

    The next time he makes comments about the appearance of other women, just say this: "Hey, it really makes me uncomfortable when you talk about what other women look like." And see what he says. Either he starts giving you some respect and keeps his mouth shut or he doesn't.

    All men check out other women. I've been married 11 years, and I'm always checking out other women. But I'm sensitive to my wife's feelings so I keep my observations to myself. On rare occasion we'll watch a movie and I'll say, "I'm going to marry Jane Seymore" and she will say, "OK, I'm going to marry Sean Connery!", but it's all in good fun.

    That is, until Jane's divorce becomes final... ;)
  • missymoo2
    missymoo2 Posts: 10
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    It sounds to melike your boyfriend is either very insecure in who he is, or he is just not ready to be a boyfriend at all. No can decide what you should do but you. If you can tolerate the ridiculous comments and still think he is a decent person to be with, that is your call, but I would question if he is ready for a serious relationship now, if ever.
  • conniemaxwell5
    conniemaxwell5 Posts: 943 Member
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    He's playing mind games with you and it is not ok. If he was truly in love with you he wouldn't be mentioning other women or "dream cheating" on you. If he's dreaming about it, there's a good chance he'll do it. You deserve better. Stand up for yourself and demand it. If you don't get it, move on.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Well, I see that you're 22, is he young as well? The other thing I am wondering about is are you the kind of girl who is "just one of the guys?" I was like this when I was younger (still sort of am) so guys feel like that stuff won't bother me. My husband doesn't do it, but I definitely had boyfriends who did. I didn't suspect any of them of cheating because of those comments. If you really like him maybe you could just casually talk about how it bugs you a bit and though you appreciate the good looks of someone else just as much as the next person he can keep those thoughts to himself when you're around.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    He's playing mind games with you and it is not ok. If he was truly in love with you he wouldn't be mentioning other women or "dream cheating" on you. If he's dreaming about it, there's a good chance he'll do it. You deserve better. Stand up for yourself and demand it. If you don't get it, move on.

    He might just be insecure and trying to get a rise out of her to see that she really is into him.
  • HappyNinjaStar
    HappyNinjaStar Posts: 353 Member
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    Run away, now, and as fast as you can.

    Ex husband would make 'jokes' once in a while like that. I didn't think too much of it. It got worse and worse after we were married. At one point he told me that both of my best friends were 'wayyyyy hotter' than I was. One of the many reason's he is my 'ex'.

    Some years later he married one of those 'best friends'. That tells me that he really wanted something besides me and that was his not so subtle way of telling me that.

    I've been with my current husband for 6 years. Not once has he ever said anything about how hot another woman is in front of me. He constantly tells me I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. That's what a relationship should be.
  • charovnitza
    charovnitza Posts: 689
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    Is this boyfriend 12 years old? Or does he just act that way? Either way, he's definitely not mature, and not ready for a genuine relationship. Don't waste your time on manipulators, who coerce you to do things you don't want to. Look for a guy who wants the best for you, and is the best for you. The one you've got now is a loser.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    Honey, you are a friend..a buddy...you are his friend with benefits.

    Move on.
  • Julzanne72
    Julzanne72 Posts: 467 Member
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    I think you should find someone who is a man instead of a douchecanoe.

    Love this!! Douchecanoe!! Never heard before, but must start using it!! And I agree, seriously, 8 months, get out now before you are so invested it's too hard. He sounds like a big doucher!
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
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    i couldn't deal with that sort of behavior. however my really good friend, her BF is like that. he regularly uses pics of him with other girls in his profile pictures. but she's okay with it. i think because she likes to flirt too.
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
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    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQvABlvia5HL2F_m7RhgOos7zxlfhEaCr6HggIVXKxgyR6T-I498w

    Run away. Find someone that treats you with respect and gives a damn about how you feel.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
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    I used to be like that... with a girl I shouldn't have been with because in reality, I wasn't as into her as I thought I was.
  • TheKeithEllis
    TheKeithEllis Posts: 155 Member
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    To OP: Sounds like a numpty, move on. :(
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
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    I think you should find someone who is a man instead of a douchecanoe.
    I'm stealing your word. :laugh:
    My list of insults now includes (in addition to the expected ones): douchecanoe, twatwaffle, and c.untmuffin. Thank you, MFP. You've taught me so much.

    I know, right!! :laugh: Stealing 'em!
  • smiley245
    smiley245 Posts: 420 Member
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    Now I'm not a particularly jealous girlfriend, but he really pushes it. When he mentions a friend, it has to be "my really hot friend" or "this girl who I can't believe doesn't think she's pretty" or "she's pretty much the fittest girl here". He's already admitted to flirting with other girls but justifies it as being ok because "it's only a joke". He also told me about how he dream cheated on me "once with two girls at once lol".

    It's called grooming behavior. He is trying to get you in bed with other women. He is trying to both set the stage and illicit a response from you to open that door.

    Move on.

    This was my first thought too!
    but as others have said, maybe he is really immature and insecure, might be doing this to provoke a reaction from you.
    Some people think making you jealous is cute...:noway:

    In any case, have you brought this up with him and told him it bothers you? (ah just read, update to come)
  • bannedword
    bannedword Posts: 299 Member
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    While I want to be clear that if this behavior bothers you, you should act accordingly, I don't think you can really get mad at anyone for what they dream about.

    I had a dream that my husband got mad at me because he believed I was cheating on him with someone named Ryan. I don't know anyone named Ryan.

    I dreamed that I got arrested for being a terrorist because I dropped a cigarette in a trash can and that started a fire. I don't even smoke!

    I have, from time to time, dreamt of other men.
  • doin_it
    doin_it Posts: 414 Member
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    You are a beautiful, young lady..you deserve somebody who will love and respect you!!
  • MrsSausage58
    MrsSausage58 Posts: 143 Member
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    Bin him.
  • larsmac83
    larsmac83 Posts: 24
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    OP, if he makes you feel this bad about yourself, find someone who fills you with confidence about all your good qualities instead. Don't waste more of your time thinking there's anything you can do about this guy. Forget him and find someone that calls YOU hot all the time instead of his girl friends.

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