overweight and relationships
navybrat84
Posts: 54
in Chit-Chat
I am just wondering if anyone has experienced relationship issues that end up about your weight? I mean, I know I shoudl be healthy, thats important. But I sometimes feel like less of a person because of my weight. My husband jokes around sometimes, like "put those oreos back, your supposed to get smaller, not fatter", "maybe I should lock all the food up", "can youtry eating just once a day", "will you ever be skinny", .......................................sounds harsh when I write it out like this. I was a 14/16 when we got together, post miscarriage Im 18/20. I did gain 12lbs. LOL maybe its just me. Our sex life has dramatically decreased. He says he is just on a porn kick. (sorry TMI). Just need a little advice. Guess I never thought 12lbs would cause suck a riff in our marriage. Sorry for the venting, really dont have anyone to talk to.
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Replies
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Um yes it does sound harsh. Are you really ok with being treated like this? Have you talked to him about it? It's really unacceptable.My husband jokes around sometimes, like "put those oreos back, your supposed to get smaller, not fatter", "maybe I should lock all the food up", "can youtry eating just once a day", "will you ever be skinny", .......................................sounds harsh when I write it out like this.0 -
His comments sound a bit harsh. I understand that you are married, but your husband is treating you bad with comments like that. Weight loss is a tough battle. It is much easier to gain weight than to lose it. Your spouse should be more supportive. If he loved you for what you were 12 lbs ago, it should not make a difference. There is so much more to love than what size your partner is wearing in pants.0
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I know that my weight has effected my relationship... but it is internally driven (Don't feel confident, don't feel worthy/ attractive.) Not externally...
I would absolutely talk to my husband if he had made those comments. You wouldn't say those things to your best friend... so why are you letting anyone say them to you?0 -
I just can't imagine being with someone who treated me that way. Communicate with him. Tell him that the things he is saying are not supportive. Tell him what he could do to be supportive instead.0
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I would say no matter what type of relationship you are in it is best to look at first the way you want to be treated and to figure out why you believe it is acceptable to be talked to in a degrading manner whether or not it is "joking" it can still be as harmful to your self esteem. (been there done that)0
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My weight usually prevented relationships lol0
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Your husband is an @$$hole. True story.0
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What your husband does can be considered abuse, because whether he's joking or not, it sounds like he's trying to put you down because of your weight. That's emotional abuse.
Weight has done nothing to my relationship. He supports my weight loss, and he has no problems if I were to decide to not lose weight.0 -
If I was in that relationship, I would tell him it would be easier to take off the weight if he wasn't putting you down all the time. Instead, couldn't he suggest an after dinner walk? or some other activity that would help the weight to come off? Sorry to hear about the miscarriage, been through that, and sometimes it is hard to move past it and it could be a cause of the unhealthy eating. Have patience, it will come back off.
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So, actually, if I'm reading this right, you had a miscarriage, gained a little weight, and now your husband puts you down and won't have sex with you. Maybe you should consider marriage counseling.0
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A supportive loving husband shouldn't talk to you like this, I'm sorry but you deserve to be treated better than that. Talk to him about it and if he doesn't change his attitude I would be seriously contemplating whether he was the right man for you.0
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You husband talking to you like that does not help you in your loosing weight goals. Actually, my husband play around with me and encourages me to eat sweets sometimes. However, he reminds me of the consequences. I weigh myself every morning, and he ask me,,,do you want to see the numbers go up or down. The choice is your, however, I'm going to love you anyway. That statement alone makes me put the cookies and cake back and refocus on why I'm dieting. You can do it. My suggestion to you and everyone, is take one hour at a time. Some people say take one day at a time, I find it easier for me to say take one hour at a time. Once I reaced my half way point, I do now say take one day at a time because now I'm learning what works with my body. I know I can't have all the sweets I want, but I no longer dreprive myself. I have truly learned how to eat in moderation, and treat myself to something special once a month.0
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Ouch...I feel for you. Talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel and how it isn´t helping you to break the bad endless circle.
Or let him read the answers you are getting, maybe he will wake up and realize that he is only pushing you to feel bad and feeling bad pushes you to have some comfort food.
Be strong, don´t let him tear you down, tell him how you feel.0 -
"put those oreos back you're supposed to be smaller not fatter"
"are you ever gonna be skinny"
"can you try eating once a day"
"oh don't mind me i'm just on a porn kick"
no offense but it sounds like there is more stuff going on with him that has nothing to do with you gaining 12 lbs.0 -
Those things are not what someone 'jokes' about with their spouse. He sounds like a giant *kitten*. Weight can affect a relationship, but it sounds like you're dealing with some emotional sh|t, which can wreak havoc on your health. Get yourself in to therapy to work on your feelings about your miscarriage, and your self esteem.0
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sounds really douchey and immature the way he is talking to you. Not cool mama
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The passive aggressive comments indicate he's sort of a douchenozzle tbh. Who would treat their wife that way?
That said, if you've gained a sizable amount of weight since you first met it is understandable that someone will be less attracted to you. Maybe it has also changed your level of confidence and how you carry yourself as well. You guys should sit down and have a really serious conversation about what the expectations are between you, what exactly the problem is, and how you are going to fix it. As with any relationship problem, communication is the key to avoiding misery and/or breakup.0 -
There is a difference between weight causing relationship issues and one partner using it as an excuse to be verbally abusive. You husband doesn't have to like your weight, but he should love you enough to be considerate about his concerns. He honestly might not realize how he sounds. If you express that to him and he continues, I would drop him. Immediately.
Living with somebody who belittles you as a "motivator" is not a life anyone should live.0 -
So, actually, if I'm reading this right, you had a miscarriage, gained a little weight, and now your husband puts you down and won't have sex with you. Maybe you should consider marriage counseling.
^^^this.0 -
"put those oreos back you're supposed to be smaller not fatter"
"are you ever gonna be skinny"
"can you try eating once a day"
"oh don't mind me i'm just on a porn kick"
no offense but it sounds like there is more stuff going on with him that has nothing to do with you gaining 12 lbs.
^ Exactly!!!0 -
Im not going to lie, it does hurt sometimes. I have excused myself to cry quietly in the bathromm. I really want to believe that loves me for me. I have never had a personal problem with my weight. But husband has for several months now. Then the whold pregnancy thing. Im not using the pregnacy as an excuse for the weight gain, just being honest. I ate what I craved. We have not been married that long, two years. We met and married very quickly. its been rough. Im a full time student, about to enter my masters program. He is a Union electrican. He has not had work in about a year. We have been surviving on his unemployment. I was working at school library, but took the summer off.
I noticed the change in him about 4 months ago. He was acting strange, always gone. Hiding the cell phone, deleting history on comp. Finally he said he was erasing the porn from phone and comp. I cant stop him from watching, at first it really hurt. But I guess I block it out now. He used to comment on my hair and makeup, or certain outfits. But not anymore.Now if Im on comp for too loong he says. Are you going to wash dishes, I dont want you to hurt your bakc or anything. Just stupid comments like that.
this is my second marriage and I really dont want to get divorced again. I am trying to just ignore the comments. I hoping he will 'get over it' or just stop.
I dont want to feel this way anymore, I want to feel.......well, i want to feel WANTED.
IDK what to do anymore. I have never been with anyone who has made so many comments about my weight. Oh god does any of this even make sense??0 -
I know that my weight has effected my relationship... but it is internally driven (Don't feel confident, don't feel worthy/ attractive.) Not externally...
I would absolutely talk to my husband if he had made those comments. You wouldn't say those things to your best friend... so why are you letting anyone say them to you?
This. My weight loss affected my relationship, but it was all on my end, not my boyfriend's. He still thought the same about me, and never discouraged me from eating (not even from eating bad food) I don't think you're in a healthy relationship right now. Maybe talk to him about it or maybe even seek couples' counseling.0 -
Sweetheart - he is not respecting you at all. Porn is okay, everyone can and should look, but if he's deleting his history and *hiding his phone* my gut leads me to think there is something more going on.0
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Not wanting to get divorced is not a reason to be abused. Sometimes when you're enveloped in darkness, you have to be your own light source. Find your confidence again and you'll come to the right decision. Although, all of that is easier said than done.
I wish you luck. 0 -
Sorry, I know this doesn't help, but your husband is an asshat.0
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this is my second marriage and I really dont want to get divorced again. I am trying to just ignore the comments. I hoping he will 'get over it' or just stop.
I dont want to feel this way anymore, I want to feel.......well, i want to feel WANTED.
IDK what to do anymore. I have never been with anyone who has made so many comments about my weight. Oh god does any of this even make sense??
You can't just ignore the behavior and hope it goes away... he has to be shown that you will not stand for it. (and you shouldn't, btw). I'm on my second marriage too... and you know, I wouldn't want to get divorced again, but if my husband tried to pull this sh|t on me... well, I'd rather be single.0 -
I'm with everyone else. You need to talk to your husband. Making you feel bad about your food choices is not going to help you make better choices. First, he should love you for you, not what you weigh ... and second, he should be supportive. If he had said "Let's not have the Oreos in the house" ... that would be fine.
I get that he thinks he's joking. My fiance has said something like that to me. And we had a serious discussion, because it hurt and it really put a crimp in my ability to trust his love for me for a long while. But he apologized and I believe he legitimately thought he was joking with me. And he's not said anything like that since. And has been supportive of my eating healthily.0 -
I have asked about counseling, he is not interested in spending the money. i have also told him several times that his comments sometimes hurt my feelings. He says im just a sensitive person and I should take his comments as positive. "telling you your fat should not hurt you, it should help you!!"0
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Honey, the way you prevent yourself from getting a divorce is to talk to him about it NOW before it gets out of hand.this is my second marriage and I really dont want to get divorced again. I am trying to just ignore the comments. I hoping he will 'get over it' or just stop.0
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