Wedding Costs- Cash Bar or Open Bar?

To the OP, anyone planning a wedding, married... or comments about "tacky"

http://offbeatbride.com/2008/07/tacky

I've been having the same trouble. Cut out guests if at all possible. It's your day. Not theirs. Look to parks and beaches for venues. They are inexpensive and can hold more guests than inside. put your wedding money in a seperate place, that way you don't see money in your accound and think like my fiancee. "150 bucks after bills? I'm getting sushi and new pants" Good luck!

I've been to many weddings (5 just this past year). One had no alcohol at all and I would say that was the worst wedding I went to. Not because they didn't provide alcohol, but there was no option at all. Not even a cash bar. Not to mention there was a lot of standing around and waiting and all the guests were uncomfortable and bored. They also never came around to apologize for the wait or even greet their guests and thank them for coming.

I've also been to weddings where they bought their own beer, wine, and liquor and the place provided the bartender. I thought that went perfectly fine. I also went to another wedding reception where it was held in a lodge. They were able to hire a caterer (they went with a fajita style buffet and the food was fun and yummy too). They also just had those large buckets filled with ice and beer and mike's hard lemonade. As well as champagne at the table for the toast. Everyone actually had a great time at that wedding. They had a great dj and, although I'm sure it was on a budget, they still managed to keep their guests happy.

I also went to a couple open bar weddings where it was provided by the venue. I'm sure it cost more than the other weddings I went to (in fact I know one of them was extremely expensive since it was my brother's wedding). So, I say, just make sure you can afford it before you decide to do an open bar just because you are worried what people might think.

I think you can definitely find a way around it and it won't look cheap. Beer and wine is just fine for most guests. At one wedding I went to, the couple only provided half a glass of champagne at the tables and it looked really cheap. It was located in a restaurant and a lot of people went downstairs to the bar and hung out and ordered drinks. Another wedding did have alcohol like beer, wine and then some liquor choices. But then they also created their own signature drink. Everyone was walking around with blue drinks that weren't half bad!

I'm curious about everyone who's for the cash bar. Why would you even have a wedding reception if you can't afford it? Why not a small little get together at your home instead? Invite close family and friends and you'll all have a good time. I don't see the point in inviting so many people that you barely see on a day to day basis.

If you have the money to burn, then sure throw a big party and invite everyone and their friends. If not, keep it small.

I've been to a few weddings where wine on the table during dinner was provided (and replaced if needed) but other drinks were extra. This makes sense to me as wine goes with dinner. People who need hard booze to have a good time after dinner are either young, never grew up in a bad immature way, or are an alcoholic. People with money do not necessarily have an open bar at their wedding so it isn't about money. An open bar is just not needed.

I'm curious about everyone who's for the cash bar. Why would you even have a wedding reception if you can't afford it? Why not a small little get together at your home instead? Invite close family and friends and you'll all have a good time. I don't see the point in inviting so many people that you barely see on a day to day basis.

If you have the money to burn, then sure throw a big party and invite everyone and their friends. If not, keep it small.

I've been to a few weddings where wine on the table during dinner was provided (and replaced if needed) but other drinks were extra. This makes sense to me as wine goes with dinner. People who need hard booze to have a good time after dinner are either young, never grew up in a bad immature way, or are an alcoholic. People with money do not necessarily have an open bar at their wedding so it isn't about money. An open bar is just not needed.

I agree with the wine at the table or a cocktail hour being a good idea. My thought is you must have a cash bar, then you may as well not even have a bar at all.

It's not so much that people need hard booze at a party, but most people would like some kind of drink option at any party. To expect people to come to a party that you invited them too and have them pay for anything is just plain rude.

I'm curious about everyone who's for the cash bar. Why would you even have a wedding reception if you can't afford it? Why not a small little get together at your home instead? Invite close family and friends and you'll all have a good time. I don't see the point in inviting so many people that you barely see on a day to day basis.

If you have the money to burn, then sure throw a big party and invite everyone and their friends. If not, keep it small.

I've been to a few weddings where wine on the table during dinner was provided (and replaced if needed) but other drinks were extra. This makes sense to me as wine goes with dinner. People who need hard booze to have a good time after dinner are either young, never grew up in a bad immature way, or are an alcoholic. People with money do not necessarily have an open bar at their wedding so it isn't about money. An open bar is just not needed.

I agree with the wine at the table or a cocktail hour being a good idea. My thought is you must have a cash bar, then you may as well not even have a bar at all.

It's not so much that people need hard booze at a party, but most people would like some kind of drink option at any party. To expect people to come to a party that you invited them too and have them pay for anything is just plain rude.

& going to a party or wedding reception and you being too cheap to pay for your own drinks is just plain rude. The couple has already spent too much money to make sure that you have a good time. You people that have this sense of entitlement that the couple should buy your booze, after paying for your dinner need to grow up.

we are having beer and soda, anything else you pay for. this is my second wedding and thats what we did at the 1st. worked well

I'm curious about everyone who's for the cash bar. Why would you even have a wedding reception if you can't afford it? Why not a small little get together at your home instead? Invite close family and friends and you'll all have a good time. I don't see the point in inviting so many people that you barely see on a day to day basis.

If you have the money to burn, then sure throw a big party and invite everyone and their friends. If not, keep it small.

I've been to a few weddings where wine on the table during dinner was provided (and replaced if needed) but other drinks were extra. This makes sense to me as wine goes with dinner. People who need hard booze to have a good time after dinner are either young, never grew up in a bad immature way, or are an alcoholic. People with money do not necessarily have an open bar at their wedding so it isn't about money. An open bar is just not needed.

I agree with the wine at the table or a cocktail hour being a good idea. My thought is you must have a cash bar, then you may as well not even have a bar at all.

It's not so much that people need hard booze at a party, but most people would like some kind of drink option at any party. To expect people to come to a party that you invited them too and have them pay for anything is just plain rude.

Open bars are most common here, people are a bit put off when they show up at the wedding and it is a cash bar without knowing before hand because they won't have cash on them and will usually have to use a non-bank ATM which charges extra fees.
I can't see this as rude as I would rather have the option to buy a mixed drink during the partying time than no option at all but I do get what you are saying about the whole if they showed up at your house party you don't charge (except for keg parties, people seem to chip in on those with no reservations). I have heard other people comment about wishing they were warned before hand so they would have cash on them.
I think it comes down to location (more acceptable in some areas to have cash bars).

My wife and I did something similar. We bought all the wine for the meal on sale well in advance. We bought the champagne for the toasts as well. The bar was cash, and the only issue was our venue didn't have enough bar staff to keep up, so people complained that the service was slow. And they were right.

Having just gotten married myself (and forked over some cash) - here is my advice....

All the people on here saying they never heard any complaints are probably telling the truth... who would have the balls to go up to a bride on her wedding day and say "I can't believe you are asking me to pay for my drinks!" If you have been to a dry or cash bar wedding as a guest, you know you heard those grumblings.

The one rule my husband and I had when planning our day was - how would we want it to be if we were a guest? We spent a lot of time and energy making it the day we wanted, but also the day that everyone there would know how important they were to us. It paid off. I got thank you cards from countless guests thanking me for the privilege of being part of my day, which I consider the biggest compliment ever!

I say open bar, but you can limit some things to help curb cost. It isn't an entitlement thing, it isn't an alcoholic thing (although if you want people out on the dance floor, most people will need a couple in them). It is something that allows your guests options and makes them feel like you really do want them to have a good time. Remember most guests will end up giving you a very generous gift (usually something that costs more than a cocktail or two), so you may come out ahead in the long run.

Is a champagne toast really something you want? My husband and I both dislike champagne so we didn't want it in our glass and gave the guests their choice of what they wanted (hint vodka and ginger ale looks a lot like champagne in a flute). Guests could happily order champagne, but we saved hundreds taking the automatic champagne off the menu. Select a few signature drinks... come up with 2 or 3 drinks and name them to fit the occasion (make sure one of them is vodka - it is the most universally accepted liquor) and offer those. Any caterer/venue should be happy to come up with these for you, then just make a sign and have it up at the bar. This will limit the need having tons of liquor choices.

Remember you can serve a lot of people from a $20 bottle of vodka where as you only get a few glasses from a $8 bottle of wine...

Depending on what state you live in you may also be able to return unopened liquor - we had a party in New Jersey and bought tons of stuff, on Monday they came out and picked up the leftovers and refunded is (we got about 60% back).

Other expenses - glass rentals - they are SOOO much more expensive than you would think. We decided to use our wedding design and get glasses made and have that act as one of the favors. It certainly saved us money in the end. There are many options you can go with but we used www.discountmugs.com and were pretty happy.

My last piece of advice - limit your guest list - you may feel mean, but do you really need to invite that long lost cousin that you haven't seen or spoken to since you were 5 or your fiance's co-workers mother? Believe me you will feel pressured from all sides to invite the world, but you are holding the purse strings, which also means you control the guest list. Here is some food for thought... if you invite 100 people to your wedding and spend just 5 minutes speaking with each of them that will be over 8 hours of talking - which obviously after photos, food, dancing, the ceremony etc there will not be 8 hours for that. Don't feel pressured to have 300 people there.

Good luck - wedding planning is hard and expensive, but there are always ways to do things where every one can have a good time and you don't go broke. Things like personalized messages to guests cost nothing but time, but will mean the world to them. May I also recommend etsy.com to find nice and usually cheaper alternatives to mainstream wedding suppliers.