Shallow men.....

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  • wildcata77
    wildcata77 Posts: 660
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    When the right guy comes along, it won't matter what size you are. It's all about personality and how you carry yourself.

    I have been every size from a 1Tall in high school to a size 20, and I've been hit on at every stage. Not always by the guys I would have dated, but not always by losers, either. ;) Likewise, when I was superthin I got teased, called anorexic, and felt like guys would never go for me because I had no boobs or butt.

    We all have our insecurities. The first step is just loving yourself. You'll get there!
  • susjan
    susjan Posts: 105
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    Sure some men are shallow. However, being in bad shape indicates lack of structure and self control in ones life. That is what is most unattractive about overweight people.

    The ironic thing about this particular guy is that he's a RAGING alcoholic.....

    And you found that attractive?

    ^This! Why would you want to deal with that? Losing weight isn't going to make you more confident... that has to come from loving yourself at ANY SIZE!
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    I don't know. I got into relationships with worse men when I was fatter than what I am now. I had low self esteem and they took advantage of that. I started losing weight and then met my current bf. He supports my goals of weight loss but thinks I'm beautiful as I am now. So yeah, it's how you carry yourself. Confidence is key, I think. :)

    This. I had tons for "Friends" when I was bigger but none that wanted to sleep with me. The more I lose the more men approach me, some of which wouldn't when they knew me before I started losing. Some just took advantage of my low self esteem about my body.

    Now I've found a wonderful man who thinks I'm the most beautiful person in the world, who tells me this all the time and who I love with my whole heart. He supports me in wanting to do this but also if I do not. The special thing about him... he isn't shallow, just one in a million.
  • stockholmhasago
    stockholmhasago Posts: 67
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    Ever since I was old enough to actually date, I've been on the heavier side and got heavier through out the years. I've had years long lasting relationships and I got engaged at my highest weight ever.

    Granted, I'm absolutely sure people would look at a more stereotypical "attractive" body first, but personality and humor shines waaaay more than an awesome body.
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
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    Sooo are you saying you hate shallow men...so you're going to not date until you get skinny ...and then try and date the shallow men? I'm confused.

    I don't get it.

    I've been fatter, I've been thin. Is everyone gonna be attracted to me? No. Of course not. Am I attracted to a guy solely on his looks? Nope (I can't stand Dbags). Are there guys out there that probably would want to date you? Absolutely..

    It's all how you present yourself and carry yourself...and whether or not you love yourself.


    Everyone is "shallow" to a degree...and I hate using that word to describe what someone gets the butterflies or tingles from. It's not shallow...it's being a human.
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    IMO, that doesn't make them shallow. They simply aren't attracted to over wieght women. Some men are. There is someone for everyone out there. I hope you find love soon. :)

    This.

    & Women can be the same way, too. Men are just more honest about it.
  • MzRawkqueen
    MzRawkqueen Posts: 19
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    When I was heavier, I was still getting hit on majorly by guys - shallow and decent. And the guys haven't changed now that I'm thinner.. It really has nothing to do about size! A guy who is not attracted to a 'fat' gal probably has over the top demands anyway, which makes him a *kitten* not worth dating!

    One guy told me I had to lose weight to date him. And he actually said that if I were in the process of losing weight (which I was) he would date me. I tossed him to the curb. A man should love me for me.

    I like to think of it as filtering out bad apples. Don't ever try to make guys like these like you! They can't see the real you!
  • kytte
    kytte Posts: 323 Member
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    Shallow is subjective. If a man is particularly attracted to a heavier woman (and those men are out there) is he shallow if isn't attracted to a thin woman?

    People are attracted to who they're attracted to, but I know plenty of heavy women and men who are in relationships, many with wonderful people.
    This.
    It's only shallow if they put it across in a very harsh, rude manner.
  • invictus8
    invictus8 Posts: 258 Member
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    People can be superficial and shallow -- however, a preference for someone who is fit/athletic doesn't strike me as shallow, because for almost everyone past the age of 25 being fit/athletic requires commitment, dedication, discipline, planning. Moreover, being fit/athletic is a sign of good health and longevity. None of these are shallow.

    Now preferring a woman who has big boobs, blonde hair, etc., is shallow -- but these are not related to begin fit/athletic.
  • jenefrmthablok
    jenefrmthablok Posts: 8
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    I used to feel this way too. I was not always overweight my whole life, but since I've found myself single again after a divorce I have been fat. I used to resent men that wanted someone with an active lifestyle that's also fit. Now, after losing almost 40 pounds - I finally get it. I have put in SO much work and effort to get to where I am. I have no desire to be with someone that's a couch potato, eats unhealthy, and doesn't lead an active (healthy) lifestyle. Why would I put in all this work to look good, and then choose someone to be in my life that doesn't share in my lifestyle? It's not personal. BE what you want to attract - that doesn't mean you're a vein person or shallow. I don't consider myself to be that; I just decided to change who I am at the core, and want to share myself with someone that's on the same path. If you're serious about leading a healthy lifestyle, would you want to date someone that never exercised (or encouraged you to exercise either), didn't eat healthy, and never wanted to be active with you? That is non-negotiable at this point for me in my journey.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
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    I don't know. I got into relationships with worse men when I was fatter than what I am now. I had low self esteem and they took advantage of that. I started losing weight and then met my current bf. He supports my goals of weight loss but thinks I'm beautiful as I am now. So yeah, it's how you carry yourself. Confidence is key, I think. :)

    This. I had tons for "Friends" when I was bigger but none that wanted to sleep with me. The more I lose the more men approach me, some of which wouldn't when they knew me before I started losing. Some just took advantage of my low self esteem about my body.

    Now I've found a wonderful man who thinks I'm the most beautiful person in the world, who tells me this all the time and who I love with my whole heart. He supports me in wanting to do this but also if I do not. The special thing about him... he isn't shallow, just one in a million.

    And the kicker was that when I had low self esteem, I thought I deserved the abuse and that I couldn't get anyone better. Now that I am starting to love myself, I struggle to see why I put up with the crap I dealt with before. :laugh:

    So glad we both found men that appreciate our inner and outer beauty. :)
  • homerjspartan
    homerjspartan Posts: 1,893 Member
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    Sooo are you saying you hate shallow men...so you're going to not date until you get skinny ...and then try and date the shallow men? I'm confused.

    I don't get it.

    I've been fatter, I've been thin. Is everyone gonna be attracted to me? No. Of course not. Am I attracted to a guy solely on his looks? Nope (I can't stand Dbags). Are there guys out there that probably would want to date you? Absolutely..

    It's all how you present yourself and carry yourself...and whether or not you love yourself.


    Everyone is "shallow" to a degree...and I hate using that word to describe what someone gets the butterflies or tingles from. It's not shallow...it's being a human.

    ^^ Nailed it. You are complaining that men are shallow, so you are going to wait until you meet their shallow requirements to date them......

    I am not bashing, but is it possible that you are not giving some men a chance that would love you for you, because they don't meet your physical requirements upfront?

    I was 230lbs when my wife met me, and somehow she found me attractive. Of course now she hit the lottery because I have transformed into a hybrid of Jude Law with Vin Deisel's body..... in my un-biased opinion...... so maybe try and look beyond physical attributes of men yourself.

    This is only my opinion and in no way expresses the opinion of MFP, Major League Baseball, or the Oxford Lacrosse team.
  • Ge0rgiana
    Ge0rgiana Posts: 1,649 Member
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    You got to love you, baby. :wink: Dress your body as it is now the best way that you can, fix your hair and face, and hold your head high. Men, like women, are attracted to confidence, and not all men want a stick thin woman. If all a man cares about is a size 2, he's just not worth your attention. I know it sounds cliche, but I discovered it's oh so true. :flowerforyou:
  • Plates559
    Plates559 Posts: 869 Member
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    I can't control what I am attracted to... I must be so shallow
    I'm not attracted to girl who wear a lot of make up... i'm so shallow
    I'm not attracted to girls who are too much drama... i'm so shallow
    I'm not attracted to men.... I'm so shallow

    you get the idea
  • PaveGurl
    PaveGurl Posts: 244 Member
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    A lot of my friends are voluptuous women, and they get MAD play - much more than some of the thin women I know!

    If they're the kind that believe thick women are "gross," they're not the kind of person I want in my life anyhow. Things change - what if you get ill and gain weight because you're on meds that make you puff up? What if you lose your hair from chemo? If someone doesn't want to date anyone that falls outside a narrow (and variable) physical attribute, bump that, man - I got better things to do with my time than THEM ;p
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
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    The good ones aren't shallow...but on the other hand, some guys prefer blondes...that doesn't make them shallow-it's a preference.

    On the other hand, liking yourself is the key to finding someone that likes you the way you are. I found my husband when I was least looking for someone. Learn to be happy with you-then others will see that and want to know more.
  • OBXbound4me
    OBXbound4me Posts: 245 Member
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    Men are going to be however they are... as individuals. Be careful to paint them (us) with a broad brush because allthough many men are shallow and immature, this does not apply to all. I have always been a bigger guy and felt more comfortable around women that I guess would be percieved as being bigger. (sizes 10 - 22 and weights 140 - 250) I have dated two women that were under the low end of that but not due to the weight and the relationship did not end due to that either. For me it was about personallity (which does include confidence) as well as a pretty face. That combo usually gets me. My wife now is about 5'2 and around 200 and I think she looks great (for me). You do need to make sure that when you are talking to someone just try to do so with confidence as well as letting them know that knowing you is very worthwhile and they should recognize that. Hope you luck is better when you next decide to dip that toe in the dating pool... :)
  • KaylaBushman
    KaylaBushman Posts: 69
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    I don't comment very often but this subject always rubs me the wrong way. A person isn't shallow because of who they are attracted to.

    Physical attraction is just that, physical attraction.

    With physical attraction comes sex. Sex is a means of reproduction, so naturally our bodies are going to be attracted to other bodies that we can reproduce with. Being overweight lessens the chances of being sexually reproductive.

    This in my opinion is why men and women are just not naturally attracted to overweight people.

    Number two, you cant expect people to be happy with your body when you are not happy with it yourself. That is hypocritical.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    I think maybe the OP means she's not given a chance. There have been times when I was not attracted to someone at first glance but got to know them and grew to love them. There are people who aren't attracted to another and end up finding themselves attracted to them at a later time...

    In my opinion, if you refuse to speak to a person just because of their appearance, you are shallow.
  • mhide
    mhide Posts: 20
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    I've noticed that many times the problem is not about being overweighted, it's more about self confidence and taking care about personal appareance. I've met many girls who consider themselves ugly because of their weight and thus use ugly clothes, terrible haircut and no make up. They seem to think: "I'm fat and ugly, why even care about my appearance?" and the first thing they do is going goth or emo (because of the black outfit) and looking even worse; on the other hand there are girls that rely more on their own talents and achievements, have more self confidence, dress amazingly and look beautiful and even have a good BF or husband and are happy overall.

    Weeks ago I was also as worried as you about girls being shallow because they prefer six-pack abs guys with nice cars but then I realized the following:

    1.- Why would I want to date those kind of girls anyways?
    2. Despite I'm not having a car and six pack abs:
    a) I have a decent job.
    b) I'm a talented musician and I'm also an historian, I rarely run out of conversation themes.
    c) I have my own house with an awesome old mexican style decoration.

    So I stopped caring. I'm losing weight but not to base my entire self steem on it, it's just a "plus".

    Also someone here mentioned: "IMO, that doesn't make them shallow. They simply aren't attracted to over wieght women. Some men are. There is someone for everyone out there. I hope you find love soon. :)" I prefer chubby girls, all my GFs except for one have been overweighted and they were so sweet and lovely, but also jealous and that's why we broke :'(

    Have a great day!

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