Hubby spying on me...

for example, weird things like stepping out during certian commericals to having no male friends.

Ok im slowly losing sympathy for you hubby. That is controlling and obsessive. My boyfriend was like that for a bit, but I stompped that out real quick. Oh i guess I should add we were in HIGH SCHOOL. Now that we are 21, 23 years old we aren't like that at ALL anymore. I started applying al lhis rules to him, and then he got it. I wouldn't let him talk to his girl friends (which he has always had a ton of) and He couldn't go out anywhere with them. He realized how dumb it was because he was just friends with them, and now he doesn't care. Only time he ever tells me not to talk to a guy again is if he hits on me, or does something to creep me out, in which case I was done talking to him anyway. My suggestion? Do what you please. He married you, he has to learn to live with YOU not what he wants YOU to be. Its part of a relationship, learning how to accept an not change. 6 years has taught me a lot about myself, and being able to stand up for myself and be ME is what has made this a healthy happy relationship, good luck!

While I admire you're strength... I have to say before anyone else backs you on that... I'm a VERY tradtional Christian, where the man is the head of the household, women are in submission to their husbands kinda thing... so there aren't very many 'rules' I could apply in any circumstance. And I must say most of the important 'rules' I am under so my husband follows too. He doesn't go out with women friends (WE don't even go out much-2 kids) BUT he does have a lot of girl friends on Facebook. I don't bother to ask who they are or how he knows them, and I don't check out their pages. But if you saw some of these girls, maybe YOU'D want to....

I'm a Christian, too. A woman being submissive to her husband doesn't mean she has to let him control every aspect of her life while he does what he wants.

Define "spying". Is he logging into your accounts behind your back, or is he just reading the same stuff you post for the rest of the world to see? If it's the latter, I'd bet he's just bored, and thinks you're one of the more interesting things on the internet. If it's the latter, it's a whole different issue.

That's a good point... Like most everyone said here, we have seperate laptops, though mine is the main one, and I pretty much stay logged into whatever all the time cus well he's my friend on facebook anyway and I have nothing to hide, but I mean he goes through everything. He has to know who each of my friends are, and how I know them, (mostly the male ones, which I don't have any male friends unless theyre family) and my messages. On my MFP he went through my friends, and my recent posts and my profile. He does these things behind my back generally from my own computer, though he could be doing it from work because he does have my passwords.

Okay, that is over the top. Men like this are possessive and often end up abusive. You can keep playing the good little wife to keep yourself safe but his irrationality can still take over and explode over stupid things. I read your other responses about the commercials, about him questioning you about what you comment to friends on FB, etc. All scary stuff.

What will he do when he sees this thread? I hope you have some sort of escape plan. Make sure you have your own bank account and start stashing money there. You have friends or family close by to run to? I hope so.

I think you already know the answer to all your questions, you just dont want to admit it.

My husband treats me very well and is nice to me and respects me. He's very secure within himself and our relationship and he trusts me 100%. He never goes through my Facebook or MFP or phone or anything like that. My goodness, I don't know how or why you put up with it, if my husband didn't trust me or believe in my faithfulness it would break my heart. I'd be absolutely shattered.

^^^This is how my hubby and I are, too. BUT...he is my 2nd husband.

I was married to my college boyfriend in my 20s. We were together for nine years total, but married for 2 1/2 of the nine. He was EXACTLY as you are describing your husband...insecure, jealous, and controlling. Over the course of our relationship, I literally changed my entire personality for him and stopped hanging out with every guy friend I had except for the ones he "approved". (this was the 90s, so before FB, etc, BTW). I catered to his every insecurity simply because I was so afraid to lose "the love of my life." It was ridiculous, unhealthy, and codependent, not to mention a contributing factor to the ED I had. SOOOO...long story longer, two years into our marriage we moved 3,000 miles away from all of my friends and family, and 6 months later he left me for another woman because I "wasn't challenging enough" and because I was "dishonest" and he "couldn't trust me" because I would do/say anything to prevent him from feeling jealous. SERIOUSLY, it was the most devastating thing that had ever happened to me...and the BEST THING! Looking back on it I could see how pathetic I was, and now that I'm in a healthy, loving, trusting relationship, I do everything I can to stay true to myself. My husband loves me for who I am, not for who he thinks I should be to appease his fragile ego.

Now, I am NOT SAYING that you are anything like I was then!! I just wanted to give you an example of what could happen if you continue to placate his insecurities. He needs counseling. BTW: My ex, now divorced from me AND the woman he left me for, has been getting help for himself and 12 years later can see his responsibility in our disastrous relationship.

Hope my story didn't offend!! Best of luck to you!! ((hugs))

Okay, yeah. Just read all of the comments...

There's really no saving this if he isn't seriously committed... and if you aren't seriously committed to making him change.

And really... sometimes it isn't easy making someone change. Especially if he was that way before you got married. Now, now, I'm not advocating divorce here. I'm just pointing out that marriage is a very big step. If these signs were present before... well, then, you basically did what I did.

And in the end there was no hope in my situation.

This sounds crazy and you are buying into it!

just give him your passwords and tell him he can look at anything at any time. problem solved.

but not looking at a commercial? :huh: you're being snowed into submission. good luck with that.

My boyfriend doesn't know anything about this website. So I have no worries. ^_^

Don't know if my wife does & don't really care - if she stalked me online she'd only get bored to death...