Was I being ignorant to my vegetarian friend?

saracatherine89
saracatherine89 Posts: 291 Member
edited December 27 in Food and Nutrition
Hi everyone!

So I love meat. I love steak, I love chicken, I love fish and shellfish, but I don't have a problem with people who don't eat meat. As much as I enjoy the taste, I respect other people's views. I'm more than happy to accommodate my vegan or vegetarian friends when I host dinners and parties, and I do have a lot of friends who abide by this diet.

Last night, a friend of mine (not a close friend but we still hang out occasionally) posted on Facebook that she was traveling and asked for suggestions of things to do in the cities she is visiting. One of the cities has a hamburger that it is famous for called the Horseshoe Burger, so I suggested to her to try that if she's up for an adventure. She immediately posted back in a very defense matter "Uuuumm... I don't eat meat, so no." Like I said, I am not close with this person, but I feel that her response was extremely rude. I am not overly sensitive to things such as this, but I had no idea she was vegetarian and obviously wouldn't have suggested that had I known. Do you guys think I was wrong in suggesting that? I don't know why she reacted in such a way. I think the best response would have been to just ignore what I said instead of shoot it down within 30 seconds of me posting it or to white like and say something like "Ooo- that sounds interesting! Do they have a vegan version?" I know Facebook is a breeding ground for passive aggressive people, but I just wanted to see if any fellow vegetarians/vegans thought if I was being too forward or rude!

PS- Don't eat the horseshoe burger if you are on a diet. It's an open face burger with cheese fries on top!!!!

=)
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Replies

  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    I was a vegan for years. I think your friend was rude. I would have said - "Oh, that sounds interesting, but I'm a vegetarian! Got any other suggestions?"
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
    I don't really see it as rude - she said she doesn't eat meat, so no. Just stating facts, really.

    Edited to Add: I don't think you were being ignorant, but I also don't think her response was rude.
  • mfkn_Titanium
    mfkn_Titanium Posts: 131
    Her response wouldn't have bothered me a bit. She's stating a fact. *shrugs*
  • saracatherine89
    saracatherine89 Posts: 291 Member
    I don't really see it as rude - she said she doesn't eat meat, so no. Just stating facts, really.

    Edited to Add: I don't think you were being ignorant, but I also don't think her response was rude.

    There's a good chance she may not have meant it in a defensive manner- as we know, it is hard to convey emotion over the Internet sometime! It was just the fact that multiple other people had suggestions of things to do that she was entertaining in a much more 'open' manner than she did to mine. If you saw her response in the context of the thread, it was definitely in a different 'tone' or at least appeared so. I don't think she was actually being rude, but I wanted to make sure I did not say anything out of line.
  • pamelak5
    pamelak5 Posts: 327 Member
    Really? "uhhhhhhh" implies that the statement you are responding to is dumb, doesn't it? Like, you are shocked someone would even suggest it?
  • not2late
    not2late Posts: 98 Member
    Looks like a neutral response to me.
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
    I don't really see it as rude - she said she doesn't eat meat, so no. Just stating facts, really.

    Edited to Add: I don't think you were being ignorant, but I also don't think her response was rude.

    There's a good chance she may not have meant it in a defensive manner- as we know, it is hard to convey emotion over the Internet sometime! It was just the fact that multiple other people had suggestions of things to do that she was entertaining in a much more 'open' manner than she did to mine.

    She doesn't eat meat, so naturally she's not going to be open to your suggestion.
  • metalvegan
    metalvegan Posts: 133 Member
    Don't read into emotion of posts online. You never know what tone people mean to say things with if you can't hear them, so you will just upset yourself for no reason. Come on, give her the benefit of the doubt.
  • dchannelle
    dchannelle Posts: 3
    I'm a vegetarian and I'd respond like that if your suggestion seemed like a joke and if I thought you knew I was a vegetarian, however you didn't know so it was a little rude. Maybe she thought you knew? I get people making jokes to me constantly like my dad asking me if I want any sausages when he's cooking them and it gets tiring so the natural response now is "no." because it becomes a boring joke. I wouldn't take it too personally, she probably assumed you were trying to be funny when she wanted serious suggestions and she was probably expecting someone to make a meat joke haha :)
  • Lina4Lina
    Lina4Lina Posts: 712 Member
    You didn't know she didn't eat meat so your response wasn't inappropriate (but you would be surprised how many people who do KNOW that would still suggest such things to vegetarians) but I also don't see her reply as rude.
  • crystal8208
    crystal8208 Posts: 284 Member
    Try not to worry too much. She may have been rude, she may not have been. That's the beauty of the internet. You never know how you come across. If you are concerned you upset her, say "I'm sorry, totally didn't know you were a vegan. Let me know what goodies you find. :-)". Smiley's always help. If you are just concerned she was rude, shrug it off and move on. If she gets mad over something like that, what would happen if something really bad popped up between you? Maybe it would be best to let it rest as it is. :flowerforyou:
  • Martucha123
    Martucha123 Posts: 1,089 Member
    Her response wouldn't have bothered me a bit. She's stating a fact. *shrugs*

    this!
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    Sounds like she simply answered that it was a suggestion that would not work for her. It doesn't sound rude to me..nor are you ignorant because you simply didn't know. No harm, no foul. Move on.
  • CanadianThunder
    CanadianThunder Posts: 84
    It was perfectly acceptable. Your friend on the other hand, could've been a heck of a lot more polite.
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    Response didn't read as overly rude to me. You weren't being ignorant, but I do think you're being a bit overly sensitive.
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    Personally, I don't think either of you did anything wrong.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    Really? "uhhhhhhh" implies that the statement you are responding to is dumb, doesn't it? Like, you are shocked someone would even suggest it?

    or embarassed...

    I use Uhhhh when I'm embarassed someone didn't know something about me...especially something important...cause I should have told them much earlier...case in point...

    i was talking to a gentleman the other day and he was talking rather quietly...I couldn't hear him. (I'm legally deaf) after asking him to repeat himself 4 times...he finally said "is something wrong"

    and I said uhhhhhh no I'm deaf...

    I thought I had told him already....apparently not :embarassed:

    so no...it doesn't always notate disdain or that you think the person is dumb
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Send her a pack of sausages and apologize immediately!
  • saracatherine89
    saracatherine89 Posts: 291 Member
    To everyone who is accusing me of being overly sensitive- I am not butthurt over this, and I'm not mad at my friend. I was just wondering if suggesting my idea was out of line. Maybe she was just surprised I did not know she didn't eat meat. We sat together at lunch every day in 8th grade...but that was 10 years ago!!
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    Do you really have nothing else to do, so you clutter up the boards with this? Seriously.

    Do you really have nothing else to do but clutter up a thread in which you have no interest? Seriously. Just move along until you find one you like.
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
    Her phrasing was a bit off-putting, but probably not ill-intentioned.

    And your suggestion was just fine. Just chalk it up to a brief disconnect with an acquaintance, and let it go. Sure it was awkward, but we aren't living in India where vegetarianism is the norm. Your assumption that she was a meat-eater had a 98% probability of being true.

    On another point, I want to applaud you for caring about whether you were being sensitive to this acquaintance. Most people would be thinking of their hurt feelings first. You are a fine person for thinking about these things. :flowerforyou:
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    If you didn't know she was vegetarian, then there was nothing wrong with your suggestion. But I also didn't see anything wrong with her response. You are reading tone into it that may or may not have been intended.
  • MandaLeigh123
    MandaLeigh123 Posts: 351 Member
    It's Facebook... Can't over think people's responses, especially someone you aren't close to :)
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
    Was it "uuummmm" which is a hestiation, or "uuuuuhhhh" which to me is also just a conversational filler?

    If it had been "Duh!" well then I might have found that strong (though I'd probably have thought it was an attempt at humour)

    If she's a vegetarian then she's probably used to things like this all the time, maybe that's her standard response.

    I think you're over-thinking it, tbh.
  • mcrowe1016
    mcrowe1016 Posts: 647 Member
    ig·no·rance [ ígnərənss ] 1.lack of knowledge: lack of knowledge or education
    2.unawareness: unawareness of something, often of something important


    So, yes. You were ignorant of the fact that she was a vegetarian. I don't think her response was rude, nor do I consider all ignorance bad. You are not expected to know everything about everyone and she has now informed you that she was a vegetarian.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
    Wow you are easily offended. TOM?
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    I was a vegan for years. I think your friend was rude. I would have said - "Oh, that sounds interesting, but I'm a vegetarian! Got any other suggestions?"

    ^^ This. I wouldn't limit being rude to vegans or vegetarians. Rude people come in all shapes, colors, sizes, etc.
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    Do you really have nothing else to do, so you clutter up the boards with this? Seriously. Go weigh a pound of baby back ribs, and a pound of tofu....and see which weighs more.

    Cheerio!

    If we're weighing things, they may as well weigh a lb of fat vs a lb of muscle. THAT thread hasn't been started yet today! =/
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    To everyone who is accusing me of being overly sensitive- I am not butthurt over this

    Dude. Definitely overly sensitive if you think anyone on here is "accusing" you of anything.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
    "Uuuumm... I don't eat meat, so no."

    This does not seem rude.

    I will give you some context.

    "Hey Sidesteal would you like to climb that mountain after dinner?"
    "Uuummm...I don't climb mountains, so no"



    "Hey Sidesteal would you like to eat this jar of olives?"
    "Uuummm... I don't eat olives, so no"


    "Hey Sidesteal would you like a lapdance?"
    "Yes"



    So hopefully that helps clear things up.
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