Dating Advice Needed
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First thing you did wrong .. online dating site. Second thing you did wrong... went looking. Let them come to you! Always! Filter as they flow.0
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First thing you did wrong .. online dating site. Second thing you did wrong... went looking. Let them come to you! Always! Filter as they flow.
So..... where would you suggest that I might meet someone if not on a dating site? I doubt I'm going to meet Mr. Right in the fruit section at the grocery store
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Look, it's simple. People do what they love. People act on what they want. Want drives everything.
[rant =on]
Because I want to be in contact with a woman, I wont be able to HELP contacting her. When I - if I - ever fall helplessly in love...scratch that...
When I even fall in LIKE again - form a real dating relationship...It will not be a case of 'if I like her I will communicate with her" - that's backwards....BECAUSE I like her I won't be able to NOT. When I find "her" and we have sparks and connection and energy and all that happy-sparkly...
The love part will be EASY. E.A.S.Y.
If you can't easily love the one you're with, you might should not be with them. Fight about stupid **** like dishes or laundry or bills. But when there exists within a relationship a real, true, and wonderful bond or chemistry...dude...all the texting and phone calls and hanging-out will happen because it'll have no choice.
When I am with a woman I really am into - None of the TPS reports, or cover-sheets for them....none of the long nights at work...none of the gawd-awful 'Excellence Meetings!'....all the Metrics....none of that **** will matter - or it WILL matter but i'll be distracted. Hell, I might even send a quick pic of my nuts to the woman - IF she's into that sorta thing; doesnt have to be a pic of my testicles, could be just a pic of my dimples...or my eyes...or me at work...or whatever...but I'll send that stuff JUST so she knows what she has to look-forward to the next time i get her out for wining and dining and...."long walks on the beach"
Geezus - sometimes we make things so difficult on ourselves. STOP CHASING PEOPLE, people. Let those who really WANT you...let them follow gravity towards you. Let chemistry happen. If chemistry doesn't happen - do NOT chase/force/coerce or demand anything from them...just let it go folks. Move on. I promise you...you are SOMEBODY's DREAM woman or man.
YOU ARE SO RIGHT and it has snapped me back into reality with a guy I started dating, very similar to OP. i guess I am so ready to be in a relationship that I want to believe he is in the same place as me... But clearly he is not. As you said, what people will want they will pursue, relentlessly to get.... I got it!0 -
First thing you did wrong .. online dating site. Second thing you did wrong... went looking. Let them come to you! Always! Filter as they flow.
So..... where would you suggest that I might meet someone if not on a dating site? I doubt I'm going to meet Mr. Right in the fruit section at the grocery store
Hey have you tried? I got hit on... grabing a box of freakin corn dogs >.< while I had my daughter with ... So try the fruit stand.. never know Mr. Right might be there feeling some ahhh ... cantalopes?0 -
First thing you did wrong .. online dating site. Second thing you did wrong... went looking. Let them come to you! Always! Filter as they flow.
So..... where would you suggest that I might meet someone if not on a dating site? I doubt I'm going to meet Mr. Right in the fruit section at the grocery store
Hey have you tried? I got hit on... grabing a box of freakin corn dogs >.< while I had my daughter with ... So try the fruit stand.. never know Mr. Right might be there feeling some ahhh ... cantalopes?
Honestly? No! But that's because I am rarely looking my best while in the grocery store! 0 -
First thing you did wrong .. online dating site. Second thing you did wrong... went looking. Let them come to you! Always! Filter as they flow.
So..... where would you suggest that I might meet someone if not on a dating site? I doubt I'm going to meet Mr. Right in the fruit section at the grocery store
Hey have you tried? I got hit on... grabing a box of freakin corn dogs >.< while I had my daughter with ... So try the fruit stand.. never know Mr. Right might be there feeling some ahhh ... cantalopes?
Honestly? No! But that's because I am rarely looking my best while in the grocery store!
Well... Scope it out... see what its like... I have never known of a 'happy' relationship from online dating sites... and that is ALL my friends do... Join a local club of some sort, something of interest of course or just something completely off the wall you've wanted to try.0 -
Detroit, you sound like a catch! Wsh you weren't so far away from PA, lol....[Detroit D has got this one..very good advice. But its easier said than done when you are really into someone. Sometimes we have to live and learn on our own before taking any advice. Good luck and keep us posted
I chased a woman for sixteen years to hear, after everything, I'm not the type of guy she wants - for a couple reasons. I gave the advice I gave because I needed to hear it too. All that chasing has left me busted. The advice I gave is the advice I'd hope somebody would give me if I ever think so little of myself again; so little as to feel I have to 'earn' somebody's unmittigated love. Passion. Desire. As fat and horrid as I am...even being over-weight this much...I'd bet dollars to donuts there's at least one woman out there who'd cherrish me as I am...for who I am. Vulneralbe. Available. Loving. Giving. - with a learned ability to communicate those things with everything that I am, as a man.
Some guys reading what I just wrote might give me crap about having no man-card (see my blog). To them I say "Fair enough. If having a man card means I have to shut off my emotions, thoughts, and feelings...I don't want one.
Sorry - I realize I've gotten too personal here...this isn't about me...it's about the OP and her struggles. Sorry to derail - i'll move on from here.
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Honestly, if he was interested in you a "busy schedule" would not stop him from talking to you.
I have had this happen to me twice...they say they are interested but do not bother calling/communicating with you.
Dont invest your time into a guy who won't invest his.0 -
My advice is pretty simple: cut the dude loose.
If he wants you and you are important to him, he will text, call and pursue you. If not, "he's just not that into you." Seriously, I think it's that simple. Find someone closer to you and more invested. You deserve that.
I agree!0 -
This happened to me. I met a guy through an online dating site. We exchanged emails and eventually had our first date July 13, 2008. (weird huh?) It went well, but I didn't hear from him for a week. A quick text asking me out and saying that he was busy at work the past few days. I had nothing better to do and I liked him, so out we went.
At first I was annoyed that I only heard from him once or twice a week. But then I realized that I had other things going on in my life: friends, work, hobbies, etc. I kept up with my life and fitted him in as I could. I was in my late twenties and was tired of the dating scene. There were a couple times I couldn't go out with him because I had made plans with my friends or had to work. I was nice and offered an alternative date, but sometimes we couldn't make it happen. We dated like this for about 9 weeks before he started calling me/texting me frequently.
I never told him that I needed more (even though I did want more at times) because I was enjoying my life. He finally realized that he had to catch my attention and started calling me. He would go out of his way to see me after work or drop by to say hi. He later told me that he was dating another girl (we weren't exclusive yet) and decided that I was "better for him". He stopped seeing the other girl and started focusing on me. That is when he started calling/texting me almost every day.
I'm not saying your guy is seeing someone else, but I am saying that only he knows what is happening in his life. I say ride it out and see what happens. I know how frustrating it is (been there girl) but remember your friends and interests. Keep your life full and see him when you can/want to do so. At some point you will realize that your life is either easier or harder because of him. Then you get to decide if that is a good or bad thing.
Oh, and btw - that guy I met online is now my husband.0 -
I think you should firstly tell him what your thinking, just incase he doesn't realise it is a problem. However, only tell him once, and if it doesn't change, then cut him loose. I was in an on/off relationship with a guy that lives an hour away, for two years. Like your guy, he had major communication problems! I voiced how I felt, but nothing changed, and this went on for TWO YEARS. I feel stupid now that I didn't cut him loose closer to the beginning. However, I don't know how bad of an issue this guy has. My guy would go for a week or two at a time without talking to me, responding to my texts or phone calls. Needless to say, I was stupid to continue the relationship for so long!0
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Men and women have very different needs in a relationship. and beyond that different men and different women have different needs in a relationship. I find us women often have our feelings hurt by men who should "know better" but the reality is, youre both adults, and you both have different needs, so you can't be upset with him for not meeting yours if you haven;t let him know that more communication is what you NEED from him. Just put it out there, and then its up to him what he chooses to do with his new knowledge, either he will make an effort, or he won;t and you cut him loose.0
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To me, the thing that stands out is that he's a single father with full custody...his child is probably his first priority. It may have nothing to do with his feelings for you but rather taking care of what he needs to for his child (been there, done that). Better to communicate your feelings and if things don't work out, at least you tried. Just dumping him without giving him a chance seems harsh.0
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Honestly, if he was interested in you a "busy schedule" would not stop him from talking to you.
I have had this happen to me twice...they say they are interested but do not bother calling/communicating with you.
Dont invest your time into a guy who won't invest his.
Soild and sound advise! If we are interested... no matter how busy we are... we'll call.. text.. or other to let you know it! i"ve stayed up for days on end just to ensure I could spend time with someone.0 -
You deserve someone that sees you more than once a week and will text you maybe once a day (if he's too busy) just to tell you how he feels for you and to see how you are doing. I met my husband online and we will be married for 5 years in November!
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So a couple of months ago I joined an online dating site, went on a few dates that didn't work out for various reasons, but finally met someone super nice.
We went on our first date on July 13.
He lives about an hour away from me and has full time custody of his 7 year old child. His family are close by and are really great about helping out with his child. I only get to see him once a week, at the weekend, which is fine (for now) EXCEPT.....
..... he rarely calls me throughout the week and his texts are getting fewer and fewer. I don't think his interest is fading at all and I know that he's not seeing anyone else (he doesn't have the time). I think he just gets busy or I'm not an important enough thought in his mind.
My problem is that I just need more communication. A text takes 5 seconds and just a 2 minute phone call at the end of the day would mean so much.
I just don't know how to handle the situation. His schedule is pretty busy and I am ok with working around that. I don't want to appear nagging but I know that I'm not happy with the way the communication is now.
Do I say something? And if so, what do I say that doesn't seem nagging? Or, do I let it go (my fear in that is him thinking this level of communication is ok).
I really like this guy and hope at some point in the future we progress from a once-a-week date.
Advice?!
Thank you!Look, it's simple. People do what they love. People act on what they want. Want drives everything.
[rant =on]
Because I want to be in contact with a woman, I wont be able to HELP contacting her. When I - if I - ever fall helplessly in love...scratch that...
When I even fall in LIKE again - form a real dating relationship...It will not be a case of 'if I like her I will communicate with her" - that's backwards....BECAUSE I like her I won't be able to NOT. When I find "her" and we have sparks and connection and energy and all that happy-sparkly...
The love part will be EASY. E.A.S.Y.
If you can't easily love the one you're with, you might should not be with them. Fight about stupid **** like dishes or laundry or bills. But when there exists within a relationship a real, true, and wonderful bond or chemistry...dude...all the texting and phone calls and hanging-out will happen because it'll have no choice.
When I am with a woman I really am into - None of the TPS reports, or cover-sheets for them....none of the long nights at work...none of the gawd-awful 'Excellence Meetings!'....all the Metrics....none of that **** will matter - or it WILL matter but i'll be distracted. Hell, I might even send a quick pic of my nuts to the woman - IF she's into that sorta thing; doesnt have to be a pic of my testicles, could be just a pic of my dimples...or my eyes...or me at work...or whatever...but I'll send that stuff JUST so she knows what she has to look-forward to the next time i get her out for wining and dining and...."long walks on the beach"
Geezus - sometimes we make things so difficult on ourselves. STOP CHASING PEOPLE, people. Let those who really WANT you...let them follow gravity towards you. Let chemistry happen. If chemistry doesn't happen - do NOT chase/force/coerce or demand anything from them...just let it go folks. Move on. I promise you...you are SOMEBODY's DREAM woman or man.
Good evening Caz104,
What DetroitDarin says is so right on the money!
I met my husband online dating site on NOV 2, 2010. We were married on November 11, 2011
He found my profile online and when we communicated it was NON-STOP COMMUNICATION from the start~~The first Personal message then to emails~~Then to hours upon hours of phone calls all throughout the day and night!
After one month of corresponding on the dating website. Then after 1 month of corresponding on the phone...no test messages as far as a conversation, except to say I miss you and will call you later today. After a few weeks he told me he loved me! He sent me flowers!
He was living in Texas at the time I met him. He went home for the holidays in Florida.
Then after, one month of endless phone calls, he came to visit me in person. He already knew that he loved me before he came to see me in person. After one full day together he asked me to marry him. He stayed for 2 weeks. He did not want to leave me to go back home to FL. He return home to FL. Then returned 3 months later to find work and stay here. We had a 1 year engagement. We were married on NOV 11, 2011.
I will say that before I met him online I did come across alot of men who were playing games. . I was so frustrated and discouraged. I had enough of that in my life. I did not have the patience or tolerance for that drama anymore.
I relied on the saying that says "He who FINDS A WIFE. Findeth a good thing!" ... So I did not look or pursue any more men online. I prayed and let go and let God. God is the one who brought my husband to me.
God has finally answered my prayers and has blessed me “Exceedingly and Abundantly” with a † Godly husband. Who is the most tender-hearted and gentle man that I have ever known. My Godly † husband is my “Happily Ever After”! A man has finally & truly “LOVES ME & MARRIED ME” for “Whom” I am in "Christ Jesus" regardless of my weight and health issues. I can testify that IF God is on your side and have God's Favor, that with God, all things are possible regardless what the world or people say.
After a few months of marriage we became too comfortable and we went out to eat alot. He loves to cook. I was getting spoiled that he cooked good food. We gained the After wedding weight.
So NOW....We are both together getting into a "Healthier LifeStyle" we exercise together in the mornings. We go grocery shopping together. We cook and plan our meals together.
Don't let the "Dogs" and Men who do not communicate hinder your journey to finding True Love. But don't look for it let it come to you! Focus on you and your journey to "Wholeness" in your Mind, Body, Soul and Emotionally. If your not a whole person then in a relationship it will not be a healthy and loving relationship. Men well get away with what you let them get away with. Always communicate your needs to a man! ALWAYS!
Caz104 I wish you the best in Life, Health, and in finding your one true love and Mr. Happily Ever After!
Be Blessed in health, healing, and wholeness! Have a blessed and prosperous day! AMEN0 -
First thing you did wrong .. online dating site. Second thing you did wrong... went looking. Let them come to you! Always! Filter as they flow.
So..... where would you suggest that I might meet someone if not on a dating site? I doubt I'm going to meet Mr. Right in the fruit section at the grocery store
Hey have you tried? I got hit on... grabing a box of freakin corn dogs >.< while I had my daughter with ... So try the fruit stand.. never know Mr. Right might be there feeling some ahhh ... cantalopes?
Honestly? No! But that's because I am rarely looking my best while in the grocery store!
Well... Scope it out... see what its like... I have never known of a 'happy' relationship from online dating sites... and that is ALL my friends do... Join a local club of some sort, something of interest of course or just something completely off the wall you've wanted to try.
Example of 16 years of wedded bliss due to dating site (Matchmaker) right here!! *waving hand in air*0 -
Caz, my husband and I met on a dating website. No matter which way it goes with this guy, please let us know... Been following this thread. Even if I was single I don't think I would ever meet someone in a grocery store. I have my list, am there for the purpose of buying food, and it is usually right after I have been to the gym and look like I got caught in a rainstorm. Lol. Best wishes!0
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So a couple of months ago I joined an online dating site, went on a few dates that didn't work out for various reasons, but finally met someone super nice.
We went on our first date on July 13.
He lives about an hour away from me and has full time custody of his 7 year old child. His family are close by and are really great about helping out with his child. I only get to see him once a week, at the weekend, which is fine (for now) EXCEPT.....
..... he rarely calls me throughout the week and his texts are getting fewer and fewer. I don't think his interest is fading at all and I know that he's not seeing anyone else (he doesn't have the time). I think he just gets busy or I'm not an important enough thought in his mind.
My problem is that I just need more communication. A text takes 5 seconds and just a 2 minute phone call at the end of the day would mean so much.
I just don't know how to handle the situation. His schedule is pretty busy and I am ok with working around that. I don't want to appear nagging but I know that I'm not happy with the way the communication is now.
Do I say something? And if so, what do I say that doesn't seem nagging? Or, do I let it go (my fear in that is him thinking this level of communication is ok).
I really like this guy and hope at some point in the future we progress from a once-a-week date.
Advice?!
Thank you!Look, it's simple. People do what they love. People act on what they want. Want drives everything.
[rant =on]
Because I want to be in contact with a woman, I wont be able to HELP contacting her. When I - if I - ever fall helplessly in love...scratch that...
When I even fall in LIKE again - form a real dating relationship...It will not be a case of 'if I like her I will communicate with her" - that's backwards....BECAUSE I like her I won't be able to NOT. When I find "her" and we have sparks and connection and energy and all that happy-sparkly...
The love part will be EASY. E.A.S.Y.
If you can't easily love the one you're with, you might should not be with them. Fight about stupid **** like dishes or laundry or bills. But when there exists within a relationship a real, true, and wonderful bond or chemistry...dude...all the texting and phone calls and hanging-out will happen because it'll have no choice.
When I am with a woman I really am into - None of the TPS reports, or cover-sheets for them....none of the long nights at work...none of the gawd-awful 'Excellence Meetings!'....all the Metrics....none of that **** will matter - or it WILL matter but i'll be distracted. Hell, I might even send a quick pic of my nuts to the woman - IF she's into that sorta thing; doesnt have to be a pic of my testicles, could be just a pic of my dimples...or my eyes...or me at work...or whatever...but I'll send that stuff JUST so she knows what she has to look-forward to the next time i get her out for wining and dining and...."long walks on the beach"
Geezus - sometimes we make things so difficult on ourselves. STOP CHASING PEOPLE, people. Let those who really WANT you...let them follow gravity towards you. Let chemistry happen. If chemistry doesn't happen - do NOT chase/force/coerce or demand anything from them...just let it go folks. Move on. I promise you...you are SOMEBODY's DREAM woman or man.
Good evening Caz104,
What DetroitDarin says is so right on the money!
I met my husband online dating site on NOV 2, 2010. We were married on November 11, 2011
He found my profile online and when we communicated it was NON-STOP COMMUNICATION from the start~~The first Personal message then to emails~~Then to hours upon hours of phone calls all throughout the day and night!
After one month of corresponding on the dating website. Then after 1 month of corresponding on the phone...no test messages as far as a conversation, except to say I miss you and will call you later today. After a few weeks he told me he loved me! He sent me flowers!
He was living in Texas at the time I met him. He went home for the holidays in Florida.
Then after, one month of endless phone calls, he came to visit me in person. He already knew that he loved me before he came to see me in person. After one full day together he asked me to marry him. He stayed for 2 weeks. He return home to FL. Then returned 3 months later to find work and stay here. We had a 1 year engagement. We were married on NOV 11, 2011.
I will say that before I met him online I did come across alot of men who were playing games. . I was so frustrated and discouraged. I had enough of that in my life. I did not have the patience or tolerance for that drama anymore.
I relied on the saying that says "He who FINDS A WIFE. Findeth a good thing!" ... So I did not look or pursue any more men online. I prayed and let go and let God. God is the one who brought my husband to me.
God has finally answered my prayers and has blessed me “Exceedingly and Abundantly” with a † Godly husband. Who is the most tender-hearted and gentle man that I have ever known. My Godly † husband is my “Happily Ever After”! A man has finally & truly “LOVES ME & MARRIED ME” for “Whom” I am in "Christ Jesus" regardless of my weight and health issues. I can testify that IF God is on your side and have God's Favor, that with God, all things are possible regardless what the world or people say.
After a few months of marriage we became too comfortable and we went out to eat alot. He loves to cook. I was getting spoiled that he cooked good food. We gained the After wedding weight.
So NOW....We are both together getting into a "Healthier LifeStyle" we exercise together in the mornings. We go grocery shopping together. We cook and plan our meals together.
Don't let the "Dogs" and Men who do not communicate hinder your journey to finding True Love. But don't look for it let it come to you! Focus on you and your journey to "Wholeness" in your Mind, Body, Soul and Emotionally. If your not a whole person then in a relationship it will not be a healthy and loving relationship. Men well get away with what you let them get away with. Always communicate your needs to a man! ALWAYS!
Caz104 I wish you the best in Life, Health, and in finding your one true love and Mr. Happily Ever After!
Be Blessed in health, healing, and wholeness! Have a blessed and prosperous day! AMEN
Firstly, Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a long and thoughtful reply. Secondly, thank you for the blessing and Thirdly I am happy to hear a good online dating story and to hear that you are so happy with your husband!
I have definitely decided to concentrate on me a lot more, hence joining this website last week and making sure that I don't settle is included in that.
You've definitely given me food for thought!0 -
Caz, my husband and I met on a dating website. No matter which way it goes with this guy, please let us know... Been following this thread. Even if I was single I don't think I would ever meet someone in a grocery store. I have my list, am there for the purpose of buying food, and it is usually right after I have been to the gym and look like I got caught in a rainstorm. Lol. Best wishes!
Another great dating website story! Thank you!
I will update this post once I have had the 'talk'. I'm sure people want to know what happened 0
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