"You would be STUNNING if you just lost some weight"

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  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    but they will ALWAYS be stupid.
  • ConnorLynne65
    ConnorLynne65 Posts: 91 Member
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    Yeah I have heard that for years. It is always hurtful even when I know people mean well by saying it, it feels like a dagger every time. I would never say that to anyone. I have gotten a lot of the "you have such a pretty face" and less frequently I have heard the more obvious and direct " you would be so gorgeous if you lost weight " that is just ridiculous to try to pass off as a compliment. Even when I was at my thinnest (140) and I was killing myself trying to be thin I still got those comments. Rude.
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
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    Ahhhhh yeah, that's not a compliment. I know that the older generation of people usually mean in lovingly but that doesn't make it easier to hear. I think in their day that was called "motivation".

    I will say though...that I had no idea what I actually looked like until I lost the weight- no idea!! People constantly say "I don't even recognize you!" and honestly, they don't. It's weird.
  • MsSheri82
    MsSheri82 Posts: 16
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    i ge it all the time or I get this one...." You're pretty for a big girl"....like really?? is it rare that a big woman is pretty or something?
  • kubyshechka
    kubyshechka Posts: 75 Member
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    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
  • Anayalata
    Anayalata Posts: 391 Member
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    yes... from my mother... a million times

    My mother does the same too.

    I remember when I used to be heavier that she'd tell me that I should lose some weight.

    Then after I lost 60lbs she told me I used to look better when I was heavier.

    The psychological damage is amazing. I'm fully aware of it but it persists nonetheless.
  • adorability
    adorability Posts: 49 Member
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    My ex-boyfriend, after we broke up in May, told me I was fat and disgusting and sleeping with me was revolting. I so wanted to say, "Hey, I can lose weight, and for free, but you need plastic surgery to fix that face of yours, and that costs thousands of dollars" HOWEVER, I kept my mouth closed because I didn't want to stoop to his level.

    Thank you all for sharing your stories, I hear this comment EVERY day and sometimes I wonder who I'm losing weight for :/ I want people to like me for WHO I am, not what I look like.
  • laurenellenmarie
    laurenellenmarie Posts: 331 Member
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    My favorite was "I'm so glad you're not in a huge rush to get married. Nobody likes a fat bride."
  • rm830
    rm830 Posts: 531 Member
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    Yep heard it my whole life...and the "you have a pretty face, you just need to lose the weight". Ugh...it's horrible to hear stuff like that!
  • Xstitcher74
    Xstitcher74 Posts: 124 Member
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    Years ago, a boyfriend said to me "You'd have a great figure if you lost some weight." I was too kind to say to him "And you'd be handsome if only you'd have a face transplant."

    Been there!
  • quill16
    quill16 Posts: 373 Member
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    that and the"pretty face " compliments i''ve received most of my life. I have come to learn that the people that say that really mean well and don't realize that it is not received well. I have set it as one of my goals to set them straight about how someone that receives this"compliment " feels. One of my best friends was saying this to me and I set her straight. Now she knows.
  • leypb
    leypb Posts: 25 Member
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    I am not stunning/hood looking now, hence me being here
  • knwitall
    knwitall Posts: 420 Member
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    I get the "you have a pretty face" compliment...but the rest of this comment is....too bad the rest sucks. I also get a lot of "you have such a wonderful perosnality". I hate those people, in those cases, they just need to keep their compliments to themselves.

    Dito! I get that one all the time. :ohwell:
  • kairisika
    kairisika Posts: 131 Member
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    People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
    Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
    Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
    It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.

    If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.
  • wyodawn
    wyodawn Posts: 217 Member
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    My favorite was "I'm so glad you're not in a huge rush to get married. Nobody likes a fat bride."
    OH. MY. GOD. What is wrong with people??? At least comments like these can help you weed people out of your life.

    In positive news, a friend of mine asked me the other day if I had any single girl friends to introduce him to. I said, yes I do! He said "are they happy?" I asked if he meant happy being single and he said no, just happy in general. That his #1 requirement is someone who smiles a lot.

    He didn't ask "are they hot?" "Do they have big boobs?" "Do they make a lot of money?" NO- do they smile a lot. Now THAT is a man I will introduce to my friends.
  • BarbaraC47
    BarbaraC47 Posts: 175 Member
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    Just remember Winston Churchill (I am gonna paraphrase here but you'll get the idea)

    Woman: Winston you are drunk

    Winston: Madam, you are ugly - but I will be sober in the morning

    NOW is the time I am losing all the weight, I will still have the pretty face AND the wonderful personality, they will still be mean and nasty to make such hurtful comments!!
  • ari2005
    ari2005 Posts: 1
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    people can be so rude
  • adorability
    adorability Posts: 49 Member
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    People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
    Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
    Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
    It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.

    If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.

    I politely disagree. Being attracted to someone because they are intelligent, sensitive, sweet, or funny can all be very valid reasons to like someone. I rarely date someone because they're "good-looking" You could have a 6-pack and the face of a model but if you're a total *kitten* I won't give you the time of day. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect people to be less shallow and less judgmental.
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
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    My favorite was "I'm so glad you're not in a huge rush to get married. Nobody likes a fat bride."

    OMG so rude. I would have been struggling to not hit her. D:
  • AnnaBradley
    AnnaBradley Posts: 2
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    That's when you say, "I may be fat but you're stupid... and I can lose weight."

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