Dating Advice Needed

you are in the first few weeks of dating someone.. this should be fun, easy, breezy.. not work or stress. this dude isn't the one for you, or the timing isn't right. either way... i'd log back into your okcupid account and test the waters with someone else.

Some guys reading what I just wrote might give me crap about having no man-card (see my blog). To them I say "Fair enough. If having a man card means I have to shut off my emotions, thoughts, and feelings...I don't want one.
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I wanted to address this... really quickly...

First off,from what I know about you, Darin... you have collected more man-cards in your life than most men ever will. So, if you have to give up a card or two... or three or four, now and then... eh... who cares? You have plenty to spare ..... You'll always be a "real" man.

bump i want to know what's happened !

BTW if he's putting his child first, he's a good Dad and that's a quaility worth having .

thank you for this post ... I have been dealing with this guy for over 3yrs ... we'll text like crazy weeks before seeing each other and once he walks out the door, nothing. It could be weeks, months and sometimes a year before I will hear from him again. Then the process starts all over again. I have deep feelings for this guy and have expressed them in many different ways. Communication is also important to me. Guess the writing is on the wall. Thank you everyone, I deserve better and ya'll have proved that Im not some crazy pycho b*&^h asking for something unreasonalbe.

Whoa there girl, "weeks, months and sometimes a year" before you hear from him? WTF IS THAT? You need to cut that loose right now, absolutely no doubt about that. He's around when it's convenient for him and he knows he can count on you to be waiting there like a puppy dog and invite him in, on HIS terms and on HIS schedule. That is completely unacceptable. That is not love, that is not respect, he is using you. Now if you were also into this arrangement, that would be another thing, but you clearly are not into it, are not having your needs met or even considered, and are hurt by it. Walk away. Please. You deserve more, and when you are able to stand up make clear and firm commitments to yourself to not settle for anything less, well the sooner you will actually be able to recognize and draw in someone who will step up to the plate and be the kind of guy you really want. (This is coming from someone who has learned this lesson the hard way, too.) You are better than this. DTMFA.

Thank you for your kind words. I realize this now, actually have known this for sometime. I was holding out hope that he'd change his mind. There are many factors that I have not mentioned but it became very clear the last time I seen him that I was NOT important to him. I will also mention that I have not just been sitting around pining over him. I have continued to date but have not found the one that makes my toes curl like he does. I have been single for sometime for a reason, that reason being I will not settle like I did with my ex-husband. I will find what Im looking for, I just need to get past this one. Only time will help. Thanks again.

My advice is pretty simple: cut the dude loose.

If he wants you and you are important to him, he will text, call and pursue you. If not, "he's just not that into you." Seriously, I think it's that simple. Find someone closer to you and more invested. You deserve that.
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Agreed.....I was in the same situation you are in a couple years ago......run, run as fast as you can.....it only ends with you getting hurt. You will never be a priority for him if you aren't now, and no amount of you asking him to will change that. Because its really as dsimple as, people dont change unless they want to....and my guess is that he has no interest in doing so.

I didn't read any of the other replies so sorry if I double-back.

I would bring it up to him, but don't do it in a nagging way. If you don't bring it up, he may not even know and then you'll just resent him more and more for not doing it. If you bring it up in a nagging way, he'll most likely get a little upset and then it will become a bigger issue than normal.

If you do it in a polite way, letting him know you care about him and he means a lot to you, which is why you would love to hear from him a little bit more even if it's just a 2 min phone call at night, then he'll be more likely to follow up on it.

Although, I do wonder, are you sending him a text or calling him at night? If you are then there might be an issue if he's not responding. If you aren't... then why not?

Edit: I have a lot of experience with this stuff. I'm currently in a year & 9 month relationship that has been long distance for just over a year.

I disagree with the ones who say "drop him". My boyfriend lives an hour and half away, we only see each other on the weekend, he doesn't like texting or talking on the phone, but he adores me. I let him know early in the relationship that I like getting a phone call before bed, even if it's just to say a quick good night and a text in the morning before work. I know mornings are hard on him and he gets rushed and has a hard time focusing on everything he has to remember to do before work so at one time I actually told him he didn't have to text me in the morning even though it makes me very happy when he does. He hasn't missed a morning text since. I also once explained to him that I like a call at night so that we both know that the other is safely at home. Again, I get a call every night, even though he hates talking on the phone. I know he's into me because he drives an hour and half every weekend to see me AND MY SON. We only have one weekend/month alone and that's when I drive up there. He also read the book The Five Love Languages as I encouraged early in our relationship and knows my love language is WORDS, and does his best to show it. I know that his love language is TOUCH, so I know when we're together, that he's showing love in his way. Just let him know how happy it makes you when you get a text or call from him. If he cares, he'll be happy to oblige. :-)

I am an example of a happy relationship ( 2 years so far) that started from an online dating site! I hope everything works out well for you. I'm glad you are going to talk to him about this, communication is so important. But keep in mind, that if you are having problems getting his attention this early in your relationship, he may just not be that into you.

I would move on. If a man likes you he will pursue you regardless of what is going on in his life.

Ok.....

So here's a quick update for those of you who asked.

I emailed him. I know, I know! Not the best way to handle these things but my face-to-face time with him is very valuable and I didn't want to spend that time talking about it. Plus, it's been weighing on my mind way too much to let it go until the weekend.

I told him my concerns exactly.

Note: We are exclusively dating. I do know that for a fact. Neither of us dated anyone else since we met.

Anyway - I sent him the email late last night and first thing this morning I got a text from him to say that he had been busy and he had been slacking with me and was not going to do that anymore. He also made a point to say that he would call me tonight and has sent quite a few texts today.

I know that one day doesn't mean a thing. But I do think he at least deserved me to communicate my frustrations and be given a chance to do something about it.

Thanks to you all for you comments, very valid points and update requests! Especially those of you who found love online. It's sad that people still think negatively of online dating.

If things don't change then I will walk because as it was pointed out, I (WE ALL) deserve so much better.

Good for u! Thanks for keeping us posted! have a fabulous week