"You would be STUNNING if you just lost some weight"

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  • brittanystcyr
    brittanystcyr Posts: 17
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    After I had my daughter, a "friend" said "well you're gonna lose all that weight arent you?" " I cant have fat friends"
  • Masterdo
    Masterdo Posts: 331 Member
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    People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
    Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
    Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
    It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.

    If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.

    I politely disagree. Being attracted to someone because they are intelligent, sensitive, sweet, or funny can all be very valid reasons to like someone. I rarely date someone because they're "good-looking" You could have a 6-pack and the face of a model but if you're a total *kitten* I won't give you the time of day. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect people to be less shallow and less judgmental.


    Maybe, but physical attraction is something on its own, a separate concept. Maybe you can actually go above this puny mortal concept, but I somehow doubt it, and even question why you would do it... It's not about having a 6-pack or corresponding to what society tells us beauty of physical attraction should be, it's about being compatible with the other person, with their expectation of their partner.

    There are 7 billion people on the planet, I really don't see why you should settle for someone with who you'd not be happy in that part of your life. And again, it's personal, and has nothing to do with society standards. Some people would never go out with fit or slim people, love handles are a must, and that's fine as well. Who's to say anyone is wrong with who/why they find attractive...
  • alarae
    alarae Posts: 263 Member
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    That was just mean! I think you are beautiful now! Weight loss hasn't made me any pretty it's just made me thinner. I still look like me, i didn't become carrie underwood. Darn it! You either are or aren't and weight loss just makes you healthier.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    skinny is more attractive........... to most people anyways.
  • Caffeine_Addict
    Caffeine_Addict Posts: 178 Member
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    yup. came from close friends too. sux to hear.
  • ahviendha
    ahviendha Posts: 1,291 Member
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    I had my best friend (at the time) say it to me....when we have pretty much the same body type.

    It stings to this day! But she can suck a lemon, I'm beautiful inside and out.
  • Inspired2Bthin
    Inspired2Bthin Posts: 6
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    Yes constantly. Really annoying. It makes you so self conscious.
    As if I don't know that I'm a little overweight, do you really have to point it out?
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
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    Came from my ex-fiance. Too bad I didn't get angry about it then, just butthurt. If I had gotten angry about it I would have been 98% of the way to world domination, instead of 82% as it currently stands.
  • betaleonis
    betaleonis Posts: 178
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    boy oh boy. my dad told me that.
  • betaleonis
    betaleonis Posts: 178
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    well technically, he used the work "knock-out".
  • bleacheblonde
    bleacheblonde Posts: 333
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    I've been hearing that since I was about 18 and started to actually care about my appearance. It's a double-edged sword....I think that usually when people say it, they mean well. Sometimes, though, they can't understand why it would be hurtful. I understand that I have the potential to be a frickin hottie...but that means that right now I'm still fat, and that's the part that sucks. I try to use it as motivation, but sometimes it still just makes me feel like crap because of how far I am right now from my goal.
  • AlaskaSu
    AlaskaSu Posts: 1
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    I've gotten, "You're face is cute but..." and then he proceeded to look me up and down to finish that sentence. Needless to say I never saw him again.
  • barmum
    barmum Posts: 73
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    Has anyone ever gotten this "compliment" before? Why am I not stunning now? :( Idk, it just hurts...like the only way I'll ever be desirable is if I'm skinny.

    Yep , and (from a very drunk person in the pub) 'I'd ***** you if you were thinner' which got ' Yeah ? I'd **** you if I had no self respect'
    However I know my bad one is saying 'Nice face , shame about the mouth' when I hear some of the yelling like a hoyden that seems to go on round here..
  • Leeanne1974
    Leeanne1974 Posts: 207 Member
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    It's a weird concept that talking about weight is so taboo given that it's a very publicly displayed concept.

    Sugar coat it all you want, if you are fat, you are fat... You may be very nice, clever, funny, brilliant, that's great! But you are also fat. And physical attraction is very personal, usually not that rational, and it is very possible that someone can't get over this fact. At least they are being honest about what they feel and care enough about you to say it to you.

    Rejoice in the fact that you can do something about it at least. Hey, you could be dumb, now that's harder to fix :p
    Yeah I might be fat... (I know you didn't mean me precisely) but in future is it ok for me to say "Yeah nice face, you have a massive hooter (nose to those not in the uk lol), get it fixed and I will date you"? Or "Yeah but you are a prawn - nice body shame about the face"?
    No, it isn't. There are ways to politely decline someone if it is in a dating situation.
    At least they are being honest about what they feel and care enough about you to say it to you.
    Or that they are that obsessed with weight that they can't see beyond weight on someone else??
    Family, I can accept it from them... Strangers, I won't. They have NO right to speak to someone like that.
  • mcginger1
    mcginger1 Posts: 128 Member
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    The sad thing is, I believed that crap in high school. But now, (if anyone had the stones to say it to my face) they'd be seeing me walk away as fast as my thick legs could carry me. I'm now with someone that is actually lamenting the fact that this weight loss is causing my butt to shrink - an asset (pun intended) - that he very much appreciates.

    Ignore the jackwagon that uttered those words - and be proud and confident with who you are now.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    It's been said about me, but not to my face. It sucks! But the real beauty is on the inside and you damn well know it. So shake that nonsense off and do what is best for you because that is why you are really here.
  • Brittmy
    Brittmy Posts: 141 Member
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    OOo this thread is too real. My worst one was from a girlfriend of mine while we were out at the bars:

    "I admire the fact that you are so confident. I mean, I know that you are a bigger girl, and that by societal standards, I am prettier than you, and considered more attractive because I am skinny, but you never let that phase you. Even though I get more attention from guys, I want you to know that I admire your confidence either way". WTFFFF!! It was totally out of the blue too. Made me feel like ****. I wanted to say, 'well damn! I was confident because I never thought of myself that way! Thanks a lot for the boost!" Grrr.
  • 9thwardchick
    9thwardchick Posts: 73 Member
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    Girl, forget them! I was stunning when I was slimmer and I'm still stunning now. See yourself beautiful and learn to not care what other people think.

    I once had a man to tell me that I was an uglier version of Oprah Winfrey. I laughed in his face and told him I don't give a damn what somebody like you thinks!
  • mirandamayhem
    mirandamayhem Posts: 772
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    yeah, as well as "you have such a pretty FACE". cuz the rest sucks? people need to stop talking about 20 seconds sooner.

    yup
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
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    This is my general reaction:

    tumblr_m8aglhCgYM1qkorqk.gif

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